Paul's Heart

Why I Celebrate Nurses Week

My first personal experience with a nurse was not a pleasant one.  I was six years old, in the hospital having tumors removed from my lower gums.  She was mean, meaner than nurse Ratchett.  I experienced my first injection (to my memory) from this scorpion of a nurse, just stabbing me in the leg, scolding me as as I screamed out in pain.

In my later youth, I have different memories of nurses that I dealt with.  There was Verna, who assisted my 2nd family practitioner, very compassionate.  And to this day, as she still works with my current family doctor, a nurse that I have dealt with for more than two decades, a very serious nurse, but one that I know and trust to convey messages accurately to my doctor, as well as be the extra kick-in-the-pants I may occasionally need.

There was my oncology nurse, who got me through eight months of hell, also known as chemotherapy.  Her name was Brenda.  I know that she had a son my age (at the time when I was going through treatments).  I was not treated like a a patient, but with the care that a mother who happened to be a nurse could only give.

There was Heather and Jackie, my two cardiology nurses who followed me during my entire stay of my open heart bypass surgery.  From the cath lab, to the operating room, to the intensive care unit, to my private room, both followed me through the hospital, checking on my recovery.  They did not have to, especially as it was on their own time.

There was another nurse named Heather, who dealt with me during a bout with septic pneumonia.  I had several nurses during the days of my recovery, but Heather was the one who visited with me often overnight during her shift, listening and learning of my experiences as a long term cancer survivor of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.

Roseann was the nurse to begin explaining all of the issues that I now deal with from my treatments for Hodgkin’s Lymphoma thirty years ago.

Yes, my doctors also play a major role in my survivorship.  My current family doctor of thirty years, and my long term survivor doctor for the last eleven years, and my current cardiologist all play a major role.  I trust them.  They know me and they know how to talk to me, and reach me.

But their nurses are the ones that carry everything out, deal with the initial interactions to get the issues as clear and straightened out so that any issue can be dealt with.  And also, they are the ones who comfort us, when we are in the most scary of situations.

And for each an every nurse that has been a part of my life, I thank you.  And to my friends who are nurses, I am blessed to be friends with those who offer comfort and care, not because they have to, but because they want to, and they are good at it.

Happy Nurses Week.  You all deserve it.

Gong Xi Fa Cai 2019

What a fun time of year if you are of Asian heritage, or have a connection to someone who celebrates this time of year.

Many non-Asians proclaim “Happy Chinese New Year” when in fact, it is not only the Chinese that celebrate the Lunar New Year, such as the Korean and Vietnamese do also.  Along with being referred to as the Lunar New Year, this time period is also known as the Spring Festival.

Having two children adopted from China, I have learned so much about this time of year, either from other Chinese, or research.  But if there is one thing I have learned from the Chinese, and that I definitely admire about the people of China, something we have over the years lacked, appreciation and commitment to tradition.

The whole purpose of the new year, is to literally send off the old bad stuff of the prior year, and welcome only the good.  Family travel back home to be with each other.  It is amazing.  While China does not completely shut down, a major amount of its people make the travels back home to celebrate the new year.  Preparations begin up to a week before the new year celebration begins, in this case, today, February 5th and will continue until February 19th!  TWO WEEKS OF CELEBRATING!!!  I have personally witnessed this.

I landed in Hong Kong with just three days left of the Lunar New Year to adopt my youngest daughter.  Those three days were filled with fireworks, dragons, and lots of joy and hope.

And just for the record, the firecrackers and fireworks go around the clock, day and night.  The purpose, to “scare” away the evil spirits.  The first night of sleep only occurred because of exhaustion from the sixteen hour flight.  In the days after landing, we joined in many of the traditions to welcoming the new year.  And there are many.

2019 is the year of the Pig, the 12th and final animal of the Asian zodiac.  Legend has it that the animals were numbered in the order that they arrived at the Jade emperor’s party.  There are actually several stories.

Every day of this time period has a particular meaning behind it celebrating different things, culminating in the Lantern Festival at the end of the celebration.

Saying Happy New Year is not so easy either, in the Chinese language alone, there are so many dialects, to the translation has just as many differences.  And deep within the Chinese, are more than fifty different ethnic minorities.  Mandarin and Cantonese are the more common dialects.

When family return home, they visit their elders first, bringing gifts.  The elders in turn give red envelopes, usually with money inside, to help the younger to get a better start on the new year, also for blessings and good luck.  These envelopes are also given to friends for good luck and blessings.

Now if you have ever heard of the expression “kowtowing”, here is where at least one origin of the expression comes from.  To show proper respect to your elder, you “kowtow”, which literally means to knock your head to the floor.  So that you do not get hurt, you kneel, bend over placing your hands on the ground, putting your head on your hands.

Clark Griswald would have a field day decorating for the Lunar New Year.  Because it was believed, a horrible monster named Nian would terrorize villages every year, The celebration was believed to chase Nian back to where he came from.  You will see lots and lots of red, because red is the color of luck and prosperity.  Fantastic decorations of hand crafted paper cut-outs referred to as “window flowers”, either symbols or animals, displaying door “gods” or particular words, all meant to chase away Nian.

You will not starve during the festival.  Spring rolls, dumplings, noodles, fish, and rice cakes are in huge supply.  There are plenty of vegetables and fruit.  Enjoy drinking the many wines or one of my favorite international beers when I partake, TsingTao beer.  And do not forget teas.

You want to dress to celebrate the festival?  You do not have to go out and buy any Asian silk clothing, though there is a beauty to the clothing, the main thing is to wear something new.  Wearing something red?  A bonus.

There are plenty of myths to learn about during this time of year to appreciate just how wonderful a time period you are celebrating.  And of course, with the pig being the final animal of the zodiac calendar, that ends the twelve year cycle.

But beware, there are things you should not do during this time.  Negative words are out, not just “no”, but bad words with negative connotations.  Do not break anything, especially dishes.  For many, this one is easy, no cleaning or sweeping.  This is to be done before the festivities start.  Once started, it is all about good things, and if you have cleaned properly, you have swept all the bad away.  Stay away from sharp objects like knives and scissors.  It is believed that these will cut your wealth and success.  That includes getting a hair cut.  Because traditionally, the brides move in with the groom’s family, there is no visiting the bride’s family.  To do so would indicate marriage problems.  There is no worry about debts or repayments during this time.  The time is for celebrating, not for collecting debts.  No fighting or crying.  Do not wish new year blessings while still in bed, lest you risk the person being bed-ridden the rest of the year.

Giving gifts during the celebration?  No clocks (associated with paying last respects as time runs out), apples (because the dialect sounds like someone has died).  But cash, cash is king.  Put it in a red envelope to wish the recipient a prosperous, happy, wealthy new year.

Every year, I celebrate the new year with my daughters.  Not during the entire time period, but at least during certain days.  I have already had our meal with each other, and will do so again before the end of the celebration, and of course, they will get red envelopes.  It is important to me as their father that they continue to celebrate their heritage with them.

Gong Xi Fa Choy everyone!!!  The best to everyone!!!

*traditions and other information researched from the website http://chinesenewyear.net

Fatherhood… I’ve Come A Long Way

One thing that I always said over the years, I wanted more for my daughters than I had.  What parent would not strive for that with their children.  It was important to me that my daughters did well in school.  My daughters learned and gave love to their family and to each other.  Each daughter has limitless compassion and empathy for those less fortunate.  And while these are all common values they share today, they are both still their own unique selves.

I was never one to want the girls dressed identical, and had they even been twins, I still might not have wanted that.  But while my daughters love each other as sisters, there is that independence that they want of each other, and rightly so, they should.  After years of having lost the battle of dressing alike, my oldest finely had enough when being asked if her sister was her twin.  My youngest, all too often feels compared to her older sister, and many times, not in a flattering light.  It should not be a really big deal for the sisters to be thought of so closely, but to them, their independence is as important as their unity.

The early life lessons of manners, respect, love are long in the past, the easier part of being a father.  But now that they are older, more important lessons are taking place.  Because now decisions that are being made, are most likely going to have an impact on their futures.  And as a parent, there is not greater pressure.  Everything must be done correctly.  Of all the challenges that I have faced in my life, there is none greater, than preparing my daughters for their future as adults in this world.  Again, with the idea, better prepared than I was to do so.

But there is a balance that must be maintained.  Clearly the pressures that they face in school, will be nothing compared to what they face as adults.  They must not forget this simple thought, happiness must be a priority.  My older daughter can be quite philosophical, and this quote from John Lennon was perfect for the conversation that we were having.  And my youngest definitely agrees and wants to make it her life motto.

There is no doubt, then when my daughters have completed their educations, they will both be on better ground than I was for the adult world.  Both will head in separate directions as far as their life’s plans.  To compare them to each other is not only wrong, but is completely unfair.  Yes, they are sisters – as I often pointed out when I was asked, only to be clarified, “no, they really are sisters.”  The gag was, because obviously being adopted, people were curious if they were biologically sisters, which neither they or I think about.  They are sisters, and always have been, always will be.  They will carry my last name as their own, until they marry if they choose to do so.

Make no mistake, my daughters are sisters.  They have things in common with each other, and they have their differences.  There is no comparison between the two.  As their father, I am their protector, their teacher, their role model, their encouragement.  And in the homestretch of their childhood, these responsibilities as their father are even more important than ever.  It is my job to teach them how to correct their mistakes so that things are not made worse.  It is important to learn about options and choices, and consequences or rewards from those decisions.  I want them to learn the “adult” way to deal with conflict when it arises.

At the end of each day, the flame from my torch of responsibility grows a little more dim, only because the flame is growing on each of their torches.  I could not be more proud of my daughters and all that they have done so far, and now, as I hear who they want to become, I can only say… “wow.”