Paul's Heart

Underestimating Your Children

By the time I had become a father, I had not seen my own childhood in nearly twenty-five years.  Growing up in a divorced environment, other than while visiting my friends homes, I never really got to see how a mom and dad worked together as a team to deal with the many things “try” to get away with.  I put “try” in quotes, because later in life, we would find out, we got away with nothing.

Prior to becoming a dad, I spent many years as a youth group leader.  It was a program that enveloped all ages of children from kindergarten to high school at our church.  This is one of the more proud things that I have done in my life, filled with so many rewards and so many memories.  It was also a quick reminder, that becoming a parent, I would personally have to deal with many of the issues that these kids were facing.

I am not going to get all sentimental here and go through all of the things that we did.  My point is, while I learned a lot, I also learned there is a huge difference not only between someone else’s kids and your own, but a huge difference between you as a child, and your own children.

This group of photos is from a video GIF that I had been personally sent.  A little girl, playing on her phone in bed, hears her parent come in, springs from the bed, turns off her light, and jumps back in to bed.  Her father walks in, tucks her in, and seems to walk out of the room, closing the door behind him.  The little girl jumps from the bed to turn her light back on, and is surprised to see her father standing in the corner of the door, and pretends to sleep walk, realizing she has been busted not going to sleep.

We parents have all experienced this one time or another.  Our children do not realize we can hear the noise, or better, see the glow of light under the door.  But the quick improvisation this child used just automatically shot me back to the many talents that both of my daughters possessed to get out of “gotcha” moments.

The first warning I had, involved a non-slip door knob cover similar to pictured above.  My older daughter’s hands were too small at the time to be able to grip the squeeze tabs on the side, which meant that in theory, this product would be successful in accomplishing what was desired, her staying in her room once she was out of her bed.  In just two years my daughter well established how determined she could be when she wanted something badly enough.  And so, she learned that by sliding her tiny thumb and finger inside of the hole, she could get enough of a grip on the actual door handle, and make her great escape.  Very much like Harry Houdini.

While funny, and at the same time, proud of her ingenuity, a problem did come up from this lesson.  The door lock was on her side of the door, and if she would accidentally turn that lock instead of the door knob, in an emergency, we would not be able to get into the room.  Problem solved, I flipped the door knob around so the lock was on the outside of the door.

There are plenty of incidents like this, from both of my daughters.  But now, as teenagers, they are more like chess players with their thoughts.  They have learned for every action there is a reaction, and therefore, not only will they trap every word that is said to them by me, but will make sure they are at least two steps ahead of any discussion, completely prepared for any push back.

At one time, we all laughed when we watched children feeding dogs from the table on television or movies, and how they were not caught.  In our youth, many of us had done things as extreme as sneaking out of the house from second story windows.

I am thankful to my friend for sending this video.  It was a much needed distraction that led me down so many paths of fun memories with both of my daughters and their many shenanigans.

Proud Papa Moments

I make no secret about it.  I love my daughters.  I am proud of my daughters.  I have no favorite, they are both equals.  Each offers their own individual talents while sharing the same values and intelligence.  So far, so good.  As a Dad, I have done my job.  I need to make sure, now in their true formative years, that they are prepared for relationships and responsibilities.  They have learned as much as they can about the importance of giving respect, trust, and loyalty, now they learn the importance of having it returned in kind.

Gentlelmen, take note.  You must open doors, bring flowers, listen to, and most importantly, treat them as special as I know they most certainly are.  Financially, a lot of mistakes were made in our family, and I am hoping that while they were not aware of them, that I am setting an example for them of financial responsibility and accountability, or the simple concept, living within your means.  And of course, a big one, time management.  As both of my daughters have found out in their later years of school, how easy it is to fall behind in just one day, when not prioritizing homework appropriately, spending too much time on one project, and running out of time to finish the rest.  Of course that only works when you do not wait til the last minute for that type of assignment.

As I mentioned, each has their unique talents, though I hope that there are some things that hopefully they have learned from me that will help them appreciate, relax, and enjoy the simple things of life.  They both enjoy music, and have their genre preferences.

Being a writer, my daughters know who they rely on for proofreading.  In fact, if I am not mistaken, I might even be proofreading some of their friends papers as well.  For several years, I even participated in judging term papers for various science organizations with high school essays.

If there is one thing that I do not enjoy writing, it is poetry.  Short stories, research papers, and finally, even a book (in the process), I can spend any amount of time.  But poetry, not a chance.  But for the second year in a row, now my youngest daughter, has requested my help in writing a sonnet for her Shakespearean English project.  I was all too happy to oblige.  But first, just like last year, I needed to remind myself, what I learned forty years ago, forgot, refreshed last year, and forgot again, what was a sonnet.

My daughter explained the rhyme scheme necessary, and I was introduced to “quattrains.”  And with that, I taught my daughter how to write, anything, it did not matter.  My formula, which does not necessarily apply to everyone, is to start with the ideas, not with the intent of sitting at the keyboard and just typing until you are exhausted.

She had some subjects to choose from.  Her decision was time.  So, with four quattrains to work with, so that there was an even flow of progression, she began with being unaware of time (as a young child), time impacting activities (as a child, such as school, meals), how time has an impact on everything that happens, and finally how time can be lost and should be appreciated while you have it.

From each of those quattrain ideas, she came up with four lines each, except for the last one, which only had two lines.  The hardest part then became the final word of each line, to rhyme.  In the end, I could not believe my eyes.  Another beautiful sonnet written by each of my daughters now.  Of course, out of respect, I do not have permission from her to share that poem here.  But I am definitely one proud Papa.