Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

A Failure To Believe

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“Actually, we have misdefined hypocrisy.  Hypocrisy is not the failure to practice what you preach, but the failure to believe it.”   Peter Kreeft

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I may not have realized it yesterday, as I wrote yesterday’s post just how meaningful it would have been to me today, therapeutically.  Yes, I knew today was going to be one of those days that my stress level was going to be much higher than normal.  And so I took extra time last evening before going to sleep, or trying to sleep anyway, to relax.  I fell asleep with music plugged into my earbuds and I did double the amount of nightly breathing exercises I do.

I must have done something wrong.  Because instead of waking up refreshed, I felt like I had not slept in days.  Sure, my eyes were shut, and I do not recall being aware of anything throughout the night, but clearly I did not get into that deep and restful sleep that I was hoping to get to have.

The Carpenters sang “Rainy Days And Mondays Always Get Me Down” and the Boomtown Rats sang “I Don’t Like Mondays.”  I think we can all agree that if we had the choice, if we had to a have just one weekday, we would make it Friday.  But the fact is, Monday was here and I was ready for it.

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As I said yesterday, a little bit of stress can be good for you.  It can actually help you focus.  But if you are dealing with much more than that, the results can be… well… waking up like I did.  Over the last year, I am dealing with several major stressors:  unemployment, death of a loved one, health issues, divorce, financial, and well… I really miss my children.  So, as I turned in last night, feeling that I was completely focused on just one of my stressors this morning, I woke up like a mento in a bottle of Diet Coke.

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I prepared for my morning’s activity last night, and perhaps that was my problem in the first place.  Though I had laid everything out, that I needed to take care of, perhaps I may have been worried subconsciously what I might have missed.  Do you remember back in school, what it was like to over-cram studying for a test, thinking you were going to ace the test, only to fail miserably, or at best score and average grade.  I might have done that to myself without even realizing it.

In any case, I did make it through the morning’s activity, and exactly as I had planned.  I did not get the immediate result I had been hoping for, though once everything was explained to me in detail by the other party involved, all I could do is shrug my shoulders and prepare for the next step.  And that is how I reacted.  And as I moved that paperwork aside, there it was, the rest of my stressors I still have to deal with.

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But instead of hitting a panic button, it was what I shared with all of you yesterday, that helped me prepare for the aftermath of what laid ahead for me the rest of my day.  So in a way, I did practice what I preached in the overall scheme of things, and I am very focused on what else I need to accomplish today, and can do it with a calm and collected demeanor.  Things could have gone very badly this morning had I not been as prepared as I had been emotionally.

Now on to my next task.

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