Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Cancer”

16 Nov 2018

Denial – Forget The Cliche’s And Jokes


As I explain the events of my diagnosis of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, which occurred thirty years ago, I guess I should have mentioned something which might explain the importance of following these posts (in case you missed the first two, they precede this post – no others in between).  Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, while having a very high remission rate, is considered a rare form of cancer.  And it is that rarity that makes it difficult for many doctors to diagnose or even look for.  As I continue on with these posts, between my original doctor not knowing what to look for, along with a patient who never “saw the headlights of the bus about to run him over”, I am sure I am not the only patient to have experienced this struggle in my mind.

So, previously on “Paul’s Heart”, I mentioned about discovering the lump, being treated for the lump, and upon getting back to my regular routine, I was injured.

I went to that appointment that evening very confident that my friend sent me to someone who would not only understand my injury, but get me back to normal as quickly as possible.  I am not demeaning my family physician by any means.  This was strictly about getting back on the basketball court ASAP.

The doctor looked about the same age as my primary care doctor, and for the most part, everything seemed to go the same way as it would have with my doctor.  Weighed… measured… and then escorted into an exam room.  When the doctor came into the room, he shook my hand and asked me what he could do for me.

Me:  Well doc, I think I either pulled something or hopefully not, tore something in my left shoulder area.

He began to check me out, could see me wince in pain when he would lift my arm and straighten it out.  Perfect.  He would now be able to get me on the right path to getting this taken care of.

Doctor:  So, how did this happen?

Not what I was expecting.  I thought, you looked, you found, you diagnosed, let’s get moving.

Me:  I had this thing going on, and my family doctor told me to take it easy for a couple of weeks, take some medicine, and I should be fine.  I just went overboard when I went back into training, stupidly resuming with the levels and weights that I was at two weeks prior instead of adjusting.

Doctor:  What were you being treated for?

I am notorious for being super involved in my health care, and those close to me.  Admittedly I am much worse today with this attitude.  But as a patient, I want you to not only hear me, but listen to me.  My agitation level had begun to increase.

Me:  Um… I had this lump on the left side of my neck.  My doctor said it was probably a cold, gave me medicine for it, and it pretty much disappeared.  I mean, it’s still there a little bit.  But anyway, I hurt myself when I got back to the gym and was just stupid.

Doctor:  Did your doctor do any bloodwork?

Now I am getting annoyed.  I was there for a sports injury.  My lump thing was taken care of, not what I was at this appointment for.

Me:  Forget the lump doc.  I am here about my injury.

Doctor:  I just think you should get this lump checked out more thoroughly.  I would like to recommend you to someone.  I think you should get in to be seen as quickly as possible.

And on that note, I walked out.  Never to be seen or heard again.  Or so I thought.  The doctor had made the appointment for me, and upon confirmation via telephone by the referred doctor, I cancelled the appointment.  The doctor I had just seen did not even pay attention to what I was saying and why I was there.  I had a sports injury.  Enough with the fucking lump already!!!!!

I got a call the next morning at work from the doctor that I saw that prior evening.  He had heard I cancelled my appointment and was quite stern that I keep the appointment.  It was an approach from a doctor I had not experienced before, but somehow he got through to me (note – this similar approach is now used by several of my doctors to get through my stubbornness).  A new appointment was made for that evening.

Posted in Cancer, Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Side Effects, The Heart | Leave a comment
14 Nov 2018

That Did Not Last Long


* The following is a continuation of the 30th anniversary of my journey of the diagnosis of my Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.

I admit that I can be stubborn.  And it is no exception when I get a doctor’s order.  But as all three of my primary care doctors that I have ever had, two no longer practicing (one actually would be over 100 years old now), I do not see a doctor unless I pretty much have a limb falling off.  But at this point, if my doctor prescribed something for me, to help me, I never questioned it.  If I was at the doctor, I had a problem, it needed to be dealt with.

I was not happy with the doctor’s orders of rest for two weeks.  But with the large lump in my neck, I was no longer comfortable.  Take the anti-inflammatory for two weeks, rest, and I will be good to go.  No weightlifting, and worse, no playing basketball.  We had just started a city league basketball team at work which I was totally psyched to be playing on, now sidelined for two weeks.  But my doctor assured me the medicine would work.  I had some sort of cold or infection.  If the lump would have been in different location, he admitted his plan would have been different but was confident in his plan and prognosis.

And the medicine did work.  The lump went down nearly 80% and as the two week “rest period” neared its end, I could not wait to get back to the gym, get myself back into condition to hit the court again.

Another unfortunate quirk about myself, is that I do not have a dimmer switch.  I go full tilt with everything I do.  I was so frustrated with not being able to train for two weeks, instead of just easing back into the training, I went right back at the weights and times that I stopped at because I did not want the two week rest to have any impact on me.  I felt up to it.  And it was what I wanted to do.

And of course, instead of just easing back, going as hard as the day I stopped, even if only two weeks, I developed a pain in my left arm pit whenever I extended my left arm straight.  I had hurt myself.

I spoke to my friend and co-worker, Stephen (disclaimer, this photo is not of either of us) and explained to him my frustrations about now being hurt and not able to play that night as I had hoped.  He understood, and suggested that I see his doctor as Stephen had seen his doctor for injuries and felt confident that his doctor could help me bounce back quick.  Even though I had my own doctor, my sights were set on getting better enough to get back on the court.  I made the call, and got in to see his doctor that evening.

And that is when things got confusing, and my stubbornness came out.

 

Posted in Cancer, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Side Effects, The Heart | Leave a comment
13 Nov 2018

The 30 Year Itch


I am coming up on a day that I never thought I would see.  In fact, many who have been in a similar situation would never think of seeing this day.

As my counter shows on the lead page, I am approaching my 30th year, in remission of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.  But in order to get to that wonderful milestone, that means that there is another milestone that I get to first.

Over the course of the next sixteen months, as I often do, I will be remembering all too vividly, and not by choice, every day that I went through, because it still haunts me.  This milestone journey will be different than in the past.

My daughters were not around during my battle against Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.  They will proudly state that I am a long term cancer survivor, though they have no idea what I went through.  As they are older now, I have decided that it is this milestone path, they will now be told how I, and how they came to be my daughters.

For some of you reading future posts, it may be a sad reminder for you, and I apologize.  For some of you, too new to understand the progress made in diagnosis and treatment in thirty years, it may help you to keep things in perspective if you find yourself struggling emotionally.

But it started thirty years ago with an itch.  You cannot see it in this photo, taken just now, but there was a huge lymph node just under my chain.  An unbearable and instant itch drew my attention to a large lump in my neck.  At a young age of twenty-two, I was not thinking anything more than, I need to contact my family doctor.

I am a virtual stranger to my doctor as I really on had visits once a year for a seasonal allergy shot.  But this lump was something that was clearly not normal.  So I made a call to my doctor, who happened to only be the second primary care doctor in my life (my first practiced well into his 80’s).

My doctor felt it was some sort of infection, perhaps just a little more than a cold.  He gave me some anti-inflammatory medicine and told me to just take it easy for a couple of weeks.  A simple enough order from the doctor.

Posted in Cancer, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Side Effects, The Heart | Leave a comment

Post Navigation

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →