Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Education”

Pigs Root Forward, Chickens Scratch Backward


Every year my mother will call me on New Year’s Day and ask, “so are you going to have your pork and sauerkraut for New Year’s Day?” My answer is always the same as it has been as long as I can remember, “no.” Well, at least the sauerkraut part anyway. I have no idea what the smelly crap is let alone barely able to spell it. There is no way that is getting into my belly. As a kid, I simply ate the pork, and lots of mashed potatoes that were also made, and some applesauce. But sauerkraut? Not a chance.

I am sure that I am not alone in remembering what it was like to have family traditions growing up, the days long gone, likely after the passing of grandparents who were the backbones of such traditions. We did not ask “why”, we just did. My family heritage consists mainly of Native American and “Pennsylvania Dutch.” Pennsylvania Dutch, also known as Pennsylvania German settled in the US from Germany back in the 1600’s. As I am aware of some French background as well, I believe that my maternal grandmother’s background is from the French region of Alsace-Lorraine. 

The P.D. had their own language and amazing recipes, sadly, which neither has been passed down to future generations. I remember some of the language, which was usually only spoken when my elders did not want me to understand what they were saying. Though, when the voice was raised, the eyebrows crossed, and a finger was pointed at me, it did not matter what language was being used. I knew that it was not good.

But my grandmother made so many good foods, well other than those that were “pickled”. A Pennsylvania Dutch diet is not a healthy one, a lot of fatty fried foods, but the food was always “plain,” not seasoned really. Perhaps that is what always appealed to me. The thing I learned about many Pennsylvania Dutch, is food does not go to waste. And I am not talking just the leftovers (mashed potatoes were routinely made into potato pancakes at another meal). But the body parts of the animals were eaten. I could not watch some of the things my elders would eat, such as tongue, livers, etc.

There was one particular delicacy that would not only turn my stomach, but the smell when prepared would linger in the house for days, was something called “chow chow.” To those that enjoy vegetables, this concoction is PACKED with all kinds of vegetables. It is when vinegar that gets added, and this “relish” is prepared, produces a nausea in me worse than a newborn’s diaper filled with diarrhea. Seriously, many of us had to leave the house when my grandmother made this stuff because the smell was so bad. Yet, many enjoy this side dish. I am just not one of those.

Sauerkraut is also one of things I avoid. But all through my childhood, pork and sauerkraut was the meal of the day for New Year’s Day. So, why was/is this meal so important? I never questioned it. But my mother last year decided to ask me if I knew why, which of course I didn’t.

“You don’t eat bird on New Year’s Day because chickens “scratch” backwards. Pigs “root” forward. It is a new year. We go forward, not backward. Also, as the chickens fly away, all good luck flies away with the feathers.” So, to be clear, sauerkraut is shredded cabbage, of course pickled. Another thing believed, was that you wished as much fortune as the strands of cabbage in the sauerkraut.

As I said, I do not eat sauerkraut. I cannot stand the smell of it. But one odd thing for those who do sauerkraut, how do you eat that stuff after a night of consuming mass amounts of alcohol the night before to celebrate the new year, hung over the next day? I witnessed someone doing that. It was both entertaining and gross, if you know what I mean.

In any case, I want to wish everyone reading “Paul’s Heart,” a very happy, healthy, and prosperous new year. I have some hopeful plans for my book, including speaking engagements, book signings, and some sort of video media perhaps like a Youtube channel, whichever enables me to reach more people in support of cancer survivorship, those struggling with parental alienation, patient advocacy, and adoption issues.

Happy New Year! And be safe. See you in 2024.

To Port Or Not To Port


When I think of the word “port,” my mind naturally goes to a place where a cruise ship pulls in for passengers to get off the boat, or perhaps where our country receives imports from other countries. But for today’s cancer patients, a “port” is a device that makes administering chemotherapy so much easier, and comfortable.

For survivors like me, we did not have the option of a port to administer chemo. But as you read my book “Paul’s Heart – Life As A Dad And A 35-Year Cancer Survivor” (available on Amazon), the port is another great progress made in treating cancer.

The question came from one of my feeds for current Hodgkin’s Lymphoma patients. ”Are you able to opt out of having a port for treatment?” This seems like a perfect question to ask by someone with no experience in cancer, and also likely to not have had any kind of surgery previously. The port is placed under the skin, which requires surgery. So, that of course is scary. And because diagnosis and staging is done with less surgeries than when I was treated, unlike just being another surgery for me, this can be overwhelming.

Typically, once placed, the only ones who will be aware that you have a port, is you, your oncologist, and your oncology nurse administering the chemo. Except for a bump or some raised skin, underneath your clothing, it is not visible to anyone else. So cosmetically it does not harm.

Here is the true benefit. Chemotherapy wreaks havoc on the veins, irreparable damage. I am not going to get all nerdy and scientific, as my experience and history explain it pretty well enough. I simply have no surface veins left for even a simple blood draw for a normal non-cancer blood test. As I went through each treatment, more and more veins became less usable. This also meant more “needle sticks” to find other veins.

Of course, I did get through my treatments, without ports being available yet. But now, here is how a simple blood draw goes for me. I walk into a lab. I sit in the chair. And the phlebotomist or tech asks me my name. I say, “Paul Edelman. I am a 33 year survivor of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma with chemo-ravaged veins. I am a hard stick. So I am going to ask you to use a “butterfly gauge” needle, and if you are able to find a vein, only if you are confident that you can hit it, then go for it. Otherwise don’t. I develop major anxiety with multiple sticks. If you don’t think you can do it, ask someone who might have more experience, or if you can use doplar to locate a deeper vein. I don’t mind. I actually prefer that.”

Even if you were not the one drawing blood from me, would you want that kind of pressure put on you? Would you be irritated with the whininess? Would you do all you can to prevent a panic attack that will begin with draw attempt number three? This has been my life for thirty-five years now. My daughters have always been better with blood tests than me. I do not bother with being embarrassed. I combine all my blood tests to be done at the same time. And there is only one place that I have confidence in the staff to listen to me. I have actually been in the ER with nurses who refused to even try because they knew what I was talking about.

I would not be in this situation today, if I had the option to have a port, and have my chemotherapy administered that way. There would be no seek-and-destroy veins, just the constant dose into the same location. No stress, no anxiety.

I really cannot on the port itself since I did not have one. My father had one placed when he was treated for his lung cancer. But the overwhelming response to the writer was in support of getting a port. You could see an understand the writer was apprehensive, possibly scared. We do not come into cancer with experience, normally unless a patient has relapsed or developed another cancer. And “back in the day,” there was no social media to seek peer advice on what to do.

While there were a minority of patients who toughed it out without a port, the majority of patients expressed relief with having had the port placed. One response actually mentioned one of the only times a port might not be considered, and that is if the surgery and recovery were to delay treatment beyond any reasonable timing.

The important thing to keep in mind, just as the situation with cancer itself, the port is not permanent. The port will eventually be removed after a certain amount of time that chemotherapy is completed. The difference between those with ports and me? Those with ports will still have working veins for routine bloodwork. 

A Christmas Message


I have so many wonderful memories of Christmas’s with my daughters such as this one, their first Christmas together. For the first ten years as their father, I had found a way to once again find joy in the holidays.

Of course, as many families find themselves, in divorce, new arrangements need to be made. Knowing how difficult it could get in arranging time with the holidays, and with holidays not really having any personal importance to me, I made the decision to avoid any potential conflict, and instead chose time around the holidays to have my daughters visit.

I would see my daughters in between Christmas and New Year’s for the most part when it was possible. The feeling of Christmas was still in the air, and of course, there were still presents to be had. For me, it was all about getting to see my daughters.

This year, more so than any other year, I have many friends who are coming to this holiday, with major changes in their lives through loss, whether by divorce or death. This will be the first Christmas that they are going through, I purposely chose not to use the word “celebrate” as I’m not sure that they feel this particular year feels as such. My thoughts are with each and every family just trying to get through this year.

And then there are those who have faced major health issues (some both family loss and health), and are overcoming those challenges. So many of my fellow Hodgkin’s survivors have undergone procedures this year, including a heart transplant, the true gift of life. For all of those I am sure this is definitely going to be a special holiday.

This holiday season did not turn out the way that I had hoped for sure. But with my daughters both adults now, there will come a time when I get to seem them on Christmas Day once again. And until then, I will just continue the holidays with them as I have these last ten years, with the aid of technology.

May you and your families have a wonderful Christmas.

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