Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the month “November, 2022”

16 Nov 2022

How Ya Been?


I stopped into a convenience store the other day. As I was entering the door, a customer was walking out. He had just bought himself some PowerBall tickets (he lost I am sure). Just as we passed each other, we realized suddenly, we knew each other. But it had actually been awhile, nearly three years in fact, yes, since the Covid pandemic broke out. Prior to that, we might have seen each other pretty much weekly. He had also aged some. My hair had grown quite a bit longer as well. So we both had changed over time. I was also wearing a mask, something I have done indoors most of the time, and occasionally outdoors depending on how dense the crowd may be.

We actually stood there and caught up with each other. Of course, Covid was part of the conversation. He had his experience with it at one time, I to this day, as of this post, have still avoided the virus (knock on wood). My friend was glad to hear that I had gotten to spend time with my daughters, and happy to hear of their future education plans. And finally, we both mentioned that hopefully, some day, better mitigation and control would be in place to prevent the continued infection of Covid. For me, my life is going to depend on it.

I am one of only three people that I am in personal contact with, who have not had Covid. The three of us, all realize the vulnerabilities that I have, which make me more susceptible to not only infection of, but complications from Covid. I am fully vaccinated, up to my fifth dose, the new bivalent booster which covers many strains of the Omicron variant. And with the current strain, called “Deltacron,” named after the strains of Omicron and Delta being combined, now having the serious effects on the lungs that the highly fatal Delta strain was known for, with the easy spreading capacity of Omicron, it is beginning to look like another rough year dealing with Covid.

The good news for most, is the newer booster, covers most of the Omicron strains along with Delta. Unfortunately for me, as I have written in the past, my body does not hold immunity very well, especially when it comes to the Covid vaccine. That has been proven. I received my 5th dose, of the bivalent booster back in October. As blood tests showed with the other doses that I got, my immunity levels last roughly four months. And currently there is not any protocol for any future boosters, which means come January, all I can do is prevent getting Covid on my own. But as I said, decisions I have made have worked so far.

Besides wearing the mask, avoiding crowds, and the obvious, washing my hands, I have made smart choices. I have given up nothing. I do what I want, but I have made sure, that if there was an increased risk of Covid, I dealt with two criteria, how important was the situation that I was going to be in, and how comfortable did I feel that my efforts to protect myself would work.

Throughout the pandemic, there were three things that mattered to me; seeing my daughters, my older daughter’s high school graduation, and my health. If I wanted to be able to deal with all three, I needed to avoid Covid. It was not hard to do. But those three things, would also put me at my greatest risk of exposure. I would have to fly for my daughter’s graduation, so there was the over crowded airports. I say over crowded because for the life of me, I do not remember airports being that packed prior to the pandemic. Maybe one percent of the people besides myself wore masks. And at the graduation itself? See for yourself.

A couple thousand people, shoulder to shoulder, indoors, with as rising case number of new infections. As the picture shows, besides the camera person, there were two people a couple rows in front of me, that were wearing masks besides myself. Needless to say, my anxiety was high, but this was one of those moments I was not going to miss. And then of course there were the flights back and forth, and dealing with crowded airports, again, most other passengers not wearing masks. Fortunately, and again, because I followed the prevention recommendations, I did not get Covid.

But there was another opportunity, that put me at a high risk, and I had no choice in the matter. Through the course of the pandemic, I needed three surgeries, two for my heart, and one for my carotid artery. Of course, where were you more likely than not to run into Covid, than in a hospital. But fortunately, hospitals were following the protocols to protect patients as well as themselves. Again, I managed to get through all three surgeries, without getting infected by Covid.

If I received any ridicule, it was from a minority of friends, who I feel had other agendas with their position on Covid, in spite of knowing what an infection could do to me. With those friends, I simply ignored the false “pity” of having given up my “freedom.” To be honest, I am not sure what I gave up, but rather that I had either lost interest, or could not really afford any longer. I do my own grocery shopping, pump my own gas. I even took my daughters on vacations. Clearly I travel. I very rarely eat in at restaurants, depending on the crowded conditions and if booth seating is available. I do not really consider this a “loss” as I will take the food to go. My server still gets a tip. I do not get Covid. There are really only two things that I can say are 100% not happening currently, and though a small part of it is Covid risk, cost is definitely a final factor. I can wait for movies to come out on Netflix, Redbox, or any other streaming service. I do not need to pay the value of a quarter tank of gas to see a movie, and that is without snacks. And of course, concerts. While I have seen most acts that I have ever wanted to see, some multiple times, and some that I at one time, had hoped to see again, with the rising costs of tickets, it is not Covid that made me give up concerts.

While the circle of people I know of, who have not had Covid yet is getting smaller, I do not think I have suffered at all by choosing to take precautions. My personal doctors have given me sound advice, and over all the years in their care, they have always been honest with me, and I know have always cared. The holidays are coming up again, and that means spending time with my daughters again. And then soon, it is going to be another high school graduation I will have to look forward to.

No, I have not given up or sacrificed anything for Covid. I have simply recognized and prioritized what is important to me. And that is the only time I want to be positive when it comes to Covid.

Posted in Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Recreation | Leave a comment
10 Nov 2022

Always Remember Them Young


As an uber-music-nerd, there are a lot of moments in my life, that memories are triggered when I hear certain songs. And the catalogue in my mind is not only large, but diverse, when it comes to the genre of music.

I told my daughters that I would get better at accepting the fact that they have grown up. Our family impacted by divorce, I do not have the benefit of seeing my daughters every day as when I lived in the house with them. So, the days that I did not see them, either by visitation or by video chats, I would go through the thousands and thousands of files of photos I have taken of my daughters over the years. They have long gotten to the point of perfecting the “eye roll” when I ask for another picture. But as an adult child of divorce, I do not have many photos of my younger years, especially with either of my parents. The example that I have set for my daughters, these photos matter and will always help me to remember.

So, I am sitting in my car, stopped for a school bus stopped with its red lights blinking, loading what appeared to be elementary school age children. There was a gaggle of parents standing at the bus stop to make sure that their children were off and safe. Up until that moment, I did not have any other thought on my mind. And then… my Ipod began to play Thomas Rhett’s “Remember You Young.”

That is all it took. The time it takes to load the amount of kids onto a school bus, I got through half of the song. My mind had taken me back to the time pictured above, a time that I remember so well. With one away at college, and another soon to be, these memories will be all that I have. As I said, I have many of them to reflect on.

But this was not the only time in recent weeks that this flipped switch had occurred.

A friend and fellow Hodgkin’s survivor recently visited the “house of the mouse”, Disney with her young son. Like any doting parent, it took no time for her to share the beautiful and fun photos of the pure enjoyment that her son was getting to experience. Again, looking at the beaming photos of her son, I remembered what it was like for me, when I took my daughters, close to the same age, to Disney for the first time.

But I digress. I told my daughters that I would do all that I can, to let them grow up, and be grown ups. They each have an exciting pathway in life ahead of them. And hopefully many of the experiences they have had, their memories, will help them to be great parents someday as well. As they grown however, I will always remember them young.

Posted in Adoption, Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Recreation | Leave a comment
07 Nov 2022

Helping With Homework, The Next Level


It is an understatement to say that I enjoyed homework with my daughters. Heck, at times, I even learned a few new things, which is an automatic with “new” math, every parent learns something new with that. As much as I enjoyed helping both of them, I enjoyed watching them help each other more, especially being older, for them to be able to help each other with their strengths. By being involved with their education, I see the things my daughters have been taught, and I know what they are not being taught.

One subject that they are both good at, at least by their resulting grades, is history and government. I have always felt it is important to learn everything, good or bad, about what our country has gone through, or is currently going through. I do not believe that if there is something that I do not know, or do not believe occurred, that to teach my children those things I do not grasp or understand, is not indoctrinating my children. And it is important to understand that position I take.

The term “indoctrinate” is a political buzzword, helpful only in political campaigns. Indoctrinate is defined by Merriam-Webster as “teaching to fully accept only the ideas and opinions and beliefs of a particular group.” Does this sound familiar? Of course it does, it is exactly how our two party political system functions and today, these beliefs have led to a higher level of tribalism, or being loyal to those sharing those beliefs.

In any case, I do not want this post to be focused on tribalism and political controversies. This post is about the newer levels I am involved in, not only to help my daughters with their schoolwork, but to make sure that they are learning accurately.

During a recent visit with my daughters, we were out eating dinner, and as often happens while we are waiting for our food, homework assistance comes up for my younger daughter, the topic? Constitutional amendments. We are going over each one, by memory, both of us, while the information is fresh for her, our constitutional rights were occasionally a refresher for me. Our waitress came by our table, overheard our discussion, and then offered a compliment to us. “It’s nice to see a parent teaching their kids about the constitution.” I offered her in return, a “thank you, just doing what I have always done with my daughters.”

In reality, my contribution to my daughters’ educations, is complimentary, as the base of their knowledge of government and politics is built in school, or at least it should be. I must say, after watching school board meetings for the last two years, and hearing politicians spew false claims about what children are taught in school, it now falls on the parents to make sure children learn the truth of our nation’s history, what really happened.

Once our discussion finished on constitutional amendments, the attention turned to the upcoming mid term election tomorrow. My older daughter is going to vote tomorrow for her second time, her first time eligible was for the primary this past Spring. As a young adult, she has learned just how important her vote means, enough so, that she changed her voting address, so that she can vote while she is away at college. And she did this on her own to my surprise. I was going to help her just follow through the mail-in ballot process, like many other college students.

But making sure she was properly registered and able to vote, I reminded her the importance of learning that issues are more important than party. Each party wants voters of their respective parties to just hit the “straight ticket” button, regardless if you know anything about all of the candidates and what they stand for. This kind of voter has no idea if they are voting for a candidate who is against a personal issue to that voter or not, and that could result in a bad choice.

The economy and inflation are major concerns. But in reality, who cares besides the voter? Certainly not the politician, because no matter who wins, or has been in office, as long as lobbyists are in control, we are never going to have inflation under control. Corporate profits are responsible for 50+% of inflation right now. That’s PROFIT! at our expense. And it shows no signs of waning. Think the Republicans are concerned? Of course not. They are contemplating all of the punitive things they plan to do if their candidates get elected, none of those priorities involve the economy or inflation. Democrats do not get off on this topic either. They have their own agenda that they are looking at, and the economy is not their top project either.

That is why, I have told my daughter, she has to vote on the issues that personally affect her. Our leaders position on the economy and inflation are not going to be resolved with her vote. But issues such as reproductive rights, privacy when it comes to medical records, race and sex discrimination, and of course health issues concerning pre-existing conditions, all have the potential to be impacted over the next two years depending on who you elect. The overturning of Roe v Wade, while some want the sole focus to be on one aspect only of abortion, the ramifications and impacts on all of us are beginning to be felt regardless of which body parts we have. The question is, who does my daughter feel, will protect her rights, the same rights her parents and her grandparents have had, well, until this past year, and will she be a voter who will allow our country to go backwards in privacy and the belief that all are created equal.

Tomorrow is election day. And no matter how you chose or choose to vote, early voting, mail-in ballots, drop boxes, or in person, they are all legal methods an no one, NO ONE has the right to bully you or say your voting method is not valid. You have a right not to be intimidated at the poll by anyone claiming to be a “poll watcher,” other than those legitimate poll watchers actually doing their sworn jobs. If you feel your voting right is being infringed up, call the authorities, but make sure that you vote. And if you run into a situation, where you are prevented from casting your ballot, especially over a signature issue, ASK FOR A PROVISIONAL BALLOT! Make your vote count. And for Pete’s sake, give the election workers a break. Most are volunteers doing not only their civic duty, but something they feel a certain pride in being a part of.

And finally, if your candidates win? Accept it and move on. If your candidates lose? Accept it and move on. That is the way a democracy works.

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