Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

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92% – Does The Majority Really Matter?


In a recent USA Today headline, “Our System Is Sick”, the claim is that 92% of all Americans want changes in healthcare.  Some of the stats shared by USA Today:

95% want affordable car

94% want lower prescription drug costs and affordable and accessible coverage of pre-existing conditions

93% access to doctors and hospitals

90% improving health care itself

85% want all to have health coverage

That last stat is really kind of odd, and actually quite a large number to object to coverage for everyone.  I really do not understand that, unless, UNLESS, to want everyone to have health coverage, that would mean you would have to concede that health care is a basic human right, and not a privilege.  Some Americans just are not willing to accept that concept.  And that is sad.

Being a cancer survivor, I have a HUGE vested interest in this fight.  At the age of 21, I was invincible.  I was immortal.  I had also previously dropped my health insurance that my parents had been paying for me.  I was healthy.  Why would I throw money away into something I was never going to have to use?  I would be giving money away, for nothing.  My history shows just how disastrous that thinking was.

Another political season is upon us, and that means of course increased arguments and more importantly, more empty promises when it comes to what to be done about health care.  Yes, I am a cynic about this.  Having a huge interest in health care personally, over the years I have become a single issue voter, and that issue is health care.  In my nearly 30 years of survivorship, we are not much better off than I was back in my cancer days.  And it has not mattered who was president.  Clinton brought us HMO’s, which was a discounted health plan, but you traded the lower cost for a lot more bureaucratic bullshit when it came to getting cared for.  If you had something actually wrong, you were restricted who you could see, could be denied critical testing until you exhausted appeals until your situation was dire, or worse.  The Affordable Care Act (ACA), was supposed to be a huge step toward making health care affordable and accessible, but it too had flaws, a lot of them.  The biggest flaw?  Not correcting and improving those flows.  But with fighting from both political parties, ultimately, the losers were Americans dying for affordable and accessible health care.  The huge step backwards came with the current president, who chipped away at the ACA, as the entirety of the act hangs in the balance of total repeal, in spite of him promising “the best health care ever.”  Three years into his presidency, nothing, except he would deal with it once re-elected.

I do not want this post to be about the failings of all of our presidents to do the right thing, and that is to make sure that every American has the right to affordable and accessible health care.  Instead, I want to refer back to the statistic above, 85% of the people surveyed want all to have health insurance.  I want to talk about that 15%.  That 15% is the reason, and evidently enough to prevent any kind of solutions to our health care crisis.  It was believed that a “public option” to the ACA would have made a difference.  It never happened.  And there is plenty of talk about “Medicare For All”.  And that is all that has really happened for three decades, lots of talk.  And you know what has happened in all that time?  A lot of people have died, waiting, hoping.

So who might that 15% of America be that do not want every American to have the right to health care?  I have some theories.

The Health Insurance.  I have spent a lot of ink bashing the insurance industry, deservedly so.  The basic concept of insurance, you pay them money in case you get sick.  They only make money, if you do not get sick.  Well guess what?  Just as I found out at age 22 getting diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, plenty of people find out they actually do get sick, and many cases extreme.  The only way for the insurance company to survive, is to either raise premiums (and all of the other components such as co-pays, etc.), deny coverages, or deny patients.  So yes, the insurance industry is one of the big bad guys in the health care crisis.

Now it also needs to be stated, I have many friends who work in the industry.  They get paid to administer, sell, and answer all forms of issues.  It is how they make their living.  These are very good people and would lose their jobs without the health insurance industry, though I am sure in a government run health care program, they would have that option, as well as the many benefits of a federal employee.

As many candidates for president either push for elimination of the insurance industry for health care, others opt for a side by side option with federal and private insurance, the truth is, the health insurance industry will not survive a “Medicare for All” or hybrid.  “Medicare For All” shuts the insurance down completely, but those who offer MFA as an option, in hopes of driving down premiums and other costs, the insurance industry simply gets choked out if it cannot charge enough to make a profit.  Seriously, why would you pay a higher rate for the same coverage?

Taxpayers  The boogie man here is the word “tax.”  Nobody likes taxes.  And the only thing worse, is an “additional tax.”  But as anyone with a 3rd grade education should be able to do, figure out the math benefit of an MFA versus traditional insurance coverage.  I want to be clear, I am using simple and basic numbers, not actual numbers, but the example is used to demonstrate the impact.

A tax of let’s say, 10% is taken from income.  An annual income of $45,000 would be taxed $4500 for the year health coverage.  Currently, and I do know this as fact, a single policy holder in Florida can pay $1600 per month even having no pre existing conditions through Blue Cross.  This amounts to $19,200 per year.  Again, put the mind of a 3rd grader into your head… which is better for you?  Paying $4500 a year, or paying $19,200 a year.

There are actually people, and I know several, that have no problem paying nearly $15,000 more than they would need to pay, as long as they were not paying a tax to the government.  The literal definition of cutting your nose off to spite your face.  The war cry “I don’t want government involved in my health care.”  The people with this attitude have accepted their belief to rather be broke or denied health care, than to pay a tax to the government.  But this group needs to go a little further into detail.

“Christians” and other people just worried about themselves  I remember as far back as the 1970’s and 1980’s, we used to be a nation that cared about others, the homeless, the unemployed, the sick.  Now I purposely used the word “Christians” and had it in quotes, because there are those that hide behind that title and yet contradict the beliefs of their religion, to care about others.  And here is why I shut that argument down.  I actually have friends who adamantly state…

“I am not paying for someone lazy to have health insurance.”  Their use of the word lazy is really vague, and I imagine it is on purpose.  Because if you pin someone down by asking why you think someone is lazy, unless you are 100% aware of the circumstances of an individual, you have no idea why.  And honestly, why is it anyone’s business why someone is not able to work, or unable to find work.  It makes no difference the reason why.  You know the expression, “don’t judge a book by it’s cover.”  We are no different than a book.  I am a bit more open about the health issues that I deal with, and therefor do not usually get called out, anymore that is.  But there are those who do not make their issues known publicly.  And who are we to judge their circumstance?  Do we not have enough on our own plates to worry about?

So if we deal with the insurance industry, and get people to understand common sense that it better to pay a lower figure tax as opposed to a high profit premium, we still have the thoughts of not wanting to help others as the speed bump to lower health costs and affordability, even if it meant better for themselves.

Look, health care was not complicated decades ago.  And everyone was taken care of.  I had to ask my mother how my care was handled as a child.  She paid $5 for an office visit.  And I recall a hospital surgery in my early childhood, that, my mother, a single mother at the time, was not forced into bankruptcy with the bill from the hospital.  And admittedly, there was a thing called “malpractice” lawsuits that increased health care costs, because doctors had to carry insurance against those lawsuits.  And because that made healthcare costs rise, the need for insurance came along.  And then, Big Bad Pharma found their goldmine.  If I needed medicine from my doctor as a child, guess what, the medicine was given from the doctor’s office itself.

We know the reasons for the high costs of health care.  We know this can be dealt with.  We know that the majority of Americans want it dealt with.  Why are we still just talking about it?  If you are a candidate for president, I am listening if you want my vote.  Every other industrialized country covers its citizens, not profiting off of their sick.  Sure there are problems.  But those problems are no reason to just keep talking and do nothing.

Geezer Alert – I Am “Becoming My Dad”


“Why, when I was your age, I walked to school four miles, uphill and downhill, through two feet of snow.”

I received one of those “talks” when I was a child, and I have actually told the story to my daughters that because of the city school that I attended, having no school buses, I actually did walk to school, four miles, up hills and down, and since there were no buses, we had no snow days.  I actually even drove my daughters the route I used to walk, just to give them the actual perception.

Of course, one other notable difference between our generations, music.  I have finally hit the stage where I will constantly say, today’s music sucks.  The singers are no talent hacks pushed by record companies trying to make money off of images of the singers, and not their actual talent.  Gone are the days where artists and bands have any kind of longevity.  That said, I did get by without my kids being sucked into the Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift, and Post Malone phases.

But on a recent trip, I found myself in an uncomfortable position, stuck next to two other passengers who were discussing their personal and professional interests.  Not that I am anti-social, and I do not know many who would argue to the contrary that I actually never shut up, on airplanes, I usually do not have any conversations.  These two were half my age, I know because he told her his age, and she told him her age.

Both were young and barely had made their footprints in the working world.  They both seemed driven.  He was in his first year of law school, excited to have his Summer employment lined up, something he said was not very easy for a first year law student.  She was a former nurse, now pursuing a career in the insurance industry.

It was a short flight, but they talked a lot, non-stop.  There was no need for me to be involved with their conversation.  But it got to a point, where I really wanted to.  I did not.

You see, for being so young, and honestly, I think they both seemed quite intelligent, and definitely determined, I could not feel worse for them.  It is one thing to strive for success, and there is not doubt, they both had that ability, but it was going to come at a price.  They just did not realize it.

Again, I did not interrupt.  But what I heard, actually made me sad.

She was a mother of a young child, recently married to someone in the military.  She complained to the young gentleman, that she used to be a nurse, but grew tired of having to wait for her relief to come in at the end of her shift.  So, she chose to enter the world of selling life insurance.  The downside, she is now missing things involving her daughter as her current career has her travelling, and an employer who does not look favorably on family people.

He had a girlfriend, but had no interest in getting married, focused on law school.  He was not sure what area of law he was going to get into, but felt litigation was his strong suit.

Both of them, had been talking back in forth, about their drive for success, in the here and now.  There was no long term conversations about family, retirement, or something else.

I was less than five years younger than both of them when I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.  Prior to that diagnosis, I appeared to have a career in business management, months away from getting married.  I was clearly only thinking about the “moment.”  And in an instant, with just three words, “you have cancer,” everything changed.  My life changed forever at that point.  And now, divorced (for the second time), with children involved, early on, I missed a lot in their lives, that I cannot get back.

I do not want you to think I am judging their decisions, but as I have seen often before, they are definitely missing the big picture.  Keeping a perspective on what should really matter to each of them.  All the money in the world, the most powerful title in a company, cannot replace what you gave up.  Memories cannot be gotten back.

S2SS – Safe 2 Say Something


1974… “I’m gonna kick your ass after school!”

2020… “I can’t take any more.  I have a list of kids and I am going to kill them all.”

In nearly fifty years, this is where we are at today.  I know first hand this is the progression of a problem ignored.  And I also realize it was around before I ever set foot in a school.  Television shows like Happy Days and movies like American Graffiti all glorified “rumbles” to deal with territorial or bullying issues.

Clearly, I was a troublemaker.  Smaller than nearly everyone in my classes from the first day of kindergarten, younger than everyone for sure.  I was also quite shy.  Being the early 1970’s, since no one really talked about divorce, no one was aware that I did not have a male influence in my life, as it would take no time to become obvious with my lack of sports experience, as well as sticking up for myself.

Being such a high risk for being a bully and exhibiting the aggressive behavior of such, kids took the offensive and preemptive position to strike first, and make sure I got put in my place.

So between the description of my childhood stature and personality, and the sarcasm pointing to the threat I obviously presented, you can gather, I was not actually a bully.  Instead, I was a victim, often, and many times.  And there were several times that in spite of my ability or my personality, things were always able to be made worse for me.

Options I was given ranged anywhere from “ignore them” to “go to the principal,” both of which resulted in an escalation of not only incidents, but a variety of participants.  Soon, it was not just other boys coming at me, soon, even girls (I was taught early on, never to fight a girl – so I allowed it to happen), and even multiple assailants.  Instead of learning subjects in my classrooms, I was busy plotting ways to avoid what I knew would be waiting for me either during recess, or worse, on the way home from school.  I had to decide which stairwell to take, and then which roads or alleys would be safe that day.

When things finally got bad enough, requiring intervention, those in authority took the following position, “it’s just a phase… all kids go through this stuff.  You just need to start sticking up for yourself.”

I never resorted to the most extreme acts of “snapping,” which back in the 1970’s would have been me actually just breaking a nose.  But I definitely get the mindset of students today, who feel they have no other choice, and sadly feel the need to respond in the most violent of ways.  I am not speaking for those back in the 50’s and 60’s, but since my days in school, though things have been “tried,” and I put that in quotes, because I honestly do not believe any honest full hearted approach has ever been put into dealing with the chronic condition, clearly not a phase.

The results from my history involved with bullying are not scientific, but they are fact.  I do have a huge chip on my shoulder, one that results in zero tolerance for impacting me negatively in any aspect of my life.  I suspect every one of trying to get one up on me, and I will not allow it to happen.  For those that were the bullies, many ended up with a criminal history.  Some raised bullies of their own.  And those that made it through adulthood, continued the aggressive dominating behavior leading to their “success” today.

This is not healthy.  Back in my school days, there was no solution to bullying, and there was no interest in it.  Even a school shooting involving a classroom near where I lived in the 1990’s, a bullying victim finally had enough, walked into his classroom, and murdered his bully in cold blood in front of his classmates.  I want to be clear, I am not talking about school shootings or gun rights or anything like that.  I honestly do not believe I will ever see any solution to this type of violence in my lifetime as it has now become a regular assumption, our children go to school every day, prepared to be the next victim.

WHAT THE FUCK!!!  I never went to school thinking I had a chance of being killed.  Now, it is just a way of life.

When I became a father, the two places I felt my children were supposed to be safe from the hatred and violence, was church, and school.  Early through their childhood, I know the school district did make an attempt to take on bullying with an anti-bullying program called “Olweus” which in spirit was a good program, because it made many aware of the problem, but it also held those accountable.  Two problems, program was tedious to maintain and no one had any interest in doing it, and of course, the “not my kid” parents, quick to threaten lawsuits defending their child’s rights to a public education.  Olweus, disappeared.  The option of dealing with bullying at the lower levels, still could not be handled.

Over the last couple of years, schools have come up with a different plan.  Having no choice anymore, given the stakes involved, an option once considered a reason for further abuse, “narcing” on someone, with the help of technology, students are now able to request help, and report concerns, without fear of reprisals.  An anonymous tip sets off a response of school officials and local authorities, hopefully to preempt a legitimate threat or event.  This resource is called “Safe 2 Say Something.”  Clearly a statement opposite of an attitude long gone by, “don’t be a narc” or in the late 90’s “snitches get stitches.”

The risks, and dare I saw it, the rewards, are immediate.  With our children being ground zero, not just in the environment, but likely first to find out of such concerns with involvement in social media, and knowing that they do not want to be the next headline, there is now a safe outlet for them to report a concern or threat.  And this program is not just about dealing with bullies or a full-blown violent event, but even helps in preventing students who have concerns of hurting themselves.  If a friend is concerned for another who has recognized a negative change in behavior, that friend may just make that necessary call to get their friend help.

Does “Safe 2 Say Something” work?  When it is used, yes, it does.  Because one the authorities are involved, they can respond before something has the chance to happen.  At the least, the authorities can determine if any threat is of real concern, or just someone venting.  What this means, we are now at a crossroads, where we have to stop saying “it is just a phase” when something happens.  Whether the threat is real, or “I was just joking, I wasn’t serious when I wrote that,” these acts need to be taken seriously.

I have talked with both of my daughters about this program, and actually every time an incident occurs.  I get the emails from both schools when there was a perceived threat, and I discuss with the girls their feelings about what happened, and how it is being handled.  They both know about the “Safe” program, though I respect their privacies not to ask if they have ever used it.  Though they do admit to knowing some who have.  But I do believe that both would do the right thing if they were faced with knowing a potential harm.

It will be another post, but parents need to be more involved when concerns are raised.  We also need to do more to deal with emotional needs of our students.  And though I recognize that legally, school districts are often restricted in information that can be made public, there is more that can and needs to be done to keep the spotlight on a zero tolerance in accepting any violence against themselves or other students.

Please in almost fifty years, we should have made more progress in dealing with violence in our schools, than just giving a “safe” way to tattle on another student.  Bullying in school was never a phase.  It was a symptom of a bigger problem, and it is still happening today.  Knowing the problem is not enough to make it go away.  Decades later, we know this.

 

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