Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

25 Nov 2015
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Happy Thanksgiving From “Paul’s Heart”


thanksgiving

I would like to take the time right now to wish everyone a safe and Happy Thanksgiving.

I cannot recall a year when I have been asked so many times, “so, what are you doing for Thanksgiving?”.  But unlike years past, my response is not complicated at all.  I do not look at Thanksgiving other than a “get-together” holiday, yes, with family.  I do not look at it as the kick-off to the chaos of the earlier than ever Christmas shopping season.  But how I now celebrate has become a bit easier for me, and ironically, more appropriate.

When I was a child, Thanksgiving was all about surrounding the kitchen table, dining room table, and the special “kids” table.  There was lots of food, plenty of leftovers to make into some sort of soup, stew, sandwiches, or dumplings.  Once in my teens, football preceded this dinner, both “backyard” with friends, and professional football on the television.  But still, it was a simple holiday, which led to a long weekend off from school.

But as many things change from childhood to adulthood, so did the way I celebrated the holiday.  The inclusion of a wife meant actually splitting the holiday between two family dinners, which would eventually lead to negotiating holidays with each family because of the great travel distance between families.  Then, as the addition of children, meant even bigger celebrations, but this also brought with it a lot of stress, because now, in the role of adult and parents, taking turns among siblings at hosting the annual feast, brought about its own pressures.  In no time, it became apparent that they holiday was becoming more about “image”, and not being grateful.

This year is the first year that I am officially looking at the holiday for what it is, a time to be grateful for what I have.  Having had so many health challenges in my life, I am definitely grateful for the “nine lives” I apparently have, though have gone through 4 so far.  The past year or two has also been about dealing with losses of many varieties, but in the end, I still have my breath.

But when it comes to what Thanksgiving is becoming once again to me, it is about returning to an appreciation.  I do not have even 10% of the things I had two years ago.  I live a great distance from my children, and this will be the first time that I will not see my children during this holiday weekend.  And while that makes me sad, in reality, the pressure life I had been leading, meant that I rarely saw my children as it was, as I was always expected to work during holidays.  I would work, come home, gather everyone up, and we would be off to whichever house was hosting the dinner, and the girls would be off to play.  Then we would return home, the kids went to bed, and I went to work the next morning.  So it is not really a new concept of not being able to spend time with my children for Thanksgiving.

And that is how I am approaching this Thanksgiving, away from my daughters.  As I work on the plans to visit with them in the future, I will simply do as I have always done, just perhaps a short conversation with them, and then they will be off to bed.

But with my holiday involving much less pressure, I will spend the holiday with someone very close to me and their family, and I will acknowledge all that I am thankful for, and all that I am hoping for, especially in the coming year.

As the holiday season official begins, I hope you all have a wonderful and Happy Thanksgiving.

Paul

Posted in Family and Friends, Inspired By...
20 Nov 2015

Diagnosis And The Holidays


thanksgiving

Like millions of other people, the beginning of the holiday season, starting with Thanksgiving, is a difficult time of year.  And as the weeks continue, the season can be even more overwhelming.  I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma over 27 years ago.  Thanksgiving was a week later, and the last thing I felt like being, was thankful for anything.

Years later, during marriage #1, my father-out-law, also the weekend before Thanksgiving, is misdiagnosed with having Alzheimers, leading to a 3-year medical imprisonment until the accurate diagnosis is made, and he actually recovered.

And two years ago, someone very close to me, unknowingly spent the last Thanksgiving with her son.  Having just recovered from a complication from cancer treatment, things suddenly changed, and instead the last memory she now has of her son, was the decoration of a tree that she otherwise would not have purchased that early.

And besides those who faced trials and tragedies at the holiday onset, there are so many who are facing the holidays for the first time without their loved ones.

And I find myself once again, heading towards another “anniversary” that is a reminder of a period in my life that I would rather not be facing.

Each and everyone of us mentioned above, would give anything to have the precious moments back that we no longer get to experience other than the memories.  But that does not mean, that this post should be perceived as sad, or negative.  In fact, quite the contrary, and I honestly believe that everyone that I am thinking about as I write this, deep down is quite thankful.  We are thankful for the support of everyone who helps us through our difficult times.  We are thankful for everyone who encourages us.  We are thankful for those in our lives who have the patience to allow us to reflect on our losses, offer a shoulder, and then hold our hands to lead us forward.

Please have a safe and Happy Thanksgiving.

Paul

Posted in Cancer, Family and Friends, Food, Inspired By..., Side Effects, The Heart | Leave a comment
12 Nov 2015

My History Of Veterans Day


Vets

I have two uncles who served in the military.  I do not remember many details of their military careers.  I know the younger of my uncles served in the US Air Force as a mechanic, which would eventually serve as a path to his career working for one of the biggest truck manufacturers.  The older uncle was a pilot in the US Navy.  Again, I do not know that much about him, other than he had served in the Vietnam War.  I had been told that he had been shot down during the conflict.  He remained in the Navy long after the war ended, only to be medically discharged following a training exercise helicopter crash.

Because I was aware of the military at such a young age, and because I had veterans in my own family, I began my life with an appreciation for those who volunteer to preserve our rights and freedoms.

My Saturday mornings as a teenager were spent visiting the home of a childhood friend’s grandfather.  We would visit the home in between our Saturday morning activity bowling and then instructing bowling to the smaller children.  During our break, we would visit his grandfather’s house, enjoy a tasty hoagie, watch a little professional wrestling, and if time was left, we would get to hear my friend’s grandfather tell us a story about his experiences during World War 2.

Upon high school graduation, it was common for students to enlist in the armed forces.  One of my best friends, and unlikeliest to enlist, did so in the US Marines.  Somewhat of an introverted nerd, he actually did very well with the Marines.

During the late 1980’s, our country was headed back into another war, to liberate a country from tyranny.  This was going to be the first time that our television would play such a major role as we watched repeated bombings and attacks on key strategic targets were mean to provide freedom to a country overrun by a dictator.  This was also the first time, I would actually relate to people who had actually served in a war that I was witnessing.

Again, I had reunited with my friend’s grandfather later on, and I enjoyed hearing even more stories of his days in the US Army.  I was learning history from someone who was actually there, not being told to me from a text book.

More than a decade later, our government felt an even greater need to get involved in affairs overseas.  And now, children of relatives and friends of mine were now headed off to war.  Some were sent home for medical reasons, only to be sent back for another tour of duty.  Many struggle both physically and emotionally with the images forever engrained in their brains.

Social media like Facebook and Twitter opened up a whole other window, as I became more aware of the many more classmates and friends who had served in the military.

I am proud to know each an every serviceman and servicewoman who have served our country, protecting our freedoms, fighting to preserve our rights and beliefs.

And these are just some of the many things that I had the conversation with my daughters yesterday.  I made a post on Facebook, frustrated, having found out that my daughters’ school made no mention of Veterans Day.  While there were responses stating that other schools had paid tribute to our Veterans, it was disappointing that the school that my daughters attend, did nothing.

When schools spend so much effort to make sure that our children master Common Core and standardized testing, history is being ignored.  And history is important because one of the things that history teaches us, is what not to repeat.

My daughters listened to the many stories of the many people I know who have served in the many branches of the United States military.  I never had the opportunity to serve, but I am thankful to each and everyone who has.

Posted in Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By... | Leave a comment

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