Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “The Heart”

So Many Will Never Know


There is no rhyme or reason what I choose to write about, or how often.  My intentions when I sit down at my laptop are simple.  Go through the hundred or so emails I get every day, and do some other things around my apartment.  But like an attention span the size of a flea, I get distracted quite easily, and then I click on to “Paul’s Heart” and write.  Well, it happened again.

A link to an article about a famous NY Times journalist, David Carr, broadcasted that Mr. Carr had died from complications of lung cancer.  Okay, nothing really all that unusual as people die from lung cancer all the time.  But as I looked more into the article, because a friend had noticed something unusual about Mr. Carr’s past, I began to wonder.

Between the original article, and others that I read, Mr. Carr, had been diagnosed with pneumonia previously and had died some time after that.  The article also mentioned that cardiac disease had contributed to his death.  And for some reason, the article needed to mention a bout with drugs and rehab.  Again, to the average person, nothing really stands out about Mr. Carr’s death.

But at the end of the article, in a “by the way” mention, Mr. Carr also battled Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.  And to the average journalist, this is no big deal, and may not have been worth the ink and paper it was printed on.

There have been plenty of famous people who have had Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and lived, and died.  But because Hodgkin’s is a rare form of cancer, it rarely gets any attention.  And one of the only things that really gets less attention than that, are the late effects that Hodgkin’s patients develop, who were treated for Lymphoma well over a decade ago.  The sad thing, is most long term survivors have no idea, that many of the ills that they face today, probably have direct ties to the treatments that saved their lives years ago.  And the medical books do not necessarily help our cause either as protocols were never in place years ago to follow up on us to see things as they developed.  After all, statistic really only matter when it goes up to five years.  Studies did not follow any further than that because I guess we were not supposed to live longer and develop severe issues.  You can read up on mine, found under the “pages” section of this blog and compare the only things I had been warned about 26 years ago, risk of a secondary cancer and pericarditis.  In my case, not even close.

But back to Mr. Carr.  I am going to just throw this out and see if it grows wing.  David Carr was a Hodgkin’s Lymphoma survivor.  And I believe that there is a likelihood that his death may have been related not just to the lung cancer, cardiac disease, and the pneumonia, but also from late effects from his treatments.  And I know many people, okay, mainly long term survivors like me, who would feel the same way.

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Now before everyone goes into a tailspin, treatments today are much more safer and pinpoint more accurately than when I was treated, and perhaps when Mr. Carr was treated (I have pinpointed his treatments somewhere before the turn of the century).

First, as many long term Hodgkin’s survivors will point out, just from the physical appearance, is a term we refer to as “Hodgkin’s neck”.  This comes from muscle loss as a result of the extreme radiation exposure during treatments which I am guessing he was treated with.  The article does not mention radiation or chemo treatments, but this is fairly obvious.  I would also probably guess, given that amount of loss he probably also had thyroid issues, common among Hodgkin’s survivors.  There is pain and control issues that come with this physical deterioration over time.  For many, the head begins to fall forward, again something we commoners refer to as “drooping head syndrome”.  I talked about this in an earlier post last year.

I have similar muscular loss, which I have written about, though not nearly as severe as Mr. Carr’s condition.  I also have a major amount of muscle loss in my upper torso.

But I think Mr. Carr’s long term issues went much further than that.  And even if it were assumed that he only underwent radiation treatments, which I would guess he may have gone through chemo,  the scope of damage from late effects can also contribute to pulmonary issues and cardiac issues, of which I and many others face.  Chemo late effects can also complicate things even more so.

There is a chance that Mr. Carr was never followed up for developing late effects.  Things may have just been chalked up to circumstances.  He did drugs.  He had cardiac disease.  He had pneumonia.  He had lung cancer.  So let me start the argument.

With the exception of drug use, the other three issues can have direct ties to late effects from treatments of Hodgkin’s Disease.  Radiation has a growing and lasting effect and chemo can also impact the cardiac system.  Like so many including myself, that would be a “yes”.  Depending on the diagnostics used on Mr. Carr, if he had his spleen removed, he had an increased susceptibility to illness, and even if he did not have the spleen removed, the cancer of the lymph system has an impact on the immune system.  Again, so many of my fellow survivors have multiple bouts of pneumonia from this situation, several develop pneumonia a few times a year.  I had two bouts in 2012.  And then of course, there is the risk of the secondary cancer.

But was David Carr being followed up post Hodgkin’s?  There is no mention anywhere.  And it is sad, that this is not even mentioned anywhere.  Because if it were not for a few of us “pioneers” and I do not even mean me, but the many before me who were the first to have their side effects tied to treatments, cancer patients today would not be followed up as closely as they are after treatments are done.

I do not mean to disparage David Carr, but for those of us who have had Hodgkin’s Lymphoma back in the 1950’s through the 1990’s, if his death was in any way related to late developing side effects from his treatments, I wish there was some way that this could be known and made public.  There are so many of us survivors out there who are aware of the issue of late developing side effects, and literally millions more who are not.  And when they go to their primary doctor, or even specialist, depending on how recent their education was earned, the tie to their Hodgkin’s past may never be made.

I’m just sayin’.

http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/Times-Columnist-Died-From-Lung-Cancer-Autopsy-291975671.html

Pet Zen


So it happened again, my heart fell in love with another dog.  I am able to let my common sense rule as I know I am in no position to adopt another fur friend.  I live in an apartment which of course does not allow pets.  At this point, affording a pet is still an issue while I try to take care of myself.  And yes, I do still miss Pollo, so much.

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And it is only common sense that has prevented me from adopting another fur friend.  Right now, I could really use the healing benefits of a canine companion.  For nearly fifteen years, Pollo was a never-ending smile greeting me at the end of every work day, as if I was only gone from his side for just a moment, while in reality, I was away from home anywhere from eight to ten hours a day.  He never questioned where I was, why I was late, why I may not have been in the best of moods, or if I was not feeling well, he just knew that we were both happy when we were together.  I really still miss that.

So as I go for walks, it is inevitable that I will cross paths with other people walking their pets.  Now let me say for the record, I have owned all kinds of animals, and I have always done my best to make sure that they all lived normal life expectancies.  In total, 3 dogs, 9 cats, 2 gerbils, 2 guinea pigs, a rabbit, 2 frogs, an assortment of fish, and even a parakeet.  Yes, I love animals.

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The peace, comforting, and healing effect of animals is becoming so popular now, that it is common place for pets to visit patients in hospitals and oncology offices to help boost the spirits of patients.  The pooch pictured above, a “golden doodle, actually visited my late father on his very first day receiving chemotherapy.  How times have changed since my days receiving cancer treatments.

But anyway, this post is just about a wish, that some day, I get to share friendship with another canine friend some day.  While I like all animals, big and small, I do have a tendency to  favor large breed dogs.  And because I have small children, actually who are growing quite quickly, behavior of the breed is very important.

Of course, I will still favor the Golden Retriever.  I remember playing alpha male with Pollo, and at times we could get carried away, and one of my daughters would try to join in the fun, but Pollo recognized that my daughter was not me, and knew the difference and concentrated his efforts on establishing alpha with me.

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And I will state, I love all retriever breeds, though there are some that do not have the demeanor to deal with children as reliably Goldens.  But there are other big breeds that I have always thought I would consider when the time comes and I can afford them, spend time with them, and emotionally, is the right time.

But if I had other choices, they would be these three breeds:

Pyrenese   The Great Pyrenees

newfoundland    The Newfoundland

And then there is the breed that prompted this post today…

Burmese    The Burmese Mountain Dog

Yes, I love big dogs.  All of these breeds have wonderful dispositions.  I know when the time comes, I will most likely go through rescue organizations and not pet stores.  And my reason is simple, the majority of puppies and dogs sold in pet stores come from puppy mills.  And I know anyone affiliated with a  pet store who sells dogs will object and say that it is not true.  And those pet stores are relying on semantics.  You see, the pet store is most likely buying their dog from a “broker”.  But a broker is not a breeder, simply just another step in the puppy mill process because a broker is the one who buys the dogs, most likely from a puppy mill.  Don’t believe me?  Assuming you have purchased a “pure bred” dog, chances are that the dog’s origin comes from an area overpopulated with puppy mills, like Lancaster County in Pennsylvania.

So yes, when the time comes, rather than contribute to keeping the puppy mills in operation, I will instead do what is of greater need, adoption of a rescue dog instead.  But that is when the time is right.

 

 

Forever Family Day 2015


4 - Referral Photo

11 years ago, the Chinese Center For Adoption Affairs had FedEx-ed this photo, along with a portfolio of my oldest daughter.  The CCAA had made every effort, combining our dossiers with the observances of a six month old child, and had determined that Madison would be perfectly matched to our family.

And so, on March 14, 2004, Madison, then only known as Fu Shu Ting, was placed into our arms.  And in spite of being old, that because of cancer treatments, that I would never become a father, like everything else I proved the “experts” wrong about cancer survival, I became a father for the first time.

19 - Gotcha

From the moment that I found out that I would be unable to bear children, due to one of the chemo drugs I had been given to battle my Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, I looked into other methods.  Once all biological means had been exhausted, the attention turned to adoption.  With laws in the United States geared toward protecting the rights of the birth parents, and please understand, I can appreciate that, the prospect of adopting domestically just to have a biological parent change their mind, perhaps even years later, was not something else I wanted to add in my life of negative things I have had to deal with.

I attended an information meeting at a local adoption office, and that is where I met a little girl named “Lilly”.  Her mother was speaking about her experiences of international adoption, which now she had become an expert.  In less than five minutes, the decision had been made that adoption would be pursued through China.

This post is about celebrating Madison’s “Forever Family Day” so I will discuss the processes and all the decisions in another post.

35 - Our First Nap 8 x 10 Madison - October 2009

Most of us now refer to this date, as “Forever Family Day”.  At one time, many of us referred to it as “Gotcha Day,” but as political correctness often does, soon that name was felt to have a negative connotation, that perhaps the children were “snatched” and nothing could be further from the truth.  And so, we now refer to this as our “Forever Family Day.”

I remember every moment of our lives together, from the moment she was placed into my arms, to leaping out of her crib, first steps, first roller coaster ride.  And now, as she is considered a “tween”, she is very quick to remind me that soon she will be a teenager and driving.

Madison, my life changed forever when you came into my life.  I am proud of you, and so proud to be your dad.  And I will always be your dad, forever.  I miss you, and I love you.

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