Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the month “March, 2016”

Adding A New Tool To Math


I have a unique situation with my children.  We live more than a thousand miles apart.  But from the day that their mother and I officially separated, I knew communication would be an important factor to maintaining the father/daughter relationship as they grow.

Unlike my childhood, when my parents split up, my father lived fairly local.  But there were choices that he made, and long story short, his visits eventually became less frequent, phone calls eventually faded, holidays and birthdays no longer mattered.  Again, this was a choice that he made.  And this was in spite of him living locally.

But here in the 21st century, technology has enabled our society with a tremendous tool to communicate back and forth, more valuable than the telephone, because video images, in real time, allow us to now have conversations face to face with each other, no matter where we are.  Programs like Skype, Tango, Oovoo, and the popular Facetime, allow us to talk, see smiles, share tears, experience sincerity and other emotions.  Having experienced the communications issue with my father growing up, I knew this would be a critical component when it came to a custody agreement.

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So on a daily basis, on occasion more than once a day, I speak, and see, both my daughters in between the times they visit with me.  I say more than once a day, because besides the nightly “miss you” and “love you”, we have found another way to keep our relationship in tact, and my value as their father.  Just as I did when I was in the home before the separation, I was the parent that helped with homework and studying.  And with Facetime, I am able to continue this, along with using internet tools provided by the schools.  Just as I did when I was in the home before the separation, I am, continue to be, and will always be involved in my daughters’ educations.

But technology has provided to be even more valuable than that.  Recently, one of my daughters has been having an issue with one of her subjects.  And in spite of my help, still seems to struggle.  I have been reaching out repeatedly to their teachers and guidance counselor for help, tutors, anyone who could help my daughter.  Unfortunately, the school district no longer refers tutors as procedures do not allow.  I am guessing it has something to do with a litigious reason, somebody complained, sued, and now no student can get help.

Enter my world of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, and the internet, a fellow survivor that I am frequently in contact with, was aware of my plight with my daughter’s math situation.  She spoke with her daughter who is in a grade several years further, and offered to tutor my daughter, from 2/3 of the way across the country, via Facetime.  And so, having access to the math program, the lessons for the week, and a planned quiz, the first tutor session resulted in a 95% score on that quiz.  In what can be equated to a digital penpal, my daughter is showing hope again for a course that she knew she was struggling with, and would have to face even more difficulties next year.

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It is one thing to not be able to provide help locally, but totally amazing that from one of my personal worlds, I have been able to find help in dealing with another.  Because of a friend, who I had only known through a support group for long term survivors of the same cancer I have survived, and only recently physically meant, my daughter’s education is now going to take a huge turn in a positive direction.

And I am fairly certain, my friend’s daughter, along with her other children are good kids.  And I would not doubt it, given the nature of both my daughters, and my friend’s children, that thanks to Facetime, more than just an educational relationship will develop.  Like I said, in the day of technology, this is the new version of being a “penpal.”

I am thankful to my friend for allowing this to happen.  We have both been through our individual experiences with our cancer survivorship, and other physical issues not related.  But with her kindness and thoughtfulness, it enabled me to provide another level of assistance in my daughter’s education.

Thank you.

SAVE THIS INFORMATION!!! SHARE THIS INFORMATION!!!


There has been a lot of conversation on several of my Lymphoma pages and web sites, as well as my personal pages of people battling the flu and other ailments right now.  But before I lose anyone, I want to stress that this post is not just for cancer patients.  I also urge you to save this information, share the information, and feel free to print the picture posted below:

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I am just one of those that happens to pay a lot of attention to illness rates and the medical care received.  I have to.  As a long term survivor of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, and having lost my spleen during the diagnostic and staging process, and also living with heart issues (courtesy of my Lymphoma treatments), this card has saved my life at least twice.

You do not have had to battle cancer to have lost your spleen.  Many over time have lost their spleen due to accidents such as automobile or falls.  But what was once thought of as a “useless” organ, medicine in recent years has learned that it makes a huge difference in the battles against infection.  And because of that, precautions must be taken.  Many of us are aware of our fragile situations, many are not.

So it is simple.  If you have had Lymphoma, splenectomy (asplenic), have any immune deficiency (like Vitamin D) or compromised immune system (such as those with Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis), or cardiac issues, please pay close attention to the information on this card.  My card specifically lists me as “asplenic”, no spleen.  You can make up your own card, shrink it, and laminate it.  But make sure that you keep it with you at all times.

This card was given to me by my doctor, one of the top doctors in the country for Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and late effects at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center.  The information is crucial.  And it will make a huge difference if dealt with in time.

A Marked Man


Here is a little known fact about me that not even those close to me are aware of… on my body I have four tattoos.  They are not blatantly hidden, but you cannot see any of them as long as I am dressed.  Together, they form a cross, actually a crosshair across my chest.

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Of course now you must be asking yourself, “why on earth would you get a ‘crosshair’ tattooed on your chest?  It is not as morbid as you think, nor as detailed, but actually quite valuable, and important to save my life.  You see, prior to beginning my radiation therapy for Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, I had been given 4 tattoos, one at the base of my neck, one each on the balls of my shoulders, and one on the middle of my abdomen.  This was done to help align the linear accelerator accurately for each of the 30 doses of radiation I would be given to help me beat my cancer.

But that does not mean that I have not thought about getting an actual tattoo.  In fact,  I have several concepts ranging from a tribute to my daughters to recognizing my fight with cancer.  One thing that stands in my way is my ridiculous fear of needles which also sounds like an odd thing to hear from someone who has gone through so much medical trauma in his life.

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I am really fascinated by tattoos, as long as they are tasteful.  And it does not matter if they are done on men or women.  I do not want to see tattoos glorifying violence or hatred.  The tattoos that really spark my curiosity are those that consume an entire area like a “sleeve”.  Again, I do have an appreciation for ink when it is done tastefully.

This unusual post was sparked by someone with an unusual location for a tattoo, although it is quite popular.  I do not recall the design exactly, something floral with some words.  But it was done on the top surface of her foot.  Now, that particular area  I am more than familiar with its sensitivity.

One of the prehistoric diagnostic tests I underwent was something called a “lymphangiogram”.  Simply, the idea was to inject a radioactive dye into the lymph vessels which would then be followed up by an x-ray, lighting up your entire lymph system.  It was a very long procedure, but to see the x-ray was quite fascinating.  But the thing I will never forget, was just how sensitive that area of skin was.  And I could only shake my head wondering how much that particular tattoo must have hurt while she was having it done.  The fact is, our bodies have a lot of sensitive areas like this, and it does not stop anyone from being inked there.

One of the first things many of my fellow cancer survivors due is get a tattoo to mark the completion of their fight.  And I admire that.

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I cannot say that I will ever get one.  Like I said, I have several ideas if I ever do decide that I want to get a tattoo.  This is just one of those “by the way” posts, an observation that sparked a memory for me.

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