Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Politics”

30 Nov 2017

When The Shoe Is On The Other Foot


Like many Americans, I was shocked to hear the news about a prominent broadcaster being accused of sexual harassment.  This seems to be a wave that is growing into a tsunami as more and more popular figures are exposed by accusers from actors and producers, to newscasters, and politicians.  This is not the first time we have had to deal with sexual deviants in the national news as it was all to common to hear not so long ago about the local sectors of public servants such as teachers and clergy.

As a child, my “manhood” was not realized until the television show “I Dream Of Jeannie” came along.  I am not saying that I turned into a crazed dog in heat because of the show, but it was during the show that I finally began to realize that there was a physical difference between genders.  But at no time did I ever “feel” differently.  The show to me was nothing more than about an astronaut who finds a Jeannie in a bottle, and the slapstick and mayhem begins.

Growing up in a house of women (grandmother, great aunt, mother, and sister), with no other men in the house, I am a bit more sensitive when it comes to respecting women, because that is what I was taught.  With my parents divorced, I missed the traditional father/son sitdown chats, or “sharing” Playboys that sometimes occurred.  As I began to date, and eventually marry, I always treated my significant other with the respect I was taught.

For the second time in less than a month, I watched members of a popular news show, discuss their feelings as to the revelations, that they were shocked to hear such horrific accusation about someone they felt  as a close friend and fellow colleague.  They struggled with their emotions to somehow find a way to accept the sexual harassment claims to be tied to some sort of physical or mental illness, something, something to say, this was not the man they knew.

In the work force, you spend a lot of time with your co-workers.  Friendships do develop, and sometimes, between consenting adults, other relationships develop.  But one thing is clear, harassment and assault are not acceptable anywhere.  I remember the whole sexual harassment conversation beginning with the appointment of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas and sexual harassment accuser Anita Hill.  At that time, what it appeared to mean, at least in the work place, no more dirty jokes.  It did not matter if both genders participated in telling raunchy jokes, it needed to stop in the event that someone within ear shot, might possibly be offended.  But a few years later, I found myself in a situation very similar to the cast of the Today Show.

I had been serving on a Church Council with eleven others.  It was a Sunday night when I received a telephone call insisting that I attend an emergency council meeting that evening.  All members were required to attend.  No details were given.

As we all arrived, also seated at the table were both ministers, but also a regional bishop, very unusual for a church council meeting.  There was no easy way to hit us with the news we were told.  One of the ministers present, had been accused of having sex with a 16 year old girl while he resided in Germany.  The minister explained as much as he could, including a possible reason why this had come up, years after it had occurred.  He had been planning a trip back to Germany, with our youth choir, and the girl, now woman, found out, and decided to contact our church.

All of us sat around the table stunned.  The minister was quite popular, and in fact had rejuvenated an energy level in the church, not seen in quite some time.  Personally, he was a good friend to me as I struggled with my faith, having previously been diagnosed with cancer.  The other minister had no time for me, this minister did.  I knew his wife and had both of his children in the youth group that I led.  As the meeting continued, I found myself not so much concerned about what had happened in the past, but confused about what made no sense about a man I thought I knew.    But also, what about his future.  The bishop was in attendance because he was urging the council to take action to terminate the employment of the minister.  Always outspoken, I immediately challenged the bishop, expressing that the minister had admitted his wrongdoing, dealt with his family, and seemed genuine in his remorse.  The bishop was firm.  I went further as to why “rehabilitation” was not being considered as would be in the case of a minister with a gambling or alcohol problem, and the bishop made the mistake of saying “victims of sexual abuse are not as severe as those of alcohol.”  I was watching my friend, and his life, being destroyed.  And then, just as is still often done today, I tried to argue justification, or as it is called today, “victim shaming.”  I argued that the culture in Germany (and Europe) was not as uptight as here in the US, and that needed to be considered.  I was standing by my friend as he had stood by me in my time of need, as I believed he had turned his life around.

I am not really sure what happened, eventually we would part ways.  I was pivotal in getting him employment elsewhere, but then about a year later, he became distant, and our friendship appeared to have ended.

Why did I just tell this story?  Because as I watched both CBS, and NBC broadcasters struggle publicly with their feelings about someone close to them, being accused of sexual harassment or abuse, I remembered what happened so many years ago with that church council meeting.

But my feeling are much different now.  And I am ashamed that it took this reason for me to feel differently.  As the news interviews so many witnesses or opinion generators about the accused, especially men seem in unison, echoing that had it been their daughters being the victims, there would be hell to pay.  And it hit me.  I do have two daughters now, which I did not back at that council meeting.  I now have to have conversations with my daughters how to prevent being placed in a compromising position that would put them at risk.  And because they are children, I have assured them, that they are never to believe if someone tells them that either of their parents “will get hurt” if they tell anyone if someone tries to make them do something.  I have told them it is never okay for anyone to touch them inappropriately.  I have taught them, if it feels wrong, it is wrong.

I was raised to respect women.  And at one time,  I was blinded by a friendship as to accepting the horrible acts against a young girl by a person with power.

In recent weeks, several entertainers have faced accusations, as have producers, and politicians.  For me, I see the same problem still exists that existed years ago.  Deny.  Blame and shame the victim.  Hope it goes away.  Very rarely do we hear about members of the clergy in sex scandals, but it still happens.  The same with some teachers and students.  But now the spotlight is on the popular.  But just as those who are lower in popularity, all we hear is denials.  Those lower in popularity however, normally face legal consequences.  Not so much for the famous.  Especially not for the political world.

I can respect someone who has admitted what they have done wrong.  And even respect those seeking help.  But there is no respect for someone who denies what they have done, knowing full well there would be no legal consequences due to statutes of limitation.  From Bill Cosby to Louis CK, to Kevin Spacey, I no longer watch or listen to their works.  And the same goes for producers and directors.  At least Louis CK admitted his accusations.  Our government has many of the predators, and nearly all of them deny, deny, deny.  Again, only one has really come out and admitted anything, Al Franken.  Again, I respected and admired all the good that he had been doing in our government.  But not at the price of those who were victims of abuse of power.

And that is what it is.  An abuse of power.  The stories coming from NBC, which by the way, previously dealt with a prominent sportscaster and his perversions years ago and NBC obviously did not learn anything, are horrific.

For whatever reason, the political world has no ramifications, even with overwhelming and credible witnesses, even actual video and audio evidence.  Everyone who commits these acts, needs to be held accountable, and that includes those that represent us, including the president.  Even his own words have had no consequence.  No one has the right to treat anyone in this horrific manner.

I once worked for a major company, and we had annual “sensitivity” training.  But that is all it was, an annual seat at a computer station.  We gave the answers that the company needed to hear.

Peoples lives are and have been destroyed by sexual harassment.  Of course there is the family of the predator, but the victims who felt all they could do to survive would be to remain silent.  And those who did not remain silent, lost everything along with their job.

We need to take this seriously.  Yes, I feel differently.  And admittedly, it is because I have two daughters and I do not want them to have to deal with this in their adulthood.  I just wish I had felt this strongly back when I had to deal with it.

Posted in Bullying, Education, Inspired By..., Politics | Leave a comment
24 Oct 2017

We Must Fight Against Racism And Bigotry


A fried of mine posted something on her Facebook wall this morning, which struck a personal tone with me.  I asked her if she would mind if I shared her words on my blog.  As you read through her thoughts today, you will understand why this is so important.

I am keeping my friend anonymous, though I will tell you, she is a very strong person, inside and out.  She has no problem speaking her mind.  She is a fellow Hodgkin’s survivor like me, so I will tell you, she knows how to fight.  She is also Chinese, a mother, and a wife.  She is also a citizen of the United States.

“The first time I was called a Chink.

I didn’t even know I was called that until couple of years later – after I had learned enough English to really comprehend what had transpired.

It happened when I was 12.5 years old. I had just immigrated to the US weeks earlier with my parents and brother. I didn’t know a lick of English, not even the letters of the alphabet. One day during recess, a white girl in my 6th grade class gave me a folded written note and snickered while putti…ng it in my hand. A white boy nearby gave her a puzzled and then disgusted look; I guess he knew what she is and what she was capable of doing. I vividly remember both of their facial expressions from that day.

Naively, I took the folded up paper and kept it, thinking it was a gesture of friendliness. I wanted to keep it and read it when I have learned some English.

Months and years went by before I came upon the box of folded up notes from various classmates. I grew sad when reading that white girl’s note, the sadness turned into a mix of sadness, confusion, and anger.

She had the guts to sign her name on the note, to make sure I knew it was from her. We were now in middle school, and she was now BFF with someone who I considered a very good friend. I told this other white friend about the note, but she brushed it aside and said something to the effect of “she was young and probably didn’t mean to say that, and probably didn’t mean anything by it.”

Whether Sarah McF. meant it or not, she did write the note and called me that racial epithet, and I hold her responsible.”

My heart broke for my friend.  I thought back to my childhood, and how, even though I am Caucasian, I also happen to have “almond eyes” which is a common trait among the Asian population.  All through elementary school, I had been called “chink” because of my Chinese appearance.  And I knew the kids were being malicious about it.

But as a parent, when I made the decision to adopt, and chose China, there were preparations and education to be completed to help adjust to life as a bi-racial family.  For the most part, given the school district I lived in, which happened to be so diverse, I thought the issue of race would only come up as an adult for her, in regard to dating, if at all.

Instead, one afternoon, my daughter, age 10 at the time, exited the bus and told me that the bus driver wanted to talk to me.  He told me that my daughter had given a boy a bloody nose.  The driver also acknowledged that everything had been resolved.  Though I had several concerns.

I had been campaigning for school board, and one of my platforms was dealing with bullying.  Though my wife (at the time) objected, I insisted that steps had to be followed through with the school, and if necessary, discipline to be administered, for what had happened.  Yes, I was selling out my daughter.  But I was not about to be a hypocrite and definitely not a “not my kid” parent.  What she did was wrong.  That is, until I heard from her, why it happened.

Both of my daughters are of Chinese ethnicity, and they are proud of their heritage.  And on that particular day, a mean-spirited boy, decided to make a negative comment about China to my daughter, and she let him have it with a closed straight fist to the nose.

As a former victim of bullying in school myself, I have always told my daughters that I will always stand behind them if they defend themselves, no matter how.  They are forbidden from striking the first blow or insult.  But they may respond however they see fit and I will stand by them.

We are in 2017, not the 1950’s.  And having been born in the 1960’s, I have no problem saying that anyone from my generation, if they use bigoted language or participate in any form of racial acts of hatred, it is because they have been taught.  Perhaps my parents’ generation may have been exposed enough to the racial hatred to have accepted that way of life, but no one, no one from my generation should be accepting of that behavior.

Yet, here we are, in 2017, and racism and bigotry is still going strong.  And while the current government administration is not helping, and quite possible enabling the increase of racial tensions, the fact is, racism and bigotry has been around for decades no matter who has been in government.  But definitely what does not help, is enacting laws that are based solely on ethnicity, especially as one being pursued that is part of a ban of a certain culture, but written in such a way that it affects “naturalized” citizens – in other words, children born elsewhere, but citizens of the United States, like my daughters.  A law such as was attempted to be enacted recently, definitely would have had a negative impact on bringing our country together, and in fact, making our citizens of various cultures, at an increased risk of harassment, discrimination, and bigotry.

Comedian Dennis Leary quipped, ““Racism isn’t born, folks, it’s taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list.”

I was hoping for better as we continued into the 21st century, instead we are going backward.  We are going backward because many believe that they now have a legitimacy having been given a voice.  We are going backward because so many still do not take a stand against racism.  We are going backward because this behavior is being accepted.

The fact is, whether it happened to people back then, or happens to them now, these verbal and physical wounds last forever.  They have a permanent impact on people.  We, the United States, are better than that.

Posted in Adoption, Bullying, Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Politics | Leave a comment
25 Sep 2017

Health Care Debate – Get Informed Or Shut Up


I generally stay away from political discussion on this blog, for one main reason, most conversations around politics result in nothing being accomplished except hurt feelings.  But clearly, there is one topic that is unavoidable given the purpose of my blog, healthcare.

First – State The Obvious

Forget it is CNN, often referred to as “fake news.”  And the two moderators Jake Tapper and Dana Bash do not hold anything back.  Expect the obvious and the difficult questions to be asked.

Now, the obvious.  There are four participants, none are slouches when it comes to our government.  All have knowledge of the needs of our country in regard to healthcare, that is, if they listen to their constituents.  Two reps have an agenda to undo current health care, one rep clearly wants the current system left alone for certain, hopefully to improve upon it, and the remaining rep has his own high achieving agenda, but clearly against the other two reps.

I know nothing about Klobuchar other than some interviews I have seen, and she seems to be a sincere individual.  Graham, I am split with him on certain issues.  I can give a “hell yeah!” on certain things, and then a “WTF!!” on others.  Admittedly, his position on health care is one of those “WTF!!” moments.  Cassidy, I only know of him, when he publicly proclaimed one direction for health care, and now, with his co-creator of the bill, seems to be doing exactly the opposite.  And then there is Sanders.  I know the most about him, because I have followed him, years before he was even a thought for candidacy of the presidency.  Regardless of how anyone feels about him, he will not hold back on facts or opinions.  A reason some like him, some do not.  In my opinion, I consider him to be truthful and genuine in intent.  And no, I do not agree with him on everything either.  But I do on health care.

Why Health Care Is Important To Me?

I had cancer almost 30 years ago.  I have more than a dozen issues related to the treatments that I received, two of which almost cost my life.  Without healthcare, I will die.

I remember when I was diagnosed, I had health care insurance.  And then, when I had to change employers, I was left unable to get health insurance, because back then, it was legal to discriminate due to pre-existing conditions.  I went through several years, lucky, or as some millenials call themselves, “healthy,” and then I got lucky with a new employer that enabled me to be insured again, only because it was a group policy, and as a member of a union, they had to accept me.  Eight years after that, I had life saving emergency heart surgery, and several other episodes after that.

Second – Accept The Obvious

Insurance companies are not in the money to spend money on sick people.  And knowing that more than a half million dollars have been spent on my life, just cancer-related, can you really blame greedy insurance companies for wanting to take on a liability loser like me?  My health history, along with other long term cancer survivors, my tab is only going to get higher.

But at least with the Affordable Care Act, it became illegal to discriminate for pre-existing conditions.

My Rule

I will not refer to the Affordable Care Act as “Obamacare.”  Using OC, intentionally carries with it, a political overtone which is meant to enflame those in debate.  If you did not like President Obama, then you have to hate ‘Obamacare.”  But as many have found out, with all of its faults and needs for improvement, many who did and still do not like the former president, realize they actually need the ACA.

Spinning Wheels

Since its signing, both parties have done nothing but spin their wheels.  Imagine having 4-wheel drive, and the front axle spinning in one direction, and the rear axle spinning in the other.  That is exactly what our government has done for the last eight years.  One side arguing the ACA needs improvement, and did nothing.  The other side, trying more than 50 times to reverse the ACA, and until this year, offering nothing to replace the ACA.  BOTH SIDES ARE GUILTY!!!

Be Honest

The Graham-Cassidy bill is being rushed for approval before a September 30th deadline.  This deadline is because no Democrat will vote to repeal the ACA, whether because their constituents voiced their opinion as so, or whether just towing party line.  But the Republicans have a ticking clock, allowing them to get around a normal vote requirement, having 60 votes, by currently requiring just over 50 votes.  But this clock runs out this Saturday.  And some in the Republican are uncomfortable rushing through this bill, just for the sake of taking advantage of this temporary advantage.  Statements from several supporters of the GC bill, have openly said this, “I campaigned to repeal Obamacare, and that is what I am going to do no matter what.”  You could have the most vile issues in this bill, and there are quite a few, and that does not matter to certain reps who will vote on party line, not what is best for their constituents.

A Bad Idea?

I will be honest, I do support what Sanders wants to accomplish with having everyone insured.  And yes, I will give the argument, we all use the fire department and ambulance and police.  Healthcare should not be about profit, it should be about care, saving lives.

But a good point is raised by David Gergen.  Right now, the focus needs to be, not even necessarily worrying about the Affordable Care Act, but worrying about the Graham-Cassidy bill, which is not even necessarily a GOP bill.  If too much time is spent on hearing dog whistles like “Obamacare in death spiral” or ” “markets are failing” which nobody seems to prove true or false.  But if you listen to too many dog whistles, you are going to miss what is actually important, having enough information to agree upon, that the Graham Cassidy bill should not be passed.  Sure, Medicare for all is a good idea, just not tonight.  Defending some aspects of the ACA, a good idea, just not tonight.

Where Do We Go From Here?

Watch tonight at 9pm on CNN.  For some, you will have to forget the network you are watching, and maybe forget who the moderators are.  Ultimately, you will hear from 4 of our government representatives, with at least three different ideas on healthcare.  It will be their words.  We can all watch this together, and have a civil discussion on what we heard.  Be careful, I am a very good note-taker and be able to quote quite quickly.

Because of my health issues,  I have a genuine interest in health care.  I also have a lot of knowledge about health care.  I also have a heart that everyone deserves to have health care, that is not only affordable, but available.  I do not believe that just because you give states permission to charge sick patients more is the same as leaving pre-existing conditions not discriminated.  Fact, you allow patients to be charged more because they are sick, it becomes unaffordable.  You do not get to call that leaving pre-existing conditions alone when patients are priced out of coverage, and die.

I do not want to hear spin after tonight, neither for or against.  All four individuals have the ability tonight to clearly state what everything is about.  And after tonight, demand your representative to do the right thing, not just because of the nickname on the ACA.

 

Posted in Cancer, Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Politics, Side Effects, The Heart | Leave a comment

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