Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Education”

05 Oct 2022
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Time Is Running Out


One month is done into the new school year already. My one daughter is approaching mid-terms in college. My younger daughter about to approach mid-term of her quarter of her senior year of high school. As their Dad, I play a separate role for each.

Throughout their elementary and middle school education, I could be described as a very involved parent when it came to their education. Not to be confused with “helicopter parenting,” I simply made sure that homework was completed, quizes and tests were studied for, and best efforts were always encouraged, and achievements were recognized and praised.

Once my daughters reached high school, they each developed their own unique study habits. I turned over all of the responsibility of their schooling to them, with the exception of important deadlines pertaining to milestones, the college application process, and of course, graduation. Not one to have any place to ridicule their methods and means as students and their study habits, I did not have great study habits either, they have done nothing but produce great grades.

The school district has a very well constructed communication tool to keep parents apprised of the status of their childrens’ grades and other personal information. All I had to do at that point, is just sit back and watch. Every now and then, I would be approached by either of them for help with a specific assignment, whether it to spellcheck, or provide information. Both knew not to come to me for math, at least the “new math”.

With my college student, I no longer have that ability to see how she is doing. I can ask her how here classes are going, and I get simple answers, “good.” Instead of seeing her daily progress, I am now just an observer and must wait for the end of the semester to hear of her results. I am just an observer.

But with my high school senior, I still have a little more time of usefulness as a role model with her education. As her senior classes seem more geared to current events of the world today, whether it be business, economics, or politics, I am watching her develop as an independent thinker, something I think a lot of people fail the ability to be.

Part of her Summer assignment for her AP Government course, was to select five topics, and then find three news stories with different leans; extreme right, right, center, left, extreme left. She had to summarize each and compare it with all of the facts that she had gathered with each topic. Her first impression while undertaking this assignment, is she now understands why so many adults cannot get along with each other. The confusion for my daughter, is that when only facts are considered, solutions should be able to be found. Of course she realizes that each media resource she looked at, many have a political lean or agenda, aligned with a certain party or sub-party. Again, another observation on her part about the generations ahead of her, by ignoring the facts, too many put a party affiliation over issues that really matter to people.

She will turn 18 years old next year, and I am proud to say, I will be two for two, with registered independent voters, such as myself. My daughter will not be swayed by one particular news source, but a variety, and only when all the facts are laid out, she will make her decisions.

Another assignment she has been assigned, to argue either that “greed is good for the economy” or “greed is bad for the economy.” The assumption that we have gone from a society based on capitalism to one of greed, simply by “trickle down economics”, going back to the Reagan presidency. Simply put, make the rich more wealthy, and then they will eventually share it with those below them. Only in the forty years since the concept, that has never happened. NEVER. With the values I have taught my daughter, greed being bad, I encouraged her that she would be able to make an easy and well defined case that greed is bad for our economy.

I have to admit, with the exception of the new math, I have enjoyed assisting my daughters with their schooling when asked. I know that as adults, they have been well educated, and can have intelligent and informed conversations with people, not based on media influences. But this time is going to end when she graduates from high school, and like my older daughter, totally independent with her future endeavors.

As I see many of my friends who have just begun sending their children to school, I find myself thinking, “oh how long ago that was.” But it wasn’t. The time really flew by.

Posted in Adoption, Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By...
30 Sep 2022

The “I’s” Definitely Have It


I have been through many hurricanes in my lifetime. Five years ago, I experienced my first encounter with an “eye” of a hurricane, courtesy of “Irma.” All of my experiences were different, from wind and rain damages. As far as my memories of each, and the days after, they are all distinct to each storm; “Gloria”, “Floyd”, “Irene”, and super storm “Sandy”. All of these storms had differing impacts and affected daily activities from clean up to functioning without conveniences of running water, electricity, and cable. Life after “Irma” gave me experiences I could have only imagined, such as driving at night, with absolutely no lighting, traffic lights and street lights, not even the ambient lighting of businesses along the roads, just pitch blackness, with no concept of where I even was.

But “Ian”, now the second storm to hit the east coast of Florida in five years, has left me with a whole new level of feelings of heartbreak that I have not experienced with the other storms. As far as “Irma” was concerned, it was a much more scary hurricane, in that its anticipation, and roar as it passed overhead, really had me feeling it was not going to end well.

“Ian” on the other hand, was not as bad a storm for those of us further inland, but for those along our coast, using a gauge of location to a main highway, all those located on the coastal side of that route, needed to evacuate due to an expected storm surge, likely over ten feet, which could potentially push Gulf water miles inland.

Just as with “Irma,” now that power and cable is available, we “locals” can now see the devastation that has been left behind. Homes flooded. Boats having floated from their docks, many now dumped in lawns and parking spaces. Cars have been washed away, many now settled and huddled together in various locations.

Again, it is not the destruction that is really affecting me. We expect that. And our hearts go out to all of those who lost everything except for their lives. Hopefully, just as with the other storms, the rebuilding of lives will begin.

The one thing different for me with this storm, is that just over a month ago, while my daughters were visiting me here, we visited many of the locations, now either destroyed, or totally gone. The pictures above are from Fort Myers Beach, just completely flattened with is landmark pier destroyed. One of the most beautiful pictures at sunset with my daughters came on that pier, this past August. We enjoyed some ice cream in the shop just next to the pier. All that is left is a photograph and the memory. The destruction of a major causeway, beginning at the location of a restaurant we just ate at, will serve as a constant reminder to where it will be a long time again, before we can travel, with access to the beautiful islands now cut off. Video of the angry tides from “Ian” thrashing the buoy at Mile Marker 0 in Key West, my daughters now look at the reporting today from the news, and can personally reflect on a happier time at these famous spots.

We all thought “Irma” would be the worst storm we had ever experienced. We were wrong. “Ian” will go down in the books like “Katrina” and “Agnes.” Places will be re-built, and hopefully casualties will be kept to a minimum. I am not sure when I will get to see all the beautiful spots again, or even if, as it is going to take a long time to build back.

But for now, for those of us who were fortunate enough during this storm, we need to do what we can to help, whether it be by donations, or soliciting local businesses with patience and understanding, that someone serving us, might have just lost everything. A stranger’s kindness can go a long way in times like these.

Posted in Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By... | Leave a comment
19 Sep 2022

No Control


Great album, great singer, but has nothing to do with this post’s topic other than the title, “no control.” Continuing on with things related to my battle with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma in recognition of Lymphoma Recognition Month (known as Blood Cancer Month also), the issue of “control” was not something I had thought about, until after my treatments were done, but affected me the entire way through my battle.

From the moment you meet with an oncologist, and they begin to pursue a diagnosis of cancer, whether you realize it or not, you have begun to have control of your life taken away from you. You do not see it happening, because you are focused on getting through this, more importantly, surviving. Your intent is to do whatever it takes.

A soon-to-be diagnosed cancer patient quickly discovers doctor appointments to keep, scans and bloodwork to be done, and then of course a treatment schedule with routine lab work to follow, all on a tight time schedule to keep you on track for the best shot at remission. You have no control over this. I mean sure, you could refuse, but then, that would result in the obvious.

The time period for me from beginning to end was November of 1988 to March of 1990, seventeen months, two Winter seasons (that meant no skiing), one Summer season (no trips to the beach and water park), including a honeymoon as I got married during that time. A cancer patient soon learns, your treatment team does not work around the patient (even for a wedding), the patient works around the treatment team. There are also certain foods that have to be avoided. And then finally, your body itself, will dictate what you can do, when you can do it, for how long. The point is, you are no longer in control. As I said, being so wrapped up with what needed to be done, dealing with the current side effects of what was happening, I never really gave any thought about what I wanted, so control, or lack of control was the last thing on my mind.

My wedding, though still occurring on the date as planned, was still impacted by the timing of my treatment schedule. And as the second set of Winter months came around, as an avid skier, I missed the prior season because of all of the testing and staging I was going through, I had no intention of missing the next season. Here is how that went.

“So doc, I was looking to hit the slopes in a couple of weeks in between my cycles of treatment. If I feel up to it, do you think I could handle it?” I was twenty-three years old, asking another adult, not even a parent, if I could do something I had done for many years.

He answered, “well Paul, I guess you could. But I would think about it, because, well, you will obviously be dressed warmly because of the cold.” I said, “of course.” He continued, “you probably sweat a lot from all of the physical exertion.” I chuckled, “yeah.” Where was he going with this? I was just asking if my body could physically handle skiing. “What would happen if you would catch cold or something because of that, or catch something from other skiers? If that impacted your blood counts, then your treatment could be delayed, and you are near the end as it is. Do you really want to delay it any further?”

There it was. I had my “final” treatment date on my calendar from the date of my first injection. I was going to have many more years of skiing, but I wanted to get my treatments over and done with. The funny thing is, during the entire time, I never realized how much control cancer had over my life, until…

Two weeks after my final injection, when I would have been preparing for my next cycle, had there been one, I just sat there. I had nothing to do now. I was free to get back to life. And I felt confused. Because for so long, I had been following everyone else’s directions, meeting the orders of doctors. Imagine emerging from your home following a hurricane. You exit your home slowly, not knowing what to expect as far as damage and destruction. You see the bright sunshine, but you also see what has been left behind in the storm’s aftermath. I personally know this feeling as well having survived a direct hit by hurricane Irma five years ago. I would have follow up appointments to keep, and likely blood work and scans, but there was no longer a timetable to keep. I realized I was back in control.

I had not social media or internet back in 1988, or else I might just have learned others had been experiencing this same feeling of lack of control. I frequently see posts from patients asking about getting a tattoo during treatments, or dying hair, going on vacations, and of course, getting married and pregnancies. These patients now experience the same loss of control without realizing that is what is happening. Because as they post their “can I” situation, I am right there with the same advice my doctor gave me about skiing. “Sure, you could probably do it, but would it be worth it, if it resulted in delaying your treatments?” In the game of “highest card wins,” you only get one card. You live with the card you draw. Sometimes it is best not to draw any card. But that means you have to give up control. That is what cancer does.

Posted in Cancer, Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Side Effects, The Heart | Leave a comment

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