Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “The Heart”

Reality TV Bites! My Pitch To The Major Networks


Shows based on reality.  Oh, the humanity!
“You’re gonna lose your mind watchin’ TV” Oh, and “Fear Factor” I watched maybe a half hour after that, felt like I needed a long shower
Network execs with naked ambitions, “Next week on FOX, watch lions eat Christians”.  Leech-covered grub-eatin’ fools on “Survivor”
I love shows with or without a plot I’ll stare ’til my legs are numb, my eyes bloodshot
Because I only have got One brain to rot
I’m gonna spend my life watching television a lot

These lyrics are from Wierd Al Yankovic’s song parody “Couch Potato”.  I have intentionally only copied the references to reality television.  You can read the complete lyrics on any web page.  Late last year I attended a cancer survivor event.  One of the speakers was a head honcho at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center.  When he finally began speaking he mentioned the uncomfortable feeling he got referring to former cancer patients as “survivors”.  Survivor is often a term we associate with war, accidents, natural disasters.  I am paraphrasing, but that is the gist of what he said.  I believe he was attributing it to the duration of the event and the effects following it.  I would go one step further as far as using the word survivor, not just for cancer patients, but those who have survived war, disasters, and other tragic events.  I believe the word “survivor” has been cheapened by “reality TV”.

I will admit that I do watch an occasional reality show, but it is very rare.  The whole concept of someone volunteering to be put in precarious positions, be paid for it, and referring to the victor as a survivor is insulting and demeaning to those who have had no choice, who are not given a financial opportunity to recover (or in the TV world, profit from their effort or gain their fifteen minutes of fame).

Seriously, take a look around your waiting room.  In walks your doctor with a TV producer, and about a dozen people whom you do not recognize.  Since you do not know any of the visitors it is up to the doctor to introduce to you, what is about to happen.

“I have been approached by this major network about a new reality show about getting through a battle with cancer.  These people have all volunteered to be given the same cancer, and the same treatments.  There will be challenges where they will be given the opportunity for extra treatments, or denied treatments.  Competitions will determine what order people would receive their treatments.  Losing challenges would also carry consequences.  Every week, one contestant will be sent home by vote from the real patients who are not here for the TV show, where they will then have to find their own treatment plan.  The last one standing, or surviving, will be the winner of a million dollars.  As participants as observers, we will make sure that you get a year’s supply of TV guides to make sure you know just when the show is airing.  Sound good?”

Of course this scenario is prerposterous, and offensive.  But many times, when I watch shows like Survivor, Big Brother, Fear Factor, and now all these sub-class shows like Redneck Vacations and a show mocking an overweight child because her parents are too stupid to realize the damage they are causing, I do not want to be held in the same descriptive sense of the word survivor.  I have been through too much for my journey to be so understated just because it did not appear on some remote island.  My psychological battles are far worse than a group of spoiled egotistical jerks who believe the only way to get by is by being deceiptful, and disloyal.

We cancer patients are kind of funny with the labels that healthy people, and sometimes other cancer patients like to place on us.  Survivor.  Warrior.  And I am not going to rip on people who watch the reality shows.  But just once, I would like to see a major network produce a series and stick with it, about true survivors, not volunteers, we were forced into our situations.  We were not made into millionaires because of it, but there are literally millions of us, over twelve million.  Many of us have additional issues, and most do not know why.  Stand Up 2 Cancer is doing great by drawing attention to supporting research to find new cures and support, but we need something to show that people do live long lives in spite of their greatest challenge in life.  A walk around a track at your local Relay For Life is lined with luminairies with the names of people who have faced cancer and beaten it.  I would like to see a Nationally televised Relay For Life with at least half of the program dedicated to survivors and perhaps expanding the Stand Up 2 Cancer to include the various issues that survivors face after treatments from psychological to medical.  Just once, I would like to see a real reality show that is not based on backstabbing, lying, and degrading.  I would like to see true success and show people how success is really celebrated and appreciated.

Why Travel To New York When You Live Here?


“Don’t let economics determine where you get your care.”  Linda (a friend of mine and former long term survivor).

It is really an exhaustive day, a nearly five hour commute each way, sometimes just for a 45-minute appointment.  On a normal day, I have several appointments scheduled up in Manhattan at multiple locations.  One of the most frequent questions I get asked almost as frequently as I travel, “why do I go all the way to New York City for my care, when there are so many doctors around where I live?  It is a reasonable question, but unfortunately has a historical and statistical answer.

First, you need to understand what it means to be a long term survivor.  There is no set number of years to qualify.  Although statistically, five years seems to be a magic number. ” 80% of such and such live to five years without blah blah blah…”  It used to be that not much attention was paid to patients who survived decades later.  Not by the doctors.  Not by the pharmacutical companies.  Not by society.  So there really was not much in the books concering long term cancer survival.

If there are others, I apologize, but I am currently aware of only one doctor who has done this study for decades.  That would be Dr. O up at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center.  Dr. O has been studying Hodgkin’s Disease and late effects from treatments for decades.  Along with Dr. H out at Stanford U., the two of them are the top doctors in this field.  They both operate what are called “survivor clinics.”  A survivor clinic is where I go for all of my long term side effect issues.  They know the follow up testing that needs to be done based on the treatments you received.  And here is the crazy thing, at least in Dr. O’s case, he routinely has my primary care doctor back home do all the work, treatment and follow up.  And they work like a team perfectly.  My doctor admits that this discipline of knowledge is relatively unknown to her, just as most other doctors as it is not included in their studies.  Where I benefit, is that she has an open mind.  If I were a normal forty-seven year old man, most likely she would not order certain tests once, let alone annually.  But Dr. O has the background, the studies to support how to follow up and treat those of us who were never expected to live this long.

Over time,mor clinics have popped up across the country, Duke University. Dana Farber in Boston, Vanderbuilt, and I believe there is one in Seattle.  There are plenty more.  There are also facilities that specialize in particular systems effected by cancer treatments such as radiation.  The Clevelan Clinic is one of the, if not the best cardiac hospitals for patients who have had radiation therapy to their chest area.

Through internet support, I had known so much about MSKCC already, I just had to figure out how to get there, and if needed to frequently, the logistics of how that would work out.  I could have gone down to Philadelphia where there is another good survivor’s clinc, but unlike MSKCC, I had not heard of anyone going there.  This is not to say they were not good.  Of course they are one of the top hospitals in the country for treating cancer, it would only make sense that they would be great at managing survival as well.  But I had the opportunity to see Dr. O, who I consider the best in the world for dealing with long term effects.  And I was lucky as well as blessed to get to be his patient.  He does for me, what should have been done twenty-three years ago, and what is done automatically now for new cancer patients, follow-ups.  He has a plan, just for me.  He has another plan for another patient, and so on.  I see several disciplines of medicine from gastrointestinal, cardiac, pulmonary, physiatry, psychiatry, and ENT.  We are all different, but under his care, we are all treated with the best care available.

Because some of our side effects are so unusual, it requires knowledge of all the radiation strategies used decades ago, and the various side affects of chemotheraputic drugs.  This is where I come in, where you might come in.  Many of us do not have our records any longer from decades ago.  Mine were incinerated.  But Dr. O was able to figure out the protocol for 1988 for me, and the dosages, and that is what determined his plan to follow me up with.  Now of course, it is not spot on.  My body has decided not to follow even Dr. O’s book.  But anything that occurs with me, he is made aware of it.  My primary care doctor is made aware of it.  I make sure that everyone involved in my care is made aware of it, and has copies of all pertinent reports.

So why do I go to Manhattan, on average once a month, if not twice?  Peace of mind.  I do get a lot of time to meditate to help me relax which is something I have a hard time doing.  But I know Dr. O will leave no stone unturned if I complain about it.  I knew each doctor that he refers me to, will treat my case as legitimate without having to waste time justifying everything.  But as part of my treatment team, I need to know that I am included in everything being decided.  And he does just that.

Can Being Bullied Be A Good Thing?


Over the last few years, especially with my 2011 school board campaign, I had many conversations about bullying in schools.  I have been an advocate for bully prevention forever.  In today’s schools and neighborhoods, I do not believe any level of bullying can be tolerated or treated as a “phase all kids go through.”

Bullying in school is frequently referred to in my daughters’ karate class by their instructor.  He does not teach them to attack bullies, but rather get help or defend.  But if a child must defend themselves, then by all means the child will.  But it was a conversation with a couple of parents that spurred this post.  I was talking to one parent about her son being bullied and how the school district is doing nothing to prevent it.  According to the parent, the child is in an alternative placement along with another student who is frequently physically assaulting her child.  I will not get into specifics of the case because I have only been told one side.  But I will say this.  No child should have their civil rights violated by being physically abused by another student.  If what the parent says is true, that this behavior is repeated, and the school has been notified, and so has the school district that placed both students, then the school is condoning the acts and the district is ignoring the acts, both by simply ignoring the complaints.  This is going to sound harsh, but if no one from the school or the district will control this situation, then the parent should involve the local authorities with formal charges against the bully for assault.

Just then, another parent joins in the conversation and begins to discuss bullying issues that his children have had.  But the father went further by explaining why he would not tolerate behavior like that at all against his children.  He revealed at that moment that he had been frequently abused in school by bullies.  He did not goin into reasons, but the point that he stressed, was the impact that it has had on him as an adult.  Honestly, I have never seen him bust a gut with a laughing fit,  but he has expressed a sense of humor, albeit a dry one.  But he got my attention with what he told me that he did not consider funny.  I will not go into those boundaries, because the point I want to make is how his being bullied as a child has made him the way he is today.

And that got me to thinking.  How did my being bullied in school affect me as an adult?  Quite simply, I do not choose my battles.  I will not back down from anyone for anything.  If I really do not believe in something,  that I am being urged to do or support, I will not, no matter the cost.  It is almost as if, all the crap I took from everyone back in school, I would never put up with any in my adult life, ever.   Having no one stand up for me, I will fight for everyone and everything.  This kind of thinking has not been good for me.  I have lost friends.  Family alienates me.  And there are frequent quarrels with Wendy. 

The majority of my co-workers despise me because I choose to do my job ethically, while they would rather cut corners, work unsafely, just to have hang-around time and socialize or surf the net.  But they are also good at slandering me and making false claims against me.  I do not let them get the upper hand, even if I happen to get in trouble.  I rely on my reputation for my work to speak for me.

Salesman have no chance against me.  Insurance reps, do not even think about ringing my door bell.  You might get away with mixing up my food order.

But my toughness from being bullied I thnk conributed to how I deal with my health.  For starters, I took on my battle with Hodgkin’s Disease never thinking the possibility it would take me.  Recovery from all the side effects was taken on the same way.  I would over come.  My heart surgery, bouts with pneumonia, all recovered under my direction, my determination.  But I get through them because I am so physically tough, a high tolerance for pain.  But that is what is keeping me alive.

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