Paul's Heart

Decorating Christmas Gone Wild

There are some very special attractive features of the neighborhood that Wendy and I chose to buy a home to raise our children.  The first is that the development basically consisted of all first generation home owners.  The majority of the people were the original owners of the homes, just as the owner who sold us their house.  Though we were not the first of the next generation to move here, a boom of home sales to new and young families was exploding.  And just as the first generation of owners, a special area was developing with the second generation.

The other unique feature of our area, underground wiring.  This meant no telephone or electric poles.  It also meant that there were no street lamps which makes the neighborhood seemingly and unusually dark, especially during the winter.  In the Fall of 2001, darkness gave way to light, in a bright way.

Halloween came and went that year, but as November approached, I told Wendy of my plans to take her decoration of Christmas to a whole new extreme.  If Wendy had her way, our house would be decorated 365 days a year for Christmas.  I will not go that far, but I was willing to take care of the outside so that she could concentrate on the many rooms inside of the house.

And so, on the weekend before Thanksgiving, I went to several stores and wiped out their supply of 300 light strands of lights.  I had over a dozen bushes and shrubs, including a 25 foot holly tree, a porch, a cherry tree, and 30 feet of fence to light up.  And there is no doubt once turning down onto our street, where our house was.

To top it off, a very special tradition happened every Christmas Eve in “Sugar Valley”.  A luminary is a bag or plastic container with a candle or artificial light inside.  Several luminaries are placed along a walkway or driveway as decoration.  But when nearly and entire neighborhood does it, it is quite special.  To be honest, it makes no difference that it is done on Christmas Even, it could be any particular night.  But it is special when street after street is lit with these luminaries.  I have never seen an aerial view of this sight, but it would have to be amazing.  We are talking 300-400 homes.

Yes, then there is the inside of our house.  But Wendy has a habit of reading my stories when something grabs her attention, or when a reader decides to bust on her for something I have written.  But there is an entire story on “Mrs. Kringle” and her efforts to decorate the interior of the house.  There are at least fifteen totes of lights and decorations.  Normally, there will be a tree in every room of the house, a live one in our den, and two full artificial trees in the living room, and miniature trees in each of the bedrooms.  She has tried to decorate the car, with electric candles, miniature trees that stuck to the window, or last year’s disaster, reindeer antlers and a big red puffy nose for the grill.  The antlers met with a mutual and horrible end as they were not meant to withstand the air force of the Pennsylvania Turnpike (a fate suffered similarly by a set of bunny ears the following Easter).

We are no longer unique in our efforts to decorate.  Most of our neighbors now put out lots of decorations and lights.  And when it comes to extreme lighting, there are now homes that put the Griswald’s to shame.  I do not have that same desire.  I like the way that our house looks for the holiday.  And I would love to use hundreds of thousands of lights and make a huge holiday donation to the electric company to the music of the Trans Siberian Orchestra,  but I am okay with our presentation.

Happy Holidays everyone!

No Prouder A Father

Yes, this is going to be a story that brags about my daughters.  When Wendy and I made the decision that we wanted to have children, we spoke of how we would want to raise them and what we would expect of them.  One thing that we both agreed on immediately was that above all, we wanted loving and respectful children.  Some of the first words that they would be taught would be “I love you”, “Thank You”, “Excuse Me”, and “Please”.  There was so much more that both Wendy and I wanted to share with Madison and Emmalie.

I must admit, I entered into this with a bit of a handicap.  I grew up not only in a broken home, and not even spending a majority of the time with my mother, but rather my grandmother.  Just as I learned about growing up as a male, I was going to learn how to be a father, winging it.  With my daughters being adopted, I was going to have to deal with not only inexperience or lack of example, but there was no way to know what the girls had already been exposed to during the first year of their lives.

There have been plenty of studies to show the importance of bonding between mother and child, immediately following birth.  Just as many other adopted children, our daughters were going to be taken away from the only people they knew.  We had to be especially careful and sensative to their needs and expectations, as we tried to educate and nourish them both physically and emotionally.

I am only vaguely knowledgable of the process how the Chinese Center of Adoption Affairs decides who to place with which children.  But I do know that the CCAA struck gold twice with our daughters.  Both girls have enthusiastic personalities, a bit of an impish inclination, generous hearts, and endless consideration for others.

When it comes to competition, both girls take sportsmanship with the same grace whether successful, or needed to try harder.  They regularly offer congratulations to other victors and support to those who fell short in their goals.  If either sense that someone is of need or want, both girls have been known to offer what they feel they have ample supply of, whether it be food, toys, or clothing.

Do they have their moments when they are recognized as a nine or seven year old?  Absolutely.  Can the girls get into trouble?  Of course they can.  Do they occasionally suffer from brain farts?  Yep.

As Wendy and I continue to concentrate on our daughters’ education, and preparation for the next stage of their lives physiologically, we have a tendency to take for granted the way that they have behaved for so long.  It is expected, and when one needs to be reminded, it is just a mild conversation that lets them know, we remember they are children, but even as children, when it comes to manners, they know what is right and what is wrong.

But as we chug through life it is a wonderful feeling when we are reminded of the love and care that we have given our girls.  One of my big peeves whether I was a single adult or whether Wendy and I were out on a much needed date night, the last thing that we were looking for on a night out, was having to deal with someone else’s children by ways of screaming and tantrums whether in a restaurant or any other public place.

The four of us are very close.  It is rare that you see any of us without the rest when they are not in school or Wendy and I at work.  And on occasion, Wendy and I receive one of the greatest acknowledgements of our parenting.  It is one of our proudest moments, when we are out with friends for dinner, which means that our full attention might not be on the girls, and some directed to conversation with our other guests, that a complete stranger feels compelled to approach us as we are dining.

“Excuse me,” said a very relaxed and pleasant woman.  “I just wanted to tell you, my husband and I were out for dinner this evening.  We noticed you and your children when you came into the restaurant, but in the nearly hour and a half that we have all been here, my husband and I barely noticed that they were even in the same room.  Your children were so quiet and occupied that not having to deal with out-of-control children like we dealt with last evening, made this one of the more enjoyable evenings for my husband and I.  Thank you.”

Our friends that were dining with us, have done so before, so they too often take for granted how our girls behave.  But on this particular evening, even they seemed taken aback by the comments from the stranger.  This kind of recognition does not happen frequently, but when it does, you bet I am one of the proudest dads there could ever be.  And so on that evening, I made it a point to tell Madison and Emmalie that I was sending a special email to Santa to tell him how good our daughters have been, and that night was proof.

There are many things that I have looked forward to as a father:  first word, first step, pretty much any accomplishment such as an award or trophy.  Eventually and hopefully I would get to see them graduate, possibly from college, and if they so choose, I would consider it an honor to walk them down the aisle.  But for now, I will gladly take a moment like this for all it is worth.

Christmas – A Time To Remember

I was raised Lutheran which allowed me to observe Christmas with two directions of focus.  The first, and most important at the time was making sure I was good for Santa Claus so that he would remember to bring me nice things.  But equally just as important, and often more emphasized with the four weeks of Advent in the church calendar, I was taught the importance of the birth of Christ (apologies to my friends of different faith or beliefs as your feelings will probably differ).

But Christmas would never be the same to me in 1988 when I was diagnosed with cancer.  Though I am long in remission, having to deal with a life threatening illness or situation, gave me a totally new perspective on perhaps one of the biggest holidays of the year.  It was not until 1990 that my heart finally began to welcome Christmas again.  But gift-giving, rather receiving was no longer important to me, or wanted.  As far as I was concerned, I got the greatest gift of all, a second shot at life, and there could be no other gift that would ever mean anything to me.

Over the years, I have experienced more health woes, several fairly serious.  I would also experience loss of family and friends.  The hardest passing for me was that of my grandmother.  Charged with raising me while my mother worked, my grandmother was my moral compass for nearly 30 years.  I was completely lost without her, and holidays were never the same.

Today, I celebrate the holidays with Wendy and our two daughters.  I do so for them.

This Christmas is one of my more difficult holidays in recent years.  I spent at least three episodes hospitalized, two with life-threatening implications.  Several good friends passed away, many fellow long term cancer survivors such as myself.  And then of course, bearing an unbelievable amount of sorrow, the tragedies this year suffered at the hands of others, most recently the school in Connecticut.  What has probably been an enjoyable time of year for dozens of families, and the country, are now horribly shaken with sorrow.

Personally, my brother-in-law Mike passed away this Fall after a courageous fight with ALS (Lou Gerhig’s Disease).  Mike was a confidente, a friend, a brother to me.  For over eleven years, I had someone that I trusted and confided in, sought advice and solace, and a lot of time, shared a lot of laughs, many of which came during family gatherings during the Advent season.  This is the first Christmas without Mike.  Even more difficult for me, it will be even more so for my sister-in-law.  Recently we gathered for what has been a traditional winter event, game night.  We would get together either at one of my in-law’s homes or my home for a night of food, fun, and games.  Mike and I were notorious for pushing limits with responses and one-liners.  Clearly I missed my sidekick or partner-in-crime.  I am not the only one who will miss Mike as witnessed during his memorial, evidenced by a viewing line nearly two hours in length.

This no doubt is going to be a difficult season for me, my sister-in-law, family,friends, and a nation.  One way that I plan to get through it, is to remember that at one time, Christmas was about innocence, joy, celebration.  And my faith has taught me to believe, that no matter the circumstances, there is solace that is provided by the supreme being that I believe in.  I will remember the great times that I had with Mike.  I will never forget the support offered me by Karen, Peter, and Kim.  I will always remember the faces of the children who now spend their Christmas’s in Heaven (or where their faiths have taken them). 

But I will also remember the faces of my daughters three early mornings from now.  And I will make sure that they remember why we celebrate Christmas, and the wonderful gifts they get from Santa, and us too.