Paul's Heart

How Ya Been?

I stopped into a convenience store the other day. As I was entering the door, a customer was walking out. He had just bought himself some PowerBall tickets (he lost I am sure). Just as we passed each other, we realized suddenly, we knew each other. But it had actually been awhile, nearly three years in fact, yes, since the Covid pandemic broke out. Prior to that, we might have seen each other pretty much weekly. He had also aged some. My hair had grown quite a bit longer as well. So we both had changed over time. I was also wearing a mask, something I have done indoors most of the time, and occasionally outdoors depending on how dense the crowd may be.

We actually stood there and caught up with each other. Of course, Covid was part of the conversation. He had his experience with it at one time, I to this day, as of this post, have still avoided the virus (knock on wood). My friend was glad to hear that I had gotten to spend time with my daughters, and happy to hear of their future education plans. And finally, we both mentioned that hopefully, some day, better mitigation and control would be in place to prevent the continued infection of Covid. For me, my life is going to depend on it.

I am one of only three people that I am in personal contact with, who have not had Covid. The three of us, all realize the vulnerabilities that I have, which make me more susceptible to not only infection of, but complications from Covid. I am fully vaccinated, up to my fifth dose, the new bivalent booster which covers many strains of the Omicron variant. And with the current strain, called “Deltacron,” named after the strains of Omicron and Delta being combined, now having the serious effects on the lungs that the highly fatal Delta strain was known for, with the easy spreading capacity of Omicron, it is beginning to look like another rough year dealing with Covid.

The good news for most, is the newer booster, covers most of the Omicron strains along with Delta. Unfortunately for me, as I have written in the past, my body does not hold immunity very well, especially when it comes to the Covid vaccine. That has been proven. I received my 5th dose, of the bivalent booster back in October. As blood tests showed with the other doses that I got, my immunity levels last roughly four months. And currently there is not any protocol for any future boosters, which means come January, all I can do is prevent getting Covid on my own. But as I said, decisions I have made have worked so far.

Besides wearing the mask, avoiding crowds, and the obvious, washing my hands, I have made smart choices. I have given up nothing. I do what I want, but I have made sure, that if there was an increased risk of Covid, I dealt with two criteria, how important was the situation that I was going to be in, and how comfortable did I feel that my efforts to protect myself would work.

Throughout the pandemic, there were three things that mattered to me; seeing my daughters, my older daughter’s high school graduation, and my health. If I wanted to be able to deal with all three, I needed to avoid Covid. It was not hard to do. But those three things, would also put me at my greatest risk of exposure. I would have to fly for my daughter’s graduation, so there was the over crowded airports. I say over crowded because for the life of me, I do not remember airports being that packed prior to the pandemic. Maybe one percent of the people besides myself wore masks. And at the graduation itself? See for yourself.

A couple thousand people, shoulder to shoulder, indoors, with as rising case number of new infections. As the picture shows, besides the camera person, there were two people a couple rows in front of me, that were wearing masks besides myself. Needless to say, my anxiety was high, but this was one of those moments I was not going to miss. And then of course there were the flights back and forth, and dealing with crowded airports, again, most other passengers not wearing masks. Fortunately, and again, because I followed the prevention recommendations, I did not get Covid.

But there was another opportunity, that put me at a high risk, and I had no choice in the matter. Through the course of the pandemic, I needed three surgeries, two for my heart, and one for my carotid artery. Of course, where were you more likely than not to run into Covid, than in a hospital. But fortunately, hospitals were following the protocols to protect patients as well as themselves. Again, I managed to get through all three surgeries, without getting infected by Covid.

If I received any ridicule, it was from a minority of friends, who I feel had other agendas with their position on Covid, in spite of knowing what an infection could do to me. With those friends, I simply ignored the false “pity” of having given up my “freedom.” To be honest, I am not sure what I gave up, but rather that I had either lost interest, or could not really afford any longer. I do my own grocery shopping, pump my own gas. I even took my daughters on vacations. Clearly I travel. I very rarely eat in at restaurants, depending on the crowded conditions and if booth seating is available. I do not really consider this a “loss” as I will take the food to go. My server still gets a tip. I do not get Covid. There are really only two things that I can say are 100% not happening currently, and though a small part of it is Covid risk, cost is definitely a final factor. I can wait for movies to come out on Netflix, Redbox, or any other streaming service. I do not need to pay the value of a quarter tank of gas to see a movie, and that is without snacks. And of course, concerts. While I have seen most acts that I have ever wanted to see, some multiple times, and some that I at one time, had hoped to see again, with the rising costs of tickets, it is not Covid that made me give up concerts.

While the circle of people I know of, who have not had Covid yet is getting smaller, I do not think I have suffered at all by choosing to take precautions. My personal doctors have given me sound advice, and over all the years in their care, they have always been honest with me, and I know have always cared. The holidays are coming up again, and that means spending time with my daughters again. And then soon, it is going to be another high school graduation I will have to look forward to.

No, I have not given up or sacrificed anything for Covid. I have simply recognized and prioritized what is important to me. And that is the only time I want to be positive when it comes to Covid.

With How Many Times I Have Been “Lucky”…

If you have entered a convenience store to pre-pay for gasoline, or approached customer service at your local grocery store over the past two days, you undoubtedly have been stuck in a ridiculously long line, waiting for your task that was only supposed to take less than five minutes when you left your house. Welcome to Powerball mania.

In full disclosure, I think I have only played an actual lottery maybe once in my forty years of adulthood. Yeah yeah yeah, “you can’t win if you don’t play” is the war cry I always heard at work. My co-workers frequently pooled money together to buy a larger number of tickets to increase their impossible odds of winning even $5. But here we are again. Last night’s drawing was estimated to be $1.2 billion dollars. That’s right, $1.2 billion dollars. Alas, no one won. On to Saturday’s drawing for the Powerball, jackpot estimated to be $1.5 billion dollars.

It is either the way that I was raised, combined with the way that I lived my life fiscally, that I am truly uncomfortable with being the “fool whose money end soon parted.” I honestly have higher priorities, than throwing good money after ba… I mean good money after none.

I get it. I understand the excitement when someone actually wins a scratch off ticket, or a televised lottery drawing. I have known a few people who have won anything from a few hundred dollars to a couple of thousand dollars, but nothing large enough to pull a “Johnny Paycheck” able to tell their boss to “take this job and shove it.”

There are likely two types of lottery players. You have those that play constantly, and consistently, whether it be with daily drawings or scratch off tickets. Astoundingly, it is not uncommon for me to be standing behind someone, who will purchase anywhere between $25 to $100 worth of chance, without the blink of an eye.

But then you have the other type, the opportunist, the “I feel lucky this time” player. This person may not buy scratch off tickets, but when a particular lottery drawing hits a certain jackpot level, that is when this person decides to join in the fun. Probably about two weeks ago, as the jackpot neared a half billion dollars, this person would walk down, and nonchalantly lay down a $20 for the Powerball drawing, not really believing they have a chance, but “what the Hell? Why not?” No one wins, and the jackpot increases, but so does the belief of the purchaser, their chances of winning have increased, resulting in a larger purchase of drawing tickets, as much as $50 this trip.

Tuesday evening, as I was standing in a customer service line, to resolve a two minute issue, I saw hundred dollar bills being placed on the counter in exchange for more chances at the billion dollar jackpot. Sure, nothing is impossible, but putting down $100 for 100 tickets, does not do much to increase the chances of wining something with 1 in a 292,000,000 chance of picking all the right numbers and power ball.

I have never gotten caught up in this mania. I just cannot rationalize taking money, and getting nothing in return. I am not just like this with the lottery, but gambling in general. I have been to casinos a few times in my life. Often times, I just walk by everything. On occasion, I have walked by a card table, and “felt” something (could have been the subliminal tugging on my wallet), and would sit down to play. I would put $20 down (I only played the $5 dollar tables). I would play four hands minimum, until the $20 was gone (losing all 4 hands), or if doubling my money setting my original $20 aside, playing one more hand. If I lost, I would leave with $35. If I won, I would guarantee leaving with $40, continuing to play off that $5. I would not normally play longer than a half an hour. In contrast, I had been involved with someone who held the belief, that even if they hit a jackpot on the slots, and it did happen at least once, there was an intent to put it all back in the machine, because “it was all about the fun.”

“A fool and their money…”

When it comes to luck, I have experienced my share of it, both good and bad. I do not dwell on the bad luck events of my life, but use those as springboards to recover and rebuild. In 1990, I defeated Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and since 2008 I have faced six other health issues that could have ended tragically, not to mention, just barely escaping a head-on car collision turning at the last second.

Nope, if I am going to use my luck anywhere, I have had it at the right time. I respect “my luck.”

I do not begrudge anyone who does play, of course, depending on the state the lottery is from, proceeds can benefit anything or anyone from seniors to education. So, lotteries can be a good thing. And someone, will eventually win. The question that will have to be decided at that point, is how to collect. With the option of having to wait over time to collect the estimated $1.5 billion dollars over many years, or just take the very reduced lump sum amount, which is clearly enough for someone to live on, the decision is not an easy one. How much money is enough?

If I could spare any luck at this point, I would throw some towards the Philadelphia Phillies, a team seemingly set on destiny, to wrap up the World Series Saturday night. Others, will be watching for the Power Ball drawing at 11pm.

Good luck to all.