Paul's Heart

Why International? We Have Needs Here.

The question is:  “Why and how did you choose to adopt internationally when we have so many children here in the US that need a home?”

This is almost always the follow up question after “what made you consider adoption?”.

When Wendy and I made the decision that one of the most important part of our lives was to become parents, and having exhausted all other considered means, adoption was our only alternative.

We discussed in detail quite a bit, age, gender, and most importantly, the type of adoption.  Though we wanted to experience childbirth together, but were not able to, we decided that we wanted to adopt an infant.  We knew that it probably would not be new-born, but we definitely wanted the baby stage.  We skipped ethnicity for the time being and directed our concentration to the biggest factor that would affect our dream, financing the process.

Adopting domesticly, there are two types, open and closed.  One type of adoption you know who the parents are, the other you do not.  This was not really an issue for us however, time and cost would be factors.  We knew that there would be ups and downs waiting for a caucasian infant, such as interviews with parents, having false hopes, and huge let downs.  Adopting another race could also prove difficult on not just us, but on the child as well depending on the area that we lived and if there would be acceptence of a mixed race family.  Because we knew lawyers would be involved, and though we never got a price, we estimated the cost (back in 2003) to be at least $50,000.  And then of course, there was the huge risk of having the birth parent return, to ask for her child back and that would be a whole other situation that we did not want the possibility of.  Knowing the birth parents or having a relationship with them is one thing.  But spending a lifetime (even just one minute) and to lose the child forever was not an option.

This was also the reason that we did not consider going through the foster system.  My step-sister had been a foster parent several times.  And I admired her for her efforts.  Wendy and I just felt that we could not afford emotionally to get attached to someone, only to have them ripped from our hearts.  And would it not be for health issues, we would probably consider an older child at this point, but we definitely wanted to go through the infant stage.

That left only the international option.  We made many phone calls to adoption agencies.  For the most part, we got nothing but voice mails.  One agency that actually answered its phone unfortunately was too judgemental about me being divorced.  Then we finally reached an agency that answered its phone, and was genuinely interested in helping to build a family.  We spent close to an hour on the telephone asking all kinds of questions, and the questions got answered.  The agency invited us to an informational meeting at the local office.

We sat in the back of the conference room (some behaviors never change from school).  A social worker talked about international adoption and some of the processes and how they were determined by the country adopting from.  After that, a guest speaker was introduced, actually a guest speaker and her adopted daughter.  Sue had just been to China within the last year and wanted all of us to meet Lilly Grace, her daughter.  Lilly Grace was the most beautiful little girl with the largest smile we had ever seen (up until the point we adopted our daughters of course).  It was instantaneous, we would build our family through China.

The fees involved with adopting and travel would cost us 1/3 of what adopting domestic would cost.  My health history was of no concern to China as entities in the US would discriminate against me.  There would be no chance of our daughters being taken away from us.  Wendy and I were going to have a family.

Our “Super” Baby

There are events in your life that occur that you can recall where you were when they happened such as 9/11, the Space Shuttle Disasters.  Songs can often trigger memories of old boyfriends or girlfriends or perhaps vacations.  Aromas can remind you of Grandma’s cooking.  You might forget something your spouse just told you moments ago, honestly forgot, no really, it does happen.  But something that happened so long ago can help you to recall every minute detail.

Though I was born and raised in the Philly area, and raised on Philly sports teams, back in the early 80′s my choice in football teams to a very unusual turn from a fairly successful team in the Eagles, to a dismal, perrenial loser, the Seattle Seahawks.  I have been a diehard fan since 1981.  If I was lucky, I might get to see a playoff game every few years, and I was grateful for that.  The Super Bowl for me would become about the funniest commercial and pools.

In the 21st century, the Seahawks had finally turned things around, and were making regular trips to the playoffs.  They still did not go very far, but they were getting there, and it seemed more often than the Eagles, so I was not getting much grief my the team of my choice.

2005 was a very special year for Wendy and I.  We passed the one year mark required to wait to submit our paperwork to adopt a second child from China.  We basically had everything ready to go and just had to wait on the calendar.  In the Fall, the Seahawks were looking very good and pretty much dominated their devision.  This was a good diversion for me while we waited for the referral of our newest family member.  But by the end of December, it becamse clear that Seattle was a definite contender in the playoffs.

In early January the Seahawks had a bye in the first round, not having to play.  Later that week, a picture and information arrived about Emmalie.  While several of my co-workers were very happy for our daughter-to-be, they were actually more concerned talking football and how serious my Seahawks looked.  But my excitement for the team was definitely reserved.  The Seahawks have not really ever shown any real promise and I did not want to get my hopes up.  And then they won their next game.

They would face the Rams for the NFC Championship.  I am not known for making Joe Namath-like statements, but I was certain now that the Seahawks would be going all the way to the Super Bowl.  I told everyone, bet everything you have on the Seahawks over the Rams.  I was going to get walloped by Murphy’s Law with no chance of parole.  You see, I sent my paperwork signed just days before which meant we would be travelling to China soon to complete the adoption.  My gut told me, we were going to be travelling over the time period of the Super Bowl.  And that was why, after the Seahawks having never appeared in the Super Bowl in their existence, the Seahawks were going to be in that game.

And then the travel approval came, and yes, we were set to fly to Hong Kong on February 6th, the day of the Super Bowl.  New to the technology, but confident, I set our DVR, high definition for the Super Bowl.  I would watch it when I came back.  I dressed our then-three year old in a special Seahawk cheerleader outfit and then boarded the airplane with seemingly every other passenger wearing Pittsburg gear.  Though I requested Continental to carry the game on the plane, the airline said they could not.  Yet after we landed in Hong Kong, every passenger seemed to know the score.

Later that day, our Super Baby was placed into our arms.  When we got home, it turned out, that Wendy had DVRed all of her soap operas and something that I did not realize, that as the unit reached capacity of memory, the older programs automatically delete.  So when we returned home eleven days later, the memory of the DVR box sat at 65%, because it has dumped 45% of the memory that had been recorded of the Super Bowl.

So far it has been six years, and no more Super Bowls.  Just my Super Baby is growing up so quickly.  And she loves to sit with me watching the Seahawks.