Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Family and Friends”

In The Arms Of The Angel


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Sarah McLachlan – In The Arms Of The Angel (including video link)

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance for a break that would make it okay.
There’s always some reason to feel not good enough and it’s hard at the end of the day.
I need some distraction.
Oh beautiful release memories seep from my veins.
Let me be empty and weightless and maybe I’ll find some peace tonight.

In the arms of the angel fly away from here from this dark cold hotel room and the endlessness that you fear.
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie.
You’re in the arms of the angel may you find some comfort here.

So tired of the straight line and everywhere you turn.
There’s vultures and thieves at your back and the storm keeps on twisting.
You keep on building the lies that you make up for all that you lack.
It don’t make no difference escaping one last time.
It’s easier to believe in this sweet madness oh this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees.

In the arms of the angel fly away from here from this dark cold hotel room and the endlessness that you fear.
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie.
You’re in the arms of the angel.
May you find some comfort here.
You’re in the arms of the angel.
May you find some comfort here.

Remembering A Special Friend


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My ex wife and I bought Pollo, originally named Apollo Buckshadow Of Chatham Towamencin, a pure bred Golden Retriever.  He was 8 weeks old and weighed all of 14 pounds.  In spite of a restricted and strict diet, he still grew to one hundred and five pounds of pure happiness.

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Pollo was always known by everyone as a “happy” Golden.  I have often been asked if there was any secret to Pollo living to well over 14 years of age, missing his 15th birthday by only a few months.  I let Pollo be Pollo.  I let him be a friend, a companion.  There were never any expectations of him.  And he only expected one thing of me, to come home every day.

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Two things were his favorite thing to do, swim (as all water dogs do), and play in the snow.  He loved going outside, taking a good strong whiff of the winter air, and he could “smell” snow was coming.  Because every time he would come back into the house, five minutes later he would be at the door wanting to go back outside, expecting to see snow falling.  And he got quite vocal about it, in spite of my assurances to him that it had not snowed yet.

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But what made him the best friend in the whole world, was his loyalty and his compassion.  Very sensitive to when anyone in the house was not feeling right, I recall his reaction to when I came home following a week in the hospital following my open heart surgery.  With a freshly repaired breast bone, my biggest fear would be that Pollo would greet me in usual fashion, rough and playful.  Instead, one of the few times I would ever describe Pollo as calm, he simply walked right up to me, and stood by my side as I walked through the front door.  And that is exactly how he would be each and every time I fell seriously ill.

He was awesome with our children and got along with the each and every cat that came to our home.

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We were lucky to have Pollo as long as we had him, and for the most part he was completely healthy.  Which is why I had always hoped that he would simply fade into the sunset in his older years.  My fear that someday, I would have to make the most heartbreaking decision in my life.  That day came last November.  Pollo’s eyesight, hearing, and ability to walk were evident of his age.  But as long as Pollo was “happy”, I was not prepared to make the painful decision to say goodbye to him.  I was convinced that one day, he would let me know, that it was okay to let him go.

Pollo’s happiness was always evident with his tail.  It never stopped wagging, never.  But on that morning, his tail stopped wagging.  Among other signs, mostly blind and deaf, unable to smell, it was clear that suffering was about to begin for my friend.  His tail no longer wagged.  I contacted the only vet Pollo had ever known, from beginning to end, and when Dr. W examined Pollo for what would be the final time, Dr. W. looked at me and told me, it was indeed time to say goodbye.

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Pollo was gone.  And Dr. W and I spent at least another half an hour recalling all the times that we had with Pollo.  The failed diet study that Pollo was volunteered for (he gained weight), to his appearance on the People’s Court.  Dr. W had stressed to me the wonderful years that I had given Pollo which clearly is what contributed to his longevity.  I have always loved animals, but Pollo was so much more to me.

I miss you bud.  And someday, we will meet again at the Rainbow Bridge.  And I will see that tail wag again.

The Rainbow Bridge

There is a bridge connecting Heaven and Earth.
It is called the Rainbow Bridge because of its many colors.
Just this side of the Rainbow there is a land of meadows,
hills and valleys with lush green grass.

When a beloved pet dies, the pet goes to this place.
There is always food and water and warm spring weather.
The old and frail animals are young again. Those who are maimed
are made whole again. They play all day with each other.

There is only one thing missing. They are not with their special
person who loved them on Earth. So, each day they run and play
until the day comes when one suddenly stops playing and looks up!
The nose twitches! The ears are up!
The eyes are staring! And this one suddenly runs from the group!

You have been seen, and when you and your special friend meet,
you take him or her in your arms and embrace.
Your face is kissed again and again and again, and you look
once more into the eyes of your trusting pet.

Then you cross the Bridge together
never again to be separated.

-Author Unknown

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The Truth About Amendment 2 – Medicinal Marijuana


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I have made it quite clear that I am in support of Amendment 2 in the state of Florida, to legalize the medicinal use of marijuana for the treatment of pain and other issues associated with living with such horrible diseases like cancer, Parkinson’s Disease, ALS (Lou Gehrig’s Disease) and others.  Medical studies have already confirmed that the medicinal use of marijuana has given relief to many patients that other prescription medications have not had success.  So if it works, then why not use it?

Early voting has begun in the state of Florida, and of course I received a phone call this morning from a “poll worker” urging me to vote, and to vote against Amendment 2.  Now while my decision already to support Amendment 2, I was courteous to at least let the caller explain why I should vote against a measure that would provide a humane treatment to people suffering?

The answer was extremely disappointing, but not shocking.  Because it is the same answer, and the only answer that those who oppose Amendment 2.  “Voting to approve Amendment 2 will legalize recreational marijuana.  This will lead to an increase in crime, driving under the influence, and lots of lazy stoners.”  Yes, they actually used the word “stoner” making reference to the “pleasant” or “happy” mental state that results from smoking marijuana.  But when I informed the caller that they were not being truthful about the call, I was asked, what was not true that they were saying?

Well, for starters, Amendment 2 is for the legalization of medicinal use of marijuana, not for recreational use.  I told the caller there was no way my vote for or against medicinal marijuana was going to have any impact on the legalization of recreational use of marijuana, which by the way, was not even on the ballot at this time.  And of course, the response was, “yes, but legalizing it for medicinal use will mean that it will appear on the next ballot to make it completely legal.”  Not likely.

Still surprised the caller had not hung up on me yet, my next question was, how many people did the caller personally know who have died or been hurt by any form of marijuana, legal or medicinal.  Then I asked the caller how many people have died from cigarette smoking, or injured (I was not going for the throat with “killed”) from drinking and driving?  The caller snapped back that the issue of medicinal marijuana had nothing to do with smoking and drinking, and that is not why they were calling.

But I insisted, what if the person had cancer from smoking, or liver failure from drinking, and medicinal use of marijuana was the only way to find affordable and effective relief?  No surprise, the caller hung up.

I read an editorial the other day in the SW Spotlight (October edition) written by Dr. Douglas Pratt.  Do not get excited, his is not a medical doctor, but rather a pastor in southwest Florida.  His opinion caught my attention because of the strategy he used to draw the readers into his argument and support his cause, anti-humane against Amendment 2, and for no other reason, than because of fears.  He even jokes, “voters need to wake up and see clearly through the ‘smoke screen’ (pun intended) of the pro-marijuana lobby.”

For a description of Amendment 2, you can go to this link:

http://ballotpedia.org/Florida_Right_to_Medical_Marijuana_Initiative,_Amendment_2_(2014)

You can decide for yourself, if this is just a “smoke screen” as Pastor Pratt claims.  But where Pratt is seriously wrong in his written effort, is his claim, and it is his claim and opinion only,  that the concern is “for a handful of suffering people with chronic conditions.”  This statement is the biggest lie of all from him, as with just one disease alone, cancer, affects millions of people every year.  Millions of people suffer from the effects of Lou Gehrig’s Disease.  And I can name the stats on nearly every horrible illness.  But I do not have to.  You know the truth.

Speaking of the truth, Pratt eventually gets to the crux of his editorial/opinion.  He quotes an Arab parable, to come across as biblical which of course would have to make it true, something about letting a camel stick its nose inside of a tent, and eventually the whole camel will be in there.  Of course, many of us have probably had that experience with house guests, but to use it in the context of arguing against medicinal marijuana and the relief of suffering not otherwise helped by other prescribed opiates and means, I am sorry, that is not “smoke” I smell, but rather an odor I have not smelled since living next to a dairy.

Pratt went on then for the remaining two thirds talking about the social ills of recreational use of marijuana.  He is timing his opinion to confuse voters who want to support Amendment 2, making voters believe they are voting for something that they are not.

AMENDMENT 2 IN THE STATE OF FLORIDA IS FOR THE LEGALIZATION OF MEDICINAL USE OF MARIJUANA!  And it is that simple.  So if you have ever had to watch a loved one suffer with no relief by other conventional means as I have done twice this year alone, then you know the humane thing is to vote YES for Amendment 2 in the state of Florida.

Let’s keep the issue to the facts.  This Amendment is only about helping those suffering, not the “social ills” of society as one writer believes it to be.  When we talk about tobacco and alcohol being illegal because they are proven to kill not just the users, but others around them, or at the wrong place at the wrong time, then you can argue about recreational use of marijuana.  But Amendment 2 is not that argument.

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