Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Adoption”

“May Wan Tee”


“May Wan Tee”.  I am probably spelling it wrong, but this phrase is one that will stick with me forever.

In January of 2004, Wendy and I were notified that we had a daughter that we were going to be travelling to China to meet.  There were meetings to attend, forms to be signed, and monies to be prepared.  Most importantly, since we would be traveling out of the US, we felt that it would be in our best interest to notify our credit card banks about our plans in the event security checked in and shut done our cards because of activity in China.  This plan had been confirmed by many other families, especially with credit union banks.

And so our credit union was notified that we would be leaving for China on March 15 and planned to return two weeks later.  We were wished well, and the process continued.  On March 7th, we got a call from our adoption agency, travel time had been moved up and we would be leaving on the 13th now.  Of course we are all excited.  What an ”inconvenience” to leave for our daughter earlier?!?

So we arrive at Newark International and check in for our flight.  We bought three seats round trip to allow for our slightly larger than average needs, plus it gave us leg room.  Bringing Madison back using only three seats was not going to be a problem.  The problem occurred when we found out that not only were our three seats not next to each other, not only were we not seated next to our “open” seat that we purchased, but Madison’s seat was approximately fifteen rows in front of either one of us (who happened to be sitting on opposite sides of the airplane.  This was not a budget flight, this was a major international carrier.  After a panicked and irate phone call to our agency concerning this snafu, all was settled before we took off for Hong Kong.

I have mentioned two details now that do not coordinate with the original plans, and as you are about to read, they will have a major impact.  Once we land in Hong Kong, our entire travel group, consisting of nine other great families, meet our guide for this leg of the trip.  While Hong Kong is still considered part of China, it has its own government, currency, etc.  Are you with me yet?  First order of business is checking into the airport hotel.  We are recommended to do so quickly, and in spite of the thirteen hour time difference we must deal with, and the building excitement of our growing family, we need to get some sleep.  We will be a family with child tomorrow morning instead of two days from now as originally planned.  All we have to do is check in for tonight’s stay, and our return flight.  That is all.  Nothing more complicated than that.  Piece of cake.  Checked in plenty of times to a hotel.  English is spoken by the representative.  Yep, should be smooth sailing.

I hand him my credit union credit card.  He swipes it.  Wait for it…

“I’m sorry sir, card not working.”  I have been awake and on the road for nearly twenty hours.  But I know what I just heard.  Calmly, I asked him to try again.  He had to have done something wrong while swiping the card.

Here’s the pitch… just passes over the corner of the plate – STRIKE 2!  “I’m sorry sir, it is coming up declined again.”  ALL SYSTEMS… RED ALERT!  RED ALERT! ALL HANDS ON DECK!  OPEN THE TORPEDO DOORS!  Now I hit the panic button and do all that I can from jumping over the counter to swipe the card myself.  I urged him to try it again.  The card had to work.  I was told by the credit union that there would be no problem.  And finally, I struck out.  I was told for the third time, “declined.”

I called Ben, our guide, over to the counter and explained what was happening.  I had only $7500 in cash on me, $6000 which I needed for adoption proceedings and still had to buy our in-country flights, meals, and hotels.  And then Ben said it, “May Wan Tee.”  I said to him with a confused look, “What?  English Ben.”  Ben replied, “no worries.”  He was right.  My credit card was not working.  I was going to run out of cash in less than 24 hours.  Still had to buy meals.  All this while I was preparing for one of the most beautiful times in my life.  Why should I be worried?

The most reasonable thing to do at this point, with less than ten hours now until we met Madison, was to try and get some sleep.  Trying to save cash, eating was not a priority at the moment.  And with the time difference, it was already Saturday afternoon here in the US, so the credit union was already closed for the next day and a half.  How was I going to communicate and get this straightened out?  I had a calling card, but that was supposed to last me the entire trip and the minutes would be used up before even getting an answer and solution to this problem.  I decided to try using the internet and reach Wendy’s mom, giving her all releveant numbers and who to contact.  There was one representative at the credit union who knew me personally, and knew I was in China and could clearly help and I would have Wendy’s mom see her.

By the time we headed for the provincial capital city Nanchang, it was evening in the US, 10am in China.  And we boarded a flight to Nanchang.  We arrived at the beautiful Jiangxi Hotel where our current guide, De had us register.  As all the other families took turns doing so, I approached De soon to realize his English was not as good as Ben’s, but I gave it an effort anyway.  I explained everything so far that has happened.  And then… “May Wan Tee.”  Aw, come on!  You too?!?  And then De pulled out his credit card, put it on the counter, and the desk person took the card, and handed me keys to our room.  Just like that.  I knew De a total of five minutes, literally.

His kindness and belief in “May Wan Tee” taught me alot that day.  I was in a foreign country, very little to no English spoken, no credit card, and very limited cash, with two other people I was responsible for, all for the next eleven days, and I was told not to worry.  His favor to me allowed me time to communicate back home, even with the time difference.  It took three more days to resolve, but I was able to do it without worrying.  It all worked out, no worries.  May Wan Tee.

The “Benefits” Of A Union


If you want to start a divisive conversation with anyone, state you opinion on labor unions.  The chasm between supporters and opposition is huge.  There is hardly any acknowledgement of real estate between either side.  You are either for them, or against them.  Both sides often present skewed information to prove their value and refute effectiveness of the other side’s arguments.

I am not going to get into the middle of that discussion either.  I do have an opinion on labor unions, but that is not the purpose of this story or the blog in general.  Instead, I want to talk about one of the good things to come out of union membership.

From the day I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Disease, I became a “prisoner” to my current empolyer.  As with many health challenges, once you become a liability with your health, insurance companies do not want you or your premiums that you pay.  While they do pay out claims, they are in the business to make money, to gamble against you and your health.

The first job that I ever had that gave me health benefits was Wagner Appliance Parts, a “family” type business in the Allentown area.  With the help of a good reference, I was hired by Jeff Wagner.  Two years later was when I was diagnosed with my Hodgkin’s.  It was also at that time, that my employer realized what he was not getting for his investment.  Wagner’s was not a union business, so benefits were at the generosity of the Wagner’s.  And for years they felt as if their employees had good health coverage because why would their agent sell them anything less.  But with my diagnosis came a sad realization for Jeff, that our plan had many exemptions and limitations that could have profound impacts on diagnosis and treatments.  The night I told Jeff of my diagnosis, and the doctor’s plans due to my health benefits, is when he called his insurance representative and upgraded our coverage.

For three years following, I was an employer there.  But an opportunity came up to operate my own business/franchise, something that I had been denied in spite of my qualifications, or the fact that management constantly had me training the future managers.  There was going to be one catch.  I would not be offered any benefits because of the prohibitive costs.  But my career had plateaued and this would only be temporary to give myself experience.  Five years went by, had it not been for the HMO my wife had.

A break came when I landed a job with an entirely different company, a major, international firm.  I would be starting as a custodian, the lowest scale of the local union.  But what the union offered in health coverage was more than I could ever have hoped.  The great thing is, it could not be denied.  In the last five years, I have had my share of claims paid and I would have been dropped long ago.  But with this group policy, it cannot happen so I am told.

The economy and the new universal health care are creating issues which my opinions in these matters are not what this post is about, but rather reveal what employers are doing to skirt around having to offer benefits from under-enrollment, cutting hourly workers below full time.  As far as I am concerned, you must fight to keep whatever coverage you currently have if you are happy for it.

Time Travel – Changing History


H.G. Wells did it.  Sam Beckett did it.  Bill and Ted did it.  Superman had to do it for Lois.  Even Bart Simpson has done it.  Time travel.  All had the desire to go back into time to either research or alter time.  Each had their own mode for making the journey – an actual time travel machine, Ziggy the computer, a phone booth, a cape, and as a parody of “Back To The Future,” a DeLorean complete with Christopher Lloyd.

The concept is simple.  Go back in time.  Fix what needs to be corrected.  Come back to the future.  Of all the time travelling media, Sam Beckett in Quantum Leap was my favorite.  You see, when you change the past, you change the present and the future.  Beckett had to be careful so that he only changed the history of the person he was sent to help.  And there were times when it was extremely personal for him, like saving his wife, or even stopping this project which he found out eventually was much bigger than the invention that he created.

There is a different way to change history though, without going back through time.  We do it as children, and we often live through it as adults.  We study history.  The idea of studying history in one aspect, is to not repeat it.  Wars.  Space Shuttle disasters.  Tough economical times.  Medical crisis.  We study the examples so that we learn from them, and do not repeat them.

When we are born, our path is set.  There is a natural progression to aging, infancy to toddler, toddler through child, child into puberty, then to adulthood, and senior status.  And there are things that we know, are likely to happen to our bodies as we get older and our bodies get tired.  But just as travelling back into history to “fix” something, for me personally, the cancer diagnosis being the time traveller, forever changed my present and future.  There are bad things that came of it, but there are also good things that came of it.

For example, when I went through the radiation treatments, there were some things that were known that could happen as a result (called a side effect), but there was so much that was unknown.  Of course I knew what could happen.  Mr. McGee could make me very angry and I would go through my wardrobe very quickly not to mention look like I belonged on a can of vegetables (Incredible Hulk reference for those that need it).  Well, I did get a lot of radiation, too much in fact.  At the time, it was what worked, that is all researchers knew.  In today’s treatments, doctors know that they can use much less and by that, I mean ALOT less and have just the same effect or better.

So as I said, I received too much radiation, amounting to four times the lifetime allowance of exposure.  There are many who work at nuclear power plants that are not exposed to what myself and others were exposed to.  The sad thing, I know plenty more people who were treated with much more radiation and different types, like Cobalt.  We have all been told as children that radiation is bad – “don’t stand too close to the TV”, “don’t stand in front of the microwave”, “cell phones cause brain cancer.”  Not only does it treat cancer, and cure cancer, but it can cause cancer.  That is why if you are smart and able, you put sunscreen on your body.

Well, just like on the outside, when you get sunburned, with radiation treatments like I received, the burns were on the inside as well.  To my knowledge, it is something that I will always have.  So the radiation and chemotherapy start doing damage to my body, inside and out, which gradually gets worse over the years.  To understand, if you drive a car that has one tire that is not inflated properly, do you think that will affect the other tires?  The overall performance of the car?

As it is, that I believe about my body.  With the first lymph node that was removed and biopsied, so my body had to adjust.  With the staging laparotomy, my spleen was removed leaving my body challenged forever against infections and contagions.  When my heart bypass surgery was complete, blood was flowing at the rate once done before, my body parts not used to.  The list goes on.  My body’s natural physiology was changed back in 1988.  As far as I am concerned, everything that is happening to me today, is because of the things that happened from that time on.  And so far, this has been confirmed.

So given the chance, would I go back in time?  Knowing what I know now, would I take the opportunity to change my mind to any of the procedures, or even to allow the doctors to treat me?  Given the two choices that I had, death or most likely cure, how would today be different for me today? 

Hodgkin’s Disease has been one of the more curable forms of cancer for decades.  Treatments have gotten better, safer.  But would I have had that much time to wait decades for a cure that would not have had the impact on my health today?    I have two very very good reasons to not even entertain that option. 

Mad and Em 12813

All I can do now, is make sure that any more decisions do not give me cause to want to go back in time to correct a regret.  Then again, what if I already had gone back in time?  What if…

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