Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

06 Jan 2013
2 Comments

100th Story – Out With The Old, In With The New


It was not intentional or oringally planned to have my 100th story written to coincide with the New Year, but as it looked like a possibility, I decided to make that planned effort.  And so, here it is, my 100th official story, saying goodbye to 2012 and hello to 2013.

2012

You know what?  I am not going to list everything that happened in 2012, bad or good.  I am only going to look forward.

2013

I am not one to make resolutions.  But here are plans that I hope to make happen, and wishes that I would like to see come true.

I want to make sure that everyone in my life knows how much they mean to me.  I value any time spent with you, whether it be via IM on Facebook, snailmail, a visit to my home or yours, whether we meet ever or share a meal.  I know that if it ever came to it, I could ask you for favor as you could ask of me, and we would be there for each other.  And to those who make it their goal to cause me stress and strife, I want to do a better job with not giving you that power.

I am one major step closer to writing my first book, thanks to all of you.  I will hopefully have begun to write that book in 2013.  I have read every comment written to me about my stories and will begin to assemble the format of the book.  All the while, continuing my stories here, and other publishing efforts elsewhere.  I am hoping also to return to public speaking as an inspirational/motivational speaker.

I definitely want to stay out of the hospital, but will be happy if I can keep the emergency room visits to one.  An emergency room visit is just that, an emergency, not something planned.  This past year, my body let me know that it was still in charge.  So while I plan to continue my long term cancer survivor care, I really hope to have the unplanned trips to the hospital reduced.

I do not want to jinx it, but at least as far as we are concerned, this will be my longest marriage.  Wendy and I have been through an enormous amount.  While things happen as we get older in life, we had no idea the events that either would face.  Whether our role is patient or caregiver, we know the importance to each other.  We are Ying and Yang, polar opposites in so many interests, but share the most important common bond, raising our family.

I know it is a lot to ask, but can I have at least another strong year with Pollo?  A golden retriever with a heart of gold, the most loyal of friends will turn 13 in February.  The box of rocks did something very foolish last year which almost ended his life prematurely.  Wendy and I rehabbed him back to health, and he continues to be the “happy golden”.  Watching him roll around in the snow today, just as he did twelve years ago, he is still a puppy with so much left in him.

An orange belt for me, and two blue belts for my daughters.  While I always appreciate time spent with my girls, this is an interest that we all get to do with each other.  Hopefully a picture of this to come.

Attention Pete Carroll and the Seattle Seahawks:  I am going to be home this year.  I believe you have a great chance to not only get to the Super Bowl, but to win it.  I missed the one in 2006 for a very good reason.  And now she is old enough and likes to watch the games with me.

I would like to see a ski slope again.  It has been too long and Madison is bugging to try it.  Our latest snow storm and she slapped the snowboard on that she got for Christmas.  She is a natural.

I am going to run for the North Penn School Board Director again.  My first election process was an exciting one and now that I know what to expect, just like at “half time” of a football game, adjustments will be made.  There are currently three of us who are looking to carry on the momentum from the 2011 election.  We fell just short, which clearly was a result of voters not coming out to the polls.  It is going to be an exciting year.  In spite of the planned political schedule, I want to take more time to see what my house is like.

I think that is enough pressure on me.  Honestly, these really are not things that are difficult to achieve.  To everyone, I wish you a happy, healthy, and prosperous new year!  And please, continue to enjoy, get informed, and relax with my stories.  Be safe, and see you soon.  Happy New Year!

 
Posted in Uncategorized
06 Jan 2013

Why The Delay? Did I Miss Something?


All through my life, I have never been known as a complainer when it comes to my health.  The inside joke with my doctor and staff, is that if I am spotted in their office, there clearly has to be something wrong.  I do not ask for an office visit unless I can no longer tolerate what is ailing me, or it has gotten so bad, that over the counter methods no longer have any effect.

Even during my days undergoing cancer treatment, between February 1989 and March of 1990, I made no phone calls to my oncologist about any side effects that I did not feel I could not tolerate or deal with.  My goal following my treatments was to be free once again, to be in control of my health.  I wanted to return to the days when my doctor only saw me in times beyond my ability to care for myself.  Perhaps that thinking might have had the opportunity to cost me my life as I endured four months of chest pain before finding out I could die any moment.  If ever there was any example of needing to be prudent in my care, this should have been my light bulb moment.

So what takes me so long to respond yet today?  Why do I allow my tolerance to pain and discomfort to dictate my judgement?  As I sit in front of one of the doctors who specialize in the care of long term cancer survivors at one of the top cancer hospitals in the country, I confound him as he struggles to understand, why I tolerate levels of pain and discomfort.  Late side effects from my treatments cannot be reversed, but they can be slowed down, managed.  But in order for that to happen, I have to let all of my doctors know the simplest of concepts, when I do not feel well.  It should be that easy.

In the last year and a half, I have had to deal with three major issues related to my cancer history.  I had developed a swallowing issue that prevented me initially from swallowing foods occasionally, toward the end, not even able to swallow water before reaching out to my doctors.  Twice within the last nine months, I have ended up in the emergency room, once by ambulance, with fevers over 103.5.  In March, the diagnosis was sepsis and pneumonia, and this month, it was a case of bilateral pneumonia, formerly called “double pneumonia” or “walking pneumonia”.  To get to this point, my body had to have given some sort of warning signs which I either ignored or never recognized.

It was a nurse during my recent hospital stay who helped me to recognize what I cannot see or sense.  At one point in my life, I had been heard saying that I deserved everything that has happened to me since I made the decision to save my life from cancer.  It was a choice that I made, to either let the cancer take me, or put up with the costs of the treatments and surgeries that saved my life.  No one else made that decision, except for me.  But it was not so much a price that I paid every day for my cure, but it was a tolerance that I was unknowingly building.

I have had over two weeks to try and figure outwhat could have possible led to my latest medical crisis.  There had to be some sort of warning that I failed to recognize.  There were actual spots on both of my lungs.  I deal with chronic pain every day.  How do I differentiate what is old and which is new pain?

Someone who constantly calls their doctor about every little pain, sniffle, cough, or ache, is referred to as a hypochondriac.  And this is one of the main reasons that I speak for only myself, and perhaps other cancer survivors, why we do not react sooner.  So that we are taken seriously because quite clearly, when it gets to the point of sepsis or double pneumonia, there will be no mistaking it.  There will be no accusation of hypochondria and the resulting dismissal.  And because of this, we become tolerant.

Though there are currently studies on late effects on cancer survivors, there is still so much more to be learned.  but for those of us who know what we have been through, we owe it to ourselves and our families to not underestimate anything that does not feel right with our body.  Of course, it is one thing to talk the talk, another thing to walk…

Posted in Cancer, The Heart | Leave a comment
06 Jan 2013

My “Son In Law”


There are two possibilities of thought running through your mind right now.  The first is that I am really rushing things with my oldest daughter only being less than ten years old.  The second, no, this is not going to be an arranged marriage. 

I was introduced to my “son in law” many years ago.  My daughters were invited to a birthday party for two friends, who were twins.  I had never met them before this party.  This was no ordinary birthday party.  It was a karate themed party at an actual dojo, being led by two 2nd degree black belts.  Both kids are very friendly, though it is the boy who has the more outgoing personality.  He is a clown.  The karate instructor knows this boy very well and capitalizes on his hilarious any playfulness.

Showing a demonstration of a blocking technique, the master feigns a punch in the boy’s direction.  The kid reacts in an overexagerated demonstration and falls to the floor with all limbs flapping in different directions.  I hear an immediate defensive scream careening towards the instructor.  He is under attack.  Thinking this is cute, one of the boy’s little buddies running to his defense.  And then I hear it, “You get your hands off my husband!” 

I recognized that voice and it definitely matched the sound of the attacking scream.  It was my oldest daughter, then five years old.  And she was now clinging to the karate master’s leg, chopping at him, struggling with him, and repeatedly defending her little friend.  And then it sinks in.  Madison said “husband”.  I know I was not just hearing things.  I turned to Wendy with a very confused look on my face.  What I got in return, “I’ll fill you in later.”

That was five years ago.  And through all of these years, the word “husband” gets tossed around alot when describing Matthew.  Wendy has used it.  Matthew’s mother has used it.  And Madison has used it.  As children, we all pretended.  We pretended to be cops and robbers, maybe firemen, and depending on the make up of  the neighborhood, we pretended to be family. 

Their friendship is harmless.  I know that.  It is quite playful as they are more buddies who roughhouse than a boy and a girl trying to sneak in a “smooch”.  I actually envy them.  They have been friends longer in their short lives than I have had with most others in my four decades.  Their innocence with each other, their loyalty to their friendship, and their ability to not judge each other, means that they will have at the least, a very long friendship with each other.  I envy that.

I do not know if some day in the future they will be husband and wife.  Over my lifetime, I know several couples who have been at least high school sweethearts, their first and only true loves.  I do know that Matthew meets one of my main criteria for my daughters, he treats her nicely.  Personally, he will have his hands full if she is indeed his future bride.  To use the term high maintenance to describe Madison is fairly understated.  I do not know if they are a modern day Thomas J and Vada.  Only time will tell.

         

Posted in Family and Friends | Leave a comment

Post Navigation

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →