Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Side Effects”

10 Apr 2021

I Wish The Defense Would Give It A Rest


Like many, I am following the trial of the former Minneapolis police officer Derek Chauvin. And as I have stated before, the purpose of my post is not to promote or refute any particular verdict in the case. That is my opinion. That is your opinion.

Instead, I do want to focus on an issue with the testimony that is really upsetting me right now, and pushing my limits when it comes to my PTSD with my cancer survivorship issues. While some focus on what they feel is the primary reason Mr. Floyd died, it is the defense’s job, as well as the prosecutor, to prove or disprove that there were any other possible main reasons. And to do this, attorneys bring in experts, in this case especially, medical experts. Testimony must be given from issues related to pulmonology and cardiology.

As a reader of my blog, you know I am an unintentional “expert” by default in these two areas because of the many long term issues I deal with health wise from my treatments for Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.

Enter Dr. Martin Tobin, of Loyola University Medical Center. Dr. Tobin is an acute care physician, a pulmonologist, and an academic with so many recognitions for his work and research in pulmonology and physiology. I have had my experience with another doctor similar to Dr. Tobin, so when I heard Dr. Tobin give his testimony, I knew that Dr. Tobin was the real deal. The problem for me, too real.

Dr. Tobin gave great detail, in verbage that all could understand, how the pulmonary system works. He even demonstrated various examples of the system and conditions. Watching him give his testimony, whether you have experience in the field or not, you understood what he was trying to get across. And then, he started talking about certain conditions that had occurred during the now viral video of Mr. Floyd’s death. I will not go into all the details, because they are quite graphic, and have no relation to my own particular issue.

But one term has come up, repeatedly, Hypoxia. Hypoxia in its simplest terms is “a lack of oxygen.” In medical crisis, this probably happens a lot, and as a patient, we are not usually aware of it happening, unless we read the medical reports where it would be noted, like I do. The court proceedings constantly flipped back and forth between using the terms Hypoxia and Asphyxia, which in the end, imply the same thing, the difference that Asphyxia is more or less the results of the Hypoxia. Either way, it is a lack of oxygen. And that is what is being claimed as leading to the death of Mr. Floyd.

What does that have to do with me? Following my first event of long term survivorship, my emergency double bypass for a “widow maker” heart blockage, a diagnostic test was being performed on me. It was a test that required a level of anesthesia (so that I would at least not be aware of what was happening). I was not told initially, but when I returned the following year, to have that test performed again, I was to undergo a deeper level of anesthesia than previously because, as it was explained to me, “something happened.”

Now, at the time, I had no idea what “something” was. And the copies of my paperwork did not go into detail either. I spent a long time trying to find the right person to explain to me what “something” was, and then I found her, a nurse in my care. She gained access to the testing records. She obviously did not want to get too technical with me, so she just explained what happened. I “had a problem breathing” during the test, evidently because of being so relaxed from the anesthesia, my trachea, weakened from progressive damage from radiation therapy had collapsed, restricting my ability to breath.

There was not much more discussion after that. No big deal was made of it. However, any further diagnostic procedure I had, or surgical procedure, and it involved anesthesia, I made sure that the treating physician was aware of this “incident,” even though I did not know what to call it. And that was that. My warnings were obviously heeded as I underwent many procedures without further incident, until a couple of years ago. Someone did not listen.

Now a routine procedure I had gone through at least five times over the years, my warning about my breathing was ignored. And something happened. Only now, this time, I got the actual report. And there was a word that I had seen for the first time, ever, Hypoxia. The report explained that during the procedure, I had experience Hypoxia, and that the procedure needed to be stopped, so that I could be “stabilized.” Keep in mind, after I had come to and recovered, it had been explained to me that there was an “issue” with my breathing, but it was brought under control, very casually. Later on, I would find out, that “stabilized” meant, needing to get my oxygen levels back up. I needed help with my breathing.

Spoiler alert, I am here typing this post, so obviously I survived. And now, I have a word to throw at doctors who order procedures on me requiring anesthesia. That is great. It gives me more credibility to say “I have a history of multiple Hypoxia events” as opposed to “something happens to my airway when I am relaxed from anesthesia.”

But it was during Dr. Tobin’s testimony, where he explained the effects of Hypoxia, the symptoms, and the results that occur. And this is what has jarred me. Up to this point, I have not given much thought about these incidents that I have had. With both prosecutor and defense attorney questioning Dr. Tobin, I could not avoid hearing just how serious it could have gotten for me. After all, it was the lack of oxygen that led to Mr. Floyd’s death.

The most disturbing effect of Hypoxia I discovered during the testimony, is the effect on the brain. And that the brain requires 20% of the body’s oxygen. It is also the first recipient of the oxygen. The lack of oxygen, Hypoxia, would result in less oxygen to the brain, and clearly could result in brain damage. How often have you heard the importance of a rapid response when it comes to CPR on a non-breathing, no pulse patient, having only minutes to spare when it comes to brain damage? This is what everyone refers to.

Unlike Mr. Floyd, lying face down in the street, I was in a medical facility, being treated right away for the Hypoxia. As soon as it was recognized, I was being taken care of, and spoiler alert… again, I am here to tell the story. Hearing the testimony of Dr. Tobin, I have an even greater appreciation for not only the efforts to save my life, but to help me maintain my life.

To say I was overwhelmed by Dr. Tobin’s testimony is an understatement. I know too much of my conditions to grasp just how serious they really are, and now to hear another expert repeat what I already knew.

I immediately reached out to many other long term survivors with the news, that there may just be another resource to help us, when it comes to dealing with our pulmonary issues from radiation damage and chemotherapy damage to our lungs, especially if located in the Illinois area. We can use all the help that we can get.

Then it was the turn of the Hennepin County Medical Examiner, Dr. Andrew Baker. The focus on his testimony was cardiac related as any questions relating to Hypoxia and Asphyxia, he often deferred to having limited knowledge, and to recommend pulmonologist testimony for accuracy.

The focus on cardiology was due to the fact, that Mr. Floyd had pre existing cardiac conditions. I will spare all of the details for the purpose of this post, as it is a comparison to my health that I am trying to draw, and I am not a smoker or drug user. But it is the conditions of Mr. Floyd’s two main coronary arteries that of course caught my attention.

Again, this is something that I am very familiar with. I had a double bypass of my left anterior descending artery back in 2008, almost thirteen years to the date in fact (this was what I referenced as the “widow maker”). And then I had a stent placed in the right coronary artery a couple of years ago. As the medical examiner testified, these are two of the main three arteries. I had repairs done to both. How bad were they?

In discussing Mr. Floyd’s pre existing cardiac conditions, both of his same arteries were blocked at about 75%. As the examiner stated, this was a serious enough level that could lead to a fatal event (hence, the “widow maker”), especially with any kind of stress. These are in fact serious numbers. But there was a part of me sitting there observing thinking, “hmph, 75% is nothing, mine were blocked 90%.” Nothing to brag about for sure. And to be honest, the first time, though I had symptoms, and simply ignored them, it was the second artery surgery that I had to expect some day.

You see, with my history of radiation damage, mainly scarring, doctors avoid wanting to go back in again, and again. Healing and bleeding become serious issues. So, as is the case with many of my issues, we sit back and wait. We watch the conditions get worse, until the risk of doing nothing, becomes worse than the risk of corrective surgery. Think of it as a ticking time bomb. And that is what took so long with the second artery for me, as well as other pending issues that I have.

But again, that is the benefit that I have. I have doctors watching me, able to respond, treat and manage my situations. Mr. Floyd did not have these options available to him on May 25, 2020. The defense wants the jury to believe that it was cardiac and pulmonary reasons that caused Mr. Floyd’s death instead of what Dr. Tobin and the medical examiner testified. And honestly, if I were a juror, because of my experiences with medicine, I have no doubt in the credibility of Dr. Tobin and the medical examiner and their testimonies. I lived through it.

Posted in Cancer, Education, Inspired By..., Side Effects, The Heart | Leave a comment
02 Apr 2021

Inject First, Ask Questions Later


The expression actually goes “shoot first, ask questions later.” But I did not want to raise any flares on my post other than what my intentions were meant for, in regard to the Covid19 vaccine. But the expression, whether “shoot” or “inject,” both apply.

As always, I want to stress my support for the current options with the three vaccines for Covid19. I also happen to hold the position, that in spite of my compromised immune system and health vulnerabilities that make me a prime candidate for the vaccine, I am delaying getting the vaccine, as I wait for data (there is currently none), on the effects and risks of the vaccine with people in my health situation. I have written before all the different questions that I have, that have not been answered, in recent previous posts. But two events have come up recently, that have actually added to those questions. I am waiting to hear back from one of the individuals before I write about that one particular situation, but the other situation, I will talk about, is something that fellow long term Hodgkin’s survivors like me, know all too well. It is up to us to share what we have learned, because in many cases, doctors just do not know.

Among my questions about the vaccine: what are the potential effects of the vaccine, such as drawing down our immune system?, and will two doses be enough and if not, how many boosters can be given, and will it be safe?

But now a new situation has come up.

Back when I was employed, I had to undergo annual health surveillance (a physical) at work. This included a test for TB (tuberculosis). This was typically done in May. At the same time, I suffered with spring allergies that would result in an oil based steroid injection that I normally got in June. For years, this was my process. One year however, the surveillance ran late into June, and I had gotten my allergy shot prior to the exams and TB test. Unlike prior years, my TB test came back positive this time. I knew that I did not have TB, so this was going to be treated as a potential “false positive,” meaning a chest x-ray would need to be done to confirm that I did not have TB.

Unbeknownst to me, and without the work physician knowing that I had gotten the shot, and without me communicating with my family doctor that I was going to be TB tested, this “diagnosis” was destined to happen. Eventually I was cleared, and from that point on, I learned to make sure I had the health surveillance done prior to getting the allergy shot.

For cancer patients and survivors, our bodies have been changed physiologically, forever. Our bodies will react differently. Because of the nature of vaccines, to activate our immune systems to produce antibodies, there are concerns for patients in active cancer treatments, but a recent communication from a fellow survivor, reveals that even routine bloodwork was impacted enough following the first dose of the vaccine, to produce false diagnostics to be further looked into, not to mention, send someone’s stress levels through the roof. I know I speak for all cancer survivors, the last thing any of us want to be told, is that we have something additional we must deal with.

A fellow survivor had some bloodwork done, I am not sure of the reason why (it is not relevant anyway). It was done a week after receiving her second dose of a Covid19 vaccine. Results of their WBC (white blood cell count) had jumped 55% from the last result. An elevated WBC can indicate any number of things, from an infection (as simple as a cold or the most serious infection), a result of stress, or as many cancer survivors know first hand, a potential for a diagnosis of cancer.

The high result sent this survivor not only into a major concern, but was then subjected to a whole collection of tests and scans, even a biopsy, all based on that elevated number. These things would have been unnecessary had her medical team considered the vaccine response and the possible effects on bloodwork. In fact, a PET scan which is used for staging cancer patients, lit up like a Christmas tree, but more importantly, it showed that it was the vaccine as the cause for the results.

The good news is, the WBC returned to its normal levels, and of course, there was no further diagnosis. Yes, there was gratitude for the good news. But clearly, the lack of communication, the lack of knowledge, the lack of taking all things into consideration, had the potential to cause mistakes, at the least, a lot of unnecessary stress.

Sadly, this is not an uncommon situation for those of us long term cancer survivors. Just like the rush of these Covid19 vaccines, and again, I support them and believe in them, the research has not been completed. Just like for survivors like me 30, 40, 50, 60 years ago. Medicine is just catching up to us now and the late side effects from our treatments back then.

But in the meantime, we long term survivors, and patients, must be our own best advocates and make medical professionals aware of all of our circumstances when it comes to our care, whether we think the circumstances are related or not. Let the doctors determine if the issues are relevant. But they can only do that, if they know it. And that at the least, falls on each and every one of us.

Posted in Cancer, Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Side Effects, The Heart | Leave a comment
31 Mar 2021
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A Four Letter Word Never To Say To Me


This post is actually a follow up to yesterday’s post (“Someone Moved My Cheese”), as I received several comments, echoing my journey with frustrations and acceptance of things that I physically can no longer enjoy doing, because of the late side effects from my cancer treatments for Hodgkin’s Lymphoma decades ago. In summary, these conditions cover the spectrum of muscular damage, cardiac damage, and pulmonary damage.

Before I proceed, a disclaimer, because I am going to use a couple of phrases that are offensive to some, but admittedly not as offensive to me, as something else that can be said. And several of my fellow Hodgkin’s survivors would agree.

I have no problem if someone tells me to “fuck off” or “fuck you.” Using that phrase with me tells me that it is your problem, not mine. But the four-letter word that I consider far worse, a fighting word, is “lazy.”

Garfield the cat had no problem with the label “lazy.” It was badge that he wore proudly.

As a society, many have no issue judging someone that they see either inactive or uninvolved as “lazy.” It does not matter why the target of the judgement appears as such, the declaration is made. It gives a person a feeling of superiority to be able to declare that they are better than someone else. But is calling someone lazy really setting a bar high in thinking of yourself as superior? What if there is an actual reason, why someone is unable or unwilling to do something, and it has nothing to do with laziness?

I was, a third generation blue collar worker until about thirteen years ago. I worked nearly every day, normally perfect attendance except during the time period of my cancer with the occasional days that I missed. My mentality, like my family before me, we showed up to work, even if we were rolled into work on our death bed. Reliability was definitely one of my strong suits. In the end of my working career, it was not unheard of for me to work 50-60 hours at my full-time job, and perform three to four gigs disc jockeying over the weekend. Some may see this as being committed to providing for my family, which I was. But it was also who I was. I just worked. It is what I did. It was so bad for me, that my daughter at age nine, asked me, “daddy, why are you always working? We never get to see you.”

When you do not make the conscious decision to do something, sometimes it is taken out of your hands and the decision gets made for you. And that happened to me, nearly thirteen years ago this month. It was the beginning of learning not only that my body was no longer capable of carrying the load that I had done my whole life, but why. And my doctors gave me a decision to make. I could either keep going at the pace I was, and expedite my issues and my fate, or I could give myself a break, allow my body the rest it so desperately needed, and slow a process down, that can never be reversed if I ever wanted to see my children grow old.

The denial was powerful. “How dare you tell me I have to learn to take it easy? Fix me. I will be good as new and continue on. You don’t know me and what I am capable of. I don’t know the words “give up.”

But my body did know the words “give up.” And since I would not make the decision on my own, soon after that event in April of 2018, emergency open heart surgery, my body would frequently, and severely, give me reminders that I was not taking the advice from my doctors seriously, resulting in multiple trips to the hospital, too many in critical conditions.

In 2012 and 2013, still fighting my fate, with my heels dug in against my body, another direction occurred, affecting me and my health. This was purely coincidental, but the benefits to my body, would finally do, what I had struggled to do, give my body the break it needed. In as brief as I can explain, my company was going through major downsizing. Up to this point, the company had accommodated my health restrictions as required by the Americans With Disabilities Act (ADA). But with the downsizing, there was no longer any other work I was capable of doing for them. With their assistance, I was placed on the path to disability. This was something I had heard of so many other fellow survivors, but nothing I was prepared to accept for myself. But now, I had no choice. It was out of my hands.

And then I heard it for the first time. “He is just lazy.” These were words that I heard from a co-worker. Unlike my openness here on “Paul’s Heart,” I was not as open with my health issues at work, as those issues often got used against me. But, this individual, and many others to follow, felt they were qualified to summarize with their limited knowledge of me, that I was “lazy.”

Honestly, I did not give a lot of value to these opinions at work. There is credence to the fact, that we spend more time with our co-workers than our own family (at least in the awake hours), but that does not mean there is understanding like you would have from family members who know what you may be dealing with. That was definitely the situation in my case. All that mattered to them, was that I was not being given the same work load as them, and I was still making the same pay grade. I got away with being “lazy.”

And if it were only my co-workers who felt like this, that would be the end of this post, but it is not. It got worse. Because then family did join in with this belief towards me. Most of my immediate family, not only feel that my inability to perform certain functions anymore, is due to laziness, they actually deny the seriousness of my health issues overall. Forget the fact that many were witnesses to the multiple events that I experienced medically. Forget the fact that some family members were present when doctors explained everything to me, what was happening, and how I would never get better. They were there, yet they still deny it. Instead, they too, call me “lazy.”

By the time I left my employer, I was on three separate opiodes for pain, and a major sleep aid to get to sleep, and even that was no longer working. All so that I could work the amount of hours that I was working, that I was expected to. And the damage to my body from my treatments continued to progress and escalate in severity. This was my quality of life. My doctors told me, I was killing myself by pushing as hard as I was.

I am far from “lazy.” And the same is said for all of my fellow Hodgkin’s survivors that are reading this. We are far from lazy. We had monstrous things done to us to cure us of our cancers. And we get through our lives the best that we can, enjoying what we can, and most importantly, using the time that we have, to spend it with those that we love. In the end, that is what matters to us.

I have plenty left in me if you want to challenge my abilities. I am far from “lazy.” But as strong as I feel about that four letter word, will be met with one of my own if you call me that. Fuck you! And like everyone else who has taken that stance with me, you are erased from my life. You mean nothing. You are pitiful that you are actually jealous of a situation that I and others have to live with the rest of our lives. You are pathetic. You want to trade places with us, because you think we have it so good, have at it. I know plenty of takers who would give anything to enjoy life the way everyone else gets to.

Unlike those people however, we appreciate what we have, the time we have, and the people who want to be a part of our lives.

Posted in Bullying, Cancer, Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Side Effects, The Heart

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