Paul's Heart

I’m Going To Touch The Cup

There is a tradition in sports, not touching the championship trophy until the end of the championship round is complete. Many believe you jinx the team by even taking a picture of yourself (or worse one of the actual players taking a photo with the trophy), before the first game of the series has begun. Victorious players will do anything they want with the trophy from drinking champagne from it, to placing their infant child inside, to travelling the world, after they have won. But no photos before. Well, I am about to do something equivalent, but as I do, I am going to rush over to the nearest piece of wood, and give it a good ol’ knock.

I have managed to live in a world with Covid, without getting Covid. Excuse me while I quickly run to knock on wood. I am one of less than a handful of people I personally know who have still not contracted it, sadly more than three times the people I personally know who died from it, including my younger sibling.

Unlike some who actually go as far as to brag about how many times, or strains that they have been infected by, I do not consider my statement bragging at all. It made me feel very uncomfortable to hear so many exercise bravado, no fear of Covid, a disease that killed millions. I have never heard one cancer patient ever take that kind of stance.

I want to be clear. I am in no way ridiculing or mocking anyone who contracted Covid whether at the beginning of the pandemic, or even recently, whether it was not of their own doing (someone selfishly exposing them to it), or what was called “Covid fatigue,” (“I need to do this one thing.”), or first responders and medical personnel who had no choice, because of the careers they chose to get into.

But I will continue to express my frustrations with those who chose to argue conspiracy over common sense, political grievance over professional medical advice, fake patriotism over empathy, denial over acceptance and action.

Oddly enough, the group of people I personally knew, at the highest level of risk, fellow long term cancer survivors, actually fared very well, long before there were vaccines and treatments, and through supply shortages. As survivors of cancer, many of us are more in tuned with the risks we face, and react when something does not feel right. Knowing how dangerous this situation was to us, caused us to act more swiftly. As I said however, too many could not outrun Covid, either because it was brought to them, or for just one moment, a sense of false security or not, guard was let down. To be honest, I really do not believe I will be able to outrun Covid forever, anymore than I can outrun a common cold or the flu, something that I typically do not have to face, unless it is brought to me.

But as this crisis devastated the world, like spilling grape juice on a white carpet, I was not interested in “why” it happened or blame who spilled it. It just needed to be dealt with quickly, before the stain got too great. The problem was too many people were more interested in blame or accusations, instead of listening to voices of reason. And as one who has avoided Covid thus far (there I go to knock on some more wood), and to be clear, I am speaking only in my case, not for anyone else who has avoided Covid yet, or had minimal number of infections, only in my case, I am saying, the ones I relied on for the advice to protect myself, were the ones who got me to this point.

I mentioned risks. Was I in fear? Absolutely. I was a 33 year cancer survivor with a compromised immune system, and major cardiac and pulmonary issues. But did I live my life in fear these last four years? No. Did I lose anything by following the recommendations? No. With all the health issues against me, was I able to reach long term goals that I was hoping to live to see? Yes.

Did I avoid risks? No, I managed them. I weighed them. I decided which risks were worth taking, and which ones I would tempt fate. My doctors knew/know, a Covid infection would kill me (at least prior to vaccines and treatment availabilities). Yet, on three separate occasions, I underwent three major operations, two for my heart, and one for my carotid artery, in the belly of a beast (in a hospital that is), engulfed and drowning in Covid infections, along with the multiple follow up appointments. But the preventative guidelines in place, protected me, and they worked.

Some may have been cheering for me to not have visits with my daughters during Covid, whether I travelled to them, or they came to me. Believe it or not, Covid gave me opportunities to actually see them more often than I otherwise would have. And at no time, did I or my daughters contract Covid. All because we followed the recommendations.

I went to the grocery store and pharmacy. I supported local eateries, admittedly doing take out. I have to admit, I have not had interest in dining in, not because of current Covid conditions and infection rates, but rather learning how deficient many places were with cleaning (as we saw busing and table cleaning increase during the early stages of Covid, now tables and cleaning returning back to the regular unsavory conditions, under the guise of insufficient staffing… that is what really skeeves me out more than the Covid risk at this point).

I travelled with my daughters, and we did it following the recommendations. And it worked. I was more concerned with my goals that were ahead of me, than I was fighting over a president, any inefficiencies in preparations or assistance, claims of loss of freedom. I trusted my doctors and I cared about others. That was important to me. So what were my goals?

Before the pandemic, I had a list of long term goals, difficult as they were expected to reach given my health issues, that I wanted to see. The closest at the time, were seeing my daughters turn 18, and graduating high school. The last thing that I wanted was to be taken out by a disease named after a bad beer (apologies to those who actually like Corona, but I do not care for it).

There are three graduation photos. The first two were for my older daughter, because she had two different graduations, and one of those was held indoors, during a new wave of localized infections last year. The auditorium was packed with several thousand, barely anyone masked, except for me and a handful of others. Again, just like the surgeries, this was one risk I felt I needed to take. Of course Covid was still around a few weeks ago as my younger daughter graduated, but those graduations were held outdoors.

There is a huge difference between trying to prove a point, and making the decision when a risk was worth it. I have zero regrets about my decisions, and as I continue to wear a mask indoors, if that triggers anyone, tough shit. I recently witnessed a bank teller being harassed as she chose to continue to wear a mask. I do not know why she does, it is none of my business. But I respect her choice. As I wrote recently, my daughter works with a co-worker who is battling cancer, and chooses to wear a mask to protect her co-worker, as her co-worker wears a mask also.

Like everyone else, we are all tired of Covid. We had limited time and efforts to eliminate it, but too many chose to either deny it or efforts to curtail it, so now we will deal with it forever. It is now clearly about individuals choosing to do the right thing for themselves, and hope that thoughtfulness and empathy will some day prevail. Though my list of long term goals has shortened, my next milestone is three years away, a college graduation. I know what has gotten me to this point, and as they say, “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” I did not think I would set foot into a movie theater again, but I had a gift certificate to use. Pretty sure my concert days are over since ticket prices are now in the range from car payments to mortgage payments. The point is, I am doing what I want and am able to do. Just to make sure, I am going to knock on wood once more. You all be safe too.