Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the month “June, 2013”

Visits With Dad


This upcoming Father’s Day is a special one to say the least, given the events of the last month.  And today, it is exactly one month since my father’s health took a dramatic turn for the worse.  But I am happy to say, that after last night’s visit with him, he is doing great on the road to recovery from not just the original issue of lung cancer surgery, but as a result of or during, or following that surgery, two strokes, and a heart rhythmn issue.

I describe the relationship with my father in two stages basically, basically the two halves of my life.  The first half was based on the results of a bitter divorce, the second half was a matter of circumstance and reconciliation.  Both of us will undoubtedly agree we have made the most of the second half.  In a prior post, I mentioned my admiration for my father.  But in recent weeks, I have learned just how strong a man that he is.

Several months ago, my father had been diagnosed with lung cancer.  After smoking for nearly 85% of his life, fifty-seven years worth to be exact, it came as no surprise when he asked the doctor, what was most likely the cause of his cancer, and then told without a doubt, “smoking.”

The best option for him was to have the cancer surgically removed, meaning he would lose half of his lung, if not all of it because of where the tumor had been located.  There would be risks with the surgery, but my dad was confident what needed to be done.  There had been some slight concerns during recovery, but otherwise, he had tolerated the procedure well.

Within the next twenty-four hours, my brother and I realized something was wrong.  And it would be another twenty-four hours before and it was confirmed.  My dad had suffered two strokes.  But because he was recovering from surgery, it was difficult to determine what damage my dad would be dealing with.

In the days that followed, he would be transferred to a rehab facility, and work very hard with various forms of therapies from speech, occupational, and physical.  Each day, his goals became very clear.  He wanted to go home.  He wanted to be independent.  He wanted to go home to his wife.  There was some confusion on his part that stood in his way, but then the day came.

I picked my father up from the rehab hospital, and stopped by the store for some flowers for my dad to give my stepmother.  Just seconds through the door, he gave the flowers to her, and then sat down at the table next to her, grabbed a deck of playing cards, and together, they did what they often did as if time had never stopped for them, played cards with each other.

He continues to improve, and much to his objections, still has some caregiving to help make sure he that any emergencies are able to be dealt with.  But some day, we all hope that he gets that 100% independence that he had before he had the surgery.  Knowing my dad he will get there.  He is so close.

Happy Father’s Day Dad!

Life Lesson Learned


This event was one thing my oldest daughter had been looking forward to, since she decided against competing in it last year, the school district’s elementary school triathlon.  Divisions and skills were set up based upon the ages of the young competitors.  Madison has always been a competitor, striving to give everything she has, but last year, she chose not to compete.  This year was different.

Together, Madison and I spent a lot of time together, training as recommended for this triathlon.  Madison is a natural in water, so it was just going to be a matter of getting her to an indoor pool to practice her three lengths required.  We ride bikes together all of the time, many times for at least an hour, so that was not going to be difficult.  I have seen Madison run, so I knew she had speed.  I was just unsure how much endurance she had.

We had a track that surrounded a peewee football field which would give the easily measurable distance, down the street for our home.  The plan and schedule had been set.  Madison would be at or above the skills necessary at least three weeks before the triathlon.  Unfortunately, my father’s ill health, that schedule had been tossed out the window.

Madison’s training now became a matter of “when” we had time to do it.  But she was undeterred.  This was a competition that she believed that she could handle, and wanted to compete.  She gave me daily reminders what forms needed to be filled out, and what meetings had to be attended.  She assured me she would get the rest done as far as the actual practice.

We arrived the morning of the triathlon, checked in, and then set up her staging area.  I then escorted her to her first holding area, for the swimming portion.  She sat behind her heat lane for close to an hour before they called her heat.  And then she was off.

She swam with the speed of a shark chasing its prey and then ran out to the staging area to get her pants and bib on, climb on the bike and ride.  I caught up to her at the bike track.  She raced on to the loop of the ride and was completing her first mile and proceeding through the loop for the second lap when a rider in front of her had wiped out.  Madison was about three lengths behind, but given her age and inexperience, she was not prepared to react to avoid the crash and collided with the downed rider, causing herself to crash.

But instead of getting right up, and back into the race, she asked the girl, a stranger from another elementary school, if she was alright.  The girl originally said yes, but then broke down in tears.  At that moment, Madison made the commitment to remain with her, until help would arrive.  By my watch, Madison sacrificed at least two minutes of time, providing comfort to a fellow competitor who had fallen.  For Madison, the race was not about winning or placing, the triathlon was an opportunity for Madison to do what Madison is best at, caring.

Yes, I am going to brag about how I have raised my daughters.  And I hope this is just one of the stories that I get to tell, that show just what all humans have the capability of providing, empathy and compassion.

Officially, her numbers were time of competition, 0:34:04, and she placed 24th out of 65 other girls in her grade (division).  But she won more than a race on Saturday.

Lost In All This


I have been working hard to be elected to our local school board for three years now.  I have spent several nights a week attending district meetings, other nights meeting and greeting voters, and remaining evenings meeting with the other members of my campaign.

None of us keep any kind of score on who does how much or when.  It is a team effort.  We can disagree, but we respect that right to do so.  When one of us is down, there is another to pick us up.  And when personal crisis comes up, there is unbelievable support.

My dad had been diagnosed with Stage 1 lung cancer about two months before the recent primary election.  While a cancer diagnosis is not what anyone wants to hear, being staged at 1 was definitely welcomed news.  The recommendation for remission was surgery and so it was arranged.  There is no good time to have cancer, but the surgery had been set for the week before the election.

My father knows how much effort I had put into this election and felt awful, but my priority was clear.  I would stand by his side, not only as his son, but as his medical advocate.  I would figure a way to find balance so that I did not feel that I had abandoned my running mates and campaign.  But everyone involved in my campaign made it clear, “be with your dad.  You have done so much for this campaign, we can hold down the fort while you take care of him.”

His stay in the hospital was only to last four to six days.  Currently, today is day 21.

The campaign activity is picking up after just a week from the election where I won one political party, but not the other, forcing a General Election in the Fall.  But the entire week before the election, everyone in my campaign took all the extra steps to make sure that my absence was not felt during the busiest and most crucial stage of the election.  The group of people that are my running mates are a remarkable bunch.

As my father recovers, I am slowly easing back into my position of candidate, but it is clear that I have to find some sort of balance as my dad will need some care for quite a bit of time yet.

It feels quite odd actually.  During the last election in 2011, there was such a huge “letdown” both physically and mentally the days after the election.  And it would have happened regardless having lost or had I won.  I went from having over 50 emails a day to answer, as well as a dozen voicemails, plus of course door knocking and appearances, to nothing.  Just completely dropped off.  But this time there has been no down time for me.  My time has been so occupied with my dad following the election, that now that the campaign is picking up again, my stride has continued without breaking and I feel momentum will pick up exactly where it left off.

Of course, knowing that with total votes, I came in 4th out of 8 for four positions, eliminating the school board president from his seat on the board, had this been the General Election.  I still have some work to do.  While one of my running mates won overall, there were two incumbants who scored above me yet.

Post Navigation