Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

I’m A Dad

Chemotherapy took away any opportunity to have children.  It was one drug in particular.  Had they given me less, future research even confirmed, fertility would be spared.  Still having the desire to have a baby with my 1st wife, those plans fell through quick than a piano being lowered out the window onto a clueless Wile E. Coyote.  The long story short, she did not want to have them and waited 14 years to tell me.  My marriaged ended on this lie, leading me to believe that someday I would become a dad.  All I ever wanted.

Almost immediately, and historically, I hooked up with my eventual wife.  All the awkwardness was out of the way.  She was looking for a relationship so that she could be a good Catholic mom,  I was looking to move on to yet another woman as I have issues with being alone.  Together, we discussed our options with me shooting blanks, no chips in the cookie dough, etc.  In spite of her Catholic upbringing, Wendy was willing to try scientific means.  Of course, we had to confirm my guys were definitely dead, which they were.  After all the testing, together we went through 6 rounds of artificial insemination in an attempt to get pregnant,  Some of the procedures left us feeling hopeful, this might be the time, only to be disappointed.  When those came to a junction to “what’s next” it was going to be the more expensive in vitro process.  The problem with that, we only had one financial shot.  We had talked about adopting, but nothing was final.  Until now.

My fertility issues had been resolved long ago, but nothing had been diagnosed with Wendy yet.  But she needed to make a decision without that closure.  In a calm voice, I simply asked, “Wendy, do you want to a mom, or do you want to give birth?  With one choice, both might happen, but neight might also,  But you can be a mom by adopting.  Is the issue that you are looking for all the pregnancy symptoms just to say you did it?  Or do you want to hold the baby in your arms?

We made the decision to adopt.  We found a local agency who held an informational meeting.  But there was a special guest, her name was Lily Grace.  But we fell in love with her instantly.  We were going to adopt from China.  Much paperwork later, a lot of money, we were standing in the notary office in Nanchang and little Fu Shu Ting was being placed in the arms of Jiangxi Family 7 – us.  The emotions were so overwhelming.  So this is what it feels like emotionally to give birth.  I know there can be no comparison, but for me, two minutes went by and Wendy and I  both looked at each other “We are definitely going to do this again”.  And we did, nearly two years later we had our second daughter.

Tomorrow, both start their new grades in school.  I have tried to prepare them, that it will be a little harder, which means a little harder effort at home.  But this is going to be the fun period throwing Science and Social Studies into the mix.  We have their back packs packed and ready to go.  I hope this year goes slower.  Their teachers are always so good and my daughters love having them for teachers.

I’m a dad!  I love being a dad!

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