Paul's Heart

One Proud Moment Of Many

My daughter returned to her Summer job yesterday, for her third season. I am using a picture from her youth, as I try to respect her wishes as an adult and being allowed to use pictures of her older. The seasonal position has been perfect for her while she visits with me during the Summer months. And though she saw many of the same co-workers she has seen each year, there was something new she was faced with, for the first time. One of those regular co-workers she has known since she has started, was being treated for cancer. My daughter was only aware of this fact, because her co-worker felt the need to explain to my daughter, her cancer condition is why she was wearing a mask, protecting herself from any potential infection from Covid as her body being more susceptible from treatments.

She really did not need to explain anything to my daughter about why she was wearing a mask. Me being immuno-compromised, and having lost my sister to Covid, my daughter is very well aware that some of us will likely wear masks in certain situations for the rest of our lives. My daughter is not embarrassed by me wearing a mask, nor is she triggered by anyone else wearing one. But the co-worker offering a reason, cancer, brought out in my daughter, a quality that is 100%, who I raised.

My daughter was not born until sixteen years after my battle with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. Though throughout her childhood, she is aware that I dealt with cancer. She just is not aware of how difficult it was for me, and all of the experiences that came with it. All she knew, and proclaimed whenever she had the chance, her “Dad was a cancer survivor.” It was a simple as that. But even as I dealt with all the major late side effects from my treatments, all my daughters know, and likely expect, I have gotten through every one of those events.

This was a different situation for her. To my knowledge, she has never had to deal with a classmate with cancer, maybe perhaps a parent of one of her classmates. This co-worker, an adult, is someone she has known for two seasons now. Clearly, my daughter is concerned for her, someone she knows personally, likely the first time (besides her grandfather which she does not remember him dealing with cancer), it is happening right now. Her co-worker is in the middle of treatments. For my daughter, there is an awkwardness, afraid of what to say.

I was trained as a cancer counselor decades ago. But the comfort I wanted to give to my daughter had nothing to do counseling, but rather assurance, as a former co-worker myself, and what it could mean to her co-worker, to know that my daughter cared.

I explained one of my biggest frustrations, working while I was going through my treatments, and actually many of my later health crisis, was petty and jealous behaviors exhibited by many of my co-workers. What? How could anyone be jealous of someone having cancer? No, it is not the actual disease that fellow workers are jealous of, but rather the perceived favors and privileges they assume are given to the employee, and that is simply just not fair. I recall defending myself constantly that no such favoritism was occurring, to no avail. Those co-workers just “knew” something had to be going on.

The fact was, the only work I missed, was a half hour in the morning at the beginning of the work day, to get my radiation treatment for thirty days, and the last two hours of two Fridays per month, to get my chemotherapy, and I was right into work after. I completed my work tasks without missing a beat. So, I am not sure where people thought I was getting special treatment from management. But their behavior took a toll on me, because I thought of many of these people as my friends. I thought they cared. Clearly they did not.

And that is the conversation I had with my daughter tonight, about this particular part of my cancer experience, and what it could mean to her co-worker, to be treated with respect, and more importantly, empathy and understanding. My daughter definitely knows dealing with cancer is difficult, and now she knows there may be times when her co-worker is not feeling well, or might need help with something. I have stressed to my daughter, that she does not need to have conversations with her fellow worker about the cancer, unless she is approached. However, if she sees her co-worker struggling or having a bad day, I told her at that point, she should offer assistance with the task or assignment. But never, NEVER, belittle, disrespect, or mock her co-worker and her situation. I explained to my daughter, it would likely mean the world to her co-worker, that she was working with someone who really cared.

It is the final gesture, that is not only expected of either of my daughters, but makes me proud nonetheless, because her actions are just natural to her. It is who she is, who she was raised to be. My daughter wanted me to get a mask for her to wear for herself, as she and her co-worker, work in a confined area. And though my daughter is fully boosted, as recent as last week, she understands the value and importance of protecting her co-worker from not only Covid, but any potential delay in her treatment course. Neither her co-worker or her supervisor have asked my daughter to do this. It is just something my daughter feels is the right thing to do, and ultimately, it does her no harm, and it might just help to keep her fellow employee safe.

The final comment I made to my daughter, with my older daughter sitting at the kitchen table, this, is one of those moments I have always talked about, building character and reputation. This will not only go on remembered by her co-worker, her supervisor, but will continue to fortify the heart and goodwill of someone truly special. And I am not just saying that because I am her Dad.