Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Cancer”

Play Me A Song…


Music has always been a functional part of my life, at least from the age of five years old. Whether I play it, sing it, “spin it” (as a disc jockey), or just listen to it, there will always be a song that has made a permanent impact on my life and memory for me.

Chicago’s “Wishing You Were Here” featuring the Beach Boys, was probably the first contemporary song I ever heard, back in the early 1970’s. I was a child at our local amusement park, Dorney Park, and the song was blaring from a speaker located atop a pole near the Thunderhawk wooden roller coaster, that I was about to ride, also a first in my childhood.

As an untethered passenger in my mother’s red Ford Galaxy, Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” played on the “AM radio” in the dashboard of the car. I would scream, “turn it up Mom!” every time it was on.

Somehow, April Wine’s most popular song, “Just Between You And Me” was our senior class prom theme song, in spite of the song being a few years old at that point.

The introduction to Madonna’s “Like A Prayer” had just come on to my car radio, as I pulled into the parking lot of my oncologist, to begin my chemotherapy treatments for Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. This song would instantly trigger the visual of Madonna’s music video for the song, causing a reaction in my mind and heart, with the conflict that I was having with my “higher power” during this difficult time in my life.

You get my point. This list goes on and on. My hour-long drive to work and home, I actually enjoyed, because it meant that I would get to listen to music. At work, probably 90% of the time, you would find me with some form of headphones/ear buds on, listening to whatever current media player I had.

Recovery from the various health crisis I have faced, as well as convalescing in the hospitals, you would always hear music, as I combined the tunes with the concept of “positive imaging” (thank you author Norman Vincent Peale), a method of imagining a time in the future, healed of what I was facing. And of course, plenty of performances singing, DJing, and other various forms of entertainment I did, rounded out the musical involvement.

The past two and half years of the Covid pandemic, I have gotten to spend quite a bit more time, in my personal and private concert hall, not the travelling road show that is my car. I would concentrate on improving myself on the guitar and keyboard. It was not unexpected, to be walking by the house, and hear me belting out vocals to many songs in my wheelhouse.

But recently, I noticed a new purpose for at least one facet of my world of music. It was an accidental discovery for sure, a blessing and a curse actually. One thing I take pride in, however I perform, is giving the best effort I can, as perfectly as I can. It turns out music is going to be making a bigger difference in my life than I could have expected.

Approximately twelve years ago, I noticed something odd. I went to check my voicemail, I had forgotten my passcode, a number I had used for years. As someone with nerd and OCD tendencies, there was no way for this to have happened, but it did. This “block” lasted about five minutes. Further incidents included “blind” events while driving. By this, I mean pulling my car into traffic, where I “saw” none, and there were. The final straw, was an incident at the kitchen table, when a cup of water was spilled, causing me to irrationally get upset.

I had enough wits about me to realize, something was not right. And I recall an incident with my first father-in-law, suffering unexplainable cognitive issues, to eventually be determined to be caused by unmonitored medicines. This cost him four years of his life being kept in assisted living with my mother-in-law unable to handle this issue.

Something had changed with me. Something had to have changed. But what? My doctor sent me for neurological testing which came up inconclusive. Still, something was not right, and it was getting worse, and I felt it was going to be up to me to figure it out, as long as I had the time. Several prescriptions had been changed following my emergency heart bypass in 2008. There was a change in one drug in the drug itself, as well as a steep increase in the dosage, protocol the doctor said. I looked at the side effects listed for the drug, and nowhere did it list “cognitive issues.” Yet, the drug was all I could think of that could be causing this issue.

A search of the internet, I came across a doctor at the University of California, San Diego, Dr. Beatrice Golomb, who did a study on statins and cognitive effects. Long story short, here was my answer. Evidently, if side effects do not meet a certain percentage in appearance in the studies, it does not get listed on the warnings. That does not mean it does not occur. Dr. Golomb had run studies that confirmed unreported side effects from cognitive impairments to rage as a result of statin usage. I was certain this had to be it.

I notified my doctor I was going to stop taking the drug all completely, even at the risk of my cholesterol rising to dangerous highs again. He would either have to find something different, or go back to the dosage I was already on, which after several months of figuring, I ended up on my original dose, and the cognitive symptoms had disappeared, actually within a few days of stopping the other dose.

It is not uncommon for cancer patients to complain of “chemo brain” or a brain fog, and for some of us long timers, this issue can carry on for a long time, if not permanently. Because health complications from our treatments for Hodgkin’s Lymphoma are progressive in nature, we should be constantly surveilled, though sadly, so many do not even know this history. As doctors watch for cardiac, pulmonary, and other issues as they advance, cognitive is something that often gets overlooked. It just sneaks up on you.

I have always had an issue with my memory since my chemo days, but the change in my prescription caused a separate issue. But years later, yes, I have noticed my memory slide, and with no rhyme or reason how often, or how short the distance between the moment and when I forget. I now have a way personally of being able to tell if and when it gets worse. And it is the thing I credit with getting me through life, music.

I already know that I only retain about 90% of the lyrics that I have ever sung, and no song is likely in its entirety. And though guitar and keyboard both require “muscle memory,” mental memory is still needed to know which notes to play. Though I try to practice every day, I commit one song for each, vocal, guitar, and keyboard, that I rely on to get perfectly each time. And if I cannot, I immediately try to figure if it is a “muscle memory” issue, or a cognitive. As often as I play or sing, it should not be a “muscle memory” issue. It then will become a matter of how often and how bad the errors I make are, and if determined to be a memory issue, how bad it is getting.

A couple of years ago, Lady Gaga performed with Tony Bennett, who is living with Alzheimer’s Disease. Even at his age and his stage of the disease, the one thing his mind has not been able to take away from him, is his ability to recall every song, every note and every word of them, and perform them just as he did when he first wrote them. Sadly, he cannot remember much else.

These days, I try not to keep too much on my plate, because there really are only a few things on my plate that are so important to remember, not to forget. I am hoping this helps at least keep my sliding memory to a minimum. And if it does not, hopefully someone hears me, and reminds me. I will either be singing or playing. It will be hard to miss.

Aimie


This has been a difficult year amongst my fellow long term survivors, and mourning the loss of yet another, that I got to know along our journeys.

It is hard to believe that someone with such a positive and visibly obvious pleasantry about her was forced to deal with something so horrible, not just one time, but several times, and many other difficult issues with her health. It is a cliche said all too often, and meant every time, “it just isn’t fair that she had to face what she did.”

I never got to meet Aimie, but over the years, we exchanged support for each other, depending what health crisis either of us was dealing with. But what she was better at than I, was overflowing with a positive outlook, no matter what she faced. She would constantly share photos of tasty treats and cuddly fur friends. Aimie would post inspirational quotes and memes. And living in the south, she shared some of the most beautiful sunsets.

I am envious of those who actually got to meet Aimie in person. Because while a picture may be worth a thousand words, her stories were likely much better from her herself. But I am sure, those that got to know her in person, are feeling an even deeper loss today. And it is clear from our peers, that she had an impact on so many of us.

I would like to share some of the thoughts some of her fellow survivors have expressed about Aimie:

“She was such an inspiration to all who knew her!”

“Seeing Aimee’s picture above though reminds me that she indeed was a survivor and that we need to celebrate those “wins” while we can.”

” She was such a warrior. Wonderful friend, coworker, and spirit. A person who will be truly missed.”

“A wonderful person.”

“Another amazingly strong being!”

And finally, from a fellow survivor who got to know her better than many of us, and a friendship that gave both support to each other along their survivorship, “SHE FOUGHT SO HARD!” Yes, she did. And that is what we will all remember about Aimie. This friend is one of the lucky ones bless to have gotten to know her so much better as they spent much time with each other, sharing laughs, sharing gifts (Aimie loved painting rocks, her friend making this beautiful wreath with all four colors representing the four battles with cancer that Aimie had faced), and supporting each other. Because that is what survivors do.

Let’s Make A PACT For Cancer Survivors


I need to briefly mention a topic, which unfortunately is going to sound political, because of the current state at which it stands. But I have no choice, because the circumstances, rather conditions, can actually relate to cancer survivors.

I am of course referring to the PACT Act of 2022, also known as the Promise To Address Comprehensive Toxics Act of 2022, named after Sergeant First Class Heath Robinson. There is a lot covered in this bill, but the main crux of it, is that all military vets would have health care coverage for exposure to toxicities while serving in our forces. It is my understanding that this would even impact vets going back to the Vietnam War. Sounds like the right thing to do, right? Brave men and women of our country risk their lives not just from enemy fire, but various toxic exposures, that affect them the rest of their lives. We should want them taken care of, right?

Our government seemed to agree, as it went through the legislative process, the bill was introduced, passed through the House Of Representatives, and then passed the Senate. It should have been on its way to President Biden to be signed into law, and our vets would have been take care of. Instead, a procedure brought the bill back to the senate, where enough senators changed their “yea” votes to “nay,” causing the bill to stall. Hence, our vets are still left not being taken care of.

Bottom line, it is political games on both sides that caused this, and unfortunately we, are left to figure out who is telling the truth as to why. And while both side bicker, vets are dying; vets are continuing to get sick. In the short time since I started writing this post, the bill finally did pass, yet again, with an overwhelming majority as occurred originally. Please bare with me as the few days that recently passed, the result, taking care of our servicemen, is just one example, of doing what should have been done in the first place.

The solution is simple to this political gamesmanship… universal health care. Just like I stated as our health care system was rocked with the onset of Covid19. We learned just how valuable, a right, not a privilege, health care for all, just like nearly almost every industrialized and civilized country has, could have made a difference. The fight for our vets was no different. Every vet who has served, no matter when, should have coverage to assist their health care.

One of the key “beyond all doubt” issues of the PACT Act of 2022, is the presumption of service-connection. This means that for example, a vet who was exposed to the burn pits in Iraq, and develops lung cancer, it does not matter if he was a smoker, or worked in a quarry prior to his service in the military, the service-connection, his exposure to burn pits, closes the door to any fights that delay or deny treatments, getting the vet hopefully on the path to recovery. Sounds like a good thing, the right thing to do, no?

Enter a celebrity, former TV talk show host, comedian, and advocate, Jon Stewart. There are several around me personally who will chirp up constantly, “what business does a comedian have commenting on governmental affairs?” as if what he does for a living makes any of his statements less credible. But anyone who has followed Stewart over the years, knows that Stewart is well aware of the ins and outs of our government.

In June of 2019, Stewart found himself in front of a congressional committee, well, not really (due to a lack of representatives for the hearing who felt it was not important enough), to advocate for benefits for first responders of “9/11”. A similar situation, those who responded to one of our darkest days in history, were dying from exposure to the devastation at “ground zero” following the collapse of the twin towers in Manhattan. A similar situation, many first responders were left unable to get the medical help they needed, due to lack of insurance or other beaurocratic bullshit, getting sick, and dying. I say he was “not really” in front of the committee, because of the absence of so many representatives, who did not share the urgency or importance to attend the hearing themselves. Stewart would tell those representatives, “you should be ashamed of yourselves.” The brief history of the bill went like this: the original bill expired as planned in 2004, re-established in 2010, renewed in 2015. But by 2020, the funds were expected to be gone, without any further legislation.

Stewart’s goal, was to get a bill passed, to last 70 years, as many first responders were young enough, to live long enough to possibly reach their eighties and nineties, and likely developing issues related to their efforts on September 11th. The “Never Forget The Heroes Act” was eventually passed. Who knows where our first responders of 9/11 would be now if it were not for the advocacy of a “comedian.”

It took a long time to get to this point, but, if you have followed my blog for any length of time, you know I have a complicated health history. It is one that up until recent years, not many in medicine not only did not know about, but when faced with issues like mine, did not know how to diagnose them, or treat them. Like the situations mentioned above, the burn pits, and the rubble of Manhattan, causing late effects on the health of servicemen and first responders, cancer survivors, and if I am being specific, Hodgkin’s Lymphoma survivors can all too well relate to the situation of late effects.

Cancer survivors have really never been expected to live long. There is a popularized milestone of “five years,” a magical number, that if doctors were forced to say you actually beat a cancer, it is once you hit that five year mark. But for many Hodgkin’s survivors, we have lasted well past that five year mark, many of us into our third, fourth, and fifth decades. But just as servicemen and first responders developed issues over time from their exposure, we Hodgkin’s survivors developed issues over time, from the very treatments that put us into remission. The lousy thing is, back then, and just like originally the burn pits and ground zero, science was not prepared for and did not anticipate the health issues we all would face.

But where is our comedian coming to our aid, to be our voice, to advocate for our care, that we need to survive issues that have taken a toll on any number of our body systems whether cardiac, pulmonary, secondary cancers, you would not believe how long that list goes on. If it were not for fellow survivors, and one of the few good things about social media, we survivors would never have found each other, and given each other the support, and knowledge of our own experiences to each other, and continued to survive.

But where is our celebrity willing to speak up for us? There have been plenty of celebrities who have actually had Hodgkin’s Lymphoma (actor Michael C. Hall, pro hockey player Mario Lemieux just to name two). Sadly, as we hear about them, and we hope, “hey, now maybe a spotlight will be on us, and we can finally get the help we need.” Nope. Meh, we actually have an organization actually using the name Lymphoma in its title, the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. You would think they would help out long term survivors at least with advocacy, if not for guidance and information. Nope. There are a number of other organizations in the cancer world, but none, really willing to take the megaphone like Stewart has done for both the servicemen and women, and first responders.

It was long term Hodgkin’s survivors who finally took the initiative on their own, to create our own organization, geared at survivorship. And because we are a group of people, in the hundreds, located all around the world, this group is appropriately called, “Hodgkin’s International.” But I am going to bet, that outside of my circle of survivors, and unless you have heard me refer to this organization before on this blog, you probably have not heard of that. Why is that?

So, as I said earlier, with some of my friends who object to celebrities chiming in for causes, excuse me for wanting someone to step up for me and my fellow survivors, help put a light on Hodgkin’s International. Help get us the medical care all of us need to continue to live our lives after cancer. Yes, this would be so much easier, if we could just have universal health care, and that would not just cover the servicemen and women, first responders, and cancer survivors as well as cancer patients. It is time to stop treating health care a privilege for only those who can afford it, and a right for us as human beings. It is time to take care of us, long term cancer survivors, for the things that happened to us, because we were treated and “cured” of our cancers.

“But wait, how much more is supposed to be spent on you? You got cured, how much more do you want and expect me to pay?” That was an actual comment made to me, and a topic for a different post.

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