Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Family and Friends”

Harry Chapin – Cats In The Cradle


“Cat’s In The Cradle” by Harry Chapin

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talkin’ ‘fore I knew it, and as he grew
He’d say “I’m gonna be like you, Dad
You know I’m gonna be like you”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home, Dad
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then
You know we’ll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, “Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let’s play
can you teach me to throw”, I said “Not today
I got a lot to do”, he said, “That’s ok
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said, “I’m gonna be like him, yeah
You know I’m gonna be like him”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home, Dad
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then
You know we’ll have a good time then

Well, he came from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
“Son, I’m proud of you, can you sit for a while”
He shook his head and said with a smile
“What I’d really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home son
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then, Dad
You know we’ll have a good time then

I’ve long since retired, my son’s moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, “I’d like to see you if you don’t mind”
He said, “I’d love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job’s a hassle and kids have the flu
But it’s sure nice talking to you, Dad
It’s been sure nice talking to you”

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He’d grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you comin’ home son
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then, Dad
We’re gonna have a good time then

Illusions


“What a jerk!”. “Asshole.” “Dickhead.” “Those poor kids.” “He will get his.” He better hope I never…”.

These are just a smidge of things that are being said about me via voice mail, text messaging, Facebook, and in front of my children. Nice. I have left my ex-wife’s comments out, because they are assumed. It is only a natural part of a divorce for one spouse to hate the other. And while the majority of the comments like those mentioned above are very real, they are spoken by people who have absolutely no idea why they are saying those things. Those words are being spoken by people who are misinformed and let us face it, the only two people who truly know what is happening during this process is my ex and I.

Everyone seems to know the “facts”. Yet I can literally count on one hand, and not use all the fingers on that hand, how many people have asked me “what happened?”

I will continue to keep the details of the divorce between my ex and I as we are the only two participants in this process. But one thing I will address is an accusation that I am ignoring my children. Nothing could be further from the truth. Consider this, that through the divorce process, the two of us have continued to live in the house with each other until paperwork is signed. So for those of you have accused me abandoning my children, kind of hard to do that when I am still living in the house to this very day.

My car has been vandalized on at least one occasion.

And the final thing that I will address, my father. He is to be left out of this discussion from now on. He is being used to explain the “lack of time” I spend with my daughters, “on purpose”. Claims are made against me that I would rather spend time with my dad than my daughters. Let me make one thing clear. There is no harder decision for me right now than to be by my dying father’s side (lung cancer if you need to know), and spending time with my daughters. I still work full time and then the balance of the time is taking time to say “hi” and “goodnight” to my daughters, and then sitting by my father’s death bed. But for those of you who feel you can judge me for this decision, you are a sorry excuse for a human being.

I will continue to not involve my children in the divorce process. When I get asked by them, situations or circumstances, I explain to them that these are things that Mommy and Daddy need to take care of. But to my ex’s family and friends, my daughters have heard too much from you and it is not fair to them. You do not get to blame me and the divorce for the way my children feel when you say the vile and hateful things about me that you do. I get it. You hate me because of what little you know that led to the divorce. But you do not get to emotionally hurt my 9 and 11 year old daughters. What the Hell is wrong with you? Just because they may not be in the room with you does not mean that they are not within earshot.

When I see my girls every morning, they have sadness in their eyes. And while originally it may have been about the confusion of divorce, and what it all meant. But now, it is because of all the hateful things that they hear being said about their father. I have not, nor has anyone of my family, said anything negative about my ex. But when you know my children have the possiblity of hearing the hateful words you speak, why can you not just eat those words for when they are not around?

Enough already. You are the ones hurting my daughters… not me.

A Call For A New Protocol


This one is for you my friend…

While the Affordable Care Act goes a long way for protecting cancer patients and survivors with its protection against pre-existing conditions, there is one issue that is not even being conceived.

When we undergo our cancer treatments, we are subject to multiple blood tests to see if our bodies are capable of handling the toxins that are sent through our veins or body, whether chemical or radiation. If our levels are too low, treatments are either reduced or delayed until our numbers are better. This is a good thing. As a patient, you want to be able tolerate the treatments, receive the maximum benefit of the treatment, to ensure the treatment results in remission, a cure.

So great, we check the bloodwork, but what about the rest of the body? What protocol is there for following up body organs possibly affected by either chemotherapy or radiation? Sure, there is most likely a baseline study done prior to the beginning of treatments, but after that, when is the next scan of the body planned? Probably not until months after treatments end. But by then, it could be too late. I received several toxic drugs and radiation. I am going to refer to one of the drugs I was given. Now for the record, as I have spoken before about my cardiac issues having been provoked by radiation damage, I do have valve issues that have been caused by either radiation, or this particular drug. I will talk about other chemotherapeutic drugs in other posts. But for this one, I want to talk about an Anthracyclene, called Adriamyacin.

First, understand this, Adriamyacin was a critical component in my cure of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma years ago. It is very successful in treating Hodgkin’s. However, for some patients, and low numbers are often quoted, the drug is lethal and difficult to handle. Surveillance is critical during its administration, yet it is not given that priority because of the low number of patients affected. My argument is this, if you know that the drug has the potential to damage the heart, especially when it comes to young children or adults who may be smaller than the average patient, why would doctors choose not to pay more attention to the cardiac risks of their patients? I have a solution which I will get to in the end of this post, but first, I need you to understand Adriamyacin.

Anthracyclene drugs are Adriamyacin, Doxorubicin, Daunorubicin, Daunomycin, Cerubidine, Idarubicin, Idamycin, Mitoxantrone, Novantone, Epirubicin. These drugs are known to weaken the heart muscle in a diagnosis called cardiomyopathy, lead to arrhythmias, valve stenosis, scarring or some other coronary artery disease. These issues can lead to heart attacks or even congestive heart failure. Factors that play a role on the possibility of these effects are age, total dose of the drug, if radiation involved, and any other drugs that affect the heart used.

So, how do we use a drug that is extremely successful in curing Hodgkin’s, and prevent it from doing the damage to the heart? Simple, just as we do routine bloodwork, I am making the recommendation for mandatory echocardiograms or MUGA scans at the least, mid-way through treatments. Not just at the beginning, and three months after treatments end, but at the least, mid-way, so that if damage does begin to show, treatment can be changed to something that will not lead to any patient dying. Even if this protocol saves just one life, that echocardiogram is a small price to pay to prevent the loss of a life or the costs associated with extreme lifesaving measures.

I lost a friend, a fellow Hodgkin’s survivor because there was nothing in place to determine that the Adriamycin had damaged his heart during the treatments. Like me, he never complained during his treatments about how he was feeling, even if the doctor was specific in questioning, nothing was going to stand in the way of getting through treatments. Chemo is supposed to make you feel like shit. We should not have to repeat it. But had the doctor ordered a simple echocardiogram or MUGA scan, I cannot say for certainty that would have prevented his demise, but it certainly would have identified the cardiac issue sooner, than later.

Do not misunderstand me, the drug is a good drug for curing Hodgkin’s. But even the small risk of a fatal side effect warrants the screening tool of a simple echocardiogram or Muga scan at the least mid-way through treatments. There are other drugs that could be used, though this one is definitely one of the best. But surveillance is necessary.

So here are two things I would like you, a follower of “Paul’s Heart” to do, in memory of my friend:

1) Pay attention to symptoms, and speak out = shortness of breath, dizziness, fatigue, chest pain, heartbeat issues, swollen feet and legs, coughing and wheezing (yes, even though you think coughing would be pulmonary related, it is a major symptom of congestive heart failure). When going through treatment, it is one thing to be tough, another to be foolish

2) This information must be made public and it will start here. Please forward this post, “share” it on Facebook, Twitter, any media. Forward it to news outlets to their health departments.

I do need to give recognition for some of the information that I supplied here, and it comes from the Children’s Oncology Group (link is listed on the cover page of this site). But most importantly, I need my friend to know, I will do all that I can to prevent someone else from having to go through the same fate.

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