Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

One Last Try


Wendy, I know you and your family read this blog.  Since you and I can no longer talk to each other without you attacking me, when all I am trying to do is to get you to understand, that as our divorce process gets more contentious, your concern for what is best for our daughters is taking a back seat.

I have dealt with cancer.  I have had to deal with open heart surgery.  I have had to face many, many other difficult times in my life.  But your insistence on allowing me to be sent to jail for back support, when I have no income, and have been trying to secure a job in spite of my health restrictions is among one of the toughest situations I have faced.  But the key difference between my health ailments, and this particular enforcement, is that at least, once I was treated, I was cured.  I was going to be able to move on, and recover.  The situation for the most part, only had an impact on me.

But this legal issue, while difficult, has a much bigger impact on the two most important people in our lives, Madison and Emmalie, our daughters.  You claim to want what is best for the girls, what you are “entitled to,” the money the judge has ordered.  But as the saying goes, “you cannot get blood from a stone,” and I have repeatedly shown the court and Domestic Relations my extensive efforts to get employment, and they believe I am trying.  I am not ignoring the court order, I am simply unable to pay for it.

You say that I should even accept a minimum wage part time job, which if I only had my own expenses, that might make a little sense, but with such a large support over my head, working a part-time job at minimum wage would have two large negative impacts on any future full time work.  First, sacrificing the level of income I once made for something so minimal would raise a huge flag to any perspective employer wondering what is wrong with me as an employee.  But even more difficult, the hours taken away from me searching for full time work, while working part time hours, would mean lost opportunities.  I literally am looking for work all hours of the day.  And I have it all documented, and have submitted my efforts to the courts.

What I cannot get to you to recognize, is that by having me sent to jail, that will seal any chance of me being able to get a job to give you what you are “entitled” to by the judge.  And I do not deny that.  But if I cannot get a job, then there will be no income.  You are fond of telling people that I am threatening you with this statement, but it is not a threat, it is a fact that every job application asks for criminal record, misdemeanor or felony, and that will lead to an automatic rejection.  Is having me denied an opportunity, when it finally happens, to get a job, and not getting any income really in the best interest of the girls?

The health insurance that I have been paying, will stop.  Again, that is not a threat as you state, that is a fact.  If I cannot afford to pay it, then our daughters will lose their health insurance.  How can you consider this the best interests for our daughters?

When our daughters have to deal with classmates and friends who are teasing them, because their “mommy had their daddy put in jail,” which will happen, how will that be in the best interest of the girls?  It is hard enough with them being adopted, now having the two people in their lives now divorcing causing emotional strife for them, but last week, you took it upon yourself to tell the girls that I was going to jail, even before my enforcement deadline later this week.  Why would you do that if you had the best interests of the girls?  If by some miracle, and I do not believe one is coming, I had been able to pay that amount, “jail” would never have had to be mentioned.  This was the cruelest thing you could have said to the girls.

I know what you were trying to do.  If I saw the girls and how upset they were with the thought of me going to jail, you believe I would pull some rabbit out of the hat, and then you would get your money.  And yes, it broke my heart to see my daughter’s tears.  But I cannot decide if it was because of how you hurt our daughters with that act, or how when you finally realize that I have been right all along in my efforts, which will all be taken away from me with incarceration, resulting in more emotional harm to the girls.  But please believe me, there will be no 11th hour miracle of money coming… I do not have the money.  I do not have a job yet.  I have no savings.

At least be honest about why you are pursuing this direction.  Our daughters believe in me, and that I will find a job that can afford the award and arrears.  You are the only one interested in punishing me for something “we” failed.  And with this act, you will have accomplished it, but it will come at such a high price for the girls.

Though I know your family and some of your friends will disagree for certain, because they only know what you have told them, the best thing you can do for the girls, is to withdraw all of the complaints, ask the judge not to incarcerate me, and allow me more time to secure a job that will afford me the ability to pay that award.  You will get your money, but it will only happen if I am given the chance, and yes, you have given me a chance, but it is taking more time than I anticipated.  But it all ends with a criminal record.  And that will not be at my hands, when you have the power in your hands to request this.

I do not know how else to convince you of this.  I am asking you, please, do what is best for the children.  Withdraw those complaints and allow me to get the income I know that I will some day have.

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