Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Family and Friends”

Overlooking The Obvious


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This is a view very similar to the one that I had this morning.  I made the mistake of running an errand to the post office just to drop a letter in the mail.  Yes, I know it is Memorial Day, and the post offices are closed, but our lobby is open 24 hours.  The mail is not the point.

Yesterday I wrote about the true meaning of Memorial Day.  And on my way back from the post office, I ran into a traffic jam much like the picture.  The “parking lot” went about 3/4 of a mile.  And being a single lane road, this meant I was going to be sitting in traffic a long time, unless…

This is not my first traffic jam that I have been in.  And I have resolved that issue any number of ways, but if the end result has been spending the least amount of time in traffic, then I consider it a victory.

As I approached the stopped vehicles,  I saw what I thought was the origin of the delays.  A funeral home and garden was hosting a Memorial Day tribute/service.  And you could see all the grave markers with the Red, White, and Blue flags.  Of course there were makeshift trailers, tents to provide shade, and you could see lots of lawn chairs set out already for the ceremony.  I was willing to come down from my “traffic jam stress out session” because this was something that I felt was appropriate and understanding.

But as I passed the funeral home, I immediately hit the next wave, not of water, but traffic.  Ah yes, the “true” meaning of Memorial Day to so many, going to the beach and kicking off the Summer season.  When I lived back north, I usually worked this holiday weekend, so I never made the trek to the “shore” on this weekend.  The equivalent to traffic on Memorial Day weekend going to, and coming from the New Jersey shore points, was like going to the mall on Black Friday following Thanksgiving, just something that was never appealing to me.

On other weekends, I often spent hours, trying to travel just 14 miles on interstate 476 just to get to the Commodore Barry Bridge.  From there, it would take just as long to travel the rest of the way to get to the beach resorts.  But fortunately for me, I had two things in my favor today.  I was not going to be waiting two hours, or even fifteen minutes just to move a quarter of a mile.

Being less than a mile away from my home, I was at a traffic signal.  Immediately, a psychology lesson from college kicked in.  My psyche professor taught that we often overlook obvious solutions to common problems, just because we do not think they make sense.  This was the example he gave:

“You are in a left turn lane at  traffic light.  You are car number 15 in the line, and clearly you will not make the light for the next two signals.  But the straight lane (and right turn) is moving briskly with as many as forty cars going through before the change of the signal to red.  Why not go in the straight lane, and either turn right at the corner, and make a uturn, or go straight through the intersection, and turn left in another area and double back?  Will you not save time?”

The answer is “yes.”  It is so obvious.  But in one of the rare moments we actually care about “waste”, many look at this maneuver as wasting gas.  And perhaps it is wasting gas.  But is not sitting in traffic idling also wasting gas.  Psychologically, going the extra distance of making the extra turn just to turn left makes sense too, because at least we keep moving, providing the sense that we are at least getting somewhere.

And so, instead of going straight this morning back to my place, only a 1/2 mile away, which would have taken me 20 minutes to get through (beach traffic was being directed near the entrance of my building), I made a rare left turn, and drove six miles around the water inlets, to come back to the entrance of my building from the other direction.  Ten minutes.

I consider this a win as opposed to sitting in traffic and letting that start my day in an aggravated mood.

In all seriousness, please remember what this day is all about, remembering our fallen heroes.  And of course, as you celebrate the Summer months, have a safe time.

Memorial Day – The Meaning Has Not Been Lost… Or Forgotten


It is Memorial Day weekend, and as many other long holiday weekends, or even the holiday itself, the true meaning of the day is lost, the value of the sacrifice is instead turned to a recreational celebration.  For instance, if you live in the mid-Atlantic states, it is the rush to the shore to kick off Summer.  And of course the beach resorts have no issue with this.

As children, it is hard to relate to just what Memorial Day should mean to them, more than just a long weekend in Wildwood, or the countdown to the end of school.  It has been a decade and a half since our nation was rocked by an event unthinkable by everyone around the world, and many of today’s teenagers do not have the emotional attachment that many of us adults have to September 11.

But Memorial Day has always been, and always will be about remembering our fallen heroes who died for our country.

As a young boy, my grandmother and aunt, would take me to the annual town parade which went through town, to a “triangle” intersection, that was home to the towns war memorial.

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It was a somber event, because it was sad.  We were remembering people who fought for our country, so that we could enjoy the things that we do today, including going to the shore or having picnics.

As everyone gathered around the triangle, a ceremony was held, and it was followed by the most touching display of remembrance I will ever see in my life, the “21 Gun Salute”.

I knew of only two people who served in the forces when I was a child, both my Uncle David and my Uncle Jim, and both are still alive today.  But as I grew into adulthood, it became all too common to know people, family and friends, who had served in a war, were wounded, or even died in war.

And for that, I thank not only those that we remember this weekend, but those that are still here with us.

If I may, I would like to mention one new thing that I have done with this holiday weekend, and it is memorial in nature.  My church a long time ago, took this weekend not only to recognize our fallen heroes, but also our loved ones who never served or had the opportunity to do so.

Memorial, it is about remembering.  This weekend I remember a lot of people who have been in my life, in the military, in my family, and my friends who are no longer with us today.

An Anticipated Reaction


So my post the other day (A Parent Who Gets ‘It’) received a lot of views.  And before I get to the meat of this post, I want to state clearly, that as a rule, I do not discuss my actual divorce process on this blog.  When I discuss issues, they are general, and overall, issues that I do have concerns about, not even just for my own sake, but for the sake of my children.

I have a couple of “fans” who often try to share their commentary on my blog, and only once have I allowed the comments to go through, and that was to make a point.  If you wish to make a comment to one of my posts, and it is constructive, even if it may have a negative meaning, I will allow it to go through on my blog.

But these “fans” have tried to post more than a dozen times to my blog, and it has been awhile.  And I have decided to post their comment right here, on an actual post.  I will admit that it will not be in its own entirety, because as I said, it is filled with a lot of inaccuracies and definitely not constructive.

Instead, the portion of the comment that I am going to share with you all, proved exactly my point, a reaction to only one side of a story.  These are their own words:

“You are the lowest slime of the earth. I hope you never get to see your children again.”

The writer decided to attack me, knowing only one side.  There were about five more sentences, and all were untruths that the writer decided to include.  The writer clearly missed the intent of my post.  My post was about doing what was in the best interests of the children, and the writer decided to instead turn their frustrations on me, knowing nothing about my own personal situation, and instead hopes that I never get to see my children again.

How much more ugly can one person get to wish permanent emotional harm on someone’s children?

So to the writer (and out of respect not to embarrass you I will not include your name or your very “cute” tag line), I have but one thing to say.

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My daughters love me and every day I tell them that I love them.   And to wish something as evil as you have done, only shows how much misery you must have had, or do have in your life and you feel the need to lash out at two beautiful little girls.  You are a sad and pathetic individual.  And, because the courts do not believe in alienating children from either parent, fortunately your wish will never be granted.

But I must say in conclusion, how crushed those in your life would be to know that you could wish someone so evil and hurtful on someone else.

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