Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Cancer”

Behind The Mask


I am going to share some information with you.  During the recent and large brush fires that we experienced here in southwest Florida, I heard several people speak about wearing “masks” to help deal with the smoke.  Of course, the masks that people refer to are nothing more than those used by doctors, surgical masks.

And we have seen these masks used in several different settings by common people in every day situations.  The masks are worn to prevent inhaling allergens or dust, perhaps with the belief that it will protect the person from inhaling a contagion such as the flu or cold.  People can be seen walking the streets, on airplanes, even in doctor waiting rooms, wearing these masks.

You are not as protected wearing these types of masks as you think you are.  In fact, if anything, to a certain degree you protect other people from you.

If you are going to wear a mask, you want to make sure it will serve the purpose you are wearing it.  But honestly, a plain surgical mask is nothing more than a sneeze/cough catcher, and possibly preventing a direct hit of the wearer’s bad breath.  The material is too thin, and it also does not “seal”, and that is the important word, seal around your mouth and nose.  The only way to prevent inhaling smoke, dust, allergens, or contagions, is wearing something called a respirator.

Respirators come in various styles.  What I have pictured is a common respirator.  I know this because at one time in my life, I worked in an environment that required “respirator training.”  In other words, learning and making sure you use the respirator properly.  A respirator when properly worn, will seal and prevent any outside hazards from being inhaled.  The mask has material built inside, to crimp around the contour of your jaw and nose, making a seal.  If you are wearing it properly, as you breath, you will feel the respirator almost “suck” to your face.  That means that there is a seal.  And if it does not, then you are basically wearing it as if it were a surgical mask, offering little if no protection at all.

Of course, in a professional setting, the training involved a lot more than just putting it on and seeing if it stuck to your face.  I actually wore a hood over top of my head, while wearing the respirator, while a mild scent was sprayed inside the hood.  If I could smell the material, then I did not have a seal.

When you are trying to prevent something from entering your lungs, you need to wear the correct mask, and a surgical mask is not it.  A surgical mask will not protect you from smoke inhalation, grass allergies, dust storms, or someone with a case of the flu.  The rule is quite simple, and you do not to be a professional, if you can smell it, you definitely are not protected from it.

 

You Can’t Take It With You


If there is one thing that being a cancer survivor has taught me, is that life will carry on with or without you, and all the possessions you have mean nothing, if life carries on without you.  In a matter of minutes, you can go from thinking no one can get along without you.  And if you are lucky enough, that you get a second chance,  what hurts almost as much, is to see that as you recover, you may not be as valuable as you thought you were.

I get it.  Because it happened to me.  I was told I needed emergency heart surgery.  Just like that, all the money I had made, all the things that I had purchased, no longer mattered.  All I could think about were my two young daughters and the possibility that they could end up without their father.

My car, my house, vacations, all things material… nothing mattered to me at that moment, than getting through the surgery for my daughters.

Over the last week, in Southwest Florida, weather conditions have left the area prime for brush fires.  With windy conditions, drought conditions, and plenty of dead vegetation, it took no time at all for the fire to spread to 7500 acres.  But as fire fighters tried to contain the fire, winds pushed the fire towards urbanized areas.  Mandatory evacuations were issued.  And just as with any other natural disaster, there are always people who will defy those types of orders.  We have all seen people interviewed on television in situations such as being in the path of a brush fire, or hurricane, who insist on staying put in their homes.

It is sad and frustrating to watch.  Homeowners basically sacrifice their lives to protect their property.  They are willing leave their family and to die for their belongings.  Worse, as first responders are known to do, emergency personnel often find themselves having to rescue these people, putting their own lives at risk.  As one emergency personnel member put it during the recent brush fire, “if you choose to remain in your home, not only may we not be able to save you, but we will not be able to do flyovers dumping water and flame retardant over your home, for fear of injuring you with the impact of the liquid.  And yes, you can get hurt by the impact of the water down below.

Thinking about it, I never hear one person say what they will do to protect their home from the fire, or flooding.  They just say, that they are going to do all that they can.  They do not say “why” they are doing it, only that “it’s all they have.”  Could a homeowner actually prevent their home from burning to the ground with a garden hose?  Can a homeowner actually keep floodwaters from flushing out the contents of their home?  Of course not by themselves.  And they have to know that.  Though they do not state it, could they be afraid of looters?  In an evacuation area, police and sometimes national guard members are deployed to the evacuated areas to prevent looting.  Do they realize that they are putting others at risk to potentially need to save them or prevent other damage?

It is sad to say, that often through tragedy or crisis, we realize what is important, what we can really do without.  How many have attics packed with knickknacks that have not been seen in decades, but during an emergency, they become a priority more so than our lives?  It makes no sense really.  Having been there, in that life or death situation, I know my priority.

I went into a cardiologist office for a simple treadmill test (or so I thought).  I was told it needed to be corrected as soon as possible, like “tomorrow.”  And once on the table, it was discovered that it was far worse than imagined, and I would need open heart surgery.  I had explained to my daughters, that I was just going in to the doctor to have something simple done, that I would see them the next day.  I went through the next 36 hours without seeing them or holding them while I waited for my surgery.  Because of my late effect damage from radiation and chemotherapy treatments for Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, the surgery was going to be quite risky.  I might not make it through the surgery, and all I could think about was holding my daughters one final time, and not getting the chance.

Yeah, if I am told to evacuate because of fire or hurricane, you can bet your ass, I am out of there.  There is absolutely nothing more important than those in my life.  Everything else can be replaced.

Breaking Down The “New Normal”


I have written in the past, about getting back to life following treatment for cancer.  And as probably nearly every cancer survivor will tell you, there is nothing normal about getting back to life.  It is never the same.  Therefore, the phrase, “new normal” gets tossed around quite a bit.  On one of my support lists that I belong to, a post came through with a completely different explanation of what “new normal” meant to this individual writer.  And she did a great job probably explaining it in even more thorough detail.

I am always willing to share stories from other patients and survivors, especially when there is an opportunity to offer support and understanding.

I present to you, Brenda Denzler, from her daily personal journal, in her own words:

“Cancer treatment saves our lives-if we’re lucky.  But for those of us whose lives it saves, it doesn’t save ALL of our lives.  It saves bits and pieces of them.  The doctors call that partial life a happy, hopeful name: our “new normal.”

Most oncologists don’t pay a great deal of attention to this partial-life-left-to its quality or its features-among those of us (the majority) who are older when we get cancer. They are just beginning to pay real attention to it among those who were children when they got it.  Among the older set, they write off most of our comments and complaints about our
new limitations as the natural process of getting older, and they turn away without a thought given to the issue of how much older, how much faster. As if the only thing cancer treatment did to our bodies was rid them of cancer.
I just spent about 36 hours with my two grands.  It was a good visit.  I had prepared for it ahead of time, minimizing the amount of cooking and cleaning up of dishes I’d have to do. I took a nap with Sebastian on Saturday afternoon.  I propped my feet up and rested throughout.as much as having two small children around will allow.  And when they left, while I welcomed the chance to sit for 30 uninterrupted minutes, I was sad to see them go (as usual).
I quickly succumbed to a nap.  No surprise.  It lasted 4 hours.  That WAS a surprise.  I woke up from my nap feeling so fatigued I could hardly move, with that all-over body ache and tingling hands and feet that indicate I’ve overdone it big-time.  I oozed my way through the evening, trying hard to stay awake and not lapse into sleep again.  When a decent bedtime came, I allowed myself to succumb.  This time I slept for 11 more hours. And again, I have awoken feeling exhausted deep in every bone, every muscle fiber.
THIS is my “new normal.”
To hell with the “but you’re getting older” bromide.  I shouldn’t be THIS old, THIS soon.
Cancer treatment saves our lives, if we are lucky.  But not ALL of our lives.  It just saves bits and pieces of them.”

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