Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Our “Super” Baby


There are events in your life that occur that you can recall where you were when they happened such as 9/11, the Space Shuttle Disasters.  Songs can often trigger memories of old boyfriends or girlfriends or perhaps vacations.  Aromas can remind you of Grandma’s cooking.  You might forget something your spouse just told you moments ago, honestly forgot, no really, it does happen.  But something that happened so long ago can help you to recall every minute detail.

Though I was born and raised in the Philly area, and raised on Philly sports teams, back in the early 80′s my choice in football teams to a very unusual turn from a fairly successful team in the Eagles, to a dismal, perrenial loser, the Seattle Seahawks.  I have been a diehard fan since 1981.  If I was lucky, I might get to see a playoff game every few years, and I was grateful for that.  The Super Bowl for me would become about the funniest commercial and pools.

In the 21st century, the Seahawks had finally turned things around, and were making regular trips to the playoffs.  They still did not go very far, but they were getting there, and it seemed more often than the Eagles, so I was not getting much grief my the team of my choice.

2005 was a very special year for Wendy and I.  We passed the one year mark required to wait to submit our paperwork to adopt a second child from China.  We basically had everything ready to go and just had to wait on the calendar.  In the Fall, the Seahawks were looking very good and pretty much dominated their devision.  This was a good diversion for me while we waited for the referral of our newest family member.  But by the end of December, it becamse clear that Seattle was a definite contender in the playoffs.

In early January the Seahawks had a bye in the first round, not having to play.  Later that week, a picture and information arrived about Emmalie.  While several of my co-workers were very happy for our daughter-to-be, they were actually more concerned talking football and how serious my Seahawks looked.  But my excitement for the team was definitely reserved.  The Seahawks have not really ever shown any real promise and I did not want to get my hopes up.  And then they won their next game.

They would face the Rams for the NFC Championship.  I am not known for making Joe Namath-like statements, but I was certain now that the Seahawks would be going all the way to the Super Bowl.  I told everyone, bet everything you have on the Seahawks over the Rams.  I was going to get walloped by Murphy’s Law with no chance of parole.  You see, I sent my paperwork signed just days before which meant we would be travelling to China soon to complete the adoption.  My gut told me, we were going to be travelling over the time period of the Super Bowl.  And that was why, after the Seahawks having never appeared in the Super Bowl in their existence, the Seahawks were going to be in that game.

And then the travel approval came, and yes, we were set to fly to Hong Kong on February 6th, the day of the Super Bowl.  New to the technology, but confident, I set our DVR, high definition for the Super Bowl.  I would watch it when I came back.  I dressed our then-three year old in a special Seahawk cheerleader outfit and then boarded the airplane with seemingly every other passenger wearing Pittsburg gear.  Though I requested Continental to carry the game on the plane, the airline said they could not.  Yet after we landed in Hong Kong, every passenger seemed to know the score.

Later that day, our Super Baby was placed into our arms.  When we got home, it turned out, that Wendy had DVRed all of her soap operas and something that I did not realize, that as the unit reached capacity of memory, the older programs automatically delete.  So when we returned home eleven days later, the memory of the DVR box sat at 65%, because it has dumped 45% of the memory that had been recorded of the Super Bowl.

So far it has been six years, and no more Super Bowls.  Just my Super Baby is growing up so quickly.  And she loves to sit with me watching the Seahawks.

An Exciting Day


In February of 2011, I made my first attempt at running for public office.  I ran for our local school board.  Due to a controversial contract negotation tactic, my opinion of teachers and the support they truly deserve and the crap they do not, changed.  I attended meetings and continued to follow the actions of our school board and decided that their actions were not what best represented my children.  An opportunity came up to serve on the board, when a board member resigned in the middle of her term.  Long story short and another post on this issue, I was one of 16 others who were not even interviewed because the replacement had already been decided.

I keep my opinions of my politics to myself, just as I do religion.  I do not discuss them with family or friends because unfortunately, these are often relationship-busters.  But that does not mean that I cannnot be publicly involved in them.  Along with four others, we ran a very clean campaign for five school board seats.  Two of my mates won, the other two and myself lost by a total of nearly 500 votes, which is miniscule in a district of 90,000+ voters.

Running as a candidate was exciting.  I could have done without the negative crap that seems to accompany politics, especially for school board.  As a result of my candidacy, I have been a participant now assisting our local election poll for the last three elections.  There is a certain pride and appreciation for being involved in a process that so many sacrificed so much so that we could be free to have this right.

Today and this evening, was perhaps the biggest election I have been involved with.  It was a near record setting for a turnout with the presidential election at stake.  Pushing a turnout with numbers close to 90% in our area, this election definitely got the attention that it sought.  Activity at the polls was constant and busy.  The results locally were indeed close. 

Unfortunately, there is the negative aspect of the behavior of several voters.  I watched as a fellow poll worker was given a “nazi salute” with a verbal diatribe slamming our current president.  Several voters passed by me as I proved I do not have ESP and had no idea what party they supported, and dared to hand them my party’s sample ballot.  Their responses were just as disappointing.  Instead of just a simple and courteous “no thank you”, instead there was lots of teeth-sucking noises, gut wrenching sounds, and comments such as “get real” or “you’re insane”.

The election will be closed in less than a half hour.  But here at home, the polls have been closed for over two and a half hours.  We will have a president within the next 24 hours, and our country needs to move forward no matter who it is.  I am hoping that tomorrow, our country can finally begin to realize how great it is, that we can elect our leaders, and how we got the opportunity to do so.

There Is Something I Need To Tell You


In my younger days, some of the hardest decisions that I had to make when dating were:

1)     asking for a second date

2)     snagging that first kiss, or not to

3)     going for it

When it came to relationships, I have usually been up front and completely transparent.  What you saw was what you got.  I never pretended to be someone that I was not.  When dating or committed to a relationship, it is almost always the same routine.  Boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, girls falls in love with boy.  They have lots of fun, and then either get married or move on.

Most aspects of a relationship are obvious:  looks, personality, status, etc.  But what happens when you carry something that has the potential to scare a potential partner away?  How and when do you tell someone that you are on a first date with, or would like to date that you had/have cancer?

My first wife found out that I had cancer when we were engaged.  We went through the experience with each other.  Though I offered her the chance to get out, she stayed.  With the cancer behind me, our marriage lasted about nine more years.  Under normal circumstances, beginning a social life in my mid-30′s, with a history of cancer, and side effects that would have to be recognized as it would impact any family plans with another significant other.

My current wife, Wendy, knew my cancer history before we dated.  She knew that I had been cancer free for over ten years.  She also knew that I would be unable to get her pregnant because of the one chemotherapy drug.  We were co-workers and friends before we decided to pursue a more serious relationship.  There was no awkwardness of “Hey, I had cancer” any more than the awkwardness of the first kiss.  But had it not been for Wendy, I often wonder if I would have, or could have had another relationship.

But what if I had not made the decision to date Wendy?  What if Wendy had made the decision not to date me?  Admittedly, I was damaged goods.  In fact, what if Wendy had known (note – I had no idea of my future health issues either) that I had the possibility of needing heart surgery because of my cancer treatments?

I have no intention of wanting to date again and be faced with having to tell someone “Hey, I had cancer, and now all this other stuff is happening like heart surgery and other issues.”  Do I mention it before I ask someone out?  Do I bring it up on the first date during dinner?  Or is it pillow talk after I discover that she really likes me?

Cancer (and other health issues) does not define who we are.  As a survivor I need to be accepted for who I am, not how I got here.  It would make things much more complicated by keeping things a secret.  Unless I would be planning on a platonic relationship, my shirt would eventually come off, revealing two six inches scars, one over my abdomen, and one over my chest.  And I would probably be left with a lot of explaining to do why I waited until that moment to say “Hey, by the way…”

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