Paul's Heart

It’s Been A Better Year

Well, in just three more days, my gym is going to get more crowded again, an annual ritual. Ever since Covid-19, I have done all I can to be in the gym alone so as not make people feel they need to do anything to protect me in the gym, like wiping down equipment or staying out when they are sick. But with the new year’s rush, I will now likely get to the gym even before the sun comes up, or just before I go to bed.

I don’t do resolutions, rather, I should say I do not do them anymore. This annual “tradition” of making a promise to oneself to “do” or “give up,” more than often ends up in futility and failure. I already don’t drink or smoke, I don’t eat candy, I may let my blood pressure rise in traffic (unavoidable with Florida drivers), but really, there are not any behaviors I want to change. That is the key word, “want” to change.

Instead, I like to look back at the year that has passed. And better than any resolution that I could have made and broken, upon reflection, I like to recognize if I had a good year, or perhaps not as good as it could have been, and what could have been different.

Over these last four decades, it is not often that I have gone through a year without at least one challenge. But 2023 will be one of those years (I am knocking on wood right now as there is still three days left). 2023 has been a pretty good year for me.

2023 marked the end of my term dealing with the family court system. Like for many, and I know my trolls who actively participated in my divorce reading this, will enjoy this sentence, these last ten years of have been both a struggle and a nightmare. My sole focus of survival had been on my daughters, my health and everything else be damned. And I did it. For ten years, I navigated the family courts with all I had, and against everything that had been thrown at me. And in the end, for those that wanted nothing more than my daughters to turn against me, they lost

As my second daughter turned 18, the relationships with my daughters took a new turn. We now deal with only each other. Every decision, every visit, every conversation, is between the two of us. And while others may continue to want to try to interfere or demean the relationship, it is over.

I want to be careful with this next paragraph, not to manifest anything, but having passed my 2nd anniversary since my heart valve repair, it has now been my 2nd year of just follow ups. Though I do have a stat that is being watched, overall, everything has been stable. No trips to a… well, you know.

Another good year of health, means that I have also reached more milestones in my survivorship. I reached my lowest weight in over thirty years, cracking 200 pounds having lost thirty-eight pounds this year. I have now seen both my daughters graduate high school, something fifteen years ago had almost been taken away from me, and a fight every year since. Now, both are in college and doing well. I have my eyes set on my next milestone, of course with them, seeing them graduate college. As each year passes for me, I know the odds become more difficult with my health history, but I am so close. This is within my grasp.

https://a.co/d/2JRZsZ3 (this is the link to the book on Amazon)

And finally to top off 2023, I published my first book, “Paul’s Heart – Life As A Dad And A 35-Year Cancer Survivor.” It took me four years, and really with nothing to do during Covid-19, it should have been done much sooner. It is still surreal to me to see my life actually presented in a book. And now, I have five more actually started, sequel/prequel if you will as well as plans for speaking engagements to support the book.

I have nothing on my calendar for 2024, other than following the successes of my daughters with each passing semester, and the directions their lives will take them.

I want to thank you all for following “Paul’s Heart”, now reading my book. I want to wish you all a Happy and Prosperous and Healthy new year. See you in 2024!

“Paul’s Heart – Life As A Dad And A 35-Year Cancer Survivor”

ON SALE NOW at Amazon.com.

You Don’t Need To Fly To Understand This Lesson

You do not need to have ever flown to understand this post, but for the benefit of those who have never flown, there is a moment before the flight takes off, that flight attendants explain and demonstrate, in the event oxygen masks drop from the ceiling of the cabin, you are to put yours on first. That is all you need to understand about the premise.

So, if you are flying with someone special to you, such as a spouse or a child, you must avoid doing what is instinctual, putting the mask of someone you love on them first, and make sure you put yours on first. Why? Because you will not have time to do both. How much time does someone have? Literally, seconds before you pass out, the oxygen in the cabin is gone that quickly when the masks drop. And if you pass out, or at best, get woozy from the loss of oxygen before even securing another’s mask, you will both die from lack of oxygen.

The point, as hard as it may seem, put your mask on first, then help others.

At least monthly, I use this analogy to get across to someone, not necessarily but often another fellow Hodgkin’s survivor. Put your mask on first, before helping another. So what does that mean in the “non flying” world? Just like on the plane, you need to take care of yourself first. Using the example of caring for someone who is ill or fighting a chronic illness or disease, this analogy is perfect.

Anyone who has had to take care of another, all the while juggling their own life, from taking care of their house, tending to other family members, and taking care of their own needs, knows that the role of a caregiver can be exhausting not just physically, but emotionally. It is important to recognize the need to take care of yourself if in that role, whether it be getting enough rest, eating properly, and simply remembering to take a break when needed. Just like with the plane’s oxygen mask reference, if while taking care of another, you are not taking care of your own needs, your body will make you, and not always with good results.

There is no shame or embarrassment in needing to take moments for yourself. It is not an act of selfishness to say “time out, I need to give myself a break and tend to my needs.” But if you are like most people I know, good hearted people who have a tendency to put others before themselves, you do find it hard to “put your mask on first.” It is okay, no, necessary for you to do just that. “Put your mask on first,” take care of yourself, no matter what stress or crisis you may be facing for someone else, because that is the only way that you will be around to be of the service that is needed of you.