Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Family and Friends”

A Smile That Will Last Forever – A Tribute To Julie


Over the years, you have seen tributes that have been written for fellow cancer survivors, that had come into my life in one form or another, and had always had an impact on me with their attitudes towards life and survivorship, and sadly, pass away.  Unfortunately, for many of my fellow Hodgkin’s survivors, while we beat our cancer, it left us fighting for our lives against side effects caused by the treatments that saved us.  Julie passed away last week.  And as much as I knew about her, there are those who had even greater interactions and support with her, and found an even more eloquent way to pay tribute to Julie.
I have asked one of those fellow survivors, Gail, to put her words, here, for all to see the true impact that Julie had on all of us when she came into our lives.  Gail is a wife and mother, and a three-time cancer survivor, one of those cancers being Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, just like me, just like Julie.
Here is Gail’s tribute to Julie.
“There is a great relief and joy that comes when you find a group of people that understand you. Especially when it comes to health challenges.
Such is the case for my Hodgkin’s Lymphoma family particularly those treated with the same radiation and other therapies I was years ago. We are all now experiencing the same or similar repercussions. And even if we don’t have the same exact repercussions we know what it feels like to hear that you have been diagnosed with another one. (We find similar repercussions with people treated from 1960’s-90’s)
You bond with these people, go to doctors with them (albeit by way of text or messaging or reading a post after they are done), you get the fatigue they live with, the frustration they feel, the anxiety over health care issues and so so much more. They become family.
The hard part of this is the reality we all face. That death may find us long before it should because of those same repercussions.
Yesterday I lost my best and closest Hodgkin’s lymphoma sister, Julie Henderson. We called each other Wonder Twins. We laughed about punching doctors in the throat and kept each other going through the last 4 years of political craziness with laughter. Julie was the most giving person and also my biggest limoncello supplier (she taught Italian and knew where to find the best!!).
It has taken me all day to sit and put this in to words but I needed to. The reality is she isn’t the first person we’ve lost in our community of survivors…she won’t be the last sadly.
She shouldn’t have died because she had treatment in 1986 for Hodgkin’s…but she did.
Love you Wonder Twin. Give RBG a huge hug for me. ❤️💔💜

In Memory Of The Chalkboard


I do not recall which TV commercial refers to the “becoming your parents” stage of life, but I am pretty sure that I am there.

It is not unusual for me to have my daughters doing homework, or even helping them with studying when we visit with each other.  But a recent visit has taken the experience with me to a whole new level.

I am aware technology in school has advanced from the chalkboard, to the dry erase board, to the “smart board” (an oversized interactive computer screen mounted on the wall connected to a computer).

But due to Covid19, I now have my experience with “virtual learning.”  One of the most frustrating thing about the pandemic, is the impact that it has had on the children.  While it is true, the virus, though serious for children, does not have as populous an impact on them.  The threat is really about children spreading it to their parents, grandparents, teachers, and others.

And so, with little to nothing known about the virus, most children were sent home for the end of their school year last year.  While some schools had some form of virtual plan already, just under normal circumstances, too many were not prepared for what this pandemic would cause.

As politics entered the argument to return children to school, I found myself annoyed, as I did not feel the government had the best interests and safety of the children at heart.  Really, it was quite simple.  “We just feel there is a need to get our children back to school for their development”, was all that they had to say.  But it was adding, “then parents can go back to work and we restore the economy.”  I am sorry, but my children are not a tool for any economy.

While I have no doubt of the preparations of my daughters’ school district, others may not feel as safe.  Some have no plans, no support, of how to open their schools safely, keep them open, or what to do in the event of an outbreak.  Contract testing is not in place for many schools, and many schools do not have the supplies or equipment to deal with cleaning the environment.

So, when the new year rolled around, students were given the opportunity to return to school full time, part time in school and at home, or full at home.  My daughters were allowed to make their own decision as to what they would do.

Again, I want to be clear.  I do support their return to school.  I feel they need to be in school.  But it has to be done safely.  They cannot bring the virus home with them, or worse contract it themselves.

The situation has been unusual in results.  One daughter actually improved with virtual learning, which I did not expect because she is an audial learner (enjoys being taught).  My other daughter, has struggled in one or two courses because as a logical thinker, it can be difficult for her to decide between two answers that make perfect sense to her, and not have the classroom structure to seek help in determining the best of the two answers, whether from a fellow student or the teacher.

Socially, this is what hurts them the most.  They are lucky at least a little bit, in that they have the technology to at least keep in touch with some of their friends, but clearly, they miss the personal contact.  My daughters are social beings, used to physically interacting with their friends.  But they get how serious the situation is, and they do their part to make sure they do not get sick, and just as important, not get anyone else sick.

So, with this visit, I have gotten to actually witness their experiences with “virtual learning.”  It is fascinating, and for some of us old-timers, a bit intimidating.  Many of us have only recently even learned the word Zoom, and the shame we face if we do not learn about the “mute” button.  But students and teachers have it down.

My daughters bounce from class to class.  Attendance gets taken.  They even have to video their exercising for gym class.  Emails are sent back and forth to deal with questions and recommendations.  Of course, I was scolded for passing in view of a camera (I was not paying attention).  On several occasions, I did see some distractions while class was going on and computers were muted and screens not turned on (the equivalent of passing notes from classmate to classmate in the old days).

But they are getting it done.  Many schools have been closed their first semester to try and better prepare to be open for the next semester.  So schools once again offer options.  My daughters are comfortable with the current situation, while still concerned about the increase in cases of Covid19.  I do believe schools are likely to be shut down again, because of the rapidly increasing numbers.  And besides the safety factor for my daughters, I guess they also feel a certain continuity of remaining static by being virtual.

Like us adults, they are adapting and learning to get along while we try to figure out how to deal with, and hopefully defeat Covid19.

While I may be amazed at the technology, my daughters will never know the fun of being chosen to take the erasers for the chalkboard outside to be clapped, inhaling all that chalk dust.

Getting Ready For Halloween


Is it any wonder I enjoy Halloween?  As I watch everyone preparing for next Saturday, decorating their homes, some very anxious children too excited to wait to wear their costumes that they must wear them outside to play, I enjoy the memories that pop into my head.

No, not my Halloween as a child, or even pre-parenthood.  I did my share of Halloween hijinks and trick-or-treating, and watched my share of horror movies (they just don’t make them like they used to).

Nothing beats Halloween as a parent.  Sure, I looked forward to decorating the house.  I even had a Halloween tree (a long story that I don’t want to talk about).  But to me, I got so much joy out of the experience of Halloween, through the eyes of my daughters.

Our first trick-or-treat experience was quite interesting, amusing, and from the “official candy taste tester” position of Dad, frustrating and disappointing.  It was our first night out trick-or-treating that I learned something not common with a child, she did not like chocolate.  And she had no problem making that fact known, quite bluntly in fact.

“TRICK OR TREAT!”  The unsuspecting neighbor reached into their tray, and grabbed a few Kit-Kat miniatures, which the taste-tester definitely approved of, and dropped them into my daughter’s plastic pumpkin she was using to collect her Halloween bounty.

And then my daughter reached into her pumpkin, and proceeded to pull all of the pieces that were just dropped in, back out, and handed them back to the neighbor.  “I don’t eat chocolate.”  I, the official taste-tester was shocked, either between this was the first that I became aware of this fact, or that I just lost out on a tasty treat.  I looked up at my neighbor, both of us not knowing how to respond, and then my daughter said “thank you” and turned and walk away.  She did not even ask for anything else.

Another tradition I enjoyed with my daughters, was one that I had experienced as a kid, the local Halloween parade.  Unfortunately, it has been cancelled this year due to Covid, but prior to that, my daughters went to nearly every one.

Coincidental or not, the last time I would get to trick-or-treat with my daughters, produced another shocking event for the official taste-taster.  Our direct neighbor was notorious for giving out “king size” treats.  As the door opened, and “trick or treat” was called out, what did my eyes see?  A king sized Hershey bar!  Next to sharing a beer with the neighbors in the back yard, this was the best thing I could ever welcome into my home.  There was one problem, and the taste tester was not pleased.

It was one thing for one of my daughters not to like chocolate, but with my neighbor, kids were given a choice.  NO!!!  Extra large DumDum lollipops, which my older daughter picked between the two choices, and her younger sister, admiring her older sibling always, followed in suit.  NO!!!

From that point on, I was relegated to answering doors, no longer to be tempted.

So, now is a downtime as they have grown too old for the festivities of Halloween, and I wait.  I wait for the next generation of my trick-or-treaters.  Until then, I just enjoy all of the wonderful memories my daughters have given me during this time of year.

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