Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Adoption”

America The Beautiful… And Diverse


Sunday, February 2nd, 2014 was my day. I was finally getting to see my Seattle Seahawks football team play in the Super Bowl. While I was confident that they would win, I never suspected the rout that took place against the top seeded team from the opposing conference. While I saw the Seahawks win, I would much rather have experienced a closer game. But there is currently something leaving even a more bitter taste in my mouth right now.

The other highlight of Super Bowl Sundays is the onslaught of “all or nothing” commercials who are rumored to have paid up to $4 million dollars for just a 30 second spot during the big game. One such commercial has set off a huge controversy which really shows just how far we still have to go as far as recognizing our country as one of the greatest in how we treat people and their various cultures.

Years ago, Coca Cola used the song “I’d Like To Teach The World To Sing” in their commercials, to demonstrated the world and all of its citizens having the ability to get along with everyone. Okay, it was really to show that everyone all over the world liked Coca Cola. In the modern version, Coca Cola used the song “America The Beautiful”, again with a warm fuzzy message, but subliminally, everyone still loves Coke. But the wrench in the works is that Coca Cola dared to have the song sung in various languages.

I am going to be sarcastic here (I feel I actually need to offer that disclaimer)…

Imagine the horror that television viewers witnessed that singers of the song, “America The Beautiful” would dare sing the song in languages other than English. SACRILEGE!!!

I am now turning off the sarcasm. First off, the United States does not have an official language, many countries do. Our country does not. Second off, the song was not our National Anthem, “The Star Spangled Banner”, and again, while many may express principle, if someone wanted to sing our National Anthem in their native tongue, there is nothing to be done about it.

So what is the issue at this controversy? Are people now pissed off because we have gone beyond having to press #1 for English and #2 for Espanol? Has the frustration grown beyond having to craft a sign printed in several languages? In school long ago, I had the opportunity to study both Spanish and Italian languages. I do not think that I had any plan to use either of them, but I took those courses anyway. No harm had come to me as a result, and to be honest, I have never had a use for them. Occasionally I may understand bits and pieces of a conversation, but no harm has ever come to me. Perhaps if I travel to Spain, Mexico, or Italy, those languages may be of use to me.

But as the parent of two beautiful little girls, who coincidently happen to be adopted from China, I plan of having them learn their native language fluently. In the process, I will probably pick up some of the language. Guess what, they are both American citizens. They are learning the English language as their primary language, but they will learn Chinese, and any other language they so choose. The bottom line is, America is beautiful. And the fact that so many cultures recognize that, and sing a song about America, in their native tongue is not offensive at all, as a select group has expressed their bigoted outrage.

No flags were burned. No embassies were bombed. We still have not solved how to prevent school shootings. Poverty is still a major concern in our country. But it is deemed important to direct attention to a song, not a National Anthem, just a song, that was sung in a different language than what we had always heard it sung. What is embarrassing and outraging, is the narrow-mindedness that a Bangladeshi cannot sing “America The Beautiful”, nor can a Mexican, a Japanese, Chinese, Irish, Italian. There are bigger problems in the world and our country than “Oh hermoso para los cielos espaciosos,Para las ondas ambarinas del grano,Para majestuosas montañas de color púrpuraPor encima de la llanura de fruto!América!”

And yes, I do happen to speak 99% English and only a few words of Spanish, Italian, and Chinese. I applaud Coca Cola for recognizing what a great and diverse country the United States of America really is.

Half Of A Great Weekend… So Far


Emotionally, this could not be any more of a diverse weekend for me. 2014 is continuing how 2013 ended, dealing with strong emotions of a contentious divorce process, while trying to protect my children’s best interests. Conclusion of this process still seems a long way off yet.

In the meantime, yesterday I got to experience one of my proudest moments yet as a father. My oldest daughter got to sing with her elementary school chorus at the beginning of a professional hockey game. I have experienced a lot of opportunities to sing in some great places, the Washington DC Shrine, Annapolis, and others. But I never got the chance to sing in a professional sports arena or for a pro sport game.

I told Madison how proud I was of her before we left the home. She responded, “but Daddy, I haven’t even sung yet.” I was too busy videotaping the song and snapping photographs, I really could not enjoy the performance until reviewing it on camera. But there it was, Madison was in the front row of the chorus singing her little lungs out. And just like the many pro-athletes before her, in any sports contest, her attention was not directed on the task at hand, but rather at the Jumobotron television screen where she realized the cameras were pointed right at her. I asked her how it felt to see herself broadcasted on such a huge screen like that, she said, “weird. This is just hopefully one of the many bright and fun memories she will experience in her lifetime and I am glad that in this current atmosphere in our home, I have been able to allow her to still be a child.

There was a hockey game, and this was the first time that my daughters had ever seen one live. And do you know what? They loved it. I do not know what custody arrangements will be determined, but I now have something else that we will be able to share with each other when the times come to spend with each other.

Now, all I need is the other half of the weekend to work out. I need a Seahawk victory in the Super Bowl over the Denver Broncos.

Children First


I just spent a wonderful weekend with my daughters visiting a close family of ours that adopted with us nearly ten years ago. My daughters are Chinese and one thing I believe in is keeping them involved in activities that teach them about their culture.

But as I wait for my divorce to draw to a close, the weekend away also gave my daughters a chance to forget about what has been going on at home between their parents. I intentionally do not discuss the details of the pending divorce for many reasons, but mainly for the fact that the ones who will be hurt, will be my children. As one person decides to carry on a conversation about what they heard, to another, details start to change, and not for the better. The average divorce process does not need any help getting more tense and hurtful.

My children are my main focus in this process. At one time, I referred to my ex and I as “the best of both worlds” in parenting. Their mother was the soft and cushy parent, while I was the firm and safe parent, consistent. For the longest time, this worked. And during a recent medical emergency, in spite of our current differences, my youngest’s mother and I were given a stark reminder that there was still co-parenting to be done, as we discussed treatments for her visit to the ER. And we did it. For those few days, we put our differences aside, and helped our daughter to recover.

I want my children to be allowed to be children. I have done my best to make sure that they do not witness any discussions between my ex and I. But that does not protect them from innuendo and rumors spread by others. To think I felt frustrated when my children went from one of us saying “no” to asking the other parent in hopes of that parent saying “yes”. I am certain that our two different parenting styles will be coming forward now.

But for a weekend, I gave my daughters something that they do not often get anymore, an opportunity to have fun, and to just be kids again.

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