Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Side Effects”

Tiger Behind One Door, Lion Behind The Other


My father’s current battle against lung cancer has stirred up an internal struggle within himself, that I know that just like millions of others, including myself have gone through.

A diagnosis of cancer is bad enough because without any form of treatment, whether it be just surgery, chemotherapy, or radiation therapy, or a combination of any or all, the result is almost always going to be death. But we have seen the television commercials for all kinds of prescription medications for any number of maladies that promise the possibility of relief, but come with a risk of making things worse. Okay, men take the “blue pill” to still function in the bedroom, but the risk is a possible drop in blood pressure. For men, this may be worth the risk. I personally would not know. Medications for blood pressure or preventing blood clots may actually increase the risk of a cardiac event. And the most disturbing of all, taking an antidepressant that might just actually increase the risk of committing suicide. It is a wonder that we risk taking anything at all.

But unlike the prior mentioned illnesses and others, there is no other choice when it comes to cancer. I do not mean any disrespect at all to those who choose to go the holistic route, but as a long term survivor of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, I have to stand firm that I believe as a cancer patient, you must go with what has been scientifically proven, if you want any chance of seeing remission. Holistic can be complimentary, with approval from the oncologist, but unless it is a last resort, holistic should not be considered alternative.

As a long term survivor of cancer, I actually do still recall the days when I was warned of possible short term side effects. It was not known back then the risks of late developing side effects like I have now. But even the list of short term side effects were enough to have me concerned, but the alternative was far worse. For my dad, it was no different.

Surgery was supposed to take care of what was supposed to be a stage 1 lung cancer, that quickly was upgraded to stage 3. Surgery was supposed to have taken care of the cancer, but then the oncologist recommended chemotherapy to take care of any straggler cancer cells not picked up on with blood work or scan. My dad knew what that would mean, and of course, the information sheets came out with the list of possible side effects for both of the drugs he would be given. But just as he completed chemo, and was feeling good about his accomplishment, he felt the rug being pulled out from underneath him as the oncologist informed him that it was felt radiation should still be considered just in case any cancer cells survived the chemo. Though the likelihood of any cancer cells still existed, the doctor convinced my father the benefit to undergoing radiation therapy far outweighed the risk of any side effects. This is in spite of what my father has witnessed me go through.

So now my father has gone through, surgery, chemo, and radiation, all to survive radiation cancer. And he has gotten through it. But the rug has been pulled out from under him again, and he does not hold back his feeling on this. Though the cause is unknown, and I have my suspicions, my father’s chest is filling with fluid, and now is facing yet another surgery to deal with the drainage. I have grown frustrated with this situation, because my father is being put through so much, “just in case”, and now we have an issue that is quite serious. Fluid in the lungs makes it difficult to breath, and puts pressure on the heart. While it has been his signature that has given the permission to proceed with each step, I still hold the doctors responsible for convincing for any and all things that are developing with my dad. There are many risks that my dad faces with each step of this journey, yet I seem to be the only one who is concerned about them?.

During my father’s latest hospitalization for this fluid issue, I convinced the doctors to order an echochardiogram for his heart. The doctors have been treating him as pulmonary, but with my father’s cardiac history, and having been exposed to chemo and radiation, this should have been a no-brainer, yet for months now has gone without attention. But with my history, knowledge, and experience, I convinced my father’s nurse, who then convinced the doctor, to order that simple test to see if that was the possible cause of the fluid build up. You see, if you heart does not beat like it should, due to the fluid, it can lead to congestive heart failure. But the test can also reveal that the heart has taken some sort of abuse from the chemo and the radiation.

The echo has revealed some slight decrease in function as well as some fluid around the heart, though it is not the cause of his fluid build up currently. But my anger that is growing with my father’s care, is why did it take my arguing to confirm this? Just recently, a family lost their 24 year old son, because the doctors were not following up for developing side effects.

I am grateful that now my father will be followed up for this developing cardiac issue so that it can be managed before it gets too late as mine almost was. I understand my father’s frustration when he gets through one thing, and then finds himself opening yet another door only to be greeted by another unfriendly challenge. But I do give my dad credit. He is not giving up as he wants to be there for his wife who he cares for her needs at home.

In the meantime, we still do not know what is actually causing the fluid build up. We just prepare to manage it.

One Big Mess Last Week


Last week was one week that I know I was wanting to come to an end real quick. I normally make my blog about one particular topic, but last week was such a mess, literally. Once again, we got hit with our annual mid-February major snowstorm, dumping more than a foot of snow on our area. But to make things even more challenging, I received a phone call from my father while I was on the way to the gym, that he was on his way to the emergency room. He is still dealing with effects from battling his lung cancer. I have my suspicions as to what is behind this repeated flare-up, but then again, I am no doctor. Decisions that my father made in regards to his treatments were his to make. All I can do is make sure that he is cared for properly to deal with these side effects.

My father did not have any intention of remaining in the hospital passed Wednesday as the weather forecast was calling for a major snowfall, so he had every plan of going home. His situation got complicated, which I will put into another post. Because this post took a completely unexpected turn for me later that evening.

For the second time in two months, I am saying good bye to another young life. I received a call that my brother’s step son had died in a car accident earlier in the day. The details of the accident have not been made public, and to be honest, I do not know or think that having those details will provide any consolation.

I only knew James casually, and to me, he seemed like many other kids I knew, went through his phases, but overall, he was a good kid. I questioned his choices of hair colors and maybe some piercings, but he really was a good kid, reliable. He assisted me with some heavy lifting following my heart surgery. My daughters adored him.

2014 really has not gone the way I was hoping. Next week, my father is looking at yet another procedure. And now there is a funeral to attend. And my father must make choices about that surgery, based upon the arrangements of the funeral for his grandson.

The Challenge Of Getting Fit


For at least a month now, I have been going full tilt at the gym, trying for the umpteenth time to get myself back into shape. I am not motivated by the “people who are overweight are more likely to have cancer or diabetes” or “having to buy an adjoining seat on an airplane”. Quite simply, I know I feel better when I exercise.

My problem is not will power or guilt. Whenever I try to get back into an exercise routine, like what I did back when I was in high school (okay, I am not in denial either – it has been thirty years since then), I usually have some sort of setback. That setback can be health related, or lack of motivation related. Just the other day it was power related as the gym suffered a rare closure due to power loss from a huge ice storm that we had recieved.

Breaking from the stereotype of patients who undergo chemotherapy, looking emaciated, I actually gained weight, more than fifty pounds. I suffered from “pumpkin face” as my weight ballooned due to my increased appetite from the prednisone I was taking to counteract one of the other chemo drugs I was getting. By the time I was done with my treatment, I weighed over 200 pounds for the first time in my life. Just as I got through my treatments however, I was just as determined to get the weight off. I lost sixty pounds within four months, half the time that I was on chemo with strict diet and exercise.

Over course, aging slowly and a destroyed thyroid (from radiation treatments) helped me to regain the weight, and again I made yet another attempt to restore my weight and physique. I was successful at it too, if it weren’t for the tightness in my chest. In spite of being in good condition, a major heart issue was discovered and required emergency heart surgery (see “CABG – Not Just A Green Leafy Vegetable).

So, following that surgery, I had to give yet another shot at getting my body back into condition. It was a bit of a slower process because I needed to be careful with issues concerning the heart. But my determination was still the same, to get back into the condition that I was in before the surgery. But then I started seeing my doctors for follow ups, and then realizing that I was dealing with late developing side effects from my cancer treatments, for the first time in my life, I was beginning to feel defeated. Conversations with my doctors became more about what I should not be doing. Exercises that gave me strength and power were now of the list of things I could do. Slowly, I began to let the rest of my physique suffer and it seemed as if the late effects were also progressing a little more quickly.

Two months ago, I took the bull by the horns. No more “can’t”. I have been posting my accomplishments on Facebook, not necessarily as bragging, but rather as accountability and to show, that you can, and still need to take care of yourself. I am hoping this week to accomplish two goals. First, tomorrow, not only will I have achieved the calorie burn I was at when I had my heart surgery, but I will also be at the weights that I lifted. Emotionally this is a huge milestone for me.

The second is a shirt. I plan on wearing a shirt on Friday that was intentionally purchased a size smaller than I normally wear. So, not only am I feeling better physically, mentally, I am hoping to look better as well. Like my doctors told me when they first discovered my late effects, they cannot reverse the damage, but they can slow them down. And that has been my challenge to get fit.

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