Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

The Other Body Part

I do not think it matters if you were raised religiously or not, most people are aware of the story of Adam and Eve.  And depending on who is telling the story, Reverend Bibelot or Uncle Barnie, there are definite differences between the genders.  Science confirms this all the way down to the chromosome.

 I would like to offer, that the supreme being that I believe in, that a body part was missed on men.  For some men, it is almost as valuable and probably used more often, yet women constantly believe that they are better equipped to control its use.  Cartoon illustrations are often exaggerated with the pot-bellied individual sitting in his recliner, tank t-shirt slid up over the barrel, beer in one hand, this in the other.

Though claims of its discovery date back to possibly the 1890’s, the Germans used it in the 1940’s a lot during World War II and in the early 1950’s the “lazy bone” was officially discovered.  Over time it became more advanced and more heavily used.  In fact, for some men, having one is not enough.  I have at least four that are all used differently.  They are a part of me.  I should have been born with them.  The trick was learning how to use them efficiently.

Of course I am talking about remote control and the art of channel flipping.  It was not until the early 1980’s that I learned of an easier way to watch television without commercials, without having to get up off the couch and turn the UHF dial of the television.  Of course, I learned how to do it from another male figure, my stepfather, remember, the big gut, beer in one hand remote in the other?  He was really good at that slide box remote.  The few times that he was not sitting in his chair only occurred when he was not home.  And then, like a kid sneaking his first cigarette or can of beer, I approached the remote.  And you know what?  I liked it.

Time would go on and by the late 1980’s I would get my chance to show that I had mastered the skill of channel surfing.  But just as my stepfather, the remote could never leave my hand.  My wife would be subject to everything I watched and even multiple television shows.  I am talking before picture in a picture was even invented.  If she even handled the remote, it would mean disaster.  All the settings that I made, would be jeopardized.  I would clearly miss something if I did not control the control.

But here we are in the second decade of the new millennium, and I have lost some of that control.  Admittedly, it has not been easy.  I have indeed lost some settings and missed several things I wanted to see.  And I do have a problem with that.  To make matters worse, I have two daughters who have probably learned more about my remotes than I know.  And adding insult to injury, they will not show me.

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