Paul's Heart

Upcoming Projects

I know my posts have been few lately.  It is not that I am short of stories, I have close to 300 in my cue that I have started.  But I am working on a few projects that I hope will take “Paul’s Heart” to the next level.

Yes, I am hoping to hit the social media with a video version of “Paul’s Heart”.  I am also working on my next chapter to be submitted to the annual Visible Ink book published via Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center.  Earlier this year, the chapter that I submitted and was published last year, was performed live in Manhattan.  So, I really want to concentrate to try and continue the quality submissions, which get shared here, once the book is published.

Finally, I have completed an interview with a researcher who is using a technology now available in the care of following up patients with cardiac issues.  This is especially important to patients who are being given chemotherapy that has history of affecting the heart.  Because this is such an important piece, I am taking my time putting everything together, because with “Paul’s Heart”, I want that story to go viral.  As a patient, in today’s medical world, we have to be our best advocate, because we have no choice.  This knowledge that I will be sharing with everyone is huge.  And there will be video footage of the interview as well.

So sit back, look back through some of the past posts and pages.  The big story is coming real soon.

I Can’t Wait For Christmas!!

Anyone who knows me personally, after seeing the title of this post, has probably thought, “okay, Paul has finally lost it.”  I am normally quite strict about the time frame for recognizing the Christmas season.  But this year it is different.

Before I get started, I need to preface with this, I have a lot of health issues, some quite serious.  I have good days, and I have bad days.  But it was a conversation that I once had with my late brother-in-law that taught me, there will be days when I need to give myself a break.  We were at the dinner table, and both of us were dealing with swallowing issues related to our health.  My issues were related to radiation damage from cancer treatments.  His issue was related to Lou Gehrig’s Disease.  The key difference, he was going to eventually pass away from his disease.  We both were having swallowing difficulties.  But it was as he saw me struggle, and then me just trying to “suck it up” and hide what I was going through, he made the following comment to me.  “Look, yes, I am going to die, and just because you may not die from yours, that does not make the issues you are going through any less real, or painful.  You need to cut yourself some slack.”

And so it goes with this post.  This past Sunday was Father’s Day.  For the first time in my life, I was not with my daughters on Father’s Day.  Let’s be clear, I was legally kept from being with my daughters as a result of my ongoing divorce process.  Now for those in my life who think that my current residence has anything to do with not being allowed to see my children, absolutely not.  If I were living next door to them right now, I would not have been able to be with them.  There are a couple of processes under way right now to correct this situation which would have allowed me to be with my daughters, but other than my estranged wife and I agreeing to let the processes work out, which has not happened, I have no choice but to wait for the two systems go their course.  Were my daughters sad they could not be with me?  Sure they were.  Was I sad?  I was devastated.

I assured my daughters this was the last year that I was going to let another holiday or event go by without being allowed to be with them.  And just as I mentioned the health reference, the situation with custody with my daughters seemed very similar to keep in perspective.

First, my daughters are adopted from a foreign land.  They never knew either parent.  They never got to know their foster parents, though I have information for them when they are older to pursue this knowledge if they so choose.  My daughters have suffered huge losses already in their lives, never to be replaced.

I have several friends and family members who have lost a child.  Every year, Father’s Day comes around, and all it does is remind of a permanent loss.  For some children, on holidays such as Father’s Day and Mother’s Day, the loss of a parent also is a solemn day, rather than a Hallmark and FTD windfall occasion.  Just last year, my father passed away from lung cancer.

That being said, my heart goes out to everyone who has suffered such permanent losses.  And yes, the time that I have lost with my daughters is only temporary, and cannot compare to the death of a loved one.  But that does not mean that the pain that my daughters and I feel is any less real, or any less expected.

So now I look forward.  With the last of the special holidays taken away from me over the past year, I have my sights set on the Christmas season.  I have to let the processes I mentioned earlier to work out, and unfortunately, as I explain to my daughters, “grown ups some times take a long time to decide on things.”  It is still a long way, but I have dealt with far worse, for longer periods of time.  And just like that, I can deal with this also.  All I want for Christmas is to hold my daughters again.

A Horrible Line Has Been Crossed

I cannot even figure a category to put this post under.

Just when you think you hear or see the most horrible thing a person can do or has done, another piece of scum animal has come out of the woodwork.  My feelings at this moment are ten times worse than the tone I am using right now.

The thing is, we should have seen this behavior coming.  It was a matter of time.  After all, our media goes for huge ratings with the phrase, “the video you are about to see is quite graphic” and then proceeds to show the video of some hideous incident.

But most of now possess that ability to be our own reporter, courtesy of smart phones.

I mentioned that a tragedy occurred back in my home town of Emmaus over a week ago.  Two little girls, age 11, were crossing the street and were hit by a car.  One died, the other is still fighting for her life.  The story is tragic enough.

But then this dirt bag with a cell phone, starts video taping it.  Now some may want to defend this animal and say, he was in shock.  He was not in shock when he decided to post the damn video on Facebook of both girls lying down in the intersection where they were hit, that just a short time later, one of the girls would die from her injury.  This jerk was filming a personal “snuff” video.

Word got out about this video, and soon, there were over 400,000 views because of everyone sharing it.  Pressure had been put on Facebook to pull the video and ban the user, but Facebook had no problem posting a video of an 11 year old girl dying.  That one post has been deleted, but the other video remains, along with some other posts in regard to the young girls.

This recording and the posting of the video on Facebook was by someone the girls did not even know.  He comes back and video tapes another day a memorial growing, and the young kids sitting around the memorial.  He clearly has been deleting any negative comments posted to his posts, because the only ones left are those asking for prayers.

I am not sharing this animal’s name, nor the video.  You can find it easily enough if you feel the need to watch this video.  But as a father of two girls around the same age, this is definitely one of the most disgusting things a person can do following such a tragedy.  And Facebook protecting this animal’s right to post it makes them just as guilty.

This need to film people, and in this case, two young children in their most tragic state, crosses a major line that can never be crossed back.