Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the month “January, 2013”

The Power Of Pets


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I was going to be starting chemotherapy in less than a couple of weeks.  My plan had been set.  I would leave work an hour early, get my injection, rush home (I had only twenty-five minutes until the next phase), puke, crawl into bed and wait for my wife (now ex) to get home several hours later.  It was a lonely routine.  The solitude served as a constant reminder, that it was just me, that was going to have to get through this cycle, for nine months.  We had always talked about getting a pet, but living in an apartment building we were limited.  I am not really a cat person but the pet policy of the complex did not allow dogs.  Even a cat would require a security deposit for potential damage.  Not even through the first week we realized I needed something to occupy my time.  We went to the local SPCA and adopted a calico kitten which we called Pebbles.

It did not take long for either the kitten or myself to get used to each other, or our routines.  She adapted to using the litter box immediately, so all I had to do for her was make sure that she had water ad lib, and I made sure to feed her in the mornings before I left for work.  On the average day, following work, Pebbles would come darting out of the bedroom racing for the door of the apartment with the click of the lock before I even had the door open.  But on the Fridays that I got my chemotherapy, I arrived home earlier, and I definitely was not as receptive to the kitten’s greeting.  By the time I entered the door, I literally had seconds to get to the bathroom as one of the chemo’s side effects was kicking in, full blown nausea and vomiting.  This would last an hour, leave me completely wiped out, and with every ounce of strength that I had left, crawled into my bed without having stood erect from the toilet.

The kitten was definitely confused by the different routine.  By the middle of my second cycle, on Fridays, Pebbles still greeted me, but from the hallway directly in front of the bathroom.  She sat there as I ran by her, and stayed there.  I would make my way past her, into bed, pulling the covers tightly up to my neck.  And Pebbles followed, climbed up the bedding and layed on my wife’s pillow, staring at me, until she too would fall asleep.  She would stay there until my wife came home.

Animals are known to have great instincts when it comes to their family members not feeling well.  Some pets actually can sense when certain health episodes are going to occur.

Following my divorce and subsequent second marriage (first in my heart), we bought a dog, a golden retriever named Pollo.  Wendy and I have had him since a puppy and thirteen years later, is still a puppy.  He has a great disposition that being left alone for long periods of time while at work, he is still so ever happy to see me at the door, tail wagging, just glad to have me home. 

We had hopes one day of Pollo being trained as a therapy dog.  But the truth is, he was and still is, just too happy, happy being a puppy.  Approaching thirteen years of age, he is still the fun loving, energetic, tail-wagging puppy as when he first came into our house.  He has typical issues, like grass and snow deafness (cannot hear us call him), knows who to sit next to at the dinner table, loves being in the rain, and unusual for a golden, has a horrible sense of smell.  I often refer to him as my “box of rocks”.  But there is one thing that I can never tease him about.  He is loyal to his family.  When one of us does not feel well in the house, that is where you will usually find him lying next to.

Here are some examples.  One fear that I had coming home from having open heart surgery, was the sternotomy (the split breast bone).  Pollo and I are known to play “alpha” often, and we often get carried away.  According to my wife, he just moped around the house while I was in the hospital.  Even my then two-year-old could not cheer him up.  I was certain though that he would jump up on me when I came through the front door.  But as hard as his tail wagged, he never left his front feet.  While I recouped at home the next several weeks, he never left my side.

More recently, I have been having immunity issues with pneumonia.  Twice in the last nine months I have been hospitalized with pneumonia.  The only warning I have had was sudden and severe nausea, and inconveniently in the wee hours of the morning.  Each time disturbing the golden retriever during his golden slumber, and then, I was gone.  Just as with my heart surgery, the boy missed having me around the house.  But then, just before the end of the year, I had another attack.  Unlike the other two times, when my temperature hit over 103.5, this time my temperature was normal, so there was no trip to the emergency room as is my normal protocol.  I just fell back to sleep.

Unusually for me, I slept, a long time.  When I finally did wake up, it was after noon, with my wife sitting next to me.  She was holding her hand on my chest.  Then sticking her finger under my nose.  Then she started pushing around on my neck clearly looking for a pulse.  So I let her off the hook when I realized she was trying to see if I was actually alive.  She has been through this so many times in the last five years with me.  Relieved that my eyes opened, Wendy let me know what time it was and went downstairs.  I looked over to my side of the bed, and there he was.  My box of rocks was lying by my side.

I asked Wendy if she had let him out at all that morning.  She informed me that he never went downstairs even when she and the kids originally woke up.  He had been up with me since 11pm the night before, over thirteen hours, he stayed by my side.  Is it possible that he had seen me twice before go through the routine of vomiting, then disappearing for days, that after this episode, he thought that I would be gone for days again?

Waiting For A Cure From You


Waiting For A Cure From You

A Tribute To Everyone Involved In Treating Cancer Patients

(alternative lyrics to Foreigner’s acoustic recording of “Waiting For A Girl Like You”)

 

 These words popped into my head while listening to my Ipod  Set on “shuffle”, Foreigner’s acoustic version of “Waiting For A Girl Like You” came on.  We have all at one time or another started singing other words to a song.  For whatever reason, I was thinking about everything that doctors, nurses, techs, therapists, and all of the other caregivers do for us as cancer patients.  There are plenty of times that cancer patients are recognized for their battles, but rarely are those who are responsible for our remission honored.  The words did not take long to come into form.

Verse

So long.

I’ve been sick for so long,

feeling frail for too long.

With no idea what you find,

I only know it’s a matter of time.

My health is on the line. 

My health is on the line.

 

Time is tight, the race is on,

only one chance for it to be gone.

 

Wish it was wrong.

Won’t you tell me that I will live for so long?

Friends of mine have been hurt before.

This time, I want to be sure.

 

Chorus

I am waiting, for a cure from you

to give me back my life.

I am waiting, for a different choice

somehow I will survive.

I am waiting, for someone who

can help me stay alive.

I am waiting, for a cure from you

to help me save my life.

 

Verse

You’re so good.

Explain things to me that it’s understood.

It’s more than just meds or words “it’s okay.”

I have hopes and have dreams make this okay.

My health is on the line.

My health is on the line.

 

Make everything right.

I depend on you getting me through every night.

There’s nowhere on earth, that I need to be.

Than having you, care for me.

 

Chorus

I am waiting, for a cure from you

to give me back my life.

I am waiting, for a different choice

somehow I will survive.

I am waiting, for someone who

can help me stay alive.

I am waiting, for a cure from you

to help me save my life.

 

I am waiting, for a cure from you

to give me back my life.

I am waiting, for a different choice

somehow I will survive.

I am waiting, for someone who

can help me stay alive.

I am waiting, for a cure from you

to help me save my life.

Morris – Not The Pickiest Eater


He was one of the most famous faces and names of the 1970′s.  The word finicky became a household word and its definition was displayed as an orange Tabby cat, named Morris.  This snarky feline was notorious for turning his nose up to just any brand cat food, the only success coming from 9-Lives Cat Food.

Allow me to introduce you to someone so sneaky when it comes to food, me.  I like my foods plain, and only red meats or poultry and starches get my seal of approval.  I have been this way all my life.  Seafood, I do not want to see this food or eat it.  Green leafy vegetables, last I checked, there is no bushy tail attached to my derrier.

At the risk of being a poster boy for all they hypocrites of the world, I knew that I had to do better when it came to encouraging my daughters to eat properly.  From the beginning, both girls were given “everything” on their plate.  Wendy and I never made it seem like it was some sort of monumental effort to get the girls to try foods as if there was something wrong with what we were serving them.  But a couple of years later, after beginning to master “no thank you”, Wendy and I took a different approach to sampling new flavors.  We called it a “no thank you bite”.  Basically, you had to try it, and if you still did not like it, then you could say “no thank you.”  Sometimes that happened, but mainly our efforts were successful.

Today, my daughters are split on their eating habits.  The older one continues to love eating her greens.  She loves her red meat, but enjoys anything green with it.  Given her choice, she would probably sit and eat an entire bag of frozen brocoli.  Our youngest though has become a challenge.  She has mastered “holding out”.  Now taking the longest to eat a meal, she now stretches lunch or dinner to nearly an hour and a half while barely touching her plate.  She counts on being offered a snack with Madison.  That is right, Emmalie is our junk food bug.  Wendy and I have a fairly good grasp on it, but with guests or while visiting others we are clearly outnumbered.

We succeeded in getting the girls to eat or at least try everything in spite of how finicky an eater that I am.  Occasionally I had to take one for the team just to show that the food was harmless.  Fortunately, neither daughter has mastered how to read poker faces.  Surely they would have figured me out.

When I had the heart surgery, one of the major changes I was supposed to make, though the reason for needing the surgery was not diet related, I needed to eat better.  Everyone from doctors to nurses to my daughters pushed me to eat healthier.  And I tried, I really tried.   Wendy made all kinds of vegetables drowned in garlic so that garlic was all that I tasted.  I even learned a new way to tolerate eating veggies, to anyone’s shagrin  who would be sitting at a table with me, ketchup.  I put ketchup on everything green.  Bottom line, it gets the green into me at least.  It does not look great to you, but for me, I am getting the nutrients needed.  It would totally defeat the purpose, but I could smother everything in melted cheese if your prefer.

Of course, I tire of ketchup, which means that I stop eating the vegetables for awhile until I start to regain the will to eat ketchup again.  There are nightly challenges from the girls to eat green, but they are antagonizing about it.  “Come on daddy, just one bite, but no ketchup.”

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