Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Adoption”

The “Benefits” Of A Union


If you want to start a divisive conversation with anyone, state you opinion on labor unions.  The chasm between supporters and opposition is huge.  There is hardly any acknowledgement of real estate between either side.  You are either for them, or against them.  Both sides often present skewed information to prove their value and refute effectiveness of the other side’s arguments.

I am not going to get into the middle of that discussion either.  I do have an opinion on labor unions, but that is not the purpose of this story or the blog in general.  Instead, I want to talk about one of the good things to come out of union membership.

From the day I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Disease, I became a “prisoner” to my current empolyer.  As with many health challenges, once you become a liability with your health, insurance companies do not want you or your premiums that you pay.  While they do pay out claims, they are in the business to make money, to gamble against you and your health.

The first job that I ever had that gave me health benefits was Wagner Appliance Parts, a “family” type business in the Allentown area.  With the help of a good reference, I was hired by Jeff Wagner.  Two years later was when I was diagnosed with my Hodgkin’s.  It was also at that time, that my employer realized what he was not getting for his investment.  Wagner’s was not a union business, so benefits were at the generosity of the Wagner’s.  And for years they felt as if their employees had good health coverage because why would their agent sell them anything less.  But with my diagnosis came a sad realization for Jeff, that our plan had many exemptions and limitations that could have profound impacts on diagnosis and treatments.  The night I told Jeff of my diagnosis, and the doctor’s plans due to my health benefits, is when he called his insurance representative and upgraded our coverage.

For three years following, I was an employer there.  But an opportunity came up to operate my own business/franchise, something that I had been denied in spite of my qualifications, or the fact that management constantly had me training the future managers.  There was going to be one catch.  I would not be offered any benefits because of the prohibitive costs.  But my career had plateaued and this would only be temporary to give myself experience.  Five years went by, had it not been for the HMO my wife had.

A break came when I landed a job with an entirely different company, a major, international firm.  I would be starting as a custodian, the lowest scale of the local union.  But what the union offered in health coverage was more than I could ever have hoped.  The great thing is, it could not be denied.  In the last five years, I have had my share of claims paid and I would have been dropped long ago.  But with this group policy, it cannot happen so I am told.

The economy and the new universal health care are creating issues which my opinions in these matters are not what this post is about, but rather reveal what employers are doing to skirt around having to offer benefits from under-enrollment, cutting hourly workers below full time.  As far as I am concerned, you must fight to keep whatever coverage you currently have if you are happy for it.

Time Travel – Changing History


H.G. Wells did it.  Sam Beckett did it.  Bill and Ted did it.  Superman had to do it for Lois.  Even Bart Simpson has done it.  Time travel.  All had the desire to go back into time to either research or alter time.  Each had their own mode for making the journey – an actual time travel machine, Ziggy the computer, a phone booth, a cape, and as a parody of “Back To The Future,” a DeLorean complete with Christopher Lloyd.

The concept is simple.  Go back in time.  Fix what needs to be corrected.  Come back to the future.  Of all the time travelling media, Sam Beckett in Quantum Leap was my favorite.  You see, when you change the past, you change the present and the future.  Beckett had to be careful so that he only changed the history of the person he was sent to help.  And there were times when it was extremely personal for him, like saving his wife, or even stopping this project which he found out eventually was much bigger than the invention that he created.

There is a different way to change history though, without going back through time.  We do it as children, and we often live through it as adults.  We study history.  The idea of studying history in one aspect, is to not repeat it.  Wars.  Space Shuttle disasters.  Tough economical times.  Medical crisis.  We study the examples so that we learn from them, and do not repeat them.

When we are born, our path is set.  There is a natural progression to aging, infancy to toddler, toddler through child, child into puberty, then to adulthood, and senior status.  And there are things that we know, are likely to happen to our bodies as we get older and our bodies get tired.  But just as travelling back into history to “fix” something, for me personally, the cancer diagnosis being the time traveller, forever changed my present and future.  There are bad things that came of it, but there are also good things that came of it.

For example, when I went through the radiation treatments, there were some things that were known that could happen as a result (called a side effect), but there was so much that was unknown.  Of course I knew what could happen.  Mr. McGee could make me very angry and I would go through my wardrobe very quickly not to mention look like I belonged on a can of vegetables (Incredible Hulk reference for those that need it).  Well, I did get a lot of radiation, too much in fact.  At the time, it was what worked, that is all researchers knew.  In today’s treatments, doctors know that they can use much less and by that, I mean ALOT less and have just the same effect or better.

So as I said, I received too much radiation, amounting to four times the lifetime allowance of exposure.  There are many who work at nuclear power plants that are not exposed to what myself and others were exposed to.  The sad thing, I know plenty more people who were treated with much more radiation and different types, like Cobalt.  We have all been told as children that radiation is bad – “don’t stand too close to the TV”, “don’t stand in front of the microwave”, “cell phones cause brain cancer.”  Not only does it treat cancer, and cure cancer, but it can cause cancer.  That is why if you are smart and able, you put sunscreen on your body.

Well, just like on the outside, when you get sunburned, with radiation treatments like I received, the burns were on the inside as well.  To my knowledge, it is something that I will always have.  So the radiation and chemotherapy start doing damage to my body, inside and out, which gradually gets worse over the years.  To understand, if you drive a car that has one tire that is not inflated properly, do you think that will affect the other tires?  The overall performance of the car?

As it is, that I believe about my body.  With the first lymph node that was removed and biopsied, so my body had to adjust.  With the staging laparotomy, my spleen was removed leaving my body challenged forever against infections and contagions.  When my heart bypass surgery was complete, blood was flowing at the rate once done before, my body parts not used to.  The list goes on.  My body’s natural physiology was changed back in 1988.  As far as I am concerned, everything that is happening to me today, is because of the things that happened from that time on.  And so far, this has been confirmed.

So given the chance, would I go back in time?  Knowing what I know now, would I take the opportunity to change my mind to any of the procedures, or even to allow the doctors to treat me?  Given the two choices that I had, death or most likely cure, how would today be different for me today? 

Hodgkin’s Disease has been one of the more curable forms of cancer for decades.  Treatments have gotten better, safer.  But would I have had that much time to wait decades for a cure that would not have had the impact on my health today?    I have two very very good reasons to not even entertain that option. 

Mad and Em 12813

All I can do now, is make sure that any more decisions do not give me cause to want to go back in time to correct a regret.  Then again, what if I already had gone back in time?  What if…

No Chocolate Chips In The Cookie Dough


I will apologize for the misleading title.  But I use it to be the most polite way for me to discuss infertility.  Up until recent years, being unable to have children was the hardest thing for me to deal with as a result of the one chemotherapy drug I had been given, Mustragen.

As soon as it had been determined that I would have to go through chemo and Mustragen would be one of the drugs in the chemo cocktail, my oncologist tried, emphasis on tried (really a feeble attempt) to convince me to store sperm for the future.  His warning (again, feeble attempt) was to get it done as soon as possible because time was important to start treatments.  Preliminary testing told me that virity was pretty much non-existent and would not be worth the expense.  At age 22, who was I to argue.  I was not thinking about kids while I am still trying to accept that I have cancer.  But my wife did convince me that it was worth it.

I found a facility in East Orange, New Jersey.  All I had to do was send them my deposit, sounds simple enough.  Except that even pre-9/11 UPS was still suspicious about packages and refused to take my shipment without knowing what the contents were.  Okay, total blank on how to tell a strange man that he was picking up my sperm, ejaculate, baby batter, manjam, spunk, seed, oh I could keep going.  But no, I said they were “hopefully chocolate chips” from my cookie dough.  I almost had him believing me, until he saw the biohazard symbol on the package.  And with that, “I” was off to the cryotank.  Or so I thought.  Testing prior to the freezing led to the company opting not to freeze my donation.  Any future heir would depend on fate, luck, and survival, getting through eight months of a drug not confirmed to cause infertility.

I waited approximately two years from the end of treatments to approach my wife about trying to finally start a family.  I was convinced that any toxins either from the chemo or radiation were gone.  We tried for a few months with no success, so I made the call to my doctor who ordered a sperm count.  Trying to get the deed done at home, and with my wife’s assistance was difficult (unlike any other time when I was much too eager), but to do it right there at the lab, I only had so much time for lunch that day.

The results came back as I was afraid, zero.  I had no sperm at all.  There were no chocolate chips in the cookie dough.  Any chance of a blood heir were gone.  Next to having lost my hair, not being able to have my kids was worse.  It would end up being another year before I brought up alternative ideas with my wife.  Divorce would eventually take care of that issue completely.

But a few years later, married once again, my new wife knew my history.  Any fertility checks would be for her benefit.  We would seek out a donor from a company in Virginia.  But the first testing was going to be on me.  I pointed out to the specialist that “I had no chocolate chips in my cookie dough” and after he got done laughing at me, began to ask questions  that made no sense to me.  It was simple.  I could not have kids.

According to him it was not that simple.  He wanted to check for sperm of course, but also a blood test which would determine if my body was making the right hormones.  Because if my body was not, then that officially would be the end of it.  However, if my body did make the hormones, then it had to be about a blockage.  With the hormones, my body would be making the sperm.  Surgically, something could be corrected.  As usual though, nothing.

But it was amazing to think the possibility might have existed, I would have jumpt at it.  But we did pursue artificial means.  Unfortunately, results were not positive, which then put us in the situation of “we only have so much mony left – we can’t do both, onr or the other.

So, we adopted two girls from China.  Both came from different areas within the province and around two hours apart.  The process of adopting was amazing and will be covered in another post.

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