Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Dangerous Comments


***I want to state, the following is not a political rebuke against the President of The United States, but rather an explanation, given the current health crisis that our country is going through, the importance of letting scientists do their jobs, and not mislead or suggest unproven or ideas not even conceived, yet intended for as close to as immediate as possible usage.

On Thursday, April 23, 2020, the President made a clear statement to a representative of the health department, to investigate the possibility of looking into “digesting” or “injecting” disinfectants into humans as a possible treatment (just as he pushed for the use of prescriptions used for Malaria and Lupus), and also the use of ultraviolet radiation for use outside and inside the body.  This is not up for debate.  He made the statements, nothing was taken out of context, nothing was sarcastic.

I am not going to comment on the ludicrousness of the idea of treating humans with disinfectants as this issue was addressed when we were children, and as I taught my children when they were three years old… it kills.  Instead, I am going to concentrate on the use of the ultraviolet radiation concept.  While acknowledging there could be a potential possibility, the current crisis does not provide time for research, my personal story is why.

The pictures that are posted above, are taken from my now thirty-one year old medical file for my Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.  I am sharing these for one reason and one reason only.  So you can understand, just how dangerous, an unresearched treatment can be.

For decades, going back even before the 1960’s, radiation therapy was a commonly used treatment for Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.  It led to a high remission rate as far as cancers go.  There were short term side effects from skin burning to sore throats, and other issues.  But something was missing from the research.

As decades went by, so did the modes and methods of delivering the radiation change, or loosely put, improved, still producing similar successful results, but still with the extreme immediate side effects.  But again, information was still missing.

So, in the Winter of 1989, when I made the decision to treat my Hodkgin’s Lymphoma with radiation, a machine called a linear accelerator was going to be used to deliver the treatments, thirty over six weeks.  If you look at the first picture, you will see short term side effects listed, which were pretty much accurate.  But in the circled area, are what is called the “long term side effects”, or potential for.  Bone and muscle issues were a possibility, but so was something called “pericarditis”, an inflammation of the lining around the heart.  That was all that was listed.  Likely, that was all that was researched.

The next photo, in the circled area, shows the dose that I received, 4050 rads.  Next time you get the chance to ask anyone involved in x-rays or radiation, how bad 4050 rads are for a human being.  I actually watched a friend who worked at a nuclear power plant break down in tears when I answered his question about my radiation.  The other pictures are actual polaroids taken preparing me for my treatments.

Nearly eighteen years after my radiation treatment ended, my chemo ending a year later, I found myself in an operating room having emergency bypass surgery for a “widow maker” heart blockage.  The cause?  Radiation damage.  Go back again, and look at that first picture.  Do you see that anywhere?  Of course not.  Because long term side effects were not researched beyond even five years.  Had it not been for a flukey feeling, I would have died.  My cardiologist guaranteed it.

Following the recovery from the surgery, I was seen at a “survivorship clinic” at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in Manhattan.  A doctor there had been studying late effects from treatments for Hodgkin’s Lymphoma for a long time, but not something that was mainstream.  After my first few appointments, the following damage was diagnosed and determined to be caused by the radiation therapy in addition to the bypass:

  • heart valve damage
  • other blood vessels needing repair or bypass
  • carotid artery damage (both affected)
  • muscle loss in the back of my neck and shoulder area, causing my head to drop forward
  • both my shoulders pull forward on their own from the muscle loss
  • upper torso pain as well as spine issues
  • Barrett’s Esophagus (a precursor to esophageal cancer), as well as other issues within my digestive system
  • a 76% lung capacity (the lower left lobe is considered “dead”)
  • restrictive lung disease
  • several unidentified spots on both lungs, being observed and monitored for development, possibly into lung cancer

Again, go back to that first picture.  Think medicine missed the call?  Research was not done back when I was treated.  I opted for radiation because I felt chemotherapy would have been more difficult to go through, not knowing what would affect me later in life, because medicine had not researched it.

Today, medicine knows.  Radiation therapy has been researched properly.  Follow up protocols have been established because besides developing late side effects, it has been discovered, us Hodgkin’s patients can live a long time, a long time for these effects to develop.  Scientists have learned that more can be done with less and concentrated beams of radiation, resulting in less damage.

But knowing what I know now, would that have changed my mind to what I decided back then?  I honestly cannot answer.  I was scared shitless of chemotherapy.  But my point is, I have to let medicine do their jobs.  They are the ones researching the cures.

Now again, last night, the President said something publicly unfortunately.  I am not picking on the President or making fun of him.  I am also not saying his suggestion did not warrant any kind of scientific study.  But by blurting out the concept of ultraviolet radiation, without any “who, what, why, when, how much”, too many people looking for a cure for Covid19, put an unnecessary and unproven pressure on scientists.

I am proof that there is value in “long term side effect” research.  And I am no expert in ultraviolet radiation or used in therapy.  All I know, like many, is that we get sunburned because of exposure to the sun.  Which means that UV energy needs to be harnessed, and controlled, then determined how to be used, and most importantly, the potential for side effects, short term, and long term.

Personally, I have gotten to handle UV radiation in my former employment to disinfect surfaces.  As the scientists report, it is very effective in killing bacteria on solid surfaces, especially in an area of bio-hazard contamination, or need for quarantine.  But the key is, it has to be controlled.  You can go blind from improperly handling UV rays.  And there is certain to be some sort of damage from pro-longed use.

Like I said, this was not something to just be tossed out as some sort of bragging point to present oneself as some sort of ideaman.  This was something that should have been talked about through his appointed directors to investigate.

To be completely honest, I do not know if it would work or not.  And really, if it was a flat out “no”, I do believe that the medical experts that were by his side should have shut the door on that though right away.  But before this  can go any further, it needs to be investigated, and there is not time to investigate long term (remember, my long term side effects did not show up until eighteen years later and continue to this day thirty years later).

Right now, the scientists need to focus on what they already know has the possibilities.  To re-direct their attention for something that has not even been a consideration at this point will drag this crisis out longer.

I only wish the President would allow his committee to do the talking.  They are the ones who actually know what needs to be done and how to get there.  Is not that why he appointed all of them.?

A Tribute To Those On The Front Lines Of Covid19


I want to try something.  I have made no secret over the last many years, the huge amount of respect and appreciation for those who chose the field of medicine as their life.  They did so in complete disregard for their physical and emotional needs, for one reason, because they were special.  They possess an ability and skill to care that we could only aspire to possess.  Over their careers, I am certain they have had their shares of successes and tragedies.  But nothing could have prepared them for what they are dealing with today, Covid19.

I have many friends and acquaintances who are doctors, nurses, EMT’s, techs that I could not possibly name them all, not just because my memory is no longer what it used to be, but I would not want to forget and leave anyone out.  So, instead, what I want to do, is share a personal story about two nurses that show why everyone on the front lines in the hospital deserve our respect and appreciation for the sacrifices they are making.  And then, I would like you to offer a story of a nurse or doctor or tech that you dealt with, that went above and beyond, in a time when Covid19 was not even a thought.

It does not matter if you comment here, or on Facebook.  And I want you to share this story.  I want to fill social media with stories that show how much these heroes mean now, and what they have meant to us before, and what they will mean to us after this crisis has passed.

I have one experience involving two nurses.  At the beginning of my heart issue, when I went in for a simple catheterization, I had a nurse named Heather.  She spent a lot of time talking to me, and comforting me knowing I was scared with the uncertainty that I faced with a potential heart problem.

Fast forward to the discovery that I actually needed and went through an emergency heart bypass, thirty six hours later, when I came to in the ICU, Heather was at my beside along with my ICU nurse Joe.  She was happy to see me and that I was alert.  I was unable to talk because of all the machines that I was hooked up to.  She had completed her shift in the angio unit, and had heard that I underwent this surgery.  As one of her patients, she wanted to see how I was doing.  And it was not the only time that she checked up on me while I was there.  The point is, she did not have to.  I had so many nurses, and saw so many doctors, but she was the one that was concerned about me, and my outcome.

Meanwhile, Joe, my ICU nurse for the first twelve hours, was relieved by Jackie.  Jackie would be my nurse, seemingly for longer than a twelve hour shift.  I had no concept of time, but I do not remember seeing any other nurse.  I was more alert.  I was taking off the ventilator.  I could finally see that she had another patient that she was responsible for observing.

The time eventually came for me to leave the ICU for the next level of care.  Two days later, in the middle of the evening, a shadow had peeked through the door of my room.  It stayed there for a couple of minutes, and then quietly began to exit when I called out.  “Who’s there?”

“It’s me, Jackie.”  I scolded her for attempting to leave without giving me the chance to say “hello” and “thank you” for all she did.  She had been off from work  the prior day.  She decided to track me down on her break, and come to see how I was doing.

In my life, I have been blessed to have the best care for my health.  And I am not just talking about the actual care, I am talking about the compassion, a facet of their career that is just as important, especially to the patient.  The doctors and the nurses that I have, or have had, have gotten me where I am today, still alive.  The majority of them now face the biggest challenge of their careers, and it is not just Covid19 risks itself, but emotional and physical stamina.

So I ask you, to comment and share, your story/stories, of a health care worker that is your example of proof of the unwitnessed extraordinary sacrifices you know are being made today, because you have personally witnessed them.

Effects On Children


This was originally going to be two separate posts, but since both topics revolve around children, I decided to combine them.  Tomorrow I want to publish what I would call a fascinating and significant post, and I have found I am pretty good at procrastinating (nearly 400 posts started and never finished).  So, if I do not address both now, one may never get published, and I consider both of equal importance.

First as usual, I must address any trolls.  Any reference to custody or divorce is no reflection of my personal circumstances and any coincidence is just that, a coincidence.

The headline caught the attention of everyone is south Florida on both sides of the coast.  It even made national news broadcast on CNN.  Of course, I received several emails about the story.  To be honest, I really struggle with how this particular story made the news in the first place, but realize that it only caught headlines, because the doctor who lost custody, while being a woman, is a doctor on the front lines of dealing with the Corona Virus.

I do not have the time to address the millions of issues with the family court system, and this is not the object of this post.  I am also going to refrain from choosing sides because this story was clearly only presented with one side, as the father of the child is not even mentioned.  And honestly, as a child custody advocate, I can tell you it is highly unusual, other than through social media support groups, complaints over custody rarely have any “feet” in a news cycle.  In fact, those that have made any attempts to draw attention to a system that has so many problems, is likely to be met with the judge and litigants involved, resulting in a charge such as “intimidating a judge” for just voicing a negative opinion about a case.  So, I will admit, seeing this on the news really made me feel uncomfortable.

At issue, the mother, is a doctor in Miami, taking care of patients with the Corona Virus.  She has a daughter that she splits time of the child, 50-50 with the father.  In a non-Covid19 world, most parents would welcome this kind of arrangement.  There is no evidence of an existing custody order.

The father, according to the mother’s side of the story, filed for, and received temporary full custody of the child, while the mother performs her duties in the ER.

In front of the judge in her case, the mother was faced with a decision faced by many today with this crisis.  She was being expected to choose between her career and her child.  The explanation by the judge, not unreasonable, the protection of the child from the higher risk of exposure of the mother.  There are many front line medical personnel who fact similar decisions depending if they have loved ones who are vulnerable, or if they themselves are even vulnerable.

Of course the article stirs up a huge debate and outrcry of unfairness by the courts.  The articles and the televised news stories were all one sided, so it is impossible to make a fair and accurate public judgement either way, other than what the judge had ruled.  Again, the judge’s decision was based on what was “safest” for the child.  For instance, I do have the following questions:

  • Was there a pre-existing custody order in place?
  • Is the relationship between the two parents adversarial or complimentary?
  • Is there any kind of domestic history or behavioral concerns in the past?
  • Does the father have any vulnerability risks with the virus that would jeopardize his custody if the child was exposed to the virus or was a carrier?

The answers are relevant, in that could this be a situation of being an opportunist given the current crisis?  The only response from the father came through his attorney, stating that it is only the safety of the child that is of concern.

I have seen my share of cases presented, a parent fighting with every fiber of their being, for the right to care for their child, even during their custodial time.  And the argument can never be accepted that a parent cannot care for the child as a single parent, when there was no issue as a married parent.  This case does not seem to be about actual custody, at least not the way it has been presented.

But the thing that concerns me about the mother’s side, and she clearly states that the hospital where she works, takes all the precautions, and claims that PPE is not an issue, there is a protocol for staff to follow before heading home to family.  And as long as you have done everything you are supposed to be doing, in theory, you should be safe, and so should your family.  The wild card in this, is everyone else.  The mother cannot control what everyone else does as far as their practices and procedures.  There are countless cases of medical personnel on various levels, coming home and infecting family members.  I know of at least one family personally in a small town in PA where I am originally from.  It can happen.

I applaud the mother for wanting to commit to her passion of care for others.  And I have no doubt that she cares very much for her daughter, all the more reason she should want the extra concerns met for the safety of her child.  It is definitely not a situation that I would want to be in.

I would hope that the father is willing to make arrangements for the child to see the mother as often as possible during this time and that the mother is constantly screened to guarantee the safety of their entire family.  Seeing the mother is not just about in person, but also arranging for video and telephone communications.  There is no restrictions on communication.  Again, the story does not go into details about how they will work around the judge’s temporary ruling.  Who knows?  Perhaps in time, the mother could decide that she needs time away from the hospital and take leave.  I am sure the judge would immediately restore the visitation as it was prior.  Fitness of either parent does not seem in question, only the situation.

The other effect of this virus on children, no school.  Yes, many parents, probably most, have had a child that did not want to go to school.  During this crisis, that wish has been granted.  But is it a good thing?  I want to be clear, I am not making any reference to “home schooled” children as their situation is completely different.

As a child, the most extreme situation that I experienced any kind of isolation, was when I came down with a case of Chicken Pox in fourth grade.  Two weeks at home, highly contagious, and itching like crazy.  I actually have a scare on my forehead from one of the pox left behind as the scab was pulled off by a hat I wore to keep warm towards the end.  Those two weeks were easy for me to endure, because I was really sick.  I was not worried about seeing my friends in or out of school.

Snow days, again were different then compared to now.  Even twenty years ago, as we got hit with blizzards and warnings came with “state emergencies” to stay off the roads, we did as we were instructed, not just for our lives, but for the workers who actually needed to be on the roads, first responders, and just as importantly, the snow plow drivers.  But again, these were temporary times.  Were businesses closed down?  Absolutely, but only areas affected by the storm, not nationally.

Getting back to the kids, my daughters have been raised to be very social.  They adapt very well publicly to different environments which was great jumping from nursery school to Sunday School, to elementary school and so on.  Just as when I was a child, I valued my friends.  The difference today, my daughters have all kinds of technology and social media to keep in touch with their friends.  But that technology does not take away the need for actual physical company of those friends, or their classmates.

In talking with several school officials in various school districts and states, students feeling disconnected from school, unmotivated if you will, is becoming common.  No, it is not the ability to cheat off of a test or share homework, the children actually miss hearing the noises in the classroom, breezes as a student walks by on their way to the teacher, laughing in the lunch room.

Parents need to be aware of this.  This whole “learn at home” is new to public school families, and the schools themselves.  What seems to be an honor system, the work will get done, some sort of attendance recording is kept, though not in the form of hours studying.  The only way an inattentive parent will notice if anything is wrong, is when a communication comes from the school mentioning a failing grade, but then it is too late.  While physical presence in the school is over for this school year, the effort still matters.  And while we as adults struggle ourselves with the need to social distance, it is even harder for those with developing minds to grasp the fact that they are expected to undo what we have taught our children, to be social.

The next school year is more than just about opening schools, clean and disinfected, making sure all issues from the prior year are resolved, all the while preparing to return to a regular classroom activity schedule, most likely all the while trying to maintain the health of the students and staff.

Think about it, if schools are expected to open in the fall, and many are still dealing with Covid19, how does a school deal with social distancing in a classroom of 30 students as is common all over the country?  This is just one of many logistics school districts will now have to prepare for.

What cannot be lost however, is what about the kids?  We as adults, unless we have a great great aged relative have any concept of what it is like to get back to life following a pandemic or epidemic.  We as adults struggle with what will be accepted as a “new normal.”  But you know who also will struggle with this?  The children.  When the children return physically to school in the fall, education as they knew it, will have changed.  Of course, there will be those who say kids are resilient, as they have gotten used to and accepted their daily lives prior to this health crisis included the fear of being their turn for a national headline of being shot, or annual lock down drills.

No, this time, when kids return to school, it is going to be totally different for them.  Time not only stopped for them, it skipped over an entire period of time.

Post Navigation