Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Recreation”

The Plan After Covid19


After two years, I think I have finally figured out what life for me after the Covid19 pandemic will be like, but more importantly what it is really about. Like all of the other outbreaks that I have had to deal with over my cancer survivorship, it has been the unknown of Covid19 that made it more difficult to deal with and live during the times of Covid19.

Fully vaccinated, and having followed the mitigation recommendations for the last two years, I know for a fact, I have avoided a direct Covid19 exposure. And at no time, did I have to sacrifice freedom or liberty, nor did I ever live in fear, that ridiculous false trope. But it is after all of this time, I have come to realize that it is not even about the divide between those that deal with reality, and those that do not.

The biggest thing we, as human beings, with supposedly such developed minds, were told, we HAD to wash our hands and we HAD to cover our mouths and noses when we sneeze or cough. We HAD to stay home if we were sick so as not to make anyone else sick. Forget the topic of Covid19 for a second. We had to be told to do these common sense things that we were likely told as children. And why were we being told to do these things, not just because of the unknowns of the current crisis, but because too many of us have forgotten common sense. And because of that, then came the mandates, being forced to do the things mentioned above. But I do not want to get lost in the weeds with a different topic.

We spread germs, that is what we do. Like the photo above, I know my father and my grandfather always carried handkerchiefs, or as I called them, “snot rags,” for obvious reasons. They were gross pieces of cloth, kept in their pockets, when needed for use, and after being used, to be used again, and again. That’s right. They would blow their knows into the hanky, and then stuff it back into their pocket. What does the average person do with a tissue after blowing their nose? Right. They throw it into the trash. But not the snot rag. It just got shoved right back into the denim incubator of his pants.

Not just men are guilty of this, but so are women. In the purses of women, especially older women, are “old” tissues that after getting used, get shoved back inside the purse, perhaps to be used again and again.

As a child, there was a pretty good chance, you would be victimized due to your runny nose, of either reaching into their pocket or purse, and pulling out a “snot rag,” using it on you, and shoving it back into place for the next time.

As an adult, I had one particular experience when flying. I keep pretty much to myself as it is, no desire for small talk with strangers. But one flight, was an elderly woman sitting next to me, who clearly liked to talk. No sooner had she sat down, she turned to me and said, “soooooo… where are you headed? Is it for business or for…” She never finished her question because right at that moment, she let out a good hacking of her lungs, coughing directly at me, her mouth uncovered. Several days later, you guessed it, I came down with whatever that lady had, and eventually others in my family would get it from me. Fortunately over the last several years, I have minimized these experiences.

Here we are, two years dealing with Covid19. We now know how to diagnose it. We have vaccines to prevent and protect us if exposed so that the infection is not severe enough to put us into the hospital or worse, die from Covid19. We have legitimate treatment options for those diagnosed early enough. And then, we still have the mitigation recommendations, the common sense, wash your hands, and cover your mouths and noses.

There are really only a few things that I have not done since the pandemic and subsequent recommendations were made. Go to movies and concerts, and fly to see my mother. Over the pandemic, my daughters have been to visit with me, with the strictest of precautions, and they have remained safe as always, now fully vaccinated themselves.

An experience to my local grocery store however, quickly made me aware, that it may be quite a while, if ever, before I go back to attending concerts, movies, or anything densely populated. I witnessed two events, the second nearly making me vomit. The first was a boy walking with his parents, asking when he would be allowed back to school. The mother had explained to him that he had “three more days” and reminded him of a classmate who had a similar experience. In other words, this child was supposed to be quarantined for ten days, yet was out with his family, and unmasked, potentially spreading Covid19 to anyone within close proximity inside the store. Now for the worse story. If you are eating or drinking, stop.

In front of the pharmacy counter, a woman was standing. She arched her back and quickly reared forward, expelling a loud sneeze. No mask. Her hands were by her side. Clearly, whatever came out of her nose, was now blasted all over the shelves, counter top, and floor in front of her.

Do you see my point? Common sense. We know how to get through Covid19. But while we keep trying to convince each side who is right and who is wrong, taking political or conspiratorial sides, we have actually crossed 800,000 American lives lost, that clearly did not have to die, especially once the vaccines became available.

The Eagles are one of my favorite classic bands to see. And when I saw the advertisements come up for this particular tour, playing the entire Hotel California album, I really thought this would be the moment, I would finally get over my hurdle of avoiding concerts.

Up until this point, I have been content watching video streams of concerts and movies, and really, there was no reason to change this behavior. My food was better, cost less, no traffic, and I was in bed at the most, half hour later. It is not about being squashed shoulder to shoulder in seats to enjoy a concert or movie experience. I would use external speakers to give more volume, and I had the best seat in the house every time.

And then I remembered, the snot rag, the tissue in the purse, the contaminated kid not following quarantine rules, and of course, clean-up in aisle 5 in front of the pharmacy.

I have never been a fan of big crowds even without a pandemic, but am less thrilled with them now. But it is not because of Covid19, or whatever else comes down the road. Rather, the common sense that so many seem to lack. But hey, I don’t want to impose on anyone’s freedom to blow their germs wherever they want. So I take it upon myself. And I do still get to enjoy all the things that I want. Better yet, I stay healthy.

And for those that love that false trope, that is not living in fear, that is living smart.

Thanksgiving Times


I have always told my daughters to “stay young,” and enjoy their childhood.

In a previous post, I mentioned the difficulties that I have with holidays. I wanted to make sure that my daughters did not experience my grief and struggles, especially during this time of year. I really do not have many memories of Thanksgiving as an adult, other than my diagnosis of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, and a few photos of my daughters with arts and crafts that they made in school for the holiday.

As a youth myself, I do have a few memories that I am able to recall, fond ones in fact.

There was the annual Thanksgiving Day high school rivalry football games, played early Thanksgiving Day chilly mornings. Usually there was a bonfire and pep rally held the night before, followed by a school dance.

There was also the “powder puff” flag football game where the girls got to play the football game, and yes, the boys were the cheerleaders.

And still, before we got to the official NFL turkey day game, many of us got together to play a game of football ourselves, a tradition from childhood, thru adulthood trying to prove we still could do it.

This time of year also meant the return of holiday specials that we looked forward to, the same ones, year after year. These timeless treasures are still so entertaining as they were fifty plus years ago.

But if there is one memory that I do miss about Thanksgiving from my childhood, is a particular item on our annual menu, stuffing. Not just any stuffing either.

Stuffing cooked in the bird! There is/was nothing like it. It is pretty much unthinkable these days with all the awareness of the hazards of this delicacy. But back in the day, we had four particular starches on the Thanksgiving table, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, homemade bread stuffing (a Pennsylvania Dutch recipe, simply the best!), and stuffing from the bird (this was actually the regular stuffing, just stuffed into the carcass of the turkey, as well as chickens at other meals).

This is the part where you either think this is the best side dish in the world, or you turn your stomach. The stuffing cooks inside the turkey as it cooks, absorbing the flavoring of the turkey into it. Think of it no different than adding stock or gravy for flavor. Now of course, the problem is, the turkey before being cooked, is raw meat, laden with bacteria that can lead to an unpleasant way to spend the holiday.

BUT…

As the most popular side dish back in my childhood, so popular it was always the first thing put on plates, there was only so much of it available, which fit inside the bird. It did not matter that my grandmother made to complete dishes of regular “filling” (what we called it), it was the “filling from the bird” that everyone wanted, and it was likely, that depending how many were sitting at the table, someone might be left out without any on their plate. But the flavoring of the “filling from the bird” was like no other.

Besides the fact, that we ate turkey leftovers for days, another way to turn over the left over “regular” filling, my grandmother would then make “potato pancakes”.

I have a lot of these memories, alas, they were all prior to my grandmother passing. As many families experience, losing such a prominent matriarch of a family, families often struggle to remain committed to these family holidays. As was our situation. Add in my diagnosis in 1988, I never looked forward to this holiday again.

With the arrival of my daughters, I did my best to once again, embrace the holiday. While the holiday itself still meant nothing to me (I worked every holiday, something I regret and resent), it did signal the beginning of the next season, Christmas, and traditions that would follow such as decorating, and of course getting their Christmas tree. I will save these memories for their own post.

There is a reason I tell my daughters to hang on to their childhood as long as they can. It only lasts approximately eighteen years. That is not a lot of time to have all the fun and memories you can pack in.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Another Lesson From Parent To Child


First word. First step. First day at school. Gasp, first date. Watching my daughters grow has been filled with all these wonderful memories. And I know there are many more to come. First job, check. First time behind the wheel of a car, check. But with one daughter now of adult age, and my other not far behind, it is now the next level of “firsts” that will have an even bigger impact on their lives, more than just memories for dear old Dad.

We all remember this scene from the Lion King, where Mufasa and his son Simba overlook Pride Rock as well as when Mufasa explains to Simba where to avoid. Mufasa explains to Simba, “one day, this will all be yours.” It is a turning point Simba, more responsibility, growing up.

It is Election Day where my daughters live. And that means today, will be my older daughter’s first experience voting. I am hoping, as I want it to be, a positive experience for her, one that she should look forward to, and value. I do not remember my first election. I am fairly sure it was a presidential one, likely in 1984. My record in voting until I became a parent, admittedly could be considered spotty, not really having any interest in local politics. Which when you think about it, local politics are just as important if not more so, than the national elections, as your local elections have an immediate impact on you, especially when it comes to your local taxes such as real estate and school district.

I helped my daughter to register to vote. Check.

She received her voter card. Check.

Next, and one of the most important steps, was teaching my daughter, the importance of being an informed voter. Over the last two decades, the foundations of my electoral opinions have been formed and solidified. I do not believe in a two party system, much like Constitution framer John Adams warned about. I do not want to be limited to an “all or nothing” system of support when it comes to my vote. I can agree to some things from each major party, and I definitely detest things from both parties. One thing is certain, there is no “blind faith” or support for each party. I will vote on issues that have an impact on me.

And as I spoke with my daughter about today’s election, I am encouraging her to think that same way. I am doing my best not to lead her to vote for the “lesser of the two evils,” which is how I cynically look at every election. Instead, I want her to be an informed voter. I have taught her how to get informed, and what exactly does “information” look like.

In her first election, is a major decision, for school board directors. There are two slates of candidates, incumbents (those who are currently on the school board), and challengers. Given each of their campaigns, my daughter’s selection should be simple (I want to stress, I have no idea who she will vote for, nor will I ask). Only campaign has spent its time discussing issues, explaining successes, and plans for the future. The other campaign, has offered nothing but smears, lies, incited others to come to board meetings to interrupt and distract from the duties of the school board, as seen many times all across the country. And oddly, during a televised debate, that campaign actually praised the board members, unintentionally I am sure, by acknowledging just how well the school district has done and is doing. But they have offered nothing as far as a platform.

I have told my daughter that it is important not to be distracted by all the craziness of slurs and smears. If she does not hear any issue or platform, there is none. Why would you vote for them then?

So with emphasizing the importance of being an educated voter, and not to follow any red laser dots, comes the big day itself. Clearly, trips to the election poll have changed in recent years and it is important that we get back to the way it used to be, with civility. As a voter, you have the right to cast your vote without being harassed and intimidated. That does not just include walking through the gauntlet of campaign officials on the way inside the poll as they reach out to you, handing you their “recommendations” that my daughter should vote for. I have told her that any interference preventing her from getting inside, or intimidating her, is to call the police and the FBI. Tactics like that are illegal.

No, the next challenge will come when she checks in to vote at her local polling location. She does not possess a drivers license yet, so all she has is her student ID. But as I said, she is a registered voter. Therefore, if she is given a hard time or denied the opportunity to vote, she is to ask and if necessary demand, a “provisional” ballot. This will at least allow her vote to be cast and counted, once election officials deal with whatever bug is up their collective asses with a legitimate voter.

I explained to her, how to operate the voting booth, making sure she finalizes everything by pressing the final button to submit.

And then finally, as she exits the poll, hold her head high for doing not just her civic duty, but something she is guaranteed by the Constitution, vote for her representation. This is how a democracy is supposed to work, not the way we have seen over the last year. It will likely not be known until the morning who the victors will be, and unless the votes are close enough, we accept the results. That is how it works.

Final lesson for my daughter, voting is her right, her choice. She does not need nor is required, to discuss who she votes for, EVER! In fact, it is incumbent upon her not to discuss her politics with others. Actually, this is a lesson I have explained to her as personal for her, just as any religion. To discuss her opinions and choices is to invite potential adversity that she does not want, need, or deserve in her life. It is enough, just to for her to know, that she made an informed decision count on days like today.

Another first completed from parent to child. Still so many more to come.

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