Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Inspired By…”

Do You Remember That Day?


There are moments in time, that stay forever etched in our memories, where we were, what we were doing at that moment. For my grandparents, of course it was the Great Depression, the attack on Pearl Harbor, and “the bomb.” For my parents, it was the assassination of President John F. Kennedy. For me, the senseless murder of John Lennon, the space shuttle Challenger disaster, and on this date, twenty years ago, the unthinkable, an all out attack on US soil from an international effort. Sure, we have had our wars in our history on US soil, but this is the first time, on the mainland of the United States, we were attacked. It was unthinkable, and unforgettable.

In the late Summer of 2001, there were two thoughts on my mind. I was in the process of purchasing my first home, a four bedroom colonial with a fireplace, and an inground pool. While the fence around the house was not “white picket,” it would seal the image of what was to lay ahead in my life, a family. My closing was just less than two weeks before September 11, so between work, unpacking, and settling in, I was quite busy.

My employment was less than a three minute drive from my house. It was a typical and beautiful September morning. I arrived at 7:00 am as usual for my start at 7:10 am shift. My day was broken into four blocks of time, separated by breaks and a lunch. After completing my early morning’s assignments, I proceeded downstairs to our breakroom as was normal for me. I would typically log on to a computer to either do some job related training, or deal with some emails.

But as I arrived to the breakroom at 8:55 am, where I would normally only see two or three of my co-workers, instead, there was a group of at least fifteen others, surrounding our countertop, with attention drawn to the television.

It appeared that an airplane had crashed into one of the two towers in New York City. It was a horrifying sight. There is not a Hollywood scenario I had ever seen play out on the screen that mirrored this type of event, or rescue. We all stood there, watching the smoke billow out from the skyscraper, and then horror happened a second time, another airplane crashed into the other tower. All of us knew at that moment, this was not an accident. But the question is who and why? We have had “hijackings” before, but never like this. Soon after, news of another plane crashing into the Pentagon, and another in a field in Pennsylvania. What the Hell was going on?

Throughout the rest of our work day, we would work to complete our assignments as quickly as possible, to return to the breakroom to see, if it had gotten any worse, and if so, how. On the drive home, radio stations were now just callers phoning in to express their horrors and feelings, and surprisingly, allowed to do so in uncensored manner with F-bombs flying everywhere. The passion was immense and uncontrollable.

Of course, we know what happened on that day twenty years ago today, by who, and why. The events of 9/11 would now join the other memories of tragic events in my head, though clearly, the greatest WTF moment. This day would change everyone’s lives forever, all in different ways. Tragically, I do know some who lost loved ones that day. Miraculously, I know some who either survived or through divine intervention, were not in that fateful place when they were supposed to be.

For me, at that time, I did not have much personal connection to it, other than having been a tourist in the past on school trips to New York City. As an adult, I will never forget my first drive to Manhattan, approaching the turn to the Lincoln Tunnel, now a “parking lot” of traffic with vehicles being searched one by one before entering the tunnel, able to take a long look across the harbor, and the shock of no longer seeing the twin towers standing where they once did. I had never seen the skyline that way.

It was October of 2001, and I was driving to New York City for a taping of the People’s Court as I had a case against a local pet store that grabbed the producer’s attention (spoiler alert – I won). Though the attack a month earlier was still so fresh in everyone’s minds, and how it was affecting our daily lives, as I walked the streets upon arrival, I could see that most in NYC, clearly had moved on, not letting this act of terror affect or intimidate them.

Months later, I would face my first challenge with our country’s new reality, having to fly. There were new procedures at airports, and of course, always the fear, that this could happen again.

Three years later, I would become a father by travelling overseas to adopt my daughters. The terror attack on 9/11 was no longer a deterrent in my mind from carrying on. But I have not forgotten. In fact, since then, flying had become a regular part of our lives with vacations.

But now, my daughters much older, and clearly they were not born yet at the time the attacks occurred, I am curious about what they learn what happened on that day. Only now, as I watch documentaries such as one dealing with the classroom of students when then President Bush received the news, what impact did that have on the students who are now 27 years old?, or an innocent documentary on a new firefighter turned into an actual “in the scenes” documentary inside of the twin towers themselves as the attack progressed, it is quite upsetting to see all the details that I was unaware of.

And that is what today will be. There are a lot of documentaries of the events of September 11, 2001 being played on television today. Emotions will likely be as raw as they were twenty years ago, for many, even more so depending how they were impacted.

As I mentioned to my daughters the “events that affected your life” conversation, I did not even ask my daughters if they have experienced anything like that yet in their young lives, but wasted no time in responding, Covid19. Covid19 is their lifetime event, permanently etched in their memories.

My daughters know what happened on September 11, 2001, though they cannot comprehend how it could have happened, let alone, actually happening, to the United States, in the United States. One thing is for sure though, I, they, we, will never forget.

Never forget.

Two Anniversaries This Weekend


For me, and many others, this weekend will mark two separate anniversaries.

I had been through many hurricanes in my life. But Hurricane Irma on September 10, 2017 would be the first one that I would go through with a direct hit. The path of the coming storm remained uncertain until just days before it hit, making evacuation impossible with no idea where to travel to, at least by car, and airports were not an option.

The preparations were made as far as securing shutters, buying supplies. As a state of emergency had been declared, there was an ominous feeling driving through the area, pretty much a “ghost town.” The panic lines for gas and water were gone. Most businesses were all boarded up.

As I said, I had been through hurricanes before, and seen the aftermath of flooding and wind damage. Nothing compared to my experience with Irma. After surviving the eye passing right over me, that is when the learning from the experience would begin.

It was the day after, and the next several days, that I would discover good and bad in people, those willing to help one another, and those just flat out selfish, even in a time of crisis, only out for themselves. I can completely empathize with those who have just dealt with Ida in both the south and northeast. Long gas lines, perhaps waiting as long as ten hours for their turn, idling out what little they had left in their tank, only to be turned away as the station ran out. Staples such as bread, water, and ice in short supply, gone as soon as the shelves restocked. Frustrating to say the least. But having dealt with other major crisis, I have always looked ahead, that things will get better.

But other people do not share the outlook on life that I do. And it did not take long to see this behavior. With Ida, it was no different. It takes time to recover from things, but you need to follow the recommendations and orders being given. Too many were just too impatient, and it showed.

Fortunately, damage here was minimal, infrastructure was back up for the most part within a week. Clean up and repairs took much longer. Heck, grocery stores took forever to get shelves restocked, again, because as soon as inventory came in, it was gone.

Those who did evacuate, were recommended not to return for several weeks. There was nothing to return to. Sure, their homes were likely safe, but supply was at a minimum. And with our tourist season approaching, “snowbirds,” that really was the last thing we needed, more people. For those that did not listen, especially the snowbirds, I found my patience tested, hearing the complaints that the area had not been cleaned up and restored yet, just a few short weeks following the storm.

We were lucky during and after that storm. At least I recognize that.

32, But Who Is Counting?


Each year, when these special dates pop up, I can somehow discover that there is still room left to be humbled. Today begins my 32 year recognizing blood cancers, in particular, Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. Diagnosed in November of 1988, I finished my treatments on March 3, 1990, the date I consider my anniversary as a survivor.

To this day, still considered a rare form of cancer, less than 9,000 will be diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma according to the NCI’s Division of Cancer Control and Population Sciences (DCCPS), making up .5% of all new cancer diagnosis. From 2011-2017, it carried a 5-year survival rate of 88.3%, one of the highest rates of survival for a cancer, which depending on the type of Hodgkin’s, some sub-rates can reach as high as 94%.

While these are fantastic numbers, there is a downside. Blood cancers do not get the recognition and support that big cancers such as breast cancer, lung cancer, and colon cancer receive. And this by no means is meant to rank one cancer over another, but it also does not mean that blood cancers should not have just as much focus, especially with a success rate as high as it does. And this is what that matters.

I was treated with 4000 grays of ionized radiation and a very toxic cocktail of chemotherapy. Both of these modes are no longer used in treating Hodgkin’s and this is due to research and progress in just three decades. But as anyone involved in radiation will tell you, being exposed to the amount of radiation I was, is a very bad thing. Sadly, there are survivors before my time, that were exposed to far worse levels. And out of the seven drugs I was given to fight my cancer, three are still being used today, still dangerous, but still necessary because nothing has been found to replace them. And with a high success rate, science and research does not really place that urgent a need to “finish the job.”

My health issues from my treatments are well documented throughout the years of “Paul’s Heart.” Over the last thirteen years, and twice in the last three years, I have faced lifesaving corrective surgeries to my cardiac system (double bypass, a stent, and carotid stenting).

And as big as the number 32 is, .2%, or roughly 960 annual deaths from Hodgkin’s (or its complications from treatments) is an even more important number. There have been so many that I have met in person, or through the internet who have inspired me, encouraged me, who are no longer here, placing me in the position that I was once in, hopefully providing inspiration in longevity for those Hodgkin’s patients and survivors who have come after me. My friends who have passed on are never forgotten, and many, their loss still continues to have an impact on me.

This year, as well as the last, has been a challenging one, with surviving cancer not being enough. For over a year and a half, and likely for the rest of our lives, at least mine, Covid19 will always be a part of my survival, and the need to avoid it. I do all that I can, from recommended mitigation efforts to prevention, and so far it has worked. I credit my endurance with this effort to what I went through with my battle with Hodgkin’s. I know what needs to be done because I trust my doctors, and I have excellent support behind my efforts. I can only wish it did not take a health crisis like cancer for people to understand the seriousness and the steps needed to get through this crisis.

In November, I will mark thirty three years since my diagnosis, and in March, my thirty second year of survival (having finished my treatments). My special calendar on this page has my 40th countdown set, but if I am being totally honest, my goal is to hit the 50th “club” of which I actually know quite a few. Imagine, there are people who have survived cancer over five decades. I never thought that would have been possible 32 years ago.

As always, thank you for reading, and thank you for your support.

Paul

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