Paul's Heart

A Father’s Responsibility

I am of Native American heritage. So I receive news, posts, adages, and stories related to history, elders, and of course memes. The other day, I received a post called “A Father’s Responsibility”, written by Levi Blackwolf. While divorcing my daughters’ mother was not part of the plan of my fatherhood, I did all that I could to make sure that I maintained my responsibilities to my daughters. Being an adult child of a divorce, I knew all too well, what giving anything less than 100% as a father, divorced or not would feel like to them, because I went through it as a child myself with my father. And I did not want the same for them. But no doubt, as Blackwolf stated, the moment my daughters were placed in my arms, I knew the responsibility that I had, for the rest of my life.

I have always provided for my daughters. And even during the divorce process, my daughters never “wanted” for anything. Things may not have always been smooth, and issues may not necessarily have resolved as some would have liked, but I do not feel my daughters were aware of any struggles. Things that my daughters were always shown from day one, were security, trust, and of course love. Because of that, they had no reason to ever doubt that things would always work out.

I have read somewhere that a parent spends 87% of their time with their child by the time that child turns eighteen, taking into account daycare and school. With both of my daughters now adult age, and on their own, I have gone from frequent time with them, to visits maybe two or three times a year, and a couple of phone calls a week. We went from watching Disney movies and playing games, to me now helping them to make major decisions that will impact the rest of their lives. Again, as Blackwolf said, it is important for them to know what is important to me, so that they develop the same value of importance.

Unlike my childhood, and I do not fault my parents and grandparents, my daughters know how much they mean to me and how much I love them, because I tell them every conversation that we have. I did not have this growing up myself, only because that is just how it was back then. But I know how much it had an impact on me. And I did not want that for my daughters.

Of course, being a divorced family, number four is critical. Again, speaking as an adult child of divorce, I know that things that I overheard, and the effects it had on my respecting either of my parents. And I guarantee, that my daughters have never heard me say anything negative or non-supportive of their mother. I defended myself against comments when necessary, but I never offered anything other than encouragement and support for them with their mother.

I wanted to, and still strive to be their role model. I have shown them as best as I can what character and reputation are worth. I made sure that they understood decisions that they made can either come with awards or consequences. In either case, no matter how any situation works out, move on.

Whether under the same roof, or from a distance, my daughters know I am always “there” for them. I can admit, I jump literally with any text, phone call, or Facetime opportunity. I know that they know they can count on me.

Their heritage obviously different from mine, is very important to all of us. And although traditions and customs were not as immersive as I would have liked, they have the foundation.

I may not have had the textbook example of parenthood to look up to, but if I follow the wise words of Blackwolf, I can say without a doubt, that I have followed all of those tenets. Only time will tell, when the results of my commitment are revealed.