Last evening, I had received news, that a fellow long term Hodgkin’s Lymphoma survivor had unexpectedly passed. If you have followed my blog, I have written about the many health issues that we face, that for normal healthy people to overcome is not as risky, but because of our complicated exposure to extreme levels of toxicity of treatments decades ago, there are times when the body just cannot take anymore.
I have been blessed over my survivorship to have met so many others in similar situations like me, whether it be in person, or on-line. Some I connect with more often than others, a lot of that having to do with similarities of symptoms and diagnosis.
Besides our similarities of Hodgkin’s and long term health issues, she also resided near where I used to live. This served as a common “ice breaker” to open conversation about any health struggle we were having. MaryAnn was a loving parent and grandparent, something I am half-way through my journey currently (and am hoping to wait on the second part for a bit longer). As a friend on social media, I saw all the wonderful doting on her grandchildren. She was a very proud and happy grandmother.
She loved to travel. And if there was a second most favorite topic for her after her children and grandchildren, according to her social pages, it was animals. MaryAnn loved animals, a lot.
But as long term survivors, we deal with a lot of serious moments at times. And we all have our own defense mechanisms to get us through each of those situations. And honestly, that is what I am going to remember most about MaryAnn.
She very rarely posted her actual photo as a profile picture. But seemingly every day, she would post some sort of characature, often reminding me of claymation, of doll-appearing characters, in various display. Some would be comical, serious, and honestly, some a bit twisted. But I often looked forward to the frequent notification of the profile picture change. It was always entertaining.
As I said, this was not something that was expected to happen, yet is something that survivors have learned to expect. And when one of our survivors passes in this manner, it is a stark reminder to us, to make sure that we take advantage of every day that we have. Her mother had just passed away less than two weeks ago, and prior to that, she was experiencing some common symptoms (to survivors anyway), that would be addressed. There had been no indication that she was in dire trouble with her health. Only in the past few days did it appear it was going to be much more serious.
MaryAnn will be missed in our “family” of survivors. And I will miss the anticipation of the “profile picture of the day” from her. She will me missed.
We were in the single digits of cases of Covid19, when I began mentally preparing for what was likely ahead. That was January of 2020. Being immuno-compromised, it is in my best interest to know about outbreaks that can impact me, and the best way to prevent contracting a virus or at least protect myself as best possible.
It has been over a year and a half, twenty months, that I began precautions and planning. Soon after, as the recommendations came, to wear a mask, keep a certain distance from others, and for the life of me, I will never figure why we needed to be reminded of this, but to wash our hands.
Just as the express lane of a highway gets you to the same destination as the other lanes being travelled, I got my information from a medical “highway” of knowledge, my doctors, a.k.a the express lanes, and the rest of the information from reputable sources. And most times, like the both lanes of the highway, both of my sources got me to the same place, occasionally there were some detours, and when that occurred, I stayed in the express lane with my doctors.
What I am going to state now, is not fact, well at least not to you, reading this, it is purely anectdotal, a story, unless you personally know me that you can confirm this, it is not science, so other than my words, there are no facts. But I can tell you, this is the truth. Twenty months, wearing a mask, distancing, washing hands, staying away from indoor activities as best as I can, I have not contracted Covid19 (as I quickly run to knock on wood). In other words, I took the advice, that my doctors and others recommended, and used it, and it has been successful to this point.
Hence, the first equation, 1 + 1 = 2. It is something that can pretty much be agreed on. And as simple as this equation is, it should have been this simple in dealing with Covid19, just as we had with SARS, swine flu, MERS, and others. Instead, a different kind of math occurred, resulting in an argument equivalent as saying 1 + 1 = 3. While the calculation is clearly wrong, it is close enough to have a strong debate, or a hot argument. Sides soon emerge, agreeing with fact, that the correct answer is 2, while others cling to not just the possibility of the answer being 3, but willing to make it work.
This kind of argument was troubling, because it would lead to where we are today. What would have otherwise just been another virus that we would have had things in place to deal with, politics was introduced into a health crisis, where it had no business being put. The fuse lighting that stick of TNT? A president only liked by half of the citizens, rushing in quick defense of the president before the first attack from any opposition. Realizing this was going to be more serious than anticipated, and this is on video footage forever, the president downplayed the seriousness from beginning on, even as cases climbed and people died. I do not want to get lost in weeds here, because this stage is not my point. My point was, just as the erroneous middle equation, things were close enough to make the argument, and keep it going, and sometimes, quite angrily.
But here we are, twenty months later, and like an Abbot And Costello routine, a different type of argument has emerged, and now it is a matter of, is this the type of argument you want to keep having, because just as absurd as 1 + 1 = 5 is, so is where we are at in August of 2020, and there seems to be no end, although we have the methods and the means to do so.
The problem with the Abbot and Costello routine, is that Lou Costello actually made it work, three different ways. The video is much more compelling than me explaining it and showing pictures, but he could divide 7 into 28 thirteen times, multiply 13 times 7 to get 28, and add 13 seven times and get 28. And this was before “new math” came along.
But this is where we are today with Covid19. There are people making a similar argument style to Covid19 as Abbot and Costello did with math. Just like that, likely to make you want to pull your hair out.
Science is not perfect. Science is not the truth, it is about finding the truth, and that means that there will be mistakes along the way. I know way too many people who did not take the precautions that I did and came down with Covid19, and too many who died from it. I also know some who did follow the precautions, and whether fatigue or letting their guard down, came down with Covid19 as well. And even fellow Hodgkin’s survivors with issues similar to mine, came down with Covid19, amazingly, hardly any casualties that I am aware of anyway. And that I will attribute to the way we survivors are more concerned about our health given all we have gone through.
I am truly disgusted at the efforts at this point, which now have our situation heading way worse than last year. Seriously, referring to a mask as a muzzle? Do those making that argument even know what a muzzle is and what it is used for? Not even close. Arguing that freedom and liberty are lost? Get out of here. I am as free today as the day I was born 55 years ago. The dichotomy between arguing over public health and liberty/freedom is ridiculous, as liberty and freedom have nothing to do with surviving Covid19.
But like I said, after arguing for twenty months that 1 + 1 does not = 3, I neither have the patience or the will to argue with anyone trying to make sense that 1 + 1 = 5.
The only correct answer to the equation of 1 + 1 = 2. If we are to get through Covid19 once and for all, wear the damn mask. Get the damn vaccine. Stop spreading the virus, keeping distance and washing hands. We were once at the point just a month ago of 11,000 cases a day after being over 200,000 a day back in the Winter. We are now back over 130,000 and skyrocketing. 1 + 1 = 2 damnit!
This is Travis Campbell of Virginia. He is 43 years old. And yes, he is a Covid19 patient. He is also someone who has been resistant to taking the Covid19 virus seriously, including getting vaccinated. He is publicizing his journey on social media. In his words, he “messed up” in not getting the vaccine. His current status, having graduated downward in his condition, has him now in the ICU. In his videos, you can hear him struggling to breathe.
This is not the part of his story that gets me. I am tired, after a year and a half of trying to convince people I know, who either deny the reality of the situation or have gone full throttle conspiracy in getting through this pandemic. My friends who believe opposite what I do in regard to Covid19, know that I will respect their decision, no matter how wrong I feel they may be. Notice, I am not saying they are wrong, but rather, I feel they are wrong. And that is different. Because I really think, that if they took a step away from the resources they use to make their determination, and look at the science and facts, from reliable sources, like their doctors, just as I do, they would definitely at the least, have some doubt about their current stance.
But emotionally, I just cannot offer any sorrow at this point for anyone making the choices against prevention, against mitigation, against common sense, only to get smacked in the face with reality. I have several friends who work in health care, including a long term Hodgkin’s survivor who is “forced” to work, taking care of Covid19 patients in spite of her vulnerabilities. And I find it even more offensive than earlier, that with at least the option of being vaccinated, the majority of patients being seen, are not being vaccinated. My only thoughts and prayers are not for those patients, but for my friends and other front line workers and their families who have not asked as part of their career choice, to take care of people who blatantly have such disregard for public welfare and saftey.
In any case, I do not wish ill on anyone, and I do hope that Mr. Campbell can recover. Though his last update yesterday, does not offer that promise. He has been switched from different levels of breathing assistance, and moved into the ICU for his care. He stated in yesterday’s update, that he now has blood clots as well as a crystalizing in his lungs, both common side effects of the virus, known from the beginning, and for me, being vulnerable, all I needed to know, to know that I could not afford to contract Covid19, confirmed by my cardiologist who stated very plainly, “if you get Covid19, with your heart and lungs the way they are, you will die.” That is not Facebook or any news outlet, that is my personal doctor who knows my health. Of course I take this seriously. But you do not have to have my vulnerabilities to know that blood clots and this crystalizing to know they are bad for even “healthy” people.
It is the next part of my post, that is what bothers me the most, and honestly, should have been a no-brainer for Campbell, long ago. He is now likely heading to the next level of care, and possibly the final level of care, being put on a respirator. And as most know, being put on a respirator for Covid19 is a bad prospect, with fairly good odds of never being able to come off of it. Death. Even the possibility of death while being on the respirator is not enough to convince people to do what they can to avoid Covid19. Ask any of us, who have ever been put on a respirator for any of our non-Covid19 procedures (myself at least six times that I can remember), and how unpleasant the process of being intubated is, should be enough to turn you back into giving a shit. But not Campbell.
It is his last words from yesterday, that have actually broken through my shell, and really have me shaking my head with his situation. He has two young children. As do I. As he prepares to be placed onto a respirator, he held a conversation with his son, 14 years of age, that if by some chance, he does not survive, he asks his son, that when the time comes that his sister gets married, he would “give his sister away” in his place.
When I watched this, I lost it. My friends and family know how much they all mean to me, and will not take offense to this comment, but my daughters are my world. Anything and everything I do is for them. From the very first health crisis I faced, my emergency open heart surgery, through the too-numerous-to-count more events, I have fought through everything, for them, so that they would never have to experience the loss of their Dad, at least in their youth, like several of their friends.
My life almost ended in 2008 with a widow maker heart attack, were it not for the emergency surgery. And then I found out, why that condition happened, and all the other health issues I deal with today, late developing side effects from my treatments for Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, high doses of radiation, and toxic chemotherapy. Yes, I have survived 31 years because of what was done to me, and it has come at a cost. But, my doctors have all told me, they will do what they can, to at least keep the pace of the development of these issues as slow as they can, since it cannot be reversed. And we all have the same goals: to see both my daughters graduate and possibly go to college, perhaps get married, and even give me grandchildren. I am close to that first milestone with my oldest one year away from graduation. And I am doing all that I can to get to all of these milestones.
That is what finally broke through me about Campbell’s situation. I never want anyone else to need to walk my daughters down a wedding aisle. And that is why, knowing what I know about my health, and knowing what I have been told by those closest to me that I trust the most, my doctors, I am doing all that I can to avoid contracting Covid19. Is it a guarantee? Hardly since I live in Florida and the majority of people are still fighting the obvious, and a governor who refuses to encourage any kind of precautions. But I am doing all that I can. And for those crying “my freedom” or as I call it, free-dumb, I am still “free.” Like all the other illnesses that I have gotten through in my survivorship, it is because I listen to those that know, my doctors, that I am living my life, one day at a time, doing all the things I want and need to do.
As a father, I can only hope that Campbell can recover so that he can walk his daughter down her wedding aisle. I could never imagine anyone else doing it for my daughters.
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