Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Education”

An Odd Comparison Between Cancer And Covid19


Back from “stay-cation.”  Unable to go anywhere because for some reason, we are still dealing with Covid19, with no end in sight, I simply stepped away from my laptop and my smartphone to avoid any kind of headlines, fairly certain things were not going to be changing anytime soon.  Of course, without flipping my laptop open, that meant no writing.

One of the “prompts” that I had in my mind to write once I dusted off my keyboard, actually was an expansion of a topic that I wrote about some time ago, in reference to the belief at one time, that cancer was contagious.  As I often do, I am going to preface this post, that I do not want the post to reflect a political lean, and will do my best to keep it from going there.  Honestly, it may not be possible.  At the end, I think you will understand why.

Speaking only of myself, in 1988, I knew of no one who had survived except for two family members.  I knew of no one outside of my family, including friends and their families who may have had cancer.  Those battling cancer today may not understand this, because of having social media.

When the news broke at work that I was diagnosed with cancer, the immediate impression I felt from everyone, was that of impending death.  Everyone dies of cancer.  And now 50 people actually learned of their first known instance of someone with cancer, quite possibly.

From diagnosis to final treatment, I spent nearly eighteen months mostly isolated.  Sure, I went to work, but co-workers avoided me.  At home, I had no visitors.  For eighteen months.

Through my years of survivorship, I have learned a lot about cancer, and the many psychological effects over the decades, and in the past, even before my time.  It turns out, there was a lot more about cancer to learn besides the fact that not everyone dies from cancer.  One big myth that existed at least  up until my diagnosis, was that cancer was contagious.

That’s right, there was actually a belief that cancer was contagious, and that was without social media to spread that untruth.  But by the same token, social media was not there to correct it either.  It was one thing for those not in my family to be afraid of “catching cancer” from me, which cancer has the potential to be fatal, but this also occurred with some in my family as well, including my newlywed wife (#1).

She never talked about it, but I could sense it.  She was afraid that she could catch cancer from me.  But I could also tell, she was worried about being “poisoned” from my treatments, especially during any times of intimacy.

This is the way people thought back then.  A deadly disease, not contagious, caused people to avoid those who had it for their “safety.”

Now, here it comes.  The year 2020, over 30 years since my cancer, Covid19.  A deadly virus (approaching 180,000 deaths in the US as of this post), highly contagious.

Unlike my time back with cancer, where you were fortunate that cancer was ever spoken in your circles, today, odds are pretty good that nearly everyone knows of at least one person who has been diagnosed with Covid19, or worse, has died from Covid19.  Personally speaking, my statistics with knowledge of personal Covid19 cases is much lower than my world of cancer, but it has led me to go “hmmm” in deep thought.

With my cancer, not contagious, people avoided me.  They could not catch it from me, but they avoided me nonetheless.

With Covid19, highly contagious, we have two different types of thought, prevent or deny.  And this is where it gets confusing to me.  I am a big science and fact guy, because of my health history.  I have been through several other potential contagious health crisis, but none as severe as Covid19.  But we have the warnings and advice.  All we need to do is follow it.  That is the school of thought when it comes to prevent getting Covid19.

But what makes someone go to the extreme of not just denying the existence of Covid19, but to actually fight efforts to prevent or protect?

When we had a disease that was not contagious, but deadly, people acted.

When we have a disease that is contagious, and deadly, we have too many that either just do not care or deny.

I said I was not going to get political, and I have done my best to prevent that position, but it really is the only reasoning I can come up with.  Initially, when the news of Covid19 broke, it appeared an opportunity to criticize the president, which clearly his supporters objected to.  And to be fair, although I do not approve of the president, he did not cause the virus.  But that still should not be a reason for rational and intelligent human beings recognizing the severity and danger of the coming pandemic.

But as the pandemic got worse, and again, being fair, I myself expected more out of any president, in a response to preparations for the pandemic, which six months later we still do not have, the criticism, now deserved, has only entrenched the president’s supporters and their efforts to protect him, even if it means denying their own safety, or their respect for the safety of others.

There are so many shiny objects and conspiracy theories flying around now, making this even more of a dangerous time, because it now risks being able to bring an end to this pandemic.  We know the advice, and that is what it is, advice, what we can do voluntarily, but those who deny, see this advice as a “conformity” or “sacrifice of freedom and liberty.”  I can only imagine how it would have played out decades ago with cancer, when we were told to eat healthier to prevent cancer or quit smoking.

Like I said, not trying to be political about this.  Just from a psychological standpoint, trying to figure out how our thinking about a deadly virus, contagious or not, can have such a different and expected response.  It makes absolutely no sense to me, that dozens of people are willing to cram a music club or party, ignoring the recommendations, just to prove you can, and to prove others wrong.  I personally know of two people who ended up having to eat their words as they contracted the virus themselves.

The advice given will work.  We can function as a society.  The alternative, accepting a death toll as “it is what it is,” is not acceptable to me, anymore than someone dying from cancer.  It is not what it is, especially when it can be prevented.

I wish for everyone reading this, good health, stay healthy, stay smart.

The Power Of The Living Directive


There are two things that make us squirm to talk about, death, and how to prepare should something go wrong during an illness or injury.  We go through life assuming, or perhaps just wanting to ignore the realities, because, “that kind of talk is for old people.”  I know that is the way that I thought, even having gone through cancer.  I was immortal, or at least for as long as I could tell, for decades to come.

That thinking changed obviously in 2008 with my heart surgery, and the realization that it was likely I would face many other challenges to my health.  I could no longer make it about my age for my reason to put off the discussion of preparations.  I got lucky the doctors saved my life while I was in the grips of a silent killer, a “widow maker” cardiac event.

For the sakes of my children, I needed to not only have a will for if I died, but a living directive if something would go wrong with any procedure or any kind of event.  Time was not going to wait for me to get old.  For me, it was fairly simple.  I made it very clear, no artificial means to keep me alive, and not to let me be in pain.  I have had to make some changes in both will and living directive following my divorce, but I have kept everything pretty much the same.  I am not a complicated individual.

For others, this may not be the case.  When my father was in the process of being diagnosed with lung cancer, he made the decision to make me his medical proxy.  He did it for two reasons.  One, my extensive history and experience with medicine (in spite of not being a doctor), he knew I would be able to explain things to him clearly, as well as help him to express what he needed to have explained.  The other, having watched both of his parents suffer in their ends, he believed in me, that I would not let the same thing happen to him.

This came at a personal cost for me, because, being in that position, I could not allow myself to feel any emotions that might jeopardize anything my father wanted to happen, or not happen.  This loss of emotion admittedly makes me realize I can have quite a cold personality in situations like this, almost robotic.  But when my father was in his best mind, he made it clear to me, what he wanted, and what he did not want to happen.

If you are hospitalized, or having to go through any medical challenge like cancer, you are likely to face these life and quality of life decisions.  As I said, I have things in place.  But recently, I came across some information, once provided to me years ago, called “Five Wishes.”

This pamphlet is a very well thought out document, to help plan out the “what if” so that there is no mistaking what a person’s wishes are.  I know my personal physician has disagreed with my directive in that I have made it too simple, too black and white.  But it is how I feel.  Don’t get me wrong, I do not plan to be in that situation anytime soon.

Five Wishes is a form of living will that talks about your personal, emotional, spiritual, and medical needs.  The one thing that this form makes the author aware of, is that there are still some states that will not recognize the document or your wishes.  That is a big deal.

The first thing necessary to do, is like my father chose, someone to make decisions in the event he was not able to do.  This is a big deal because that representative has to put all personal biases and beliefs aside to respect the wishes of the patient, no matter who it is.  And that is a big deal, it does not have to be a family member either, as family members, not me in my dad’s case, can be too emotional when it comes to decisions.

I will tell you, the hardest part for me to get family and others to understand, was when the time came, to stop giving him access to certain maintenance medications (like for cholesterol, etc.).  Because legal decisions had to be made in his care, handled by my stepbrother, insurance changes to allow my father and stepmother to be in the same care facility, and the fact that he was going to die, made these medications unnecessary.  But other challenges would come if a serious illness like pneumonia were to develop or some other issue.  It was difficult for others to understand, there would be no treatment, to prolong his inevitable passing.  A simple concept, not to allow him to recover from one illness, to eventually suffer as the cancer spread causing more pain than what could have spared him.

There are a lot of other responsibilities that this advocate must take on.  Keeping the emotions in check is not only necessary, but unavoidable because of all of the responsibilities.

You should decide what efforts or treatments are done to keep you alive.  This is where my doctor and I sort of disagree.  The two most common terms you quickly become familiar with are DNR (do not resuscitate) or being put on life support.

With Covid19, this becomes a very difficult reality for me.  I have made it clear, I do not want to be kept alive on life support mechanisms.  But if I were to contract this virus, because of my frailties, there is more than a good chance I would end up on just that because of what the virus does to the lungs, which mine are compromised.  It then becomes a choice if the life support is used to save my life, versus sustain it.  But my directive says what it does.  Therefore, I need to avoid this virus at all costs.  Needless to say, a fatal end caused by this virus, your five wishes mean nothing.

Two other aspects or wishes pertain to the humane aspects of this directive, comfort or quality of life, and what is expected from others, especially loved ones.  From medicines to control pain, to location of where the passing might occur, and the overall atmosphere of those around the ill person.

The final wish deals with the patient themself, and what they want their loved ones, family, friends, and in most cases, their caregivers to know.  These can be kind words, actual gifts, perhaps asking for personal differences to be resolved before passing, and of course, post end of life plans.

No, this part of life is not easy to talk about, let alone go through.  And there is no minimum age that is required.  Though definitely as you get longer in the tooth, it definitely becomes a priority.

Adopt! Don’t Shop!


It is perhaps the best slogan/advertisement.  Easy enough to remember.  Just three words, “adopt, don’t shop.”

I got triggered this morning, because of all ads to appear on my news feed, is the advertisement for a new pet store that is opening today.  In general, I am not opposed to pet stores, just those that sell dogs and cats.  And this is one that does sell those cute and cuddly kittens and puppies.  It is also a chain of stores.

I am not sharing a snapshot of the advertisement because I do not want to draw attention to their disgusting business.  But I noticed something when I responded to the ad, with an angry emoji, and an explanation of why pet stores that sell pets really should not be in business, a sentiment echoed by others on that same ad.  Later in the day, the comments and ability to “like” or dislike the ad were turned off and the negative comments were removed.  And then, more ads for the same store came across my feed, and before I could respond on those, as any advocate would do, the ability to comment was also turned off.  So far I count at least six attempts for them to try and get some positive exposure.  But as I mentioned, this is a chain store, and that means that people who had negative experiences will share those negative experiences in any perspective new locations.

Instead of just facing on the criticism, the most frequent complaint, selling puppy mill puppies, their first line of defense is “deny, deny, deny.”

Semantics is defined by Websters as the “language used to have a desired effect.”  In other words, pet stores deny that they buy from puppy mills.  And technically they would be correct.  Except they have a middle man called a broker.  This broker goes from puppy mill to puppy mill, then sells those cute and cuddly puppies to the pet stores.  Semantics.

How can I prove this?  Simple, I went through the experience.

This was Pollo, an eight week old Golden Retriever.  OMG he was so cute and cuddly.  I really had no business going into the pet store in the first place.  I was leaving on a week long trip in two weeks.  Really bad timing.  But he was sooooo cute.  I had to have him.

Pet stores know what they are doing.  They know we cannot resist puppies.  Why do you think people avoid walking into animal shelters, because they know there is a good chance they will walk out with a rescue, because we have hearts and empathy.  But to be able to get a puppy and start from the beginning?  They are just so cute!

And then, if you are unfortunate, you find out there is an ugly truth behind where he came from.

Pollo loved the water.  At around the age of six months, he experienced an episode that I ended up carrying his limp body into the vet hospital.  I never did find out what happened to him, but he did recover.  To help the vet, I figured it would be helpful if I got the health history of his parents and I approached the pet store for his vet records.  That is when I ran into an unbelievable roadblock and in the end, discovered that Pollo came from a puppy mill in the Lancaster, Pennsylvania area.

This is not a photo of the exact Amish farm that Pollo came from, but it is very similar to the image of where he came from.  I know this, because of my efforts of involving the USDA, the Pennsylvania Department Of Agriculture and Dog Warden, journalists and more.  As we got close to the truth, circumstances got bizarre in that evidence of any puppy activity had been relocated, we would later discover to another family member, a common tactic to avoid regulation and discovery of these awful conditions.  All because the pet store fought me on some simple and basic information.  The pet store, Pollo, and I all ended up on People’s Court over this very issue.  Needless to say, they lost.

Other than that one fateful day, I enjoyed nearly fifteen years with my best friend, known affectionately as “the Happy Golden,” a nickname because of his non-stop wagging tail and always giving the appearance of him smiling.  My fur family member went to the Rainbow Bridge nearly seven years ago, breaking my heart, but not my resolve.  I am unable to have another dog yet, emotionally.  But I will still advocate for awareness of the need to adopt the many pets that are abandoned, lost, or even rescued.

It has been a long time since I got involved in this effort, the last time happened when that same pet store opened a new location where I was living previously.  But as this new pet store is opening today, with lots of fun and excitement, and get this, $500 off the price of a new puppy.  THIS IS DISGUSTING!!!!

The puppy mill industry is a billion dollar industry for the Amish and other groups.  And the more puppies you buy, the longer they are all just too willing to meet the demand.  Remember the picture above.  I have seen situations way worse, and it is only because of pet stores selling their merchandise.  Stop buying puppies from pet stores, and the demand stops.  It is that simple.

There are all kinds of ways to adopt pets, even puppies if that is a requirement.  There are animal shelters, humane societies, and even breed specific organizations.  There are so many ways to adopt a wonderful fur friend who has been abandoned or lost, unable to be found by its owner.

But the demand needs to end for puppies from puppy mills, and that starts with stop buying dogs and cats from pet stores.

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