Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Adoption”

Health Care From An 8th Grade Perspective


My children growing up, is both a blessing and a curse.  I want to hang on to the innocence that is their youth, totally unaware of the bad things going on in the world today, just eat, play, sleep.  But as they are both teenagers now, my role as a Dad has an increased value.  I am not just fun, but it turns out, I am pretty smart too, at least when it comes to something that will benefit them.

I have always been involved in my daughters education even before their first day in kindergarten.  Today, I am no longer a “teacher” in this position, but an “advisor,” being sought for advice, editing, information, and research.  This definitely comes in to play when it comes to any type of writing assignment.  My daughters know that I write, and when it comes to their “final drafts,” they want as close to perfection as they can get, which is when they come to me.

This particular writing assignment, for history class, was about the Affordable Care Act, the topic my daughter chose.  Though she did not give her reason for choosing the ACA, my daughter unfortunately has witnessed many events that resulted in my hospitalization.  So she is more than aware of the importance of health care in our lives, and in everyone else’s.  In fact, her interest in health care is so involved, that currently, that seems to be the direction she plans to take her future.  To say I am proud of her efforts is an understatement.  And just so the record is straight, I am proud of both of my daughters aspirations.

Her request of me was simple, help organize and edit her work.  She would do all of the research, including documentation of her sources, all while meeting the requirements for structure from the teacher.

I am trying to convince her to let me publish her essay here, not just as a proud father, but because after reading her rough draft, having done her research, and completing my obligation to her effort with editing, she has created a paper that is filled with facts, and more importantly keeps politics out of the charged subject that affects us grown ups on a daily basis.  She is still researching statistics to back up her thesis, so it is not ready to publish.  But when it is done, I challenge anyone to disagree with her compelling arguments.

As I said, she has done all of the research on her own about the ACA.  The only thing I offered her was a glimpse of what health care was like, prior to my adulthood, which honestly I had to research.  As I child, I never paid attention to doctor visits to see how they were dealt with from a cost perspective.  While my daughter may not completely understand all the factors that go into health care costs, she was shocked to hear that my mother actually paid $5 for me to see the doctor.  And if I needed medicine, my doctor kept all medicines in his office, costing only a few dollars.

I will warn you, my daughters both have an abundance of empathy, and so they both believe strongly, if someone needs help, the should get that help.  They believe this, because they believe people are good.  And good people do good things.  And so, right from the gate, my daughter states that affordable and available health care should be a right, not just something that people with money can afford.  Yes, I know, this sounds like a campaign talking point.  But at 14, my daughters is at least 4 years away from paying attention to politics.  Her statement is not a political one, it is what she truly believes a decent human being would want this for others.  I did not even need to whip out the Christian “it’s in the bible that we should take care of one another.”

After her initial statement, she explains why it was so important for the ACA to be signed, listing three reasons, availability, accessibility, and affordability.  And again, at no point, did politics come up.  She has kept her paper completely limited to the “human aspect.”  Her common sense confuses her that the issue of health care, even after decades, has still not been resolved.  She does not understand why many people cannot get the medical help that is needed, just because it is not available.  It makes no sense to her, that people who were sick in their past, would keep them from being taken care of today.  And finally, she is saddened to realize that people can die, because they cannot afford their medicines.

Again, no mention of politics in her writing.  She is currently on working on backing up her statements with research, not talking points.  I mentioned to her how proud I was of her work and research.  And I also told her how spot on she was with what she had stated.  I told her how important it was that she stuck to what she wrote, without injecting one-sided political arguments and flat out misrepresentations, because this is what has stood in the way of achieving affordable, available, and accessible health care.

To prove to her just how right she was, I discussed with her, and showed her other posts and columns that I had written pertaining to my support of universal health care.  I make no bones about it, I believe in universal health care as a right.  And I do believe that if we took the politics out of the discussion, we might just achieve that level of health care.

I then explained to my daughter the many conversations I have with others, and with one simple rule, you allow and respect the other to have their opinion.  With that being in agreement, I really believe that you can have an intelligent debate on just what needs to be done, and can be done.

Prescriptions are just one example of health care out of control, and leading to the worst of circumstances.  I explained to my daughter the concept of rationing medications like insulin, and the consequences that can occur from that action, including death.  Again, common sense, trying to understand why a drug that has remained the same for decades, costs 1200% more than what it did originally.  And even more confusing, why that same drug is way less expensive in other countries.

My daughter understands some people are born sick.  She also knows that some people’s health are affected by unexpected events such as car accidents.  And then there are those, like me, whose health issues were created by health care for other health events.  In 1988, I was treated for Hodgkin’s Lymphoma with radiation and chemotherapies.  My daughter obviously was not around 30 years ago when this happened, but she has been witness to the many issues that I deal with today, cardiac, pulmonary, skeletal, gastrointestinal and more, all caused by late developing side effects from my treatments.  What she cannot understand is, if anyone is in need of health care, it would be me, and others in a similar situation.  How could I be turned away just because I was sick before.?

The truth is, universal health care does work.  And it has worked for decades.  What does not work under universal health care, is profit and greed.  My daughter easily has figured out that we are one of the few countries that profits off of its sick.  The look of disappointment on her face says it all.  I explained to her, that many simply do not want universal health care, for either misinformed, or selfish reasons.

The term universal infers “socialism,” a bad political term going back to the 1950’s and 1960’s under leaders such as Marx.  Socialism is often feared as being one step away from Communism.  And perhaps it could be.  But the truth is, we actually accept “socialism” with some items such as the fire department, police department, paramedics, libraries, and more.  So why then would the most important benefit to our lives, health care, not be accepted?  If you are against socialism, does that mean that you want to turn back the services of the fire department and other emergency services?  Of course not.

What I have found, and again, I insist if you are going to debate health care with me, leave politics out of the discussion, and stick to facts, and we can come up with not only a solution, but the real crux of the problem of universal health care itself, beyond the money-making profit machine of Big Pharm and Insurance.

“I don’t want to pay for someone else’s health care.”  Politics and lobbying aside, this is the main argument against universal health care, not whether it works or not, not whether there are problems or not, but rather an individual position.

Again, at one point, getting medical care was easy and affordable.  But in the 1980’s, entitlement issues in politics caused a fissure in compassion that we used to have for each other as human beings, if you force me to throw out the Christian card, I will.  Rapidly, we began to judge those and their circumstances that caused people and/or their families to be unemployed, for any reason.  In simpler terms, these people are not putting anything into the system that they would benefit from with universal health care, and there are those who do not like that.  Of course then, I would bring up the other socialism programs like emergency services, that a person with no job should have their house burn down if they do not work or some other emergency, and I am looked at as if I said something absurd.  But for some reason, when it comes to health care, there is a line drawn in the sand.  No job, “you do not deserve health care at my expense.”  And even if it would save money for the working contributor, in other words, instead of paying $12,000 per year (or more) to an insurance company, having a tax take out $2000 per year, saving this person $10,000 per year, those who oppose universal health care stand by their principle, willing to pay the higher amount, just so that someone does not get something for “free.”

It took no time for my daughter to soon realize, health care discussions were a lot more complicated than the thesis she had chosen to write about.  But she still stands by what she writes, that health care should be a right.  No one should be turned away.  Everyone should have access to the best care available.  And if you have been previously sick, you need the health care even more.  Not paying attention to the political discourse, she is only aware that the ACA is in jeopardy of being turned back 100%.  And since she has researched what it was like before the ACA, she can only shake her head that we are going back to the beginning of the argument, and people will die while the process starts over, if at all.

When A Picture Is All That Is Left


“I don’t think I have ever seen a customer get so many pictures developed so often.”  The was a comment by a cashier at my local CVS over ten years ago, as she handed me a pack of more than 300 pictures that I had just had developed (printed) from a recent trip or event.  And to be fair to the cashier, this was actually a regular occurrence.

Gone were the days of just using a Kodak instamatic, or a Poloroid, and ending up with either 12 or 24 prints.  Digital cameras allowed us to take many more photos and save them.  And today, you can actually take and store thousands of pictures on your phones.

In recent months, I worked on a personal project for each of my daughters.  There was no particular reason I chose to do this, but being a sentimentalist, to say I enjoyed looking back through thousands of photos, is definitely an understatement.

But it was during my recent post about my father, that I reminded myself again, just as I did more than fifteen years ago, that I renew the conscious effort to make sure there are memories not just for me, but for my daughters as well, of the important people in their lives.

In my personal photo collection, I have less than a dozen photos from my childhood with either of my parents.  In my adult life, I did a little better with pictures with my parents.  My maternal grandmother, someone I consider one of the most influencial  people of my life, the photo that I posted yesterday was the only photo of the two of us together, and I have only one other photo of her, with her sister.  Other family members as well, it is the same, one or two photos, maybe a half dozen at best.  And with many of those relatives having passed away, these photos literally are all that I have left.

One thing that I promised to do better, was to make sure that my daughters had plenty of memories to look at.  And it is not just for their benefit, but mine as well.  I spend a lot of my time, day after day, looking back at all the fun things that we had done throughout their short lives already.

I have done my best to document their earliest days, and much to their chagrin as teenagers, I have not eased up on the amount of photos I take.  I make sure that there are photos with grandparents, cousins, friends, everyone who has been a part of their lives.

And what is just as important to them, us, is that even though there was a time when my body was not in the current health situation that it is in right now, struggling with the late effects from my cancer treatments, my daughters can remember the times that we shared, but as they see current photos, though our activities with each other are within my abilities to function, the smiles are still the same.  We still have tons of fun.  And you can see that.

Ten, twenty years from now, there are no shortage of photos to look back upon.  We have had a great time so far, and there are plenty of days ahead, and a lot more photos to take.  But one thing is clear, of all things that matter to me most, is being a Dad.  Some day they are going to go off to college.  Some day they are going to go off on their own.  And I am going to need these pictures, until I get the chance to take some more.

The Numbness Of School Violence


The phone call is a parent’s worst nightmare.  A robocall from the school district…

“This afternoon, there was a lock down at the school.  A student was observed with a weapon.  Police were called.  The student apprehended.  The lock down was lifted.  The students are safe.”

The message was actually more detailed and lengthy.  It seems that a student had chosen to bring a BB gun into the school.  He was seen taking it from his back pack and placing it in his locker on video surveillance.  Further investigations would reveal two other such weapons.  The student had gotten away with it at least one other time, if not twice.

Sure, the weapons were only BB guns, not normally the weapons chosen for maximum carnage, but there are two other factors to take into consideration.  I have lost count, but this is either the 3rd or 4th “lock down” this year alone at the suburban school.  Another thing that concerned me, it was reported shortly after, that an actual school shooting had occurred in Colorado just miles away from Columbine, where the first notorious mass school shooting had occurred decades ago.

I had only recently become aware of something called “the dark web”.  It is a different section of the internet, known by many of our youth.  Were the situations of my daughters’ school lock down and the shooting in Colorado something coordinated through “the dark web?”  Perhaps not.  At this point, we parents are still waiting for the “why” this student had brought 3 BB guns to the school.  And because I do not know the facts, I am barely refraining from judgement, barely because this was just too close to home.  Because it is important to know, was this the act of just a stupid kid, planning on doing some target practice with some buddies after school?  Or was it a “dry run” by someone upset, to see if he could be successful bringing weapons on to school grounds?

But right now, all we were encouraged as parents to do, was to talk with our children about the day’s events.  I am not sure who this is supposed to benefit.  The worried parents, or the numb students who simply chalk up yet another “lock down” as “just another day at school,” and another day still alive.  Yay.

This post is not about gun control or choice of weapons.  The truth is, that discussion has been going on since Columbine, and even the unthinkable Sandy Hook massacre was unable to bring our country together, let alone our government.

Here is the staggering numbers, as provided by research done by CNN last year, 288 school shootings in the US since 2009 through 2018.  Surely this cannot be a statistic unique to the US.  Or can it?  CNN compared the US to the 6 other major industrial countries who made up the G7, for those who do not know what countries made up the G7… Canada, France, Germany, Japan, Italy, and England.  Here are the numbers:

United States     288

Canada                     2

France                       2

Germany                   1

Japan                         0

Italy                            0

England                      0

The countries that make up the G7, are assumed to be the most advanced, democratic (not to be confused with the Democratic party), the most concerned countries when it comes to human rights.  “The United States  had 57 times as many shootings as the other major industrialized nations combined,” was how the headline read on CNN’s Facebook page on May 21, 2018.

Again, I am not making this post about bureaucratic bullshit with excuses like, different size country, different laws, yada yada yada.  The answer often given, need more guns also clearly falls way short as these other industrialized nations do not have a gun inventory problem.  Yet here in Florida, state government has approved a policy to allow teachers to now carry guns in school.  Imagine, they can now carry a gun, when they often cannot get educational supplies.  Priorities.

This post is not about spinning wheels and talking points.  We now have only two other relatively new concepts that may offer some hope, yet one of those is completely unacceptable, because it accepts martyrdom as the solution, in other words, expect a student to die a hero throwing themselves at a shooter.  I will explain.

I was returning home from my visit with my daughters, which occurred just days after this current lock down.  I was at the airport, when I learned my flight was delayed.  As people often do, once realizing we are going to be waiting longer, we need to entertain ourselves to make the time pass.  The unlucky person being chosen to talk to me, just so happened to be a “School Resource Officer.”

An SRO is normally either a retired cop, or active cop.  And yes, they are armed.  But more and more schools are using this option to maintain safe schools.  Many schools have an entire force of SRO’s.

Having just gone through yet another “lock down” issue, being a former school board candidate who campaigned for safe schools as a major platform, I now had someone who had first hand experience and knowledge of what schools are facing today.  I appreciate that he was willing to talk to me openly.  But the one thing that I notice he did not talk about, nor do the school systems, and surprisingly, you rarely hear parents talk about, is the parental role in prevention.  I will get to that shortly.  But here is some of the conversation I had with the SRO:

Me:  why not install metal detectors?  They are used in courthouses, and airports.  Clearly they would work in schools preventing weapons from getting inside.

SRO:  Detectors are very valuable in detecting weapons.  But you are probably aware of the length of time it takes to go through detectors at courthouses and airports.  You are talking about thousands of children needing access, in time, to start the school day.  You would have to have students arrived hours before the start of day to get through the entrance.

Me:  One comment I heard on social media, was criticism of the students hiding, and in this case, for basically nothing more than BB guns.  Of course I told the asshole off, clearly not a parent for expecting a reaction to have been different without knowing if a real threat or not.

SRO:  In recent years, the best option considered for active shooter drills have been “run, hide, fight.”  Kids would secure themselves in their classrooms, hopefully out of view of the doorway, out of the risk of being hit by gunfire.  But in all honesty, at this point, the children become sitting ducks when they do this.  If the shooter is in the school, the thing that makes sense is to get out of the school as quickly as possible, away from the shooter.

SRO:  There is a new concept, an option called “ALICE”, which stands for Alert, Lock down, Inform, Counter, Evacuate.

It was when the SRO explained to me how ALICE worked that I realized what we have now put our children in a position they do not only not deserve, but should never be put in that position, of being a hero, taking a bullet for another classmate or more.  The philosophy is simple, better to lose one student, than many more.

SRO:  The first three steps that initiate with ALICE are basically the same as run, hide and fight.  But it is when you get to the point after “Inform”, “Counter” that the shit will get real.  Counter means no more hiding, the students keep running.  But someone must make the decision to counter, attack the shooter.  And if it means taking the bullet, to prevent other students from being killed, that student has done a heroic thing.

I could not believe what I heard.  A child, A CHILD, is supposed to make a life and death decision when we do not let them drink or smoke til they are 21, do not let them vote until they are 18, do not let them drive until they are 16… why?  Because they are not mature enough to handle those responsibilities, this guy wants a child to make that snap decision to go after the shooter.  First, even as an adult, any hesitation in a decision like that, will end tragically.  But to expect a child to execute “ALICE?”  Are you fucking kidding me?

To say the conversation was enlightening about assumptions that I had even made how to solve this issue, it is extremely heartbreaking to know that we are now at the point where we expect our children to sacrifice themselves, just because GOD DAMNED ADULTS REFUSE TO DO THEIR FUCKING JOBS AND KEEP OUR KIDS SAFE!!!!!!!!!

I ran out of time to continue our conversation, because it was my next question that probably could have offered a dialogue that could give ideas that have not been tried, and the one source that has NEVER been considered.

Me:  Why don’t we hear about parental involvement when it comes to these events?  I mean after all, there are always plenty of excuses from ignorance, to lack of time (no excuse if you are a parent, you make time for your child).  If this child at my daughters school is hurting, the parents surely need to know something.  And at the least, the parents of this child have failed in enforcing the fact, bringing weapons to school is unacceptable.  Why are parents being held accountable?  As is a possibility in the recent Colorado shooting, bullying and other offenses may have played a role, why are schools still not “zero tolerance” when it comes to bullying.  We have lived over and over and over, events culminating in violence just because bullying was ignored.  We are zero tolerance for weapons, why not for bullying?

SRO:  I really wish we could keep talking.  Your question is so spot on.  But the truth is, as long as there are lawyers willing to fight for the rights of the student and their education, parents would rather pay a lawyer to get their child out of the jam, rather than deal with their inefficiency of their parenting skills.  I know it is harsh, but too many parents have the “not my kid” syndrome.  So until we deal with parents, and making no excuses, because it takes less time to deal with your child, than it takes to make excuses why not, and to deal with the after effects of tragic decisions that get made.

And with that, the SRO left to board his plane, to see his children.  I know many other SRO’s in my life.  And I am very active with my daughters educations.  I am still in communication with the school district that my daughters attend.  It is my hope that some day, we will find that the answers to these school shootings and violence will come from where they start, with the student themselves, possibly at home, possibly at school.  We are wasting time arguing over gun rights and safety, which honestly I do not ever expect that argument to be solved in my lifetime.  The question is, how many more school shootings will there be before something is done.  Sandy Hook should have been the last one.  And we are no closer to solving anything than we were then, or Columbine.  The only difference is, now we are expecting our children to take a bullet, and are children get through their day as getting by without getting shot today.

Why does the record of the US with school shootings stand out compared to those other countries?

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