To: U.R. Sharpe
From: Paul Edelman
Date: August 20, 2012
Re: Irrational Fear
I wish to bring something to your attention. Allow me to get right to the point, your point actually. On a regular basis, you strike fear in me at the mere mention of your name. You can disguise yourself in any form you like, gauge, length, and now, needleless. The tasks that you are assigned and the locations that you are placed only compound the stress that you cause me. I have faced more serious hazards than you. But even scalpel blades that leave huge physical scars do not inflict the emotional turmoil that you do.
Just to hear someone mention your name raises my blood pressure. Your appearance may only last seconds, but the anticipation of insertion can cause nausea, faint of heart, and occasionally, even panic attacks. Yet, your benefits far outweigh the consequences. Without you, there would be less than half of the tools to diagnose my ills. Unable to find out what is wrong with me, would mean that there would be no way to heal me. And as an additional torment and the cruelest of ironies, the majority of treatments used to cure me require your use.
So for all the good that you do, for all the potential you have, why is it that I would rather face my chest wall being opened for open heart surgery again, something I know should be much more lengthy and painful to endure, than just a “little prick.”
And speaking of those, the whole concept of feeling a “little prick” is that it is not supposed to even be seen, let alone felt or know when inserted. Ask my wife she will tell you how painless it should be. Why can’t you just stick to the old faithful “a slight pinch”? It’s still a lie, but accurate and no double entendre. My body’s reaction is more magical than an illusionist auditioning on a talent show the way my circulatory system disappears. My veins roll like a sack of spilt marbles. Do you get my point? I know that I would rather avoid yours.