Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the month “May, 2014”

Harry Chapin – Cats In The Cradle


“Cat’s In The Cradle” by Harry Chapin

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talkin’ ‘fore I knew it, and as he grew
He’d say “I’m gonna be like you, Dad
You know I’m gonna be like you”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home, Dad
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then
You know we’ll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, “Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let’s play
can you teach me to throw”, I said “Not today
I got a lot to do”, he said, “That’s ok
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said, “I’m gonna be like him, yeah
You know I’m gonna be like him”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home, Dad
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then
You know we’ll have a good time then

Well, he came from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
“Son, I’m proud of you, can you sit for a while”
He shook his head and said with a smile
“What I’d really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home son
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then, Dad
You know we’ll have a good time then

I’ve long since retired, my son’s moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, “I’d like to see you if you don’t mind”
He said, “I’d love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job’s a hassle and kids have the flu
But it’s sure nice talking to you, Dad
It’s been sure nice talking to you”

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He’d grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you comin’ home son
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then, Dad
We’re gonna have a good time then

Illusions


“What a jerk!”. “Asshole.” “Dickhead.” “Those poor kids.” “He will get his.” He better hope I never…”.

These are just a smidge of things that are being said about me via voice mail, text messaging, Facebook, and in front of my children. Nice. I have left my ex-wife’s comments out, because they are assumed. It is only a natural part of a divorce for one spouse to hate the other. And while the majority of the comments like those mentioned above are very real, they are spoken by people who have absolutely no idea why they are saying those things. Those words are being spoken by people who are misinformed and let us face it, the only two people who truly know what is happening during this process is my ex and I.

Everyone seems to know the “facts”. Yet I can literally count on one hand, and not use all the fingers on that hand, how many people have asked me “what happened?”

I will continue to keep the details of the divorce between my ex and I as we are the only two participants in this process. But one thing I will address is an accusation that I am ignoring my children. Nothing could be further from the truth. Consider this, that through the divorce process, the two of us have continued to live in the house with each other until paperwork is signed. So for those of you have accused me abandoning my children, kind of hard to do that when I am still living in the house to this very day.

My car has been vandalized on at least one occasion.

And the final thing that I will address, my father. He is to be left out of this discussion from now on. He is being used to explain the “lack of time” I spend with my daughters, “on purpose”. Claims are made against me that I would rather spend time with my dad than my daughters. Let me make one thing clear. There is no harder decision for me right now than to be by my dying father’s side (lung cancer if you need to know), and spending time with my daughters. I still work full time and then the balance of the time is taking time to say “hi” and “goodnight” to my daughters, and then sitting by my father’s death bed. But for those of you who feel you can judge me for this decision, you are a sorry excuse for a human being.

I will continue to not involve my children in the divorce process. When I get asked by them, situations or circumstances, I explain to them that these are things that Mommy and Daddy need to take care of. But to my ex’s family and friends, my daughters have heard too much from you and it is not fair to them. You do not get to blame me and the divorce for the way my children feel when you say the vile and hateful things about me that you do. I get it. You hate me because of what little you know that led to the divorce. But you do not get to emotionally hurt my 9 and 11 year old daughters. What the Hell is wrong with you? Just because they may not be in the room with you does not mean that they are not within earshot.

When I see my girls every morning, they have sadness in their eyes. And while originally it may have been about the confusion of divorce, and what it all meant. But now, it is because of all the hateful things that they hear being said about their father. I have not, nor has anyone of my family, said anything negative about my ex. But when you know my children have the possiblity of hearing the hateful words you speak, why can you not just eat those words for when they are not around?

Enough already. You are the ones hurting my daughters… not me.

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