Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the tag “cancer survivor”

09 Nov 2025

This Year Feels Different


I really cannot explain it. I can normally feel what time of year it is as Thanksgiving approaches. It is a time that I normally dread. For whatever reason, this year feels different.

Keep in mind, the details that I am going to write, are as fresh and clear as when they occurred, back in November of 1988. I was twenty-two years old. I had a good job working for an appliance parts distributor. I was engaged to be married. Everything was going great. And then it wasn’t.

I was sitting at my desk, when I had an itch behind my left ear. As I scratched it, I realized that there was a lump at the base of my skull where I was scratching. I saw my family doctor who felt I had a cold, and this was just a swollen lymph node. After a course of medicine, the node went down in size, but then I developed pain which led me to another doctor. And it was this doctor who put me down a path that would change my life forever, that is, once he could convince me, that his hunch was correct. While today I consider myself a good advocate for my health, back in 1988 I was my own worst enemy with as much denial as I threw at not just that doctor, but five more denials with doctors that followed. Six doctors in total, all in agreement, made the recommendation that I get that lymph node, now swollen back to its size when it was discovered, just might be cancer. All of the doctors from general practitioners to sports medicine to an oncologist (I had no idea what that was when I had my appointment), wanted the nodule biopsied, which I finally agreed to.

It was the Monday before Thanksgiving when I had the biopsy done. Bloodwork and x-rays showed nothing to this point, and I felt the doctors were also wrong, and the biopsy would confirm that. And that was the beginning of my disdain for this holiday period around Thanksgiving and Christmas. The biopsy revealed that I had cancer, Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. Definitely nothing to be thankful for.

I go into more details in my book. Today I want to go in a different direction with this post than what I have in years past. Like I said, this year is different for me.

It has been thirty-seven years since I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. I remember every conversation, procedure, treatment, side effect, and struggle. I remember every heartache of friends who “disappeared” rather than stay in touch with someone who had cancer. I remember the fights against discrimination and for health care. I remember being treated like I was not going to live even after I was told I was in remission. I remember every detail, vividly. This is what makes it so hard for me each year around this time, I have never forgotten what I have gone through. My story is not unique. So many have their own cancer story, many stories worse than I faced.

But this year is different, and with a purpose. Not considered a milestone or even a rounded number, for some reason, year thirty-seven, I have a different outlook (and I do not know why), and I have a message I want to share for anyone going through cancer, or regardless if in the early stages of remission, or in long term remission. Life is good after cancer.

One thing that a cancer patient is not told by their oncologist, and I really wish would be told, as mental health is just as important to beating cancer as the chemotherapy or radiation therapy, all a cancer patient wants to do is get through treatments, and then get back to their lives, picking up where they left off. The reality is, there is no going back to the life that was. And that is not necessarily a bad thing. Once finished with treatments, a cancer survivor begins their life anew, creating a “new” normal. In fact, I can say, I actually have begun several new normals throughout my survivorship. My point is, my life never returned to what it was and there are times that I miss that past life. But my life what it is now, is what it was meant to be, and as of right now, has been exactly what I wanted. And I definitely want more.

The fact that I have been blessed for four decades to witness the amazing progress in diagnostic and staging processes, and newer theraputics in the treatment of my cancer that everything that I went through, which is now obsolete or at best, rarely done anymore. I underwent brutal and invasive procedures such as the staging laparotomy and lymphangiogram and the bone marrow biopsy just for staging purposes. Oh how I wish we would have had the option of the PET scan back in 1988.

Or how about the option of the port for chemotherapy as opposed to being stabbed repeatedly trying to insert the IV needle into veins being destroyed from the toxic chemicals? I did not have that option. And today I am a nightmare for any tech trying to get blood from me as I have no working surface veins for blood draws or IV placement.

And then, there are the treatments. Even back in my day, the amount of radiation and the toxicity of the chemotherapy, it was believed could actually kill us. This was justified because without treatment, we would die anyway. But now medicine has figured out how to treat more, with less, less radiation and newer methods such as proton versus photon, and the elimination of many chemicals once respected as “the cure” but at the ultimate cost, to a standard regimen now used for decades, a lesser toxicity and providing similar results or better for remission.

So let’s talk about life after cancer, long after cancer since it rarely if ever gets any attention. I have accomplished so much in four decades. As I said, nothing like my life before cancer. I finally found a career. I bought my first house. I travelled all over the country and even travelled to the other side of the world to build my family with the adoption of my two daughters. I wrote a book about my life with and after cancer. I dabbled in local politics running for our local school board. And I had the best dog.

I never liked being referred to as a fighter or warrior. I never asked to be put into this position. I was literally thrown into it challenged to survive or die. I was not brave or courageous to go through all the procedures and treatments. I did what I needed to do just as I do today when I am faced with one of my late side effect issues. Each time something comes up, I have two choices, I can either sit back and let life just happen to me, no matter how bad, or I can make the decision to push back and fight. I am tired. I am exhausted and fatigued. I am in pain. But to quote the late great Tom Petty, “I won’t back down.” I make the decision every day, I want another day. I go to bed each night, not dwelling on the bad stuff, but preparing myself for what I need to do tomorrow. If I do not wake up, I will never know that things were not completed. But if I do wake up, then I have stuff to do.

If you want to know if someone can beat cancer, if you want to see what life can be like after cancer, much to the chagrin of many, I have been as public as I can be, sharing all aspects of my survivorship, hopefully providing the inspiration that it is intended to do. It is my hope, that whether you follow me on my blog here, or on TikTok, YouTube or wherever, if you have my book or have heard me give a speech on cancer survivorship, I hope that if anything really brings it on in, because as this survivorship number gets higher, it really is feeling different for me this year. And I am actually looking forward to this year’s holiday season without any reservation or fear.

Seriously, how could this journey have begun thirty-seven years ago? I don’t even think I look thirty-seven years old…do I?

Posted in Cancer, Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Side Effects, The Heart and tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment
21 Jan 2024

My Cancer Survivor Story


I would like to take an opportunity to explain, who it is exactly, that I feel will enjoy, appreciate, and be glad that they read my book, “Paul’s Heart – Life As A Dad And A   35-Year Cancer Survivor.” As I have had several discussions with those who have already read my book, I realized that this book is reaching so many in different expectations, and in one particular situation, something I had not even thought about.

First, let me get the obligatory plug out of the way. The book can be purchased on Amazon in either paperback ($15) or via E-book ($9.99).

The General Reader

This is a reader who is looking for something inspirational to read. I am not famous, not a professional athlete or actor or famous musician. I am just one of over 330 million people with a story to tell. I had cancer. I was treated for cancer. I survived cancer. I tell the story of this journey in a way that is not “sciency”, and you do not have had to have had cancer to understand the story. It was not an easy journey for me. But it is one that I hope provides inspiration and hope for anyone who reads the book.

Family Of Someone With Cancer

After reading my book, you will understand why this is a group that should read the book, at least in my situation. I was reclusive during my battle, even from my own parents. Other than the announcement of the diagnosis, that was all anyone in my family had been told until I was declared in remission. Whether or not it was fair to them, right or wrong on my part, depends on the person facing the cancer. To say my mother was shocked by what she read I had been through, is an understatement.

The Caregiver

No one usually comes into a cancer fight as a patient with any experience or training. The same goes for the patient’s caregiver. The benefit of my book to caregivers, again besides the inspirational journey, is understanding. One of the most difficult things for a caregiver to understand and prepare for, are the emotions and the multitudes of thoughts that can go through the mind of their loved one as they battle cancer. I do not hold back with my frustrations, my fears, and my joys, giving a caregiver who reads my book, some understanding of what can be expected.

The Cancer Patient

If there is one thing that has not changed in over 35 years, it is the whirlwind of uncertainty and fear, that someone just diagnosed with cancer experiences. There is the mental battle of the stigma and stereotypes of cancer patients and chemotherapy that stir up the most fear. In “Paul’s Heart – Life As A Dad And A 35-Year Cancer Survivor,” I give a glimpse of what it was like four decades ago to undergo diagnostic methods and treatments far worse than they can imagine, and express the hope with the progress and newer methods available today, producing better and safer results than when I was treated. As I have discussions with current patients, and I hear them express their fears and doubts, I remind them what I went through, including the fears and doubts. And then I encourage them, just as I got through it, so can they.

Survivors Of Cancer

Though clearly, this is the crux of what my book is about, surviving cancer. I soon found out, especially as survivors purchased my book, there were two different sub-groups of survivors, and even a sub-group of that one sub-group. Of course, I want those who are in treatment or having just finished treatments, to read my book, and see the life that is ahead of them, decade after decade of life.

But there are also “long term survivors”, also like me, decades out from treatments. Here is where I discovered something I had not thought about, of course unintentional, but also, because I lacked the personal experience. When I mention the diagnostic methods I went through for diagnosis and staging, these survivors could relate personally as they had gone through many of these things as well. And many of their paths followed similar trajectories to mine. So, for many of my fellow survivors, my book was about recognizing, they are not alone, especially emotionally with the things we have struggled with.

But Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, is referred to as a “pediatric” cancer. Even though I was 22-years old when I was diagnosed, I get described as having had a pediatric cancer. I believe there is a threshold somewhere into the thirties, that a person can be described that way when diagnosed. And of course, there are plenty in their 40’s, 50’s, 60’s, and 70’s diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.

There is this other group of survivors that I alluded to, and many of those survivors have more years in survivorship than I do, 40 and 50 years, one even 60 years. And for many of those, they are younger in age than me, and that of course means that they were diagnosed at a much younger age. These were true children by any definition of age as young as five years old to teenage. In fact, I wrote about one patient, Jennifer (see “Jennifer’s Story” on this blog https://pedelmanjr.com/jennifers-story/ ).

One thing I did not realize as I wrote this book, is that as some of those fellow survivors read this book, their memories and recollections of what they went through, actually triggered and revisited their trauma. Again, I was 22-years old, an adult, knowing full well what was happening to me. I saw two counselors who gave me the emotional support I needed to endure.

But as it turned out, these “younger” survivors had no emotional support. There were likely no explanations to them of what was happening and why? Why would their parents let these doctors do such horrible stuff to them? Why wouldn’t anyone help them? There likely were no counselors offered for them to talk to. And then, if you have followed my blog, later on in life, to develop late side effects from the treatments that put the cancer in remission, destroying the quality of life they thought they once had. Sadly, some of these survivors developed so much resentment towards their parents for having done this to them.

The point is, “Paul’s Heart” is very cathartic for me to write, whether in blog form or book. My diagnosis, treatment for, and survival of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma has been much more traumatic for me than I had let myself believe. I am actually stunned reading what I wrote, knowing it and having experienced it. But I have carried these feelings the rest of my life, never to be faced again, until now.

Of course I would never intentionally cause harm to my “younger” long term survivors. But if they are able to read my book, I would hope that the book would inspire them to learn to release the trauma that they have likely held on to their whole life as well.

Posted in Adoption, Cancer, Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Recreation, Side Effects, The Heart and tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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